Comments on: Themes, Dreams, and Nightmares

By: Amita

Amita — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 18:40:43 +0000

Thank you so much Deanna!
I am from India and had a late miscarriage at 18 weeks and two days. I have always ever since then thought why did this had to happen??? But there are things beyond explanation and sometimes it is best to just accept what has happened and move on….to find a solution. I think that we must never give up hope and patience. So heres to your book which i hope will be of great help to all the mothers to be! Cheers and all the bes!t

By: Debbie-Dawn

Debbie-Dawn — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 22:34:13 +0000

I agree missed miscarriage is a type that not many know about until it happens. I sure did not, and my husband and I were blindsided at our first ultrasound at 12 weeks to learn our baby died at 5.5 weeks. I had another missed m/c at 10 weeks finding our baby died at 8 weeks, then a natural m/c at 7 weeks. My story is posted with more details on your site-forum-miscarriage stories. There’s so much to include in a story that people don’t think of: baby commericals on tv, the calendar of your pregnancy hanging over your head, the due date, anniversary of the loss, isolation, medical terms such as “spontaneous abortion” or “habitual aborter” that are painful to hear, read, and be labeled. How about the need for curches and spiritual congregations to lead and sponser support groups for pregnancy loss. I need to add more later. So glad you are doing this!!!

Shannon Rose was born 4-6-06, happy and healthy and now already 6 months!!!

By: Tessa

Tessa — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 13:45:26 +0000

Hi Deanna,

First of all, I want to say that I am thrilled that you are writing this book! You are doing so much to bring all of us women together. Your amazing website (and now this book!) helps us not feel so alone.

I think the hardest thing for me since the initial loss of my baby has been my inability to get pregnant again right away after ferverently trying. This is especially shocking to me since I concieved both my eighteen month old and the baby that I lost at nine weeks on the first try. My usually regular cycles are still a mess (with heavy periods and spotting lots of spotting inbetween) four months after my loss. What is even more frustrating is the that I have been to the doctor for a repeat ultrasound and he says everything is fine. He wants me to take BC pills to even out my cycles! I know it hasn’t been all that long since I have been ttc, but it seems like the past months have been an eternity.

For me the pressure to conceive again has been incredibly intense. My husband really wants another baby and I want to provide my little boy with a sibling. I’m angry that my body is taking so long to regulate and that I am just so out of control of the situation. I want my life back.

I think a lot of us women ttc after a miscarriage feel this way. We don’t understand what is wrong, and what we want most seems remain beyond our reach. The ttc struggle can at times seem almost as painful as the miscarriage itself.

Thanks again so much for your concern and awareness. Death won’t win in the end.

Tessa

By: Lordes

Lordes — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 20:06:48 +0000

Hi Deanna,

Thank you so much for writing this book. You are really capturing the voices of the women and their partners who endure this tragic loss.

Have you considered a character who suffers from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and has increased difficulty conceiving due to irregular periods? That’s me. I had my miscarriage/D&C over three months ago and I’m still waiting for a real ‘period’. Along with the grieving, I am faced with time constrainsts. What could take me three months to conceive ends up taking triple that amount of time. It’s so frustrating and angering.

Your site has been truly therapeutic.

Take care.

Emily

By: Lordes

Lordes — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 20:05:40 +0000

Hi Deanna,

Thank you so much for writing this book. You are really capturing the voices of the women and their partners who endure this tragic loss.

How you considered a character who suffers from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and has increased difficulty conceiving due to irregular periods? That’s me. I had my miscarriage/D&C over three months ago and I’m still waiting for a real ‘period’. Along with the grieving, I am faced with time constrainsts. What could take me three months to conceive ends up taking triple that amount of time. It’s so frustrating and angering.

Your site has been truly therapeutic.

Take care.

Emily

By: Dawn Lewis

Dawn Lewis — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 04:29:34 +0000

Deanna,
We probably all want our situations represented. Mine was a 16 week loss with no reason found with testing. Pathology was normal as was DNA. I had 4 babies prior, and my ob was surprised at the loss. Carrying the baby for 5 days inside waiting for the D&E was hard, then having the D&E instead of delivering was hard (and I think it was a mistake). Maybe it’s not type of miscarriage but more the type of mom. I’ve encountered moms who hate to draw attention to themselves. Then there is me, I talk about miscarriage a lot and may make people uncomfortable. I was told at church by the a grief counselor type that I am the “face of miscarriage” at our church. I am very outspoken, and was up at the pulpit two months after my D&E (and was just pregnant with another I would miscarry in a few weeks). I’ve become some sort of activist really for grief in miscarriage. I do think ] I’ve changed a few people…and let them know it’s okay to mourn. Now, if a friend hears her neighbor miscarried, she asks me how to help. I’m obnoxious enough to act like I don’t need a support group, but in reality, I find much comfort in helping women there and in any information I can find about miscarriage. My husband has been generally supportive, but some women have no one to support. I have had some really bad experiences with people who think I shouldn’t have reacted like I did (probably because I am so open about it). These experiences have solidified my stance that I should continue to talk about my losses and show how normal my reaction is (even if I did beat my breasts when they still hurt months after my miscarriage and didn’t get the point that I wasn’t pregnant anymore, or I did bury clumps in the yard when I had bleeding with my short pregnancy). I’ve contacted a professor in Washington state who is studying grief and couples to train medical professionals to deal with this issue better. I am up front with my ob, and have given her support group numbers to give to women who come in. So, I guess I’m the obnoxious “face of miscarriage” who has a loud mouth and won’t leave it alone. This might cause friction in a group if someone wants to just “leave it behind.” I’ve also had women who cannot go to term get mad at me because I miscarried at 16 weeks and also have 5 born kids…when they have never felt a baby kick.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 18:15:17 +0000

Hi Deanna,
I’ve been on your boards for a couple years now and I just found this….this is so heart warming! You’re an amazing woman! Well, I think this is the place to give you my story, if not, please accept my apologies. I wanted to share my story with you as I was diagnosed with incompetent cervix after my first loss and I read that you will be doing a chapter on IC.
Well, this was my first pregnancy and it wasn’t exactly planned — DH and I had JUST went off the pill and were “planning on planning” so to speak. I got pregnant the first month and didn’t know until I was 8 weeks along. I had my first u/s at 9 weeks and we were amazed!! Everything progressed perfectly! I remember when I hit 12 weeks being so happy because I didn’t have to worry anymore about a miscarriage because I was out of the 1st trimester. At 14 weeks my abdomen started tightening off and on. I mentioned them to my OB at my appnt, even called a couple times but she always said it was normal. Then I had an appnt scheduled at 19 weeks. A couple days before the appnt I lost what I now know was my mucous plug but at the time just thought it was increased CM. I begged my OB for an exam that day but she didn’t think it was necessary. 4 days later was my 20 week u/s…YAY we’re having a boy!! We did our baby registry that evening and bought the crib set and paint for the nursery. 4 days later I was out shopping with my mom and started gushing blood. We rushed to the ER where DH met us. The dr on call wasn’t there yet, my OB didn’t go to that hosp, but the nurses did the ultrasound and placed the contraction monitor on my belly and the IV. On the ultrasound our son Aiden appeared to be waving at us!! The nurses were chatting about cervical os and something but I had no idea what it all meant. Anytime I asked they’d always say, “The dr will be in shortly.”. He FINALLY came after being in L&D for what seemed like a lifetime. My eyes were all puffy and I could barely see anything cause my contacts were so blurry from all of the tears from fear of losing my precious baby. He did an exam and I can still see the look in his eyes when he looked at me over the rim of his glasses and said, “Well, its not good.” I asked him what he meant and he told me then that I was 3-4 cm dialated, his foot was already in the birth canal, and it was just a matter of time. My DH and I screamed at him that he didn’t know what he was talking about, we JUST saw him on the u/s and he looked fine, he wasn’t decending, he was right where he was supposed to be! DH told him to get out and bring a doctor who knew more. But when we calmed down, we had to face the fact that indeed, we were about to lose our son. I couldn’t do anything but apologize to DH for losing his child. The dr was pushing for pitocin to help speed things along and an epidural too. He also wanted to break my water but I wouldn’t let him do anything. I still had hope and faith that everything would be just fine. But my water broke on its own and thats when it hit me that it really was over. So I had the epidural and after a few trys at pushing finally delivered Aiden at only 6 cm dialation. We learned that I had incompetent cervix and would need to see a specialist for future pregnancies and there was high hopes with a cerclage that had a 90% success rate. It took a LONG time to get over loosing Aiden. Well, I shouldn’t say “get over” because I’m still not over it, I just moved past it. Fast forward a bit to 1 year later and I’m pregnant again. This time I’ve read all the books, articles, and stories and can tell you anything you want to know about anything that can go wrong with a pregnancy and at what gestation. I see my specialist at 12 weeks and am diagnosed with bicornuate uterus on top of the IC. Then I started bleeding at 13 weeks and it is discovered that I have a blood clot on my stupid incompetent cervix of all places! I can’t get the cerclage until 16 weeks because of the bleeding but when I finally do, it doesn’t even work. The dr said that I might as well not even have it because one good contraction and it will just rip out because I basically have no cervix to stitch. Well, I started complete bedrest at 13 weeks so I had to quit my job and become a couch potato, praying everything works out. Then at 18 weeks I am diagnosed with MTHFR and must endure daily injections. I also had to start on medicine for contractions that started once again at 14 weeks. My only outings are to the drs, my specialist every 2 weeks and OB monthly. I LIVED for my outings let me just say!! At 26 weeks my cervix shortened dramatically and I was hospitalized on bedrest for 2 weeks and constant monitoring. At my 30 week scan, Chase was measuring behind more than he had been and my amniotic fluid was low. I had to go back weekly to check the fluid. At 34 weeks I had an amnio to check Chase’s lungs because the fluid levels were too low. They weren’t ready yet so we held off delivery until 36 weeks. After such a stressful pregnancy, we were FINALLY blessed with our miracle, Chase was born at 36 weeks gestation weighing 5 lbs 4 oz!! He is the light of our lives and we are so very blessed!!

I hope any of this can help you with your book Deanna. I can’t wait to read it when you’re all done!!

Amanda

By: Stacey

Stacey — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 15:34:44 +0000

Thank you so much Deanna for your wonderful website. It has been and still is a wealth of information, as well as a place of comfort throughout the bad times.
I always thought I’d start a family in my 20′s. Well, one cheating husband and a divorce at 29 brought that plan to a halt.
My current husband is a wonderful man that I married in 2004. I was 35 and he was 41, so we decided to start our family right away. Six months later we were pregnant.
Although my OB/GYN did not want to see me until I was 8 weeks, I was brought in earlier because I had some rather severe cramping which just didn’t seem normal to me. Two ultrasounds later and some unfavorable HCG levels showed that what I was experiencing was a blighted ovum. The physical recovery was tolerable, but the emotional recovery was awful.
Three months later we learned we were pregnant again. Our six week ultrasound showed a tiny beating heart. I thought we were home free! Wrong. Two weeks later I experienced brown spotting on a Sunday. I called the doctor, and he raised my hopes telling me that spotting without cramping was very normal, and that after seeing a heartbeat my chances of miscarriage were very low. The next day I saw him for an ultraound where I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage. Again, the physical recovery from the D&C was tolerable, but I was an emotional mess.
Six months later we were referred to an RE to explore recurrent pregnancy loss as well as secondary infertility.
I was diagnosed as homozygous for MTHFR which may/may not be the reason I miscarried. The term “bad luck” was another possible diagnosis.
I am currently 6 months pregnant and still very cautious with my emotions. It’s sad, actually. I hear of women announcing their pregnancies almost as quickly as they find out, and it shocks me. I have to say, though, that I envy them to some degree…good for them that they don’t “know any better”. I pray that they never do.
Best of luck with your book! I am certain it will be a source of comfort for many women.

By: chrissieroom (Chrissie)

chrissieroom (Chrissie) — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 14:05:30 +0000

I just wanted to say what an amazing woman you are Deanna, your wonderful website has been my salvation in recent months, and I just know your book will be a massive success. I have no advice on what topics to offer, I just want to wish you all the luck in the world, with what is a fantastic project to be working on, one that will possibly help millions of women, dealing with heartache.

By: Mandy M.

Mandy M. — Tue, 03 Oct 2006 00:19:37 +0000

Deanna-
I have not visited your wonderful website for almost a year. I was a “daily, twice daily,heck…all day poster” for two years following our first loss and through a difficult pregnancy. All the wonderful ladies here are such an inspiration.

Shortly after our mc I was tested for various problems-and was found to have a number of clotting disorders (Factor V Leiden/Protein S and C def.). I would love to see something in your book about pg/mc and clotting problems. I was treated with Lovenox “the wonder drug”-but still developed a superficial clot in my lower left leg during the second trimester.

Anyways-I am off to check the site out. Thanks for sending me the notification about your book. Best Wishes

Jocie (Mandy M.)