Archive for December, 2009

Managing the holidays after loss

December 22, 2009 at 1:27 pm · Filed under Grief, Holidays

So many of you are writing me lately. I don’t mind at all, but I do worry about the sudden increase in despairing moms who have lost their babies during what is supposed to be a happy time of the year. The joy and laughter around us can make us feel more isolated and alone. Remember you do not have to put on a brave face, and you can take time away from the big groups to remember what you have lost.

I have a whole section on managing the holidays, but mainly, just do the best you can. It’s all anyone can ask.

A little video reminding us that it is okay to grieve:

Casey Shay Press is the publisher of In the Company of Angels, a memorial book for babies lost to miscarriage or stillbirth.

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Let’s talk about swine flu and miscarriage

December 9, 2009 at 10:55 am · Filed under Miscarriage

I both run and belong to several support groups on miscarriage all over the internet. I’ve seen a somewhat alarming trend on forums and blogs to make the recommendation that women NOT get the H1N1 vaccine, because some believe it causes miscarriage.

I have seen women very upset who miscarry on the day of their vaccine or shortly after. This does NOT mean the two things were connected. Thousands of women lose their babies every day. It’s sad and terrible, and I so wish it didn’t happen. It only makes sense that some of the women who lose their babies will have done something that day that will make it seem connected. Had sex. Worked out. Fallen down. Or gotten a vaccine or other medical procedure.

Right now there is one thing we do know: swine flu is unexpectedly more dangerous to pregnant women and their babies. They are dying. Not all of them, not even a lot of them, but more than was expected. So the flu itself is a risk.

But we have no medically proven risk with the vaccine. Doctors insist it is safe. Maybe they are wrong, but a miscarriage after a vaccine cannot be conclusively connected. The vast majority of miscarriages are genetic.
 
It IS a big decision to get a vaccine, to knowingly put anything in your body when you are pregnant. I think the risk is too individual to be easily advised by someone who doesn’t know your situation. Some things to ask yourself: 
  • Are there little children in your house who could bring home swine flu?
  • Are they in day care and more likely to get swine flu?
  • How do you personally handle illness?
  • Have you been prone to illness so far in the pregnancy, are you run down or fighting difficult symptoms?
  • What sort of swine flu complications are popping up in your specific part of the world?
  • And importantly, have you ever had a flu vaccine? Did it make you sick before?
  • Do the benefits of the vaccine outweigh the risk?
It may only be your own doctor who can advise you on this. Please, before listening to horror stories on the internet, talk to the person who knows you, who knows the level of risk in your community, and can help you weigh the benefits of the vaccine versus going without–your doctor.
 
When a miscarriage happens, we want to find somone or something to blame. This is very natural and happens to all of us. But we definitely don’t act based on something that might not apply to us, so I urge you to take this decision seriously before letting blog posts (even mine) convince you how to react on this vaccine issue, or to believe a conspiracy, or a cover-up, that might not be a sound part of your choice on the vaccine.

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