About This Site

I have lost many babies, so many little lights going out before their time. I have also, between the losses, had two healthy girls, Emily Faith and Elizabeth Grace.

I began the site in 1998. I had already resigned my job as a teacher to be a full-time mom. When I lost Casey at 20 weeks, I had no baby, no job, no way to fill my time while I searched for work, so I learned how to make web pages and put up a memorial site for Casey.

When my genetic testing failed and I realized I would forever regret having surgery rather than labor and delivery, I decided I needed to help others with their decision–make sure they knew not just the medical issues, but also the emotional implications of their choices. The site grew and grew and along the way, I realized–that boy Casey, he really made a difference!

Woman often ask how they can support this site. I don’t take donations, and I simply pay for all the costs of it myself. If you shop at Amazon already, simply click on any Amazon link on this site before you buy anything and we’ll get a small percentage of the sale.  Our favorite item is this: Angel Memory Book , which was designed by us based on what we heard from all of you!

I am so glad you found us.

Read Deanna’s story of the loss of Casey Shay at 20 weeks in April 1998.

Read Deanna’s 2nd pregnancy journal while carrying Emily in 1999.

Learn about Elizabeth, born May 2002, and whose twin was lost in October 2001 at 9 weeks.

118 thoughts on “About This Site

  1. Michelle,

    Baby Dust is scheduled for release in October 2011. I know it’s a long time to wait! Books take a long time to come!

    There will be more sneak peeks on the web site starting around Mother’s Day, when the Advance Reader Copies will start going out to bloggers and book reviewers.

    Thank you for being a fan! That means a lot!

  2. dear Deanna,

    a month ago i had a miscarriage, I was 7wks…i was so happy when i found out i was pregnant it would have been my third baby…im doing ok..i feel so blessed n happy to have my two beautiful healthy girls 11 yr. old and 6 yr old…i feel sad for my lost but i guess thats normal….i just have a few questions hope you can answer….even though i was just 7 wks i dont want to forget it never happend… i made an angel ornament for our christmas tree for my baby in heaven my little sister says its ok to do that n feel that way….my second question is when should i get my period again..it was a normal miscarriage i havent gone again to the doctor cuz no one is taking new patients for just a miscarriage..they made me feel as if it wasnt important as a pregnacy…i bleed for a wk n havent bleed since then…i took a pg test from the dollor store n it was negative which i guess its good in a way and i havent felt pg anymore….hope you help….

  3. Hi Everyone,

    I am saddened to read about all of your losses but I can definitely relate. I have one beautiful 2 and a half year old son and since him I have had 2 miscarriages…both very early..6 weeks or so.

    My latest m/c was 6 weeks ago. I had a D&C and just got my first period since the m/c.

    My hubby and I are gonna try the “sperm meets egg” plan this cycle and see what happens. I was wondering if anyone has any success stories from trying this plan??? I could really use some positivity..haha.

    Good luck ladies!

  4. Hi Deanna,

    I was wondering what the benefit of the ‘abstaining from sex for 2 weeks’ step is. I haven’t been able to find any supporting literature and I’m wondering what the point of it is? What, if any, harm does fresh sperm do to a freshly fertilised egg?

    Thanks in advance…

  5. Hi Deanna,
    Thank you so much for this website. It has been much support for me over the last few days whilst i have been having my miscarriage. I was only 6 weeks pregnant with #2. Our first baby was conceived via IVF and and this baby was a natural conception. Reading everyone else’s comments and stories makes it ok now for me to feel the way i do. I felt i didn’t have a right to be upset as the pregnancy was so early. I hadn’t even had a scan yet. It still feels horrible to lose your baby, no matter how far along you were. So thankyou for putting this site together.

  6. Dear Deanna – I’ve had three miscarriages in one year. You can imagine all the reading and the online searches I’ve done in this time. But every time I have a symptom I can’t seem to find an answer for anywhere else, your website always come up with the right answer. Among all my frustrations, fears, and tears the detail on your site has helped me greatly. Thank you.

  7. I don’t know where I would be today had it not been for you. There are no support groups near here. My mom told me not to talk about my loss. I was 6wks pg when I lost my baby and my sister’s girlfriend was 7wks. Mom didn’t want them upset. Back in 2006 you had a forum or a link to one. It was a safe place to talk all we wanted. No one trying to one up another, just grieve together. 10wks later I found out I was pg again and lurked on the forum until I was put on bed rest. Then I got busy with baby and life. I wanted to come back and let you know how much this site meant to me. Actually, there are no words, just grateful tears.

  8. Hello, I actually pulled up your site to read on the signs of miscarriage. The 23rd of January I had an IUD removed after 4 yrs and the 26th I got what I thought was a period. It was very heavy and lasted nine days. I usually had 28 days cycles so my next period would have been due February 23. Well I wasn’t feeling good so on the 19th I took at pg test. It came back neg. Well I never got my period and on the 28th I took another one. This one was positive. I had my first OB apt on the 22nd of March ( which I thought was going to be 8 wks because of the date of last period). My ultrasound only measured baby to be 5wk 6 days but showed no heartbeat. I have a follow up one this thurs to recheck. I have has light cramping but I figured this was normal. No signs of blood at all. What are the chances that I am having a miscarriage or just that I am earlier that I thought. My doctor hasn’t done any other test on me. No labs or pap. I have been driving myself crazy over this. Please give me you opinion. I know it is hard because everyone is different. I just never expected that news when I went for apt. Thanks a bunch!

  9. I found your site this morning, 4 months after my baby girl Jessica got her wings and 3 weeks after an early miscarriage. I am confused and sad and desperate for answers yet have struggled to find clear concies information on the web tailored to my needs – then I found your site. THANK YOU the papges on what happens after a miscarriage have all the medical and emotional information I need. x

  10. Hi i was googling so much about m/c and how soon can you concieve after one your site was sooo helpful, in when to try to conceive question you mention how you where worried about the ones who say are over it and never grief. i whant to share you my story i have 2 wonderful kids wich were not plan but one was born feb 2008 and my other son was born september 2010 and this was my first planned baby and we were so excited to have a baby me and my husband after finally deciding to start trynt again, i got pregnant december 2012, we told everyone we were so excited even when out to buy the new baby clothes and things we would need no matte what it was and since i have 2 boys we were excited about having a girl! but a week later found out i miscarragied it was debastating because i was so anxious for this baby and since none of my pregnancys had ever gone wrong this seems unbeliable, then to top it off i had a really bad fight with my husband the night before it happend and when i woke up and whent to work i just started bleeding at work and rushd to the er and then found out their was no baby. i cried for many weeks and couldnt even talk to ppl about it because i couldnt take it i would cry in my husbands arms at night every night and hugg my kids because i felt so lost and til know my eyes come to tears to think about it. so i whent on and finally felt peace in my hearth, then decided to not take care of myselg and if it happend it happend it would be ok so back in july2012 I found out i was pregnant again decided not to tell anyone until 14wks but the eiger got us and ended up telling only my close family i was really excited because my besfriend found out she was pregant the same week and day so we were almos tthe same time along just a week or 2 away from eachother. my whole pregancy i was scared to loose my baby i woould think about it like obsses and some how i was just like expecting it to happen again then finally it did at 7wks and i didnt cry althoe my hearth was hurting my husband did and he askd me how come i wasnt sad or cryn honestly i dont talk about it and if ppl ask me how it was i tell them im ok im fine that im over it but maybe im not maybe im still hurting but just now showing it i even took a job so i dont think about it, maybe i need help or some one to talk to or to cry this out one day! because after i read your response or that blog i realised that i do need to talk about it or get it out of me! … &know i just want a baby, and are excited to try but sad to know it could happen again. im so thankful god did grant me 2 beutiful kids thoe, their my all!! thanks for listening and hope you get to read this..

  11. Deanna, I want to thank you for your website, for your story. It has helped me cope with my loss back 2010. Now I will be holding my first gathering tomorrow of lighting a candle, well flicking on a candle. It would not be the same, but for fire safety reason we are using fake candles. Thank you again so much. We don’t have to grieve in silence anymore.

  12. Deanna, I am having my second miscarriage now. The first one was in February 2012. Dr did not want to test me. But now, he is going to do it. I have a beautiful 3 years old daughter but I do not want her to grow alone, I want a little brother or sister for her. And I am wondering, is this too much to ask? I am 39 years old and very scary that I am not have too much time to keep trying. Most important, I am afraid to pass for another loss again. But, I want to try. I had a D&C surgery during my first miscarriage, but I want to have a natural ms this time. So, any advice will be more than welcome. I am just absolutely devastated.

  13. Hello Deanna,
    I have recently lost a pregnancy at 14 weeks… although I’m already a mother of two girls I have to say it was a terrible ordeal for me. You need to know that I am an English teacher in France, and that no website like yours exists in my country. Only very bad forum pages, where unreasonable women post things without facts or proof and they can be very disturbing. Your site was a tremendous help for me, especially the part about “what to expect next” after I had my D&C. It avoided me many trips to the ER indeed. I sent you my website, as I also happen to be a translator, and I’d like to know if you ever considered having your website translated? Because you would be widely read over here in France as I mentioned, websites on the subject are very poor and misguiding. Anyway, thanks a million for all your “virtual” help, it was a great comfort for me in these difficult days. I miscarried a month ago and I have already set in motion your pregancy plan (I am one of “those” women), fingers crossed.
    Thanks again, I will definitely recommend you!

    Kind regards,

    Emilie Lacassy

  14. Just wanted to say THANK YOU! I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and after a really bad depression I decided to try again. Your page is helping me to understand myself bit by bit and the difecults situations I was going thouthg. Thank you.

  15. Thank you for this site! I found it a couple of days ago when first suspected a miscarriage was beginning to occur. Today I had that confirmed at the doctor, which on one hand felt like relief in knowing for sure instead of wondering in fear, but on the other hand, took away all hope that maybe everything could still be ok and made it instantly real! Since leaving the dr. office I have been a wreck. Fine one minute doing normal activities, to laying on the floor in a hopeless sobbing blob the next! I think the wave of emotions kind of caught me by suprise, and I have a strong desire to name my baby as a way to remember and grieve properly. Your sight is wonderful and is helping me trememndously so I don’t feel so alone in the wave of emotions. My angel baby was hoped for and prayed for and dearly wanted and I never will forget.

  16. Hello Deanna
    I am very grateful for your website and breaking the silence on this difficult topic. I found your website after my 3rd consecutive pregnancy loss, I’m 34 years old. We had trouble getting pregnant naturally and after a year a half we decided to go to the doctor. At the time we started really trying I was 33, however we stopped using birth control shortly after we got married when I was 27. Now that I think back I wonder why I didn’t notice I wasn’t getting pregnant; I think I simply brushed it of as well we’re not ready so that’s why it hasn’t happened yet. I kick myself for waiting until 33 to start being more aggressive because I know that as your eggs age it becomes harder to have a baby. Anyhow, our first visit to the doctor was very positive. They said that I was still quite young and had plenty of viable eggs. They started testing me with an HSG (very painful and they didn’t warn me) and tested my husbands sperm. It turned out that we had male factor infertility; which, aside from my husband being a little upset, was an “easier” obstacle to overcome. As per the doctors recommendation we did clomid with IUI in 1/2014. About 10 days after the IUI, I slipped on ice and fell on my left side. A few days later we went into the doctor for my pregnancy test and it was positive! We were thrilled we told my mom right away and juse couldn’t contain our excitement. They had me come back for a routine blood work 2 days later just to “make sure your numbers are doubling properly, it’s routine.” Naturally I felt confident that all was going well and didn’t worry. Well that day my blood level did not double very well, it increased but just not by 60% like they wanted. I got very upset thinking how quickly this was all taken away from me. The nurse assured me that she was sure everything was ok but wanted me to come in for my first ultrasound. A few days later I went in for my US at 5 weeks. That day they told me that my baby was implanted into my left Fallopian tube and was no longer a viable pregnancy. I felt dizzy, my whole world crashed down right infront of me. How could this be happening? They have to be wrong! My doctor told me I had 2 options; surgical removal or methotrexate injection. I didn’t want to do either, I was convinced they were wrong and wanted a second opinion. They understood and said I could come back in a few days a have another US. I did, this time with a different team of doctors. Hoping they would find everything to be alright and fine. No. The doctors were right.They said that the less invasive choice is to do the methotrexate injection which they could give me in the office. I did this a few days later.
    I cried every single day, I stared at nothing unable to blink not able to concentrate. They had me come back for an US to make sure the medication was working. It didn’t take, in fact the baby was thriving and even grew. This time they forgot to lower the volume on the US and we heard my baby’s heart beat for the first time. What a beautiful sound and so tragic to hear it all at the same time, knowing that they wanted my baby to die because she was “not in the right spot.” I couldn’t believe the carelessness and my husband snapped at the US tech for this (we’re from NY) The doctor sent me immediately to the ER said that my life was being threatened and surgery was imperative. the rest of the day was a nightmare that just replays in my head: crying dizziness hyperventilation. I had to be sedated before they took me into the OR. Thank God for my family and my wonderful husband, he really had to take care of everything all by himself because I just couldn’t do anything. Afterwards I tried so hard not to fall into a depression (I had suffered from it in my 20s) I watched the Rocky movies to get myself back on my feet. I went back to work 2 weeks later and was determined not to be beaten by this. Bc I took the methotrexate I knew we had to wait 3 months before trying again, which we did. During that time I felt I was doing quite well, a little shorter tempered than before but I was still able to control my emotions to a degree. The closer we got to the 3 month mark the greater the obsession with getting pregnant grew. For some reason, I never seemed to notice before, there were repeated pregnancy announcements from people in my life almost on a weekly basis. This tore me apart and only added to my determination to try again as soon as I could. Finally 3 months passed and we went to the doctor for a consultation. Afraid to have another ectopic, I asked the doctor what was the best option to prevent it. IVF seemed to have the least percentage and so we (or rather I) elected IVF. This was May 2014. IVF is not fun, plus I did it during my busiest time of year and was working 6-7 days a week. Not smart I know but I felt as though my hands were tied because I would be turning 34 soon. For some reason I have also become obsessed with age and pregnancy that I needed to have a baby before I turned 35. Well according to the doctors, my cycle went very well I made 21 eggs, not all fertilized but they said I had a very good response to treament, so my confidence was rebuilding. Only 6 eggs turned into embryos but still they said this was a great start. They day of my transfer was fathers day and my husband and I were so hopeful that this was a good sign. It wasn’t. After my positive pregnancy test and confirmation US we went in for my 6 week check up US and was told there was no fetal heartbeat. Again, my world came crashing down. How could this be happening again, only differently. Why was I going through this? Trapped in disbelief I opted not to do any treatment thinking I won’t do anything to end this pregnancy, they are wrong. If I truly am miscarrying then things will happen naturally because I won’t let them kill another baby. The doctors became concorned when 2 weeks later I still hadn’t passed the baby, sure I was bleeding plenty but that’s it. Plus I still didn’t believe that my baby was dead. My husband and family and doctors urged me to take the cytotec. I hated myself for taking it, knowing that Google said this is the way many people elected to abort unwanted pregnancies and I was allowing them to force me to take it. This was very hard. And even harder when the first dose didn’t take. At this point it was 3 weeks of bleeding and I had to take a second dose which I elected over a D&C. Not sure what I expected to happen but the exprience traumatized me. So much blood so much pain, I was in labor in my home and delivering a 7 week old baby. I held my baby in my hands and then put him in a medical cup. I didn’t know the moment would haunt me, how nieve could I be? After this I wanted answers, why did this happen and why did I lose another baby? As if getting answers would help make it easier to bear. They found nothing wrong with my baby boy no reason for miscarriage and “no indication for further testing.” I hated the doctors for saying this. This time I fell into the deepest depression I have ever experienced. Unable to concentrate I took a medical leave from work. I shut myself indoors, afraid to engage with people, afraid to hear yet another person announce their pregnancy (and they kept coming). My poor husband was doing all he could to keep us together, working overtime and dealing with family questions because I just couldn’t. At his urging he took me to a Christian based spiritual counselor. Afraid of my depression and afraid I would never be the person he fell in love with again. My pastor is wonderful and I thank my husband everyday for taking me to him. Through my therapy I have found peace not necessarily answers but peace and I have been able to regain love for life again. My husband and I were also developing a deeper connection as well. And in October 2014 just 12 short weeks after my miscarriage we discovered I was pregnant! Naturally! The doctors said it was nearly impossible for us to get pregnant naturally, I couldn’t believe it so I took 2 more HPT. 3 postive HPT and we said ok let’s call the doctor. The first visit went great HCG over 6000 I was 6 weeks pregnant (based on my LML) and my next visit was US to confirm and to make sure the baby was properly placed. All was great and my nerves settled a little. Though the 7 week mark always made me nervous. The following week was Thanksgiving and my husband and I went to my family’s house with giddiness and excitement but not ready to tell anyone. We were so excited that we got pregnant naturally that we beat the odds that we were sure this pregnancy would bless us with a beautiful healthy baby in July. That was my last happy memory about this pregnancy. The day after Thanksgiving I started spotting bright red and became instantly anxious we went to the doctor right away and they said the baby was fine, there was a gestational sac a yolk sac a fetal pole and could even see a small flicker of heartbeat. I finally got to week 7 successfully! I felt reassured until later that day, when they called with my blood work results. My HCG started to plateau and my progesterone began to drop. I started on progesterone supplement right away and fear struck through my bones again, a feeling I was becoming all too familiar with. A few days later I spotted brown and a few days after that I went in for BW and US. I was at 8 weeks, my baby shrunk in size now measuring 6 weeks and no fetal heartbeat could be found. I avoided looking at the screen, I knew what they were going to tell me, I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to go home. This time I schedule to have the D&C. I didn’t think I could go through what I had last time. Even though the surgery was scheduled I still wanted a final US to check the baby, which we did during my preop appointment. The doctor confirmed the awful news and even said that my baby was even smaller than before and was starting to “degenerate.” The rest of the appt was awful explaining exactly what would happen during my surgery all the risks. The paperwork he made me signed said “missed abortion” there that word was again. What an awful way to make someone who is already grieving feel even worse. I left that appt not wanting to go through the surgery and wanting to just run away. Well the bleeding started that night, light at first and then heavier. 5 days after the appt I was bleeding and cramping just like my period. The following day I felt ok most of the day, and so I decided to get out of the house for an hour to take car of a business appt. That was surprisingly not a good idea. I was 40 min from home and 5 min into my appt when the contractions started. Thinking they were just intense cramps and would go away soon I held on a few more minutes. The contractions only increased in intensity and frequency and I got scared that I would pass the baby in a public place. I contacted my husband to take over my appt and waddled to my car as fast as I could. My husband was very concerned that I was driving home as he could see how much pain I was in. I did 80 all the way home and prayed to God for all green lights and to let me get home safely and in time. I called my mother and asked me to meet me at my house, thankfully I made it home and my mother was there and she helped me in the house. My miscarriage lasted 2 hours, lots of pain lots of blood and lots of tears. In my hysteria I even blurted out that I can’t do this anymore! I surprised myself and still to this day I am not sure how I feel about trying again. We saw the doctor the next day and confirmed that my pregnancy was over. I’m still waiting for results of the tissue collected (thank God for my mom who was able to fish the baby out of the toilet, my husband and I couldn’t) at this point I am not angry I am just very sad. 3 pregnancies in 2014 and still no baby. All I know is that since we now qualify for genetic testing (I can’t believe you have to lose 3 baby’s to get a sophisticated test) I just want to go through our tests and get the results. I don’t want to try agin right now. I am too afraid. My poor husband I fear is being tortured at the same time and my mother is convinced my body needs a rest. I am still seeing my spiritual councelor, thank God for him and for my husband and family. They have been very supportive. I decided to quit working for now, I feel I need to give myself time heal both physically and emotionally. I only found your wonderful website a few weeks ago and read your book. I admit it had helped me a lot. I don’t feel as alone as I did during my first 2 pregnancy losses. Though at this stage it is a little difficult for me because I am 34, I have been pregnant 3 times and I have lost all 3 of my baby’s. I have no other children. I know there are a lot of women (not personally) who have had pregnancy losses and many of them have children. I am not used to sitting around and licking my wounds but I am feeling a little hopeless that I will ever be able to carry a healthy baby to term. We are open to adoption, it is very expensive and grueling I know, with a year of “assessments” to make sure we are fit parents. I mean at the point of adoption haven’t we been through enough? Plus I still have 5 embryos left. I can’t just forget about them, they are my baby’s. We don’t know what to do next and so we decided that we would do all the possible tests we could do until I have all the results. At that point wewill make a decision for our next step. That’s the plan for now. I hope and pray not to fall back into my scary deep dark hole again. Thank you for hearing my story. I hope that I will encourage someone else to speak up and so maybe together we won’t be alone. That’s what I believe your website has done. We named our baby’s Cameron, Kevin Daniel and Sam. We will be getting Christmas ornaments with there names and I will be getting birthstone pendants for the month they were conceived, since calculating my due dates never seemed to be consistent (due to lack of growth). Anyhow I look forward to your next book and thanks again for breaking the silence <3

  17. This is the most comprehensive website about miscarriage that I have found in the 3 weeks since my miscarriage (I was at 11.5 weeks). Its been very helpful and reassuring! Thank you

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