About This Site

I have lost many babies, so many little lights going out before their time. I have also, between the losses, had two healthy girls, Emily Faith and Elizabeth Grace.

I began the site in 1998. I had already resigned my job as a teacher to be a full-time mom. When I lost Casey at 20 weeks, I had no baby, no job, no way to fill my time while I searched for work, so I learned how to make web pages and put up a memorial site for Casey.

When my genetic testing failed and I realized I would forever regret having surgery rather than labor and delivery, I decided I needed to help others with their decision–make sure they knew not just the medical issues, but also the emotional implications of their choices. The site grew and grew and along the way, I realized–that boy Casey, he really made a difference!

Woman often ask how they can support this site. I don’t take donations, and I simply pay for all the costs of it myself. If you want to help with that, if you shop at Amazon already, simply click on any Amazon link on this site before you buy anything and we’ll get 5% of the sale.  Our favorite item is this: Angel Book

I am so glad you found us.

Read Deanna’s story of the loss of Casey Shay at 20 weeks in April 1998.

Read Deanna’s 2nd pregnancy journal while carrying Emily in 1999.

Learn about Elizabeth, born May 2002, and whose twin was lost in October 2001 at 9 weeks.


  MARIA wrote @ September 29, 2006 at 2:53 pm

Deanna I have been on the boards for 1 year 8months. After lossing my first child at 7 weeks. Your boards have helped me out so much. I cant explain how much. I wanted to thank you.My depression had consumed my life. After finding your boards I realized I was not alone. After a month after my loss I began to try again. I follwed your plan. Got pregnant the first month of trying. Now I have a beutiful son that is 9 months. So im GLAD to say still go on the boards. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

  Deanna wrote @ September 29, 2006 at 3:00 pm

Maria–I am just glad you are here. We are all helping each other. I’m very excited to see everyone getting involved. THAT is what will make the book great.

  Violeta wrote @ September 29, 2006 at 10:20 pm

I have participated in your website forum for two years now. Your website helped me find the information I needed to have a baby after having two miscarriages. It turned out that I had a thin uterine lining and needed progesterone treatment. Before I found your website, my dr. told me that she didn’t want to test me because I only had two miscarriages. I insisted on seeing a specialist after someone on your site told me that an ER helped them. Luckily I found the problem so that number three could be my beautiful daughter. I now have a seven month old girl and am so grateful to your site. The forum has been a great support to me when I couldn’t find it in my friends who were right here. In fact I lost a best friend through the process because we were both trying to conceive, I succeeded and she didn’t. Our friendship just couldn’t survive that. Many of my friends just didn’t understand my struggle, but I could always find an answer or just support on your website. Thanks so much.

  Junebuggy wrote @ September 30, 2006 at 12:58 pm

Thank you so much Deanna. Thank you so so much. After the hundreds (thousands?) of lives you have already supported and done so much for through your boards, this novel is just an awesome idea. I have heard stories and situations so much worse than mine being on your boards for quite a while. But I will help in any and every way I can. Thank you for making a difference.

  Sara wrote @ October 5, 2006 at 5:59 pm

I found your website by searching “bleeding after a D&C” on google. I wanted to tell you that this was the most informative website I’ve seen and I’ve looked at plenty the last two weeks. I went in for a check-up and ultrasound two weeks ago today and found out that my baby was dead, there was no heartbeat. I was crushed. I had no symptoms that would have given me a clue to this. I wasn’t able to have a D&C for a week after finding out and never had any bleeding or anything. I found it very traumatic to carry around a baby I knew was dead for that long. Especially because I still felt sick (nausea and vomiting). After the D&C I felt no sense of closure because of still no bleeding. That was what brought me to your website and I am so glad I found it!!! It is very comforting and reassuring to hear stories of others who have experienced the same thing. Thank You…Sara

  fertilitytruth wrote @ November 3, 2006 at 11:02 am


Thanks for leaving a great comment on my blog. My baby died at 14 weeks and got more sympathu when I had a cold. Since then I’ve terminated frienships, tole them why and are setting up a website that’s will hopefully start educating people.
Anytime you want to reciprocate links just say the word honey.

Its time us women moved into the 21st Centuary and publically spoke about the intense emotional pain that miscarriage brings. Its about time we spoke out. After all education leads to change. Its not accpetable anymore to have insensitve comments being hurled at us. Its time there was a change, and damn it, I’m doing it!



  Sherena McMurdie wrote @ November 18, 2006 at 12:52 am

Deanna thank you for your website! I have loved reading it! You speak from your experience as well as from so many others & I learned so much! You have compassion, courage & great strength & all the other women on here too.
I recently had my 2nd m/c this year. The first was on Valentine’s Day- of all days! My sister-in-law Renee’ & I were both excited to be due the first week of Oct. It was very disappointing because I had been wanting to have another baby for quite some time & was finally pregnant. (It always seems to take my husband longer to convince than me too- I always want another baby about 9 months after I’ve just had one. – So really he’s just being wise)
My sister Tiffany had just had a baby the day before.
We went to see her baby the same day I had my miscarriage & surprisingly I was okay. Probably because my sweet daughter, Sunnee who is seven yrs. old said, “It’s okay Momma, we still have a baby in the family.”

  Sherena McMurdie wrote @ November 18, 2006 at 1:13 am

Deanna thank you for your website! I have loved reading it! You speak from your experience as well as from so many others & I learned so much! You have compassion, courage & great strength.
I recently had my 2nd m/c this year. The first was on Valentine’s Day- of all days! My sister-in-law Renee’ & I were both excited to be due the first week of Oct. It was very disappointing because I had been wanting to have another baby for quite some time & was finally pregnant. (It always seems to take my husband longer to convince than me too- I always want another baby about 9 months after I’ve just had one.)
My sister Tiffany had just had a baby the day before.
We went to see her baby the same day I had my miscarriage & surprisingly I was okay. Probably because my sweet daughter, Sunnee who is seven yrs. old said, “It’s okay Momma, we still have a baby in the family.”
Six months later I was pregnat again & this time another sister-in-law, Erica & I were both due at the beginning of May. I was excited again & didn’t even think I’d miscarry again, thinking the last one was just a fluke. I’d already had 4 great pregnancies & wasn’t worried.
But at 10 wks. I started spotting & immediately felt it was happening again. I almost didn’t believe it. It was 2 days before the first baby would’ve been born.
My mother-in-law insisted I go into the Dr’s office. She took my 2 little boys & I went in for an ultrasound. Just 2 weeks before that at 8 wks. we saw on an ultrasound with the little heartbeat & I was excited. But this time they couldn’t find anything. There was just a little mound there. I cried & cried.
I am so grateful for the support of my husband & family & church family & the many prayers. It lightened the burden to have so many who cared. My husband’s sister almost died due to an infection from her m/c & she has been a great friend through it.
So far the plan is to take prometrium the next time around. I’m 36 & the Dr. thinks maybe I’m not producing enough. We’ll see. I’ll just keep exercising, eating well, reading my scriptures, keeping a journal & enjoying where I’m at- with many blessings!

I am grateful too, to know that there is a plan for us. He strenghthens us. That Heavenly Father loves us & is aware of each us. Maybe I’ll have more & maybe not. I feel like there’s more to come. But if not, I will be grateful for my daughter & 3 sons.
About a week after the 2nd m/c I had a neat experience which gave me great comfort & peace. I pictured myself in a living room holding my baby on the couch. Then a light appeared in the room & standing in the doorway was the Savior, I gave him my little one & he just held him safe & secure in His arms. So whenever I wonder & ask why & how… I just picture that, & know that everything is okay! Families are forever! We will be with our loved ones after this life. I trust in Him & know that everything will be all right.


  Hege wrote @ December 24, 2006 at 9:26 pm

Hi I recently lost my baby at 14 weeks and it was a big shock to me.we have been trying so long and i finally got pregnant.I feel guilty and my fault.I have had problems for awhile and been to doctor many times and they said it was a infection or normal disscharge.When the pain and cramps started I went home and rested and it went away.Went to doctor next day and said it was just legament stretching.Next night I had them again,this time I didnt leave work(work third shift) I started bleeding again which I have done before too.When I went to doctor next day I found out I had dilated and nothing they could do.I feel so guilty for not going home that night and keep thinking what ifs.I know it could have been a chance that they could have stopped it completley but also for a little while or not at all.what is eating me alive is the what ifs.I feel like I couuld have done more.Is it my fault.Should my doctor have some blame in this.I dont know what to do withxmyself,I cant stop thinking about it and i cant really eat cause I feel so guilty.I am trying very hard to be patient and give my 2 kids a good christmas but having a hard time with it.Please can somone talk to me.Hubby being supportive and said that nothing I did could have changed things,nature took it course

  Deanna wrote @ December 25, 2006 at 1:13 pm

It sounds as though an infection got into the lining and caused premature labor. You might also have a condition called an incompetent cervix, which is not strong enough to hold the cervix closed once the baby gets bigger. Both of these things can be treated so as not to affect a future pregnancy.

Make sure you love your doctor and feel very confident in him/her. It’s important you feel very secure with your care as you embark on another pregnancy. But these things happen through no one’s fault. It happens all the time, to so many mothers excited about their baby coming end up losing what they wanted most.

It’s not your fault at all.

  daisy wrote @ January 5, 2007 at 12:25 am

I;ve recently had my second miscarriage at 18 weeks. the first one of course was a hard obstacle for me to surpass. but I did it only to come to find I had PCOS, a condition that rarely lets me ovulate . so it took my husband and I 4 years of trying to conceive until finally in aug. of 06 we did it. I was at a high risk pregnancy because of spotting, sometimes bright reddish and sometimes brownish. I also for the most part had abdominal cramping which my doctor said was o.k. So by my 4th month he said I wasn’t considered high risk(which I wasn’t pleased about but I didn’t speak up, I trusted him).Well, At 18 weeks I started having severe abdominal cramping that lasted a whole day and by the the nighttime it became unbearable, I decided to not go to the er because my doctor would always say that everything I felt was normal.Well, little that I had known that what I was experiencing was premature labor.all of a sudden I felt what i thought was a bowel movement, then i felt something being pushed down by my vagina. I freaked I thought it was my baby and I just lost it. I was rushed to the hospital where the er physician did a pelvic exam and as he did that, he was applying pressure with his fngers, and at that moment I felt my water break. they immediately sent me for an ultrasound and told me that I was going to deliver my 18th week old baby whose heart was beating strong but would never make it. I was completely devastated. my Q’s are these, could it have been possible that the er physiscian caused my water to break? could my miscarriage have been avoided, since they are now saying it was an incompetent cervix, the baby was perfectly fine, there was no infection, and the placenta was fine? and did my baby girl die as soon as she was born or is something done to the baby before being completley out because I noticed little wounds on my baby’s head that just didn’t seem right? It is so hard to find closure to all this with so many thoughts and what ifs in my head. I’m loosing sleep over all this, right now it just seems like so much to bear.But so far the only thing that gets me going is knowing that I got to hold my precious little Ashley and admist this bad experience holding her was the best thing that has ever happaned to me. We laid her down to rest on dec.26, 2006. we shouldn’t give up, I know I haven’t. We should let these experiences make us stronger. Some days will be though and some will be a little better. What helps me is knowing that I’m not alone and that us women are strong and we can get through this.

  Nikkole Guilfoil wrote @ January 31, 2007 at 12:53 am

do you have a book out about helping with miscarriages? If so what is the name and where can you purchase it at? Thanks

  Deanna wrote @ January 31, 2007 at 3:38 pm

Mine isn’t published yet! Just finished the draft and am beginning to shop it around.

You can find helpful books that I’ve read and can recommend at http://www.pregnancyloss.info/resources.htm

  DEANA wrote @ March 18, 2007 at 8:36 am

I just had my 2nd M/c 2 days ago. I had just found our I was pregnant on Wednesday March 14 and started bleeding on March 16. My husband is in Japan for work so I am an emotional wreck. I have 3 healthy boys ,but I desperatly want another child. I had my 1st M/c on July 30, 2006. It was a blighted ovum i was 9 weeks pregnant but the baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks without me knowing it. I had just told everyone family and our churh, and friends. It was devestating to tell everyone and be so happy and then have your whole world drop out from under you. I had just felt like I was moving on about a month ago when my due date passed from the 1st m/c and then I found out I was pregnnt again I couldn’t wait to tell my husband when he returned from Japan instead I had to call him in tears and tell him I was probably losing this baby too. I feel so hopeless and sad and fell i may never have another baby. Does anyone have any advice or maybe have ideas of how to prevent it from happening again?/ Thanks for any advice i can get

  Lorraine wrote @ March 19, 2007 at 6:11 pm

I was just told today that I may have my second m/c. I had my first in november of 2006. We were looking forward to our very first child. Today, I was told the baby has stopped growing and a D&C needed to be done. I am holding on to hope and God. I constantly speak to my baby and ask him or her not to do this to me. I asked to wait another week and I am preparing my heart for this loss again. I know there is hope and I need to find the purpose behind this.

  Deanna wrote @ March 20, 2007 at 8:05 am

Miscarriage is so hard, and Deana, a second miscarriage when your husband is so far away–it’s devastating.

The most important thing is to find a doctor you love and trust, who will lead you through the testing process, and make you feel confident to try again. Even with all the technology and interventions we have, your relationship with your doctor is the single most important factor in succeeding at a pregnancy after multiple losses.

Amd Lorraine–yes, it is so normal to speak to your baby. Mine has been gone almost nine years now, and I still talk to him, all the time. Sometimes the purpose for what happened is not laid out right away. I had no idea my miscarriage would lead to all of this!

  Angie wrote @ March 29, 2007 at 7:45 am

Deanna, I want to thank you for this website! I love reading it almost weekly. You speak for so many others & gives others a voice. You’re compassion, courage & great strength are an inspiration to other women.

  Coral wrote @ April 6, 2007 at 5:52 pm

I cannot tell you how awesome it is to find a living-breathing site about this topic! I still remember the doctors telling me that I had ‘bad luck. A Mother never forgets that, even if I was never able to hold more than a dream of my baby. It is wonderful to read of the success and hardships that so many women have gone through. Not that I thrive on someone else’s misery…but that I am not alone.
God’s blessings to you a thousand fold!

  Alex wrote @ April 22, 2007 at 4:28 pm

Thank You

  Bernadette wrote @ April 25, 2007 at 10:25 pm

Hello- my husband and I went for our first ultrasound yesterday for our second child, only to find out that there was no heartbeat. I am devastated. Naturally, I did not believe the technician and am still in shock. I asked for another ultrasound, which we will be getting tomorrow, but immediately after that I have a scheduled D/C should the results be the same. Having never been through this before, it is very comforting to read your extremely informative website and see that I am not alone. I came home from the office visit yesterday and looked into my 4 year old daughter’s eyes and thought, “how lucky we are already to have such a beautiful child” and tried to focus my energy into being grateful rather than being so sad. But it is so, so difficult. I had visions of a strong, healthy baby ( who doesn’t?) and dreamed about a future with a new addition to the family. Now I sit here, on-line and alone, crying and grieving over a baby that was not meant to be. How can I even think that we could ever be pregnant again, and with what hope for a healthy baby? I grieve with all of you that have ever lost a baby, and thank you, Deanna, for being here and allowing me to learn more about miscarriages and how I am not alone. Thank you.

  Emma Sheridan wrote @ May 11, 2007 at 1:56 am

I was glad to have stumbled upon your page…Although I have been experiencing one problem- have you found that there is a servere lack of support and websites out there for teenage mothers ( I lost Lily at ten weeks into my pregnancy due to miscarriage). It is had enough to still be dealing with the raw grief and pain of my daughter’s death, only to find that there are virtually no websites specifically for teenage mums like myself.
I did however find your website a huge help and an uplifing place to find hope. Thankyou for reminging me that I am not alone.
All the best for your future to all those who read this…

  Amy wrote @ June 1, 2007 at 9:28 am

Thank you so much for this website. It is one of the most well-informed ones I have come across as far as what to expect and in validating my feelings of loss. I am in the middle of my third m/c, and while I do have 2 healthy children, I feel like I am drowning in sorrow at the loss of this 3rd child. My husband keeps telling me that I need to focus on the children I have and not the ones I don’t – it was nice to see that his comments are his way of trying to “fix” it and make it better. I was accusing him of being insensitive to my feelings, and now I see that we are just grieving differently. Thank you, Deanna, for sharing your story and for helping so many of us to cope. There seems to be an unspoken stigma attached with miscarriage. No one wants to talk about it, although it is so relatively common. I wonder why this is? There are so many of us struggling with this heartbreak and yet it is hushed up and treated like a cold or flu (once the symptoms are gone, you should be completely over it).

Thank you for showing me I am not alone, and it is OK to mourn this loss.

  tif wrote @ June 1, 2007 at 11:58 pm

I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is to be 40 and 6 years past my miscarriage, and still no living child. I have no hope left and will not adopt. I do not know ANYONE in my same situation – everyone has some reconciliation of having a child. This really sucks.

  laura wrote @ June 7, 2007 at 6:45 pm

Deanna thanks so much for this website i had a m/c 12/14/2006 at 16 1/2 weeks it was my first baby me and my boyfriend was so excited he had already started buying things for the baby. one morning i woke up to blood and i was cramping the night before but i thought it was jst the baby growing i went to the hospital and they told me my cervix was wide open theres nothing they can do i was having a miscarriage. i blamed myself for a long time thinking if i would have gone to the hospital the night before maybe i could have saved my baby by sewing up my cervix. but being on your website i realize that if it was going to happen theres nothing i or anyone could have done. its nice to know that your not the only one who goes through this even thou you know your not but too read other stories just helps you to feel a little better to know that others understand what your going through. But i am trying your plan this month and i pray that it works because i am so ready to be a mom. Thanks so much deanna and good luck to everyone who is trying again god will bless you!!

  Karena wrote @ June 8, 2007 at 1:40 pm

I was 5 months pregnant when I lost my little angel. I had a miscarriage too & I am still greaving the loss almost a year later. Your sight has given me new knowledge and is a great support to women who have lost their children. Thank you.

  Stacey wrote @ June 24, 2007 at 10:22 am

Thank you for sharing you story and having so much information which is easy to understand on your website. I am not in the same position as many who have written but I feel the pain of loss. My husband and I have been trying to have children for 6 years and I am now 37. We have both been through so much and finally had to go through with IVF. It is very expensive and people can not understand the amount of hope and faith you have hoping for a blessed angel to be given to you. We found out after the transfer that it took and I would be having our baby! We were so happy. My hCG levels were being monitored and started so strong. Than I got a call that they didn’t increase as hoped and the doctors office said they wanted to check it again and there was possiblity of concern. The next test 2 days later showed they had decreased by 2. My heart broke and right now I await another test that will tell me 100% that I have lost it. Now I wait and hope they are wrong-so many tears and knowing it my heart they are not. Family doesn’t understand so it is great to see understanding from others on your website. Thanks you.

  Nicole wrote @ June 26, 2007 at 10:17 am

Thank you. Although these words aren’t strong enough because how do you thank someone who finally took all the cold medical information on a most emotional topic and made it acessible and human? I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to read that it’s ok to walk away from the mean comments or to not be obligated to attend a shower as part of the “healing process”. Never mind enduring the endless chatter and comparisons amongst girlfriends who are expecting – and who have long forgotten that you were once there too, or that Mothers Day is not only for those who have children running around, but for us, who need to remember. Finally, to know that the anger and resentment is normal and of course guilt would be associated with it all. Finally.
Thank you.
(Hun, as I write this, “Here Comes The Sun” is playing…)

  Faction 3 wrote @ June 28, 2007 at 6:31 am

What would you do if you
Knew all of the things we knew
Would you stand up for truth
Or would you turn away too
And then what if you saw
All of the things thats wrong
Would you stand tall and strong
Or would you turn and walk away


  Mom in Louisville wrote @ June 29, 2007 at 11:46 am

Thank you for this wonderfule site. I learned at my 12 week ultrasound the baby had died at 8 weeks but for 4 weeks I did not even know I was carrying around a dead fetus. The shock was horrible and loss even worse. This site has been very comforting in many ways – from learning how “normal” my feelings are to answering my questions like “when will my next period come?” or “when can we try again?”

Thanks for this wonderful site.

  Sheila wrote @ July 26, 2007 at 4:34 pm

I found your website and blog about a week ago when googling progesterone. We have four healthy, living children (10, 8, 5, and 2), and have lost three children during pregnancy (at 12 weeks, almost 8 weeks, and almost 10 weeks). After the third one, in April this year, they finally did testing, etc., and found absolutely nothing. In contrast to so many of the comments I read (it took me a week, but I read every single blog entry and comment…), my babies were healthy right up to birth. At the moment I’m hoping I’m pregnant and terrified that I might be.

Cooincidentally, I was given a book yesterday (that I finished reading this morning) called “Shaming the Strong”, by Sarah Williams, about a mother who is told at 20 weeks that her baby has no chance of life. She carries the baby nearly to term anyway, and it’s a beautiful story of the whole family loving the baby they know will die (and does die, shortly before birth).

I’m not sure why I’m writing here. So many times when reading the blog and comments, I wanted to say “Me too” or “No, my experience was totally different!” I guess the main thing was to mention the book I just read, and to thank you for your informative, compassionate, and comforting site.

Thank you.

  Angela wrote @ July 30, 2007 at 12:26 pm

I had my second missed mc and D&C this past tuesday the 24th. My first was in March and your website gave me empathy for my loss and hope for my future. My husband and I are now heartbroken once again. I feel that this website is the only place I am safe from well meaning but out of place comments, pregnant friends who are due around both of my due dates, and pregnant friend who are so excited and joyful that they don’t realize I am not in a place right now to celebrate with them. I just don’t want to see their new stroller right now and i may not want to hold their new baby for several weeks. This is so hard for one on my preg friends to understand. Your advice has made me free from having to pretend that i’m okay. I feel like you have given me permission to gently tell my friends and family that “no, I am not okay right now and I do not have to pretend that I am by going to baby showers.” Without your site and our faith in God that he will bless us with children we would be so lost. Thank you for everything you have done for me and for so many other women through your website. My doctor is now doing testing and i am hoping for results that will help me to carry a child to term.

  Karli Page wrote @ August 5, 2007 at 11:26 pm

Hi Deanna,
I came across your site like many other teens have. Im so happy for you and your two girls. They are beautiful. I wish you the best.

I also had a question to ask you. I read the ways on how to cope and all, very interesting… But I was just wondering. Is it normal to break down and just cry and feel bad and everything about the miscarriage like about 7 months later? Is that normal to still feel this way?

Thank you!

Karli P

  Deanna wrote @ August 6, 2007 at 7:31 am

Oh yes, it is very normal. Even now, nine years out, it can still happen to me. I think certain events in your life, or songs, or news, or even just internal shifts like a hormone fluctuation, can serve as a trigger. I think these triggers will happen throughout your life, maybe coming farther and farther apart, and perhaps with varying intensity, but they won’t ever go completely away.

  Erika wrote @ August 13, 2007 at 11:18 am

I was wondering what happened the forum? I haven’t been able to get to it for a few days. It is such a great part of your site. It has really helped me get through some tough times.

  Lee wrote @ August 20, 2007 at 1:22 pm

A few weeks ago I went into premature labor at 5 in a 1/2 months (I was carrying twins and was my 1st pregnancy) The babies were born and they both were beautiful.. But they told me that my babies were to young and wont survive. So I held them while they past away.. No one can tell me why it happened. I went to all my dr. appts and ultrasound appts. they all kept telling me that both me and my boys were healthy and great.. But all of a sudden one day this horrible thing happen. We had their room ready for them and we had matching clothes. But we dont have them.. The day after delivering my boys I can home from the hospital and had to make funeral arrangements for them.
I’m sooo scared to try to have another child. Apperently this just happens, so how can I feel secure trying again when this might happen again.. I couldn’t take losing another baby.. And I also wouldn’t want to let myself prepare for another baby to come home fear of losing that baby too.

  Rachael wrote @ August 21, 2007 at 2:49 pm

Hi there i jsut wanted to thank you for your site. I am really freaking out at the moment as i am nine weeks pregnant and have started to bleed brown again. I have two children and suffered a miscarrage last year at about week 7. I am hopeful that this is just because it is due my period and of scarring on my uterus from previous c-sections. I wish i had found your site last year it would have been very helpful then. I am just praying that this is all it is as this will be my last chance for another baby. I dont feel as freaked out now which is good. all the other sites i look at say that any bleeding and cramping you will lose baby and yours is the only one that gives me a bit of hope. I also have hope becuase i saw that heartbeat a few weeks ago and i am on asprine which apartently doctors are useing to help women keep their babys.

thanks again

  Erin Hammer wrote @ August 27, 2007 at 5:23 pm

On Aug 18th 2007 I had the worst thing happen to me, I went into premature labour at 22 weeks and 4 days. 5 weeks before this I had a large amount of bleeding. All the doctors said everything was fine and the ultra sound came back normal. My beautiful baby girl Ivy was born at 5:44am after 31 hours of labour and lived for an hour and half. She passed in my arms. This was my second pregnancy, I have another daughter who will be 3 in January. My pregnancy with her was great but she was born 4 weeks early, tho she was very healthy and weighed 6lbs 10oz. My daughter wasn’t even gone for an hour and people were asking me about the funeral. I have never felt pain like this before and no one can seem to give me answers. Now I worry will this happen again? I guess I am wondering how will I get through this.

  nubain wrote @ September 3, 2007 at 6:50 am


My first son the one who everyone says has some form of autism had the whole breathing ordeal. He was almost 6 weeks early and they induced me and the cord was around his neck so tight they could barely cut it. when they finally did cut it he was not b…

  yasmin wrote @ September 6, 2007 at 7:35 am

hi on the 17th of august being nearly 18weeks pregnant i started bleeding got to the scan the day after to find no heartbeat i went in on the monday to deliver my baby the best thing i did was seeing how perfect he was, we have had a cremation it was absolutaly upsetting what we went through,the hospital staff was so helpfull and understanding i have 4 other children bet it hurts so much i feel so empty it is so amazing to see that so many people have been through samilier things like me i just took it for granted that me and my baby would be fine everybody said you are lucky for the four we have got i know that but it does not make up for little harry who we have lost,i myself want a few more children but i am scared of all this happening again but i will try again even if their is a bit of hope,but reading all the comments it does not look good as a lot of people seem to have had more than one miscarrage i would love to know why but i will never know.thankyou it makes it so much easier knowing you are not the only one and reading everybody elses does help even though it is sad but time will be a healer i am told even though the memory of our little babie will always be with us.

  Erin Hammer wrote @ September 11, 2007 at 3:25 pm

I have a question, If anyone can answer it for me. How come everyone keeps calling what happened to me a miscarriage? I delivered my baby girl Ivy at 22 weeks and 4 days. She was breathing when she was born and lived for an hour and half. That is not a miscarriage. Yet everyone keeps refering to it as one. I believe that if you deliver a baby it is not a miscarriage. I had a baby tho she didn’t live long I still gave birth to a breathing child. Can any one out there please explain this to me?

  Deanna wrote @ September 14, 2007 at 1:39 pm

They should not be calling this a miscarriage. I noticed, too, in the media recently, a woman who had lost her baby at 25 weeks also was called a miscarriage. It’s a pervasive misconception, and I’m sorry that others’ misunderstanding of the depth of your loss is causing you additional grief.

  Emily Tin wrote @ October 2, 2007 at 2:20 am

Deanna, your website is truly a blessing for people like me. I was diagnosed with blighted ovum last August. I was 10 weeks pregnant that time with our first baby. I just could not explain how this affected me emotionally. Words couldn’t describe how much pain I feel whenever I see or talk to my friends who are pregnant. Our first baby was conceived after 10 months of trying. And I want to get pregnant again. I want to get pregnant so bad that waiting makes me feel anxious and depressed at times. After undergoing d&c last august 16, I got my first period after 40 long days. And now, Im at CD 9…waiting for my ovulation. Deanna, do you have any words of wisdom for me? It seems like the people around me doesn’t understand how hard it is to cope. Everyone keeps telling me I should be ok by now. But I’m still not ok. And every single day, all I can think about is…I want to be pregnant again. I’ve been obsessing about my ovulation and how I can conceive this cycle. But I’m worried that I might not ovulate this cycle. I’ve read about your sperm meets the egg plan and I can’t wait to get started. I would really appreciate any advice from you.

  Deanna wrote @ October 2, 2007 at 10:47 am


I’m glad you found the site.

I don’t think there is anything scarier than trying to get pregnant again after you’ve lost a baby. It takes an enormous amount of perseverance, faith, and hope to even try.

My best advice to you is to remember that you are a mother now–even if that first baby isn’t here with you–and moms have to be brave and determined and strong. Learn all you can, read all you can (and use those ovulation sticks and sperm meets egg plan and any medical advances to hurry things along), but the main thing is to hang on to faith.

Keep these things in mind, conceive your baby in love and hope, and remember that you have been given a great gift by your first child–you know precisely how valuable, beautiful, and fleeting life can be. It will make you cherish your own life and the wondrous gift of a healthy baby all the more.


  YM wrote @ October 14, 2007 at 8:42 pm

Recently, I’ve been very scared because my symptoms (4th preg, 2nd was a mis) that maybe my hormones are not sending me good signals of a healthy pregnancy – I’m hardly nauseous. Thank G-d I’ve had two beautiful healthy children, though. By each, I was severely nauseous 1st trimester. The 2nd time I got pregnant, I miscarried at 7 weeks. I had very weak symptoms that time. So this time I’m afraid since the symptoms are not consistent, and weaker than I remember. Your notes about miscarriage were immensely reassuring since you noted your third pregnancy was much easier with symptoms. I wanted to thank you so much for this reassuring site. Hopefully, it’s just me worrying – but it’s very hard not to! All the best, Yael

  Sophie wrote @ October 14, 2007 at 10:53 pm

I had a miscarriage this weekend. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. Your website has helped me out so much. I needed to find these precious scriptures you have on your website. God is good. He knows what we need in our lives, and his timing is best.
Thanks again.

  Lucia wrote @ October 28, 2007 at 8:03 pm

Hi. I am pregnant for the first time and was panicking about miscarriages… there are many myths and very old ideas. I am Mexican and grandmas are full of the most superstitious advice (well intendedly, of course, but frightening). I love your website because it is so honest, even brutally honest, and yet compassionate and sensitive. It gives me elements to keep researching the web and ask questions to my doctor. I respect your work to put this together and all the women (and men) who are brave enough to assume the pain involved in miscarrying and to share it with others. Thank you so much.

  Tiffany wrote @ November 2, 2007 at 5:34 am

Hi, I am grateful to have found this website and this has made me feel better. I have three healthy children ages 6, 8, and 11 and have now had two mc’s diagnosed as blighted ovums at 8 1/2 weeks resulting in D&C’s. I am so sad and confused as to why this has now happened twice in a row…wondering if my husband and I need genetic testing done? I am 32 and maybe my eggs are getting old? Not sure about much right now- just very sad. Thank you so much for your site! Tiffany.

  Sarah wrote @ November 21, 2007 at 2:40 am

I sincerely wish you the best…your site offered me indescribable comfort during a time of endless pain. But I have to say i am terribly disappointed to find the old forums now gone. My year is coming up, and tonight I came back to seek a little companionship and understanding from old timers and to see if I could offer the same to the unfortunate new women.

  Deanna wrote @ November 22, 2007 at 11:53 pm

Sarah, if you would like to contact me, I can direct you to places where you can find the women from the boards.


  Emily Lewis wrote @ November 26, 2007 at 4:41 pm

Hi- I have a question. I took a pregnancy test on November 11th, which was very clearly positive. According to my calender, the date of my last period was Oct. 11th, so I am 8-ish weeks right now. I took another pregancy test 2 days ago and the second line was there, but it was very light. I took a third test yesterday and again the second line was very light. I have had no bleeding at all, but a few cramps. Could the light lines mean that I have had a miscarriage? Shouldn’t the lines be just as dark or darker since I’m farther along now?Can you have a miscarriage without any bleeding at all? Could this mean an ectopic pregnancy? I still “feel” pregnant with nausea and fatigue and sore breasts. Sorry if this question is just a worry- wart one and all the light line mean is that I drank a lot of water. Thank you very much. -Emily Lews

  Joanne wrote @ December 16, 2007 at 1:36 am

Hi Deanna,
Your site has been very comforting to me as I work through the pain of my first miscarriage. I have been constantly searching for a reason as to why my baby’s tiny heart stopped beating. I thought maybe you could give me your input.
This was my second pregnancy, I have a two year old daughter. I bled on and off (bright red) from 5 1/2 weeks to around 9 weeks with her. With this pregnancy I also started to bleed at 5 1/2 weeks, also passed some clots, but they still saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks. At 8 weeks, after continuing to bleed, the heartbeat was gone. What is causing me to bleed, and why would one pregnancy survive it and the other not? Do you think the bleeding caused the miscarriage, or is it just chromosomal like everyone says.
I am so scared to try again knowing that I bled with both pregnancy’s and one made it and one did not. Any suggestions for preventing bleeding. I love my OB but she won’t test untill I have had three losses, I can’t handle another.
Thanks for any advice you might have.
Warm regards, Joanne

  Deanna wrote @ December 16, 2007 at 11:54 pm


I am very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby.

Bleeding in early pregnancy is typically an issue of hormones. Some women seem to be very sensitive to the smallest dips in progesterone in early pregnancy, and they will bleed off and on until the 10th or 11th week when the placenta takes over hormone function and everything stabilizes. The clots are natural as your uterus is full of them while you are pregnant. This is not really considered a miscarriage risk as long as bleeding is not aided by severe cramps.

It is not likely it was related to this loss. I am going to agree that this was very likely chromosomal, unavoidable and unpreventable. Just do the best you can to get through the loss, to recover, to renew your hope (which should grow every time you hug your precious child) and find the courage to try again.

Just do the best you can.

  Monica wrote @ January 3, 2008 at 11:43 pm

. I am a mother with four children, but I had the unforgetable heartache of losing a twin during the first trimester of my third pregnancy. i had some bleeding during my 2nd pregnancy which turned out to be a bleeding cyst, so I was not overly concerned when the same thing happened in my next pregnancy. I went to the ultrasound on my own, to be given the unbelievavle news that I was expecting twins. I was overwhelmed with joy and trepidation. A followup ultrasound however revealed an absent heartbeat in one of my babies. I was devastated. A terrible saddness gripped me, as I tried to come to terms with the joy of a pregnancy, but the loss of a baby at the same time. It was such a lonely time, and I felt unable to share this constant heatache with anyone really. I went to a birth centre for the delivery, after two earlier long deliveries I was, and still am terrified of giving birth. All went well until the last five minutes when my little baby got stuck, and we lost the heartbeat. After a desperate struggle out came a lifeless figure. There were people and lights and confusion and I asked my husband what we had. I will never forget his words, “I think it’s dead”. We found out we had a little boy, Kieran, whose apgar scores were 0 and 2. No heartbeat, no breathing, a pnumothorax….he was in a terrible way. Thankfully he was resuscitated, and then we were transferred to a neonatal intensive care ward. By then, he was having seizures, and a series of scans revealed a string of mini stroke type events. We were told to expect long term deficits, and a possibility of a wheelchair. Feeling numb with shock we had him baptised, and I believe that Kieran’s twin gave him strength to recover. My husband looking down at him on a ventilator said he knew Kieran was with us for a special reason. After several weeks we finally brought our little baby home to an uncertain future. We decided then that our earlier plans to have 4 children would no longer be an option for us. But when Kieran was 18 months old I discovered I was pregnant again. I had a lot of depression during that pregnancy, and was terrified of the delivery. But we were blessed with a healthy baby girl. So we now have 4 children aged 12, 10, 8 and 5, (2 girls and 2 boys), and our family is balanced and complete. Kieran is not in a wheelchair. And but for some uncoordination, and glasses you would never imagine what he has survived. Kieran is bright and beautiful and has an old soul. There is truly something different about him. But eight years on, every day I think of my beautiful little angel I never saw, but can feel with certainty is a very real part of me. I feel a sense of loss and sadness that will be with me always, but I am thankful for the blessings I have in my life.

  Jane wrote @ January 12, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Hi Deanna,
Thanks for the site. I’ve been on it so many times since my first miscarriage in July 2007. We have just gone through our second — what a way to celebrate the New Year. I’m two days out of a D&C. Thanks for the support you put out for women like us. It’s true the medical community does not address the psychological effects of the loss only the “bones and tissue” aspect.

Still healing- Jane

  Lorna Irving wrote @ January 17, 2008 at 11:55 am

Dear Deanna,

I have been reading about your experiences and those of other women and I think this site is really important. I am studying the experiences of miscarriage and I hope that I can learn something from women who have been through this terrible event, which may help towards the development of psychological therapies for women who struggle with their emotions following miscarriage. I was wondering if you are interested in hearing more about it and if you could contact me. Best wishes and thanks.

  Ceri wrote @ February 8, 2008 at 3:01 am

Hi Deanna, I found the FAM boards last Feb after the loss of my angel. Now, after a difficult pg I gave birth to twin boys on Jan 11,08. Your site was such a healing place for me and I wanted to thank you. Also when the FAM boards shut down to said you were going to keep our angel memories/stories available but I don’t know where to find it on your new site. Please help.

  Maria wrote @ April 6, 2008 at 3:31 pm

Deanna, thank you so much for the most informative and supportive website I have seen, and I have read so many of them recently trying to understand what was happening to me, make sense out of doctors’ actions and get an idea of what to do next. When I found your website it was such a treasure and relief, it is the source of well-put information and at the same time it helped my emotional healing. Thank you again, and best wishes to you and your family.

  Lori wrote @ April 7, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Thank you for your wonderful website. I gave birth to my beautiful daughter 2.5 years ago. Since then I have miscarried 2 times (8/07 and 1/08) and am slowly healing. We are trying again and God-willing we will be blessed with a live sibling for our daughter. I wanted to bring your attention to a song that has really helped me through the healing process. It is by Natalie Grant and is called ‘Held’. I have been told that she wrote it about her friend who suffered multiple miscarriages over 9 years and finally gave birth to a live baby who died at 2 months old. The lyrics are amazing. They talk about how when everything around us falls – God still holds us. You can google Natalie Grant + Held and there is a YouTube video out there to hear the song. The lyrics also can be found the same way. I will attempt to post a link to the lyrics: http://lyricsdaily.com/lyrics/nataliegrant/held.shtml
Thank you for all you do. God bless you!

  Jill wrote @ April 8, 2008 at 4:07 pm

Thank you so much. I came across your site today while trying to find some information and comfort following my miscarriage 6 weeks ago. You have no idea how much you have helped me and my healing process.

  Maria wrote @ April 12, 2008 at 1:09 pm

Dear Deanna, I can’t believe it I am writting this message. After I lost my first pregnancy I hoped that would never happen again and as you might imagine it did. I am 29 and as you might imagine I am not only very sad at the loss of this second one but also very concerned that I will be one of those who can not have children. Both pregnancies have come quickly so we have not been concerned about not being able to conceive. However, we are now very concerned of not being able to keep it through 9 months. The first pregnancy stopped after 8 weeks, when we went for the 1st u/s the doctor told us that it look 5 weeks instead. That night I started bleading and los the baby. This second pregnancy was going really well until yesterday morning (8.5 weeks) that I started spotting, went for a u/s and found no heart. I also found out that there were 2. I am very sad as we really had our hopes on this one. At this moment I am just waiting for it to happen and go back to our normal lives. Thank you for putting together such a wonderful page, it has really helped me to understand more about it and find out what type of tests I can ask the doctor to do. Thank you, Maria

  Carol wrote @ June 1, 2008 at 12:04 am

Dear Deanna, thank you for this website. I can’t believe it happened again but it did. First I gave birth to three beautiful children , then had a miscarriage .That baby died at approx. 2.5 mths, but I did not lose it until 5 mths. 1 year later I had a miscarriage at 2 mths or so. Then I got pregnant 3 mths later and carried her full term. Finally my 7th pregnancy, I had my 5th child , 11mths after last. Now i’ve since had 2 more miscarriages, Dec. 2007 and may 2008 a few days ago. Could the difference be my age ? I had my last child at 28 yrs old , and now I have just turned 36 . The one I lost in Dec. was 15 weeks, I had bleeding and cramping weeks 6 -10, then I had 5 good weeks and went into labour. The one I lost this week had been a decent pregnancy but I went into labour at 14 weeks and the baby had been dead for a while. I just don”t know what to do, the losses seem different to me. Should I just give up ? Any suggestions ?

  Keri wrote @ August 11, 2008 at 12:53 pm

Thank you so much for your website. I recently lost a baby boy at 19 weeks on July 26th, 2008. It was my first pregnancy. I am a teacher about to return to school for another year and am worried about keeping it “together” at work. I’m glad I’ve found your site to help me through my last days of summer.

  Ellen wrote @ October 2, 2008 at 3:52 pm

I was very frustrated by everything I could find about miscarriage. The ER, the resident, and even my doctor (whom I really like), kept assuring me the worst was over…well it was the next day when I finally passed what had been my 10.5 week old angel. Your website answered so many questions. You, better than anyone, explained what my body doing and what I could expect. I am now anxiously awaiting the time when we can try again. Thanks for your insight!

  Shannon wrote @ October 12, 2008 at 6:49 pm

I just lost my little one last week, while out of town for a wedding. This is my first loss and very new to me. I am trying to find more info on the Oct 15 candle lightings. Do you know of a group who is sponsoring one nearby? I am in the Austin area. I think it would really help to do this with others.
Thank you for all you have done!

  Tiffany wrote @ October 18, 2008 at 9:05 am

I’ve been up since 4:30 AM. I read your site for a couple hours then and I’m back on now. We found out Wed that we lost our baby. I was supposed to be 12 weeks on that Friday. I’m devastated and not able to get much sleep. Is there anyway that I can email you to discuss my “options”. I’m scared and I need some help. Please contact me if you can.
Thank you.

  Marianne wrote @ October 18, 2008 at 10:16 pm

We lost our daughter 23 days ago to medical termination. It is a different kind of pain than miscarriage but your site has been the most helpful to me than any other I’ve come across. Freya was 20 weeks.

  not relevant wrote @ November 13, 2008 at 5:27 am

I know you wouldn’t have the nerve to post this on your site, but there’s no way I can read through it all and not respond.

“Without a positive pregnancy test, it is impossible to know for sure if you were pregnant.” Until the woman actually loses the child, that is. Or did you forget to add that part?

“Many people who are late, but…have a negative test, assume that they were pregnant and miscarried. If you have had a positive pregnancy test, this information is not for you. There is no doubt you were pregnant.”

“…realizing that every woman’s experience is different…”

What a contradiction. You are not a doctor, and I don’t care how many women you’ve talked to through your website, you are NOT a medical expert. In fact, you are not ANY kind of expert – except on your own experience. Just like every other woman is an expert on their OWN experience. How dare you presume to know the facts behind the miscarriages of complete strangers and going so far as to dedicate an entire section of your website to trying to tell women that they were never pregnant because of a negative test result.

If you were as educated about the matter as you claim to be, you would remember how common a false negative can be and how many factors can contribute to a false negative result when in fact a woman IS pregnant and can miscarry just as easily as a woman whose result was positive. Of course, I’m sure you remember that false positives can also happen, even though they are much more rare, they are certainly possible. I guess you just forgot all that when you made that page attempting to diminish the REAL losses of women who for whatever reason had a negative result from a home pregnancy test. Because they’re 100% reliable, right? No, they’re not. It is beyond irresponsible for you to put information like this on a board for women seeking help and morally repugnant that you would be so callous. Ironic how you try to warn others of the online predators trying to sell products to vulnerable women but it’s perfectly all right for you to sit on your high and mighty throne and tell them that they “imagined” miscarriages.

Oh wait, is this because jesus is on your side?

  Deanna wrote @ November 20, 2008 at 9:31 am

I am not afraid of criticism and of course a woman who has had a negative pregnancy test and then miscarried is upset by those words. Generally those women do not go that section of the site, as you did, because they know they were pregnant and choose different options as they navigate.

A very large number of women come here because they had an odd period and they crave some sort of explanation. The majority of unusual periods not accompanied by a positive pregnancy test are simple alterations in the cycle. When it happens the first time, it is very scary and this section is to lay their fears to rest.

I’m sorry it felt different to you.

I never claim to be a doctor or a nurse or even an expert, but I do like to share the information I’ve picked up over all these years and try to write it in a steady, comforting hand.


  Jill wrote @ December 2, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Hi Deanna,

I had a D&C 4 weeks ago. My baby stopped growing at 6.5 weeks and I found out at my 8 weeks ultrasound that there was no longer a heartbeat. It has been the hardest time in my life but you do have great informaiton on this site and it is nice to know that you are not the only one going through this and other women have been through it and have healthy babies now. I don’t see much on your site about miscarriage after infertility since this is the position I am in. We were seeing a fertility specialist and still are. I would love to write something for the site for the other women like me who had such a hard time geting pregnant only to lose the baby and not knowing if you can ever get pregnant again since we did not on our own. Please contact me if you can-there is not much information out there on miscarriage after infertility.


  Tara wrote @ December 9, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Deanna…WOW, I just found this site but I am glad I did. I just had tubal reversal surgery November 3rd and the sperm meets egg plan is ingenius. We ar trying it this month. Keep your fingers crossed for me! I love your page. I have 3 sisters who have all experienced loss. One sister miscarried at 10 weeks, one sister delivered a stillborn daughter, at 6 months. They told her she had a blood clot under the placenta that stopped blood flow to the baby. Then my other sister had twins delivered at 25 weeks, they lived only 3 weeks and died of complications of their prematurity. I am definitely passing this site onto them, Thank you!

  anonymous please wrote @ January 25, 2009 at 5:38 am

I do admire what you are doing here. But the presumption that openness is always better is not something I can agree with. I have suffered miscarriage 4 times. Where close friends or relatives have been aware they have either not known what to say or they have seen it as not being like the loss of a ‘real’ baby or they have simply brushed it off as ‘one of those things’. By the fourth miscarriage we told far far fewer people and even then there was a level of awkwardness that made it hard for us to gain any support. But beyond all of this, our main and only priority has always been to ensure that our little boy is kept completely unaware of our losses. His happiness around tragedy, and his comforting of mummy’s ‘poorly tummy’ is what has got us through. To see him grieving for the death of a much much wanted sibling would have been more than we could bear.

  Laurie wrote @ July 31, 2009 at 7:56 pm

A heartfelt THANK YOU for all of the careful, candid information you offer here. I have found more comfort and practical support in your website than in any other source. An invaluable gift.

  Anne wrote @ August 16, 2009 at 4:13 am

At a time when I struggle to respond to all the heartfelt sympathy from friends and family I appreciate the personal and “digestable” information that I have found on this site. Thank you for creating this platform where we can share these perplexing stories.
My second pregnancy ended at 9 weeks. I had just had a sonogram 3 weeks earlier, everything was “perfect”
Leaving the hospital with no explanation was difficult but it certainly helps me to keep a healthy perspective on the situation when I read real life information about the choices I am making today.
I cannot agree more with the comments already posted. Thank you

  Laura wrote @ August 17, 2009 at 6:31 pm

I am mostly a reader because of all off my lose. It is hard to deal with. Let alone write about or tell anyone. Most of my family and friends feel sorry for me. ” Poor Laura”!

Five years ago I learned I have a chrom problem which is a inversion of the P and Q on the 14 chrom. Before my one and only son who was born in 2004. He is a true miricle! I have had 10 miscarrages, 2 IVF fails with my own eggs and 3 with donor eggs and 1 tube pregnany.
Have you ever talked to someone with the same problem?

So my most recent IVF with a donor egg has brought me to a place where I just can’t do this anymore… IVF for me was horrible I never got a positive blood test and it made me feel like by body was failing me. Plus the money OMG!

My husband want’s me to try again the natural way. Why?

Before all the lose I wanted to have a baby so I could have a family and be a Mom. Now I just want my son to have a sibling! I am an only child and I don’t want him to be alone.

I often feel like I’ve done all I can more then most people would do to have a baby. But in the back of my mind is still what keeps me awake at night and makes me cry. Should I try one more time? Or will I be OK if I don’t?

  Colleen wrote @ August 31, 2009 at 5:59 am

Hi Deanna,

I just found your website tonight and wow what a blessing. It is 3:47am, have no one to talk to and have finally found a community of women who would understand me.

I found your website by accident. I am having post-m/c first period symptoms. I googled “period after miscarriage” because I am having such terrible terrible cramps (worse than I have ever had). I was scared something was really wrong. But after reading info and some entries by other women on your site, I am relieved to find out these cramps are “normal”. Oh thank goodness; I was so scared.

Anyway, I am still so glad to have found your website. This is my fourth m/c and I never feel like I can relate to anyone. Your site has so much information and personal stories. It is the personal stories from yourself and other women that make it special. I am so tired of reading clinical advise and info from medical sites. It is depressing and sometimes quite scary to say the least.

This website has breathed hope into my heart. So I thank you. And I feel like I can sleep a little better tonight knowing there is a place I can turn to when the days are just too dark to be alone.

Thank you so much Deanna.

  Mary wrote @ September 23, 2009 at 7:48 am


Thank you for what you do. I wish that my mother had a resource like this when she lost 3 pregnancies between my sister and I over 30 years ago. Things were very different then – no one told her it was not her fault, no one told her why, or what she was supposed to do after losing a baby.

  Caroline Breen wrote @ September 30, 2009 at 6:39 am


I had D&C on Sept 17th the day i turned 39. I found out at my scan the week before the baby had stopped growing at 8 week. I was devasted as I know I am in my late thirties and I really wanted another child. I am ver thankful to have a beautiful 14 month old little boy whom I love dearly. The after effects of miscarriage are awful but I feel I need to stay positive. I have a quesiton I drink one coffee every morning at work and one cup of tea in the evenings, I rarely eat chocalate the occasional bar and eat healthy. I am freaked out as I keep reading caffeine can cause miscarriage and i cant get this out of my head. I dont smoke and have the occasional glass of wine, am I beating my self up over this as its only 2 weeks since my loss. Thanks eveyone and best of luck to everyone who is trying for a baby again. Caroline mother to Peter Breen 14 months and little angel in heaven.

  Misi wrote @ October 19, 2009 at 4:42 am

My name is Mitsi. I found out friday night/saturday morning that my baby has passed. I had also lost a baby to SIDS 3 years ago and it feels like going through that all over again. I will find out today what my options are and go from there. I am scared and a little lost. I couldnt find an email and wasnt sure where to post my story so this is a condensed version of it. From the looks of it u live somewhere in texas. I live in the southeast area around beaumont myself. I just wanted someone to talk to and really liked ur site when i found it. Thank you

  Corinne wrote @ October 20, 2009 at 10:18 am

Hi. I had a m/c at 8 1/2 weeks, 6 weeks ago. I had an ERPC, and then needed another one a month later. I’m 40, and have an 18-month old. I’m desperate to have another baby, and I know I’m old and my chances are diminishing daily, while I have to wait to try again. I’m trying to stay positive, but the grief I’m feeling is overwhelming, and I’m blessed to have a child so I shouldn’t feel this way. Your site has helped me enormously – thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  Katy H wrote @ October 25, 2009 at 10:09 pm

Deanna, Thank you so so much for this site. I’m sorry for your loss, it’s a tragedy but I am so thankful that you were able to make a positive out of it. I too had a miscarriage about 3 months ago. I don’t have any girlfriends that have been through it so it was difficult to talk to anyone about it. My girlfriends listened, but they truly did not understand the grief. Now that I am in the process of “trying again” it’s hard to find information out there. Ant frankly the doctors are not really trained in helping those of us with the answers we need about our bodies and what to expect after a loss. Thank you so much for the site. Sincerely, Katy Hosenfeld, Blue Springs MO.

  suzanne wrote @ January 21, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Deanna: This site is a wonderful one – more comprehensive and informative that any, really. And the compassion and understanding is its key component. It is a great thing you have done for all of us, and also yourself. Thank you so much for your time and giving. Just learned I miscarried at what I thought was 9 weeks but was actually 6 weeks. Still trying to understand, learn answers, etc. Thank you.

  Elisabeth wrote @ January 24, 2010 at 4:23 am

Thank you so much for this website! I never write comments on websites or blogs, but this time I really wanted to say thank you. When I lost my baby at 8 weeks I searched the internet for information. I didn’t find anything near as resourceful as your site. Thank you once again!

  Laura wrote @ February 4, 2010 at 11:54 am

Dear Deanna,

Thank you for this website. My husband & I lost our first baby 2 weeks ago. I had light spotting for 5 days, then bright red bleeding on 1/18. I thought I was 8 1/2 weeks, but the ultrasound showed I was measuring 6. They sent me home from the ER with a threatened miscarriage, but my body completed it later that same day. I haven’t had a D&C. The ultrasound also showed some fibroids, which I never realized I had. I have no idea if they caused problems with this pregnancy or if they will cause future problems. I’m still waiting for my hcg levels to drop below 5. Waiting for my body to get back to “normal” feels very frustrating, and I have to constantly remind myself to be patient. I feel like I have so many questions & different feelings, and your site always addresses them — I don’t feel stupid or wrong for feeling the way I do. And of course, I have so many questions. Your site has been a real source of support in a terribly painful time. I visit it frequently and always find what I need. Thank you for all of your kind & compassionate words.

  Nina wrote @ March 1, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Deanna – your site has been most informative of all the sites I’ve researched during and after my miscarriage at about 4 weeks in October 2009. I passed the tissue naturally within 1 week and had 4 regular cycles following. After my cycle in the beginning of February, right around ovulation time, I began spotting. It has been 2 weeks now and I am wondering if the tenderness in my breasts means that I am ramping up for a true period on schedule with the rest. Everything I am reading about mid-cycle spotting post miscarriage is directly after miscarriage or referring to ovulation spotting (which I’m thinking this is not).

Please help me determine if this is “normal” and if I can expect my hormones to go back to “normal” after another period…

Any thoughts and comments would be very helpful, as we’re of course, planning to start trying again soon.

Thank you for all you’ve done for all of us.

  Esther wrote @ March 6, 2010 at 12:38 am


There are no words for how thankful and grateful I am for your website. To have such careful and practical information compiled in one page helped me through the worst of days of devasting and excruciating pain after my missed miscarriage was diagnosed on January 8, 2010. I would like to share my story as maybe one day it could help someone make a better decision of how to deal with a missed miscarriage.

I was offered four options on that day in week 12 when the ultrasound showed that my baby’s heart had probably stopped beating in week 8 when we had seen it the last time: 1) Wait it out, 2) use medication to induce the miscarriage, 3) have a D&C in the Doctor’s office under local anesthesia, 4) have a D&C in the operating room under general anesthesia. Because I wanted to have genetic testing of the baby’s tissue, options 1) and 2) were out. Also, I had this incredible sense of urgency to resolve the situation as fast as possible that I took the option of a D&C under local anesthesia in the doctor’s office which was available two days later – instead of waiting a few days longer to get the procedure done in the operating room (I admit I am also really afraid of general anesthesia).

It turned out that the two D&C procedures are slightly different (at least in the hospital I was): In the doctor’s office, the suction device used is small and hand-operated, while in the operating room they use an electric device that is much more powerful. Moreover, even though the local anesthesia was quite good, the D&C experience in the doctor’s office was not exactly pleasant and my tension in response to the pain and the weird sensations made it difficult for my doctor to get all the tissue out.

I ended up with leftover tissue and my pregnancy hormones have not dropped below 150 in the seven weeks after the D&C procedure in the doctor’s office. These were seven weeks of depression, frustration, endless blood testing, many phone calls with my doctor, ultrasounds, and therefore constant reminders of the miscarriage. This week I couldn’t take it anymore and had my second D&C, in the operating room under general anesthesia. I can only hope that this is the end of it.

Learning your baby is dead will forever be one of the worst experiences in life and making a good decision in this moment is almost impossible. Nevertheless, resolving the physical side of the miscarriage as smooth and as fast as possible can help to limit one side of the pain as it at least gives the platform to move on. So as an advice, in case you are offered different types of D&Cs, do better than I did, choke up the questions through your tears of what exactly each option means and what the success rates are – I know you don’t really care at that moment, but I can testify, you will care a lot for many weeks after.

  Charity wrote @ March 6, 2010 at 1:32 am

I lost my first and only baby two weeks ago at 9 weeks pregnant. I have struggled to find peace and STILL haven’t found it.
I want to say in the two weeks I’ve been searching for answers and compassion and hope I’ve found all those things in your website.
I want to tell you how sorry I am for your losses and to thank you for what you’ve done to help me begin the healing process of mine (as well as many other women).
Thank you Deanna, for reminding me that I’m still a mom even though I didn’t get to hold my baby in my arms… and thank you Casey for making such a difference in this world. What a big difference for such a tiny person.

PJ’s Mom ~ Charity

  Melody wrote @ March 21, 2010 at 5:16 pm

I must echo all the many words already expressed by others: thank you for this thoughtful and informative website. OF all the sites I have visited yours has given the best and most comforting advice. I know I am not alone, but part of a sorority of women who have also experienced this pain and grief, and while I would have much preferred to NOT be part of this sorority it has helped so much to hear and read about yours and other women’s experiences. Thank you.

  Catherine Karnbo wrote @ March 23, 2010 at 7:41 am

Hello Deanna, First you have 2 beautiful kids. You all look great. 2nd. I have enjoyed reading from your site. it is indeed informative and inspiring. I would like to use some of your info in my baby magazine in Africa. This will encourage many young parents who are facing complications.i will ofcourse acknowledge the source. i wont take any life stories of other readers but only the general information. please advise. thank you and blessings to your work Cath

  Richa wrote @ April 1, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Dear Deanna,

I had a miscarriage in Jan 2007. I read through your website many many times. The best one out there and really comforting. I now have an almost two year old daughter! I followed your advice and also followed the sperm meets egg plan (SMEP) and it worked like a charm. It worked the second time we tried it exactly how you have mentioned it. I have been forwarding that page to my friends who have not had any miscarriages but are trying to concieve.

Thank you again.

  Lesli wrote @ April 20, 2010 at 5:43 am

Hi Deanna-

Thank-you for this website it is helpful. I have a question for you that I can’t seem to find an answer to and I’m hoping you can share some insight. I am pregnant again after a miscarriage and D&C about 7 months ago. I saw the heartbeat at 71/2 weeks on U/S and then at 10 weeks found out baby stopped growing at 8.5 weeks and I had no idea.

With this pregnancy I went in for what was thought to be my 6 week ultrasound to date the pregnancy and it showed me to be only 5 weeks. I had another again at 6 weeks they did find fetal pole and heartbeat. The dates don’t make sense b/c I used and ovulation predictor test and showed an Lh surge that dates the pregnancy a week later than the ultrasound, I also had a + pregnancy test 10 days after the Lh surge though with a very faint line. Is it possible to have an Lh surge but not ovulate until several days later? I am concerned the U/S dates are off because there is a problem with fetal growth. Then I had some spotting 2 days ago (pink discharge when I wiped) no cramping. Any insight, I am going crazy with worry.

  Julie McLean wrote @ April 23, 2010 at 6:34 am

Dear Deanna,

I want to thank you so much for you site here. It is the only place I have found really practical help on what to expect when I lose a baby and with how to deal with others. When I come here I cry and cry for all our losses.

I am a medical student in teh UK who will be starting the obs and gyne clinical rotation next year. I am also a 40 year old woman who would love a child but has had 4 losses. It is so frustrating that medicine has so little to offer for this problem especially in the light of the super advances that have been made with IVF.

I would love to be able to recommend your site to patients of mine one day.

  Christine wrote @ June 17, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Deanna, I have not had the chance to comment on your site yet. I first wanted to say that I am sorry for what you have been through. Than I wanted to say that I love this blog and you inspired me! Our stories are SO, SO similar..

I suffer from unexplained recurrent miscarriages. I thought that it may be my job as it was stressfull so I quit when I was pregnant for the third time(with only an adopted child) with twin babies. After I lost my twins at 8w4d I too did not have a job or a baby. It caused my Fiance( we can not get married until my mom is granted a pardon to leave the country to come) to lose it. We recently broke up and I had too much time on my hands. The loss gave me too much anxiety to go out so I survived on savings. I recently too started a blog, it is based on trying to conceive however. Our two sites link hand in hand as you can not have a miscarriage without conceiving and most mothers will TTC after a MC. I am hoping that I can link to your site, is that alright? I could not find a contact page, so please e-mail me. I am hoping that you will too link to mine. Thank you so much for all your hard work.

  Tessa wrote @ August 13, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Yours is the first site I’ve visited to give clear, practical help, advice and support, and I really appreciate it.
I’m 44, and I had a missed miscarriage 7 weeks ago and a D&C at 12 weeks. I haven’t found any sites that tell me what to expect physically at this age. Has that D&C destroyed my fertility for good now? My cycle hasn’t returned, and I understand that it may take a while, but I worry that I have been catapulted into menopause, especially as I’m now having pink cm (for last 5 days) which makes me wonder if my hormones are totally torpedoed. Any advice gratefully received…xxx

  Debbie McCulliss wrote @ September 27, 2010 at 2:54 pm

I am wondering if you are published. I looked on Amazon.com for Baby Dust but didn’t find it. I also don’t know your last name to do further research.
Thank you.
Debbie McCulliss

  Krishnaveni wrote @ September 28, 2010 at 7:15 am

Dear Deanna,

I thank you very much for this site, this site has been my savior for the last two weeks while i waited for my karyotyping results.

I am 28 yrs old and had two mis-carriages (first 11 weeks and second 10 weeks) within a year, the second mis-carriage was more painfull as i had to undergo D&C procedure twice, the last one to remove the bits left out from the earlier D&C. Both times, the doctor saw feotus in the 7th week, but it did not grow after that.

Today my karyotyping results came out as normal and all my test so far shows normal, my gynaecologist has asked me to undergo 3-D scan to check uterus irregularities.

My last two period were short (16 days cycle) after the two d&C. Your site offered a lot of information about what to expect after a D&C, i am very much releaved from the mental stress now and hoping everything will be back to normal.

Eagerly waiting for my appointment next week with my doctor to check whether i can start TTC.

Again i thank you so much !!!

  Deanna wrote @ September 28, 2010 at 7:45 am

Debbie, Baby Dust will be released in October 2011 for Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. It is currently still in production. We should have a cover by the end of the year and review copies in May.

  Hannah wrote @ October 25, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Thank you sooooo much for all of your hard work and research. I had a miscarriage in August and felt so lost and alone. Your site gave me strength and hope. We followed the sperm meets egg plan to a t after waiting one cycle and are thrilled that we got pregnant right away. Thank you so much. I bookmarked your site and have gained so much strength and information in the last few months.


  Linda Finlay wrote @ November 21, 2010 at 4:10 am

Thanks for the site. It was most helpful and informative.

Kind Regards

South Africa

  Jill wrote @ November 24, 2010 at 1:01 pm

I just wanted to tell you that I just finished writing a very long story about my own miscarriage. While I was going through the experience I found your website and wanted to tell you how much it helped me. You have so much helpful and important information. It really offered me a beacon through the storm, and allowed me to feel prepared (at least somewhat) for what to expect, and to begin to feel okay about what had already happened. I appreciate your strength, support, and willingness to provide this service to so many confused and heartbroken women. Thank you.

  Michelle wrote @ December 1, 2010 at 12:44 pm

I was wondering where to get ur book? I read Baby Dust and was interested in reading more?

  Deanna wrote @ December 2, 2010 at 2:24 pm


Baby Dust is scheduled for release in October 2011. I know it’s a long time to wait! Books take a long time to come!

There will be more sneak peeks on the web site starting around Mother’s Day, when the Advance Reader Copies will start going out to bloggers and book reviewers.

Thank you for being a fan! That means a lot!

  ana wrote @ December 26, 2010 at 2:30 am

dear Deanna,

a month ago i had a miscarriage, I was 7wks…i was so happy when i found out i was pregnant it would have been my third baby…im doing ok..i feel so blessed n happy to have my two beautiful healthy girls 11 yr. old and 6 yr old…i feel sad for my lost but i guess thats normal….i just have a few questions hope you can answer….even though i was just 7 wks i dont want to forget it never happend… i made an angel ornament for our christmas tree for my baby in heaven my little sister says its ok to do that n feel that way….my second question is when should i get my period again..it was a normal miscarriage i havent gone again to the doctor cuz no one is taking new patients for just a miscarriage..they made me feel as if it wasnt important as a pregnacy…i bleed for a wk n havent bleed since then…i took a pg test from the dollor store n it was negative which i guess its good in a way and i havent felt pg anymore….hope you help….

  Lori wrote @ January 2, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Hi Everyone,

I am saddened to read about all of your losses but I can definitely relate. I have one beautiful 2 and a half year old son and since him I have had 2 miscarriages…both very early..6 weeks or so.

My latest m/c was 6 weeks ago. I had a D&C and just got my first period since the m/c.

My hubby and I are gonna try the “sperm meets egg” plan this cycle and see what happens. I was wondering if anyone has any success stories from trying this plan??? I could really use some positivity..haha.

Good luck ladies!

  Las wrote @ March 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Hi Deanna,

I was wondering what the benefit of the ‘abstaining from sex for 2 weeks’ step is. I haven’t been able to find any supporting literature and I’m wondering what the point of it is? What, if any, harm does fresh sperm do to a freshly fertilised egg?

Thanks in advance…

  Jodie wrote @ March 21, 2011 at 12:54 am

Hi Deanna,
Thank you so much for this website. It has been much support for me over the last few days whilst i have been having my miscarriage. I was only 6 weeks pregnant with #2. Our first baby was conceived via IVF and and this baby was a natural conception. Reading everyone else’s comments and stories makes it ok now for me to feel the way i do. I felt i didn’t have a right to be upset as the pregnancy was so early. I hadn’t even had a scan yet. It still feels horrible to lose your baby, no matter how far along you were. So thankyou for putting this site together.

  T Hall wrote @ March 21, 2011 at 10:28 pm

Dear Deanna – I’ve had three miscarriages in one year. You can imagine all the reading and the online searches I’ve done in this time. But every time I have a symptom I can’t seem to find an answer for anywhere else, your website always come up with the right answer. Among all my frustrations, fears, and tears the detail on your site has helped me greatly. Thank you.

  Carol Devine wrote @ March 25, 2011 at 7:26 am

Dear Deanna

I have had several miscarriages due to my in utero exposure to DES (diethylstilboestrol). DES exposure is an established risk factor for miscarriage. Can you please include this in your information about causes of miscarriage? More info at http://www.cancercouncil.com.au/editorial.asp?pageid=248

  Jennifer wrote @ January 19, 2012 at 10:16 am

I don’t know where I would be today had it not been for you. There are no support groups near here. My mom told me not to talk about my loss. I was 6wks pg when I lost my baby and my sister’s girlfriend was 7wks. Mom didn’t want them upset. Back in 2006 you had a forum or a link to one. It was a safe place to talk all we wanted. No one trying to one up another, just grieve together. 10wks later I found out I was pg again and lurked on the forum until I was put on bed rest. Then I got busy with baby and life. I wanted to come back and let you know how much this site meant to me. Actually, there are no words, just grateful tears.

  Christina wrote @ March 27, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Hello, I actually pulled up your site to read on the signs of miscarriage. The 23rd of January I had an IUD removed after 4 yrs and the 26th I got what I thought was a period. It was very heavy and lasted nine days. I usually had 28 days cycles so my next period would have been due February 23. Well I wasn’t feeling good so on the 19th I took at pg test. It came back neg. Well I never got my period and on the 28th I took another one. This one was positive. I had my first OB apt on the 22nd of March ( which I thought was going to be 8 wks because of the date of last period). My ultrasound only measured baby to be 5wk 6 days but showed no heartbeat. I have a follow up one this thurs to recheck. I have has light cramping but I figured this was normal. No signs of blood at all. What are the chances that I am having a miscarriage or just that I am earlier that I thought. My doctor hasn’t done any other test on me. No labs or pap. I have been driving myself crazy over this. Please give me you opinion. I know it is hard because everyone is different. I just never expected that news when I went for apt. Thanks a bunch!

  JoAnne wrote @ June 20, 2012 at 3:24 am

I found your site this morning, 4 months after my baby girl Jessica got her wings and 3 weeks after an early miscarriage. I am confused and sad and desperate for answers yet have struggled to find clear concies information on the web tailored to my needs – then I found your site. THANK YOU the papges on what happens after a miscarriage have all the medical and emotional information I need. x

  Jennifer Velasquez wrote @ July 18, 2012 at 3:44 am

Hi i was googling so much about m/c and how soon can you concieve after one your site was sooo helpful, in when to try to conceive question you mention how you where worried about the ones who say are over it and never grief. i whant to share you my story i have 2 wonderful kids wich were not plan but one was born feb 2008 and my other son was born september 2010 and this was my first planned baby and we were so excited to have a baby me and my husband after finally deciding to start trynt again, i got pregnant december 2012, we told everyone we were so excited even when out to buy the new baby clothes and things we would need no matte what it was and since i have 2 boys we were excited about having a girl! but a week later found out i miscarragied it was debastating because i was so anxious for this baby and since none of my pregnancys had ever gone wrong this seems unbeliable, then to top it off i had a really bad fight with my husband the night before it happend and when i woke up and whent to work i just started bleeding at work and rushd to the er and then found out their was no baby. i cried for many weeks and couldnt even talk to ppl about it because i couldnt take it i would cry in my husbands arms at night every night and hugg my kids because i felt so lost and til know my eyes come to tears to think about it. so i whent on and finally felt peace in my hearth, then decided to not take care of myselg and if it happend it happend it would be ok so back in july2012 I found out i was pregnant again decided not to tell anyone until 14wks but the eiger got us and ended up telling only my close family i was really excited because my besfriend found out she was pregant the same week and day so we were almos tthe same time along just a week or 2 away from eachother. my whole pregancy i was scared to loose my baby i woould think about it like obsses and some how i was just like expecting it to happen again then finally it did at 7wks and i didnt cry althoe my hearth was hurting my husband did and he askd me how come i wasnt sad or cryn honestly i dont talk about it and if ppl ask me how it was i tell them im ok im fine that im over it but maybe im not maybe im still hurting but just now showing it i even took a job so i dont think about it, maybe i need help or some one to talk to or to cry this out one day! because after i read your response or that blog i realised that i do need to talk about it or get it out of me! … &know i just want a baby, and are excited to try but sad to know it could happen again. im so thankful god did grant me 2 beutiful kids thoe, their my all!! thanks for listening and hope you get to read this..

  Phyllis wrote @ October 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Deanna, I want to thank you for your website, for your story. It has helped me cope with my loss back 2010. Now I will be holding my first gathering tomorrow of lighting a candle, well flicking on a candle. It would not be the same, but for fire safety reason we are using fake candles. Thank you again so much. We don’t have to grieve in silence anymore.

  Paty wrote @ October 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Deanna, I am having my second miscarriage now. The first one was in February 2012. Dr did not want to test me. But now, he is going to do it. I have a beautiful 3 years old daughter but I do not want her to grow alone, I want a little brother or sister for her. And I am wondering, is this too much to ask? I am 39 years old and very scary that I am not have too much time to keep trying. Most important, I am afraid to pass for another loss again. But, I want to try. I had a D&C surgery during my first miscarriage, but I want to have a natural ms this time. So, any advice will be more than welcome. I am just absolutely devastated.

  emilie lacassy wrote @ December 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

Hello Deanna,
I have recently lost a pregnancy at 14 weeks… although I’m already a mother of two girls I have to say it was a terrible ordeal for me. You need to know that I am an English teacher in France, and that no website like yours exists in my country. Only very bad forum pages, where unreasonable women post things without facts or proof and they can be very disturbing. Your site was a tremendous help for me, especially the part about “what to expect next” after I had my D&C. It avoided me many trips to the ER indeed. I sent you my website, as I also happen to be a translator, and I’d like to know if you ever considered having your website translated? Because you would be widely read over here in France as I mentioned, websites on the subject are very poor and misguiding. Anyway, thanks a million for all your “virtual” help, it was a great comfort for me in these difficult days. I miscarried a month ago and I have already set in motion your pregancy plan (I am one of “those” women), fingers crossed.
Thanks again, I will definitely recommend you!

Kind regards,

Emilie Lacassy

  Cristi wrote @ January 10, 2013 at 8:45 pm

Just wanted to say THANK YOU! I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and after a really bad depression I decided to try again. Your page is helping me to understand myself bit by bit and the difecults situations I was going thouthg. Thank you.

  Amy wrote @ April 23, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Thank you for this site! I found it a couple of days ago when first suspected a miscarriage was beginning to occur. Today I had that confirmed at the doctor, which on one hand felt like relief in knowing for sure instead of wondering in fear, but on the other hand, took away all hope that maybe everything could still be ok and made it instantly real! Since leaving the dr. office I have been a wreck. Fine one minute doing normal activities, to laying on the floor in a hopeless sobbing blob the next! I think the wave of emotions kind of caught me by suprise, and I have a strong desire to name my baby as a way to remember and grieve properly. Your sight is wonderful and is helping me trememndously so I don’t feel so alone in the wave of emotions. My angel baby was hoped for and prayed for and dearly wanted and I never will forget.

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