One of my life’s works it to keep Casey close by expanding my reach to families who have lost a baby. It’s hard to imagine that this year, Casey would be getting his learner’s permit and start driving!
This year, I’m starting a new book and a new page for couples who are having trouble with their relationships after their baby dies. I get so many letters from women asking, “Is it normal for my husband to act like nothing happened?” So many feel betrayed by the one person who seemed to have been as invested in the pregnancy as them, and this cuts the hardest.
It’s hard to explain that the law of relationships is at work here — only one person can fall apart at a time. And that they don’t intend to make you feel more alone. It’s just what happens.
The new page on Facebook is called Forever Innocent, which will be the title of the book I’m writing. There I will be listening to your stories. We’ll be helping each other. And hopefully, in the end, we’ll work together to make a book that will have the resonance of Baby Dust. While that book deals a lot with the loss itself, this new book, which has a couple reunite four years after losing their premature baby and walking away from each other, will be for those couples who have struggled with how to manage their love for each other when so much of it was caught up in the goal of building a family.
Go visit the page and leave your experiences! I can’t wait to talk to you all!
A couple weeks ago, an administrator from the web site Pixel of Ink contacted me, letting me know they wanted to feature my book. I was completely in shock, as this web site is one of the biggest Kindle sites on the web. And they were going to feature me?
Today has been the big day, and I’m so thrilled that more people will learn about the book, and hopefully more moms and dads and families will learn they aren’t alone in what they’ve been through.
It’s an amazing day in this journey–Casey Shay, sweet baby, look where you are now!
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this topic since I started writing Stella & Dane. This couple has pretty tough beginnings, small town, disapproval, and both of them have a lot of growing up to do.
I know that in this story, they will weather more than the average couple. Two miscarriages. Multiple rounds of failed IVF. Eventually, they will give up on having children. And due to Dane’s terrible past, they won’t ever be able to adopt. I’m sure Stella often wishes a baby would drop from the sky.
By the time we meet them in my book Baby Dust, they are a well established couple, one to be envied in their devotion to each other after all this history. But how did they get this way? What built a relationship like that? It’s been on my mind as I form their love story.
I’m not sure I have the answer. The father of my angel babies and I divorced, and that shared history was lost. He and I were the only people who were really close to those babies and those hopes. It’s a hard thing. We clearly didn’t have what Dane & Stella had. We fell apart.
Recently two of my baby loss mom friends got divorced. In both cases, the men just walked out of the relationship. How does this happen? What causes it?
And more importantly, what creates a relationship that weathers this?
Disappointment in how the father handles the loss is one of the most common sources of upset in the emails and messages that I get. The fathers aren’t sad. They don’t get it. They want the moms to “get over it.” Is this part of what creates the rift? How do we get past that and back into a loving relationship?
I’d love to hear from moms with wonderful supportive partners after a loss.
And if you’d like to see how Stella & Dane develop, I have a mailing list where I share their story as it goes along. Currently they are still young and immature. Stella’s grandmother, the only person she’s ever felt loved her, has just died. And she’s ready to blow out of town, with or without her new man, Dane. But life is about to deal a severe blow, a course of events that their lives will never recover from. If you’d like to follow it, you can sign up and get updates as long as you want, unsubscribe if it doesn’t interest you. Stella & Dane’s list.
I’m about to get remarried. I can hope I’m doing better this time around, and we’ll have to adopt as I’m too high risk for babies anymore. I’m looking for answers too.
At this site you will find information and a place to come in your dark and frightened hours. The special features of the site are listed in the next column, as well as topics ranging from causes of miscarriage, to prevention, to when to try again for a new pregnancy.
The only person who can really tell you what is happening to you is your own doctor, who peers into you with a light and a speculum, who samples your blood or urine, or who presses a sonogram paddle into your belly. If you are in trouble, bleeding, scared, or more depressed than you think you can handle on your own, you must find help. Read and research all you can, but remember that the one-on-one assistance of a real doctor is the only thing that will give you answers that count. If you don't like or trust your doctor, then find one you can.