My first baby Casey would have been thirteen years old today, and we’re celebrating his would-have-been birthday with give aways of some great books on loss. Since we can’t give Casey the things he would have liked, instead we’re giving things to YOU!
Head on over to the site of Baby Dust, my novel on pregnancy loss that will be released Oct. 1, and comment on any of the titles that you might find helpful. We’ll give away the books on October 1 to kick off Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Month.
We’re also taking this special day to celebrate the completion of the Baby Dust Book Trailer. Women from Ireland, London, Australia, Mexico, and the US talk about their babies, and the women of Illuminate, a photography class for grieving mothers, took the images that are used. (Double click to view it full size.)
October 15th — Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day — is coming soon — only seven weeks away!
October 15 is the international day for pregnancy and infant loss awareness as started by Robyn Bear. Many of us will only light a candle at home on that day, but some of you super-mamas out there will organize public candle lightings or memorial walks.
It’s not terribly hard to do, and I have some tips if you want to start a candlelighting or walk in your area:
First, find other grieving moms. A great place to contact is the grief counselor at your local hospital. They will know where the support groups are and can pass on information. Your own OB/Gyn’s office may also know, and if they don’t, find the biggest practice in town and call them.
It’s okay to start very small. Don’t be afraid to just get out of the house. The first year I knew about Oct. 15, I just grabbed my daughters and showed up at the shore of our Town Lake with my candles. I had a few extra, and it was amazing how people would come by and ask what we were doing, and how many of them felt touched by loss and just wanted to stay a few moments and remember, think, or pray. I sent them away with tiny tea lights, the kind you can buy with a bazillion in a package for a few dollars. Now I make a little sign that explains what we are doing to passers by.
If your group is small (under 25), you don’t need special permits any more than you would for a family picnic. Just go. If it grows, you can plan bigger next year, and contact the city and the newspaper and all that. But it’s okay to start small and simple. If you really want to walk and not just hang out, find a hike and bike trail or circle the grounds of a church, and don’t worry about a big event, blocking roadways or police escorts. Just walk. The t-shirts and media attention and hundreds of participants can wait until you’re sure you want to be in charge of an event and all the work that can mean.
Once I start getting a few calls or emails, I tell people who are coming that the best candles are in glass jars, and to let them burn down a bit before arriving, so the wind will not blow them out so easily. You can glue sonograms or pictures to the outside, or use paint pens to decorate them.
One small precaution I take is to buy a bag of electric tea lights just in case we are approached and asked to extinguish our candles. Some city ordinances don’t allow it, especially if there is a burn ban in effect. (And here in Texas–we’re planning on LED candles since all flames are banned.)
I have a list of music that I burn to a special CD and play. I start it at 7:00 and it lasts exactly one hour. Go listen to them all on YouTube.
Don’t be intimidated or afraid. Grab a friend, light some candles, and invite others. My little candle lighting has gone from just our little trio to over fifty people in just four years.
Here is the information for the October 15 events in Austin, Texas for 2011. It’s a special year, because I have a book coming out! We’re planning lots of events, including several local support groups getting involved.
If you are close to us, come on down for the day. We have a great line-up of events:
Saturday, October 15 at 3 p.m. Baby Dust Book Launch and Signing
The Book Spot
1205 Round Rock Ave #119
Round Rock, TX 78681 (Map)
(Corner of 620 and Lake Creek Dr. by Round Rock High School.)
They are planning to order books early, so call over there and see if they have them in if you want yours ahead of time. (512) 942-READ Learn more about Baby Dust: A Novel about Miscarriage and Stillbirth by Deanna Roy
4:30 p.m. Face to Face Austin Meet and Greet. A local support group affiliate of Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope, will be hosting a gathering at a restaurant immediately following the launch, probably about 4:30 or 5. Stay tuned for more information on our exact location.
7 p.m. Wave of Light Candlelighting
Deanna Roy has hosted the annual candlelighting to coincide with the international wave of light for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day for many years.
We meet by the pond next to the lighted fountains behind the Long Center to light our candles from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. in a silent memorial vigil. Park off Riverside Drive near Auditorium Shores or in the lot on Dawson Rd. Deanna will provide LED tea lights to place inside our candles due to the extreme wildfire danger and drought. (Map)
I am in the process of making a book trailer for my new novel Baby Dust, which is about a pregnancy loss support group, and I need YOU!
A book trailer is like a movie trailer, and it gives you a feel for the experience of reading the book.
Because Baby Dust is based on the real-life stories of several dozen baby loss moms, I wanted to use the voice of mothers in the book trailer.
(You can read the first chapter of the book HERE!)
We’d LOVE to have you participate. Here is a video explaining the process, and the list of questions are below. (You may need to crank your volume–the video turned out a little quiet! Gah!)
First, decide how you are going to record yourself.
The easiest ways are your cell phone or web cam.
Most modern cameras can also record video. I can pull your voice from the video and discard the images.
Choose a place. Now, listen.
Are there dogs barking? Lawn mowers? A TV? What might get in the background and make your audio unusable? If you hear something, move somewhere else.
Now read over the questions and form the answers in your head.
Question 1: Who are you?
Just a first name. Use this sentence:
My name is ____(Madonna)_______.
Question 2: Where do you live?
Just say the City/State/Province/Country. Whatever works.
Question 3: How many miscarriages have you had?
Just say the number
One. Two. Three. Etc.
Question 4: How far along were you?
If you’ve only had one loss, answer with a single time frame, something like
Six weeks.
Or
Three months.
Or
Full term.
If you’ve had several losses, give a number and a range. Like this:
I’ve lost three babies ranging from four to seven weeks.
I’ve lost two babies ranging from six weeks to five months.
I’ve lost four babies ranging from five weeks to a full-term stillbirth.
I’ve lost three babies ranging from five months to a premature baby who lived sixteen hours.
Question 5: Tell me one thing that really helped you get through your loss. For example:
My friends were what got me through.
Or
My husband was the most amazing strength for me.
Or
I couldn’t have gotten through it without the women I met online.
Or
God. He was the only thing that got me through.
(Make it yours. Keep it to one sentence.)
Question 6: Tell me one thing about this loss you will never forget (good or difficult). For example:
My two-year-old patted my belly before we left for the hospital to say goodbye.
Or
My mother-in-law told me to get over it.
Or
I had to sit in the emergency room for four hours.
Or
I held the baby in my hand, and he was so small.
(Make it yours. Try to keep it to one or two sentences.)
Question 7: Tell me one thing you’d like to see change about loss. For example:
I wish doctors would really listen to us.
I want hospitals to be more compassionate.
There really needs to be more research into late-term stillbirths.
I need for family and friends to let me talk about my baby.
I just want people to understand.
I don’t want to have to hide what happened to me.
(Make it yours. One sentence.)
Time to get me the file.
The easiest way is to record it on your cell phone and then “Share” the file via email to this address:
babydust@pregnancyloss.info
You can also upload it to Facebook or G+ or any social media and send an email with a link to it.
You can also record it with your web cam on your computer and email the file. Or you can use a digital camera and email the file.
To be considered for the book trailer, I have to have your file by Thursday, Aug. 18.
At this site you will find information and a place to come in your dark and frightened hours. The special features of the site are listed in the next column, as well as topics ranging from causes of miscarriage, to prevention, to when to try again for a new pregnancy.
A Reminder:
The only person who can really tell you what is happening to you is your own doctor, who peers into you with a light and a speculum, who samples your blood or urine, or who presses a sonogram paddle into your belly. If you are in trouble, bleeding, scared, or more depressed than you think you can handle on your own, you must find help. Read and research all you can, but remember that the one-on-one assistance of a real doctor is the only thing that will give you answers that count. If you don't like or trust your doctor, then find one you can.
My first baby Casey would have been thirteen years old today, and we’re celebrating his would-have-been birthday with give aways of some great books on loss. Since we can’t give Casey the things he would have liked, instead we’re giving things to YOU!
Empty
Cradle, Broken Heart
