Archive for Grief
October 14, 2009 at 9:44 am · Filed under Grief, Miscarriage, Remembrance Day
The big day is coming up. Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day is Thursday, Oct. 15. Remember to light your candle from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. your time to participate in the International Wave of Light.
I spent today making votives for the people coming to the one here in Austin, Texas. If you are hosting one, and would like to use this label for votives of your own, feel free to right-click and “Save picture as.” It is designed for standard address labels, Avery 8160. It does not have to be printed in color. It looks good in black and white too.
The Austin candle lighting will be at the lighted fountains in Butler Park, which is behind the Parmer Events Center (Long Center.) It’s easiest to park along the street on Riverside. We generally light them by the water’s edge, but you will find us by our candles.
Here are the final votives and how they turned out. You can get little candles like these for about $4 a dozen.
Blessings to all of you who will mark this day for your lost babies.
August 24, 2009 at 4:48 pm · Filed under Grief, In the Company of Angels
I am so thrilled to finally be in production for the “In the Company of Angels,” a memorial book for moms who have lost babies to miscarriage or stillbirth. FINALLY, I get to fill out a book just for Casey Shay!
Here is a sneak peak at one of the new images. All the angels featured in the book are children who lost a brother or sister. This is Addeline and Teresa, born after their mom lost three precious babies. I first met their mom via this web site, and later she moved nearby and came for pictures! I am so pleased to have them in the book.
June 21, 2009 at 9:34 am · Filed under Grief, Holidays
Certainly, dads grieve differently from moms.
I hear from the occasional dad after the loss of a baby. Usually he is worried about mom, wanting to know what he can do or say to help. It’s unusual, although it happens, for him to be sad for himself.
For moms who feel the father of the baby is not grieving like she is, remember that in a relationship, the balance dictates that only one of us can fall apart at a time. He may be holding down his grief to make sure he can be there for you, and he may prefer to keep it private.
I assure you that he notices Father’s Day, especially if the lost baby would have been his only child. He may not cry about it, he may not be emotional. And he may not need for you to recognize him on this day, or even be very open to talking about how this day might affect him.
Sometimes, though, dads find ways to express their grief and pain. Gerrit Hofsink lost his first grandson to stillbirth. He has written and produced a song for the baby. It’s a beautiful song — you can hear it here:
http://www.myspace.com/gerrithofsink
And if you love it, you can buy it for $1 here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/hofsink
Gerrit is working with me on some wonderful tribute projects using the song.
Tom of the UK band Oswald also wrote a song for his child:
http://oswaldtheband.com/littlesoul/
His song is also available for purchase, to benefit grief organizations.
So Dads, this day is for you.
May 9, 2009 at 6:02 am · Filed under Grief, Holidays, Mothers
This Sunday we celebrate Mother’s Day in the US. If you are at this site right now, I know your dreams of motherhood are not going the way you thought they would.
Maybe you were pregnant and recently lost your little one. Maybe you’re in the process of miscarrying now. Or maybe you’re having scary symptoms and fear that a loss may be imminent.
No matter where you are in this journey, you are a mother. You felt hope and joy when you learned you were expecting. You made plans and dreams about your baby’s future. You wanted nothing more than a happy, healthy baby.
This is what all we mothers want. It makes no matter whether you were a mother a few weeks into a pregnancy, or 80 long years of life: you are a mother. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
On Sunday, we celebrate you. Even when the thought of being a mother is bittersweet, on this day, I like to just remember the sweet.
———————————————
Need to connect with other mourning moms? Our Facts about Miscarriage Facebook Group is a new community of women united in our losses, to tell our stories, leave our pictures, and find each other. If you belong to Facebook, join the group and invite others. Joining Facebook is always free.
May 1, 2009 at 9:28 am · Filed under Grief
Some women aren’t sure which is worse — dreading an important anniversary or forgetting it all together.
I get both scenarios in my inbox. Women who don’t see how they can make it through the due date or the anniversary of the loss, who may take off work or go through elaborate rituals. And women who suddenly realize — it passed by without my realizing it. Both things can send you spiraling.
But truly, either thing is a normal part of the process of healing. If you discover renewed grief on that day, then roll with it. Find a way to channel that emotion — make something for the baby, maybe a candle or an ornament, or if you aren’t crafty, do something good for someone else. Take a box of food to a food bank or a couple packages of diapers to a woman’s shelter. These are good and wonderful things you can do in honor of your baby.
And if you find the day has passed without your marking it — that’s okay too. The people who love us (and that includes our angels!) want to see us healing and back to living our lives. There is no better way to honor the ones we have lost than to be happy, healthy, and keeping their memories an important, but not necessarily debilitating, part of how we spend our days.
I got a jolt seven years ago when my ob/gyn tried to schedule Elizabeth’s c-section on April 28, the day we learned Casey had died in 1998. I was adamant — no way. So he tried the 30th, which was the day I had my D&E and actually lost the baby. I told him, “You can schedule it for that day, but I’m not going to show up.”
We settled on May 1, and Elizabeth arrived in all her glory, and my Casey days remained his. This time of year is always a mixed bag of somber and joyful, memories and celebrations. But if in the throes of party planning and preparing for sister’s big day, I don’t remember to bring my revelry to a halt to think of Casey, that’s fine too. He’s probably off playing somewhere anyway.
Next entries »
Empty
Cradle, Broken Heart
