If you have a US mailing address, visit the Casey Shay Press Facebook page to nab one before they are gone!
Anyone who orders the baby memorial book at 25% off (making it less than $15) will get a free sticker during the “mom” promotion.
We’ are always trying to find ways to keep our babies close.
]]>One of the reasons I started Casey Shay Press was to come up with ways for us to remember and celebrate our babies, even if they were only with us for a few weeks of pregnancy.
Early this year, I created In the Company of Angels: A Memorial Book, which is a record book to put down all your thoughts and hopes and dreams for the baby you lost.
Then, a few weeks ago, a fabulous graphic designer friend created a new bumper sticker for me that reads, “I believe in angels.” It is so beautiful! Go see it!
I encouarage you all to come up with your own ideas.
- Plant a tree.
- Buy a little baby statue for your yard.
- Start a journal or diary of your days with baby.
- Donate to the March of Dimes or a SIDS charity.
- Start an Oct. 15 (Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day) walk.
Some of the best healing comes through taking real action toward keeping those memories close.
The memorial book is 25% off through May 15 in honor of Mother’s Day in the US. And we are all mothers.
If you want to get your hands on that angels bumper sticker, the publishing company will be giving away 100 of them when they come in during the first week of May. Keep watch on our Facebook page for the giveaway! Once they are in, anyone who buys the memorial book while the Mother’s Day special is going on will automatically get the bumper sticker for free.
When we have so little to remember our babies by, a pregnancy test stick, maybe a sonogram, or just our throughts, anything can mean a lot.
Have the best Mother’s Day you can. It’s okay to be upset and disappointed, to cry or to be angry at what you lost. It’s all part of the recovery. Just don’t let anyone tell you that you are not a mother.
You are.
]]>Last year, my second little miracle baby, now seven years old, had her first Grand Mal seizure. Since then, we’ve had to work hard to figure out what is best for her — medication or not, special help at school, what we should do. Amidst this, her dad and I have decided to finalize our separation with divorce.
And so, life is a little rough over here. Elizabeth was a twin, and her twin was lost at 10 weeks. When the neurologist first talked to us about Elizabeth’s condition, which involves brain malformations present from birth, she asked, “So what happened when you were 10 weeks pregnant?”
So we don’t know if the loss of the twin was part of what disrupted Elizabeth’s brain development. Or if her twin had it too, and didn’t survive. The nuerologist is continually surprised at how normally Elizabeth has grown and advanced despite a very unusual brain.
Anyway, this is my life. You are here because yours is hard. I only tell you these things by way of apology. I worry I will have to work full time soon, and the site will suffer. I’m working hard to get my publishing company going so it can help me stay focused on this work, books about miscarriage, this site, and helping other grieving moms. It’s struggling too. It’s all a struggle. It may not be enough. I will do the best I can. So will you. Because that’s all we can do.
If you’d like to learn more about Elizabeth, here’s a video I made about her condition.
]]>I have a whole section on managing the holidays, but mainly, just do the best you can. It’s all anyone can ask.
A little video reminding us that it is okay to grieve:
Casey Shay Press is the publisher of In the Company of Angels, a memorial book for babies lost to miscarriage or stillbirth.
]]>I spent today making votives for the people coming to the one here in Austin, Texas. If you are hosting one, and would like to use this label for votives of your own, feel free to right-click and “Save picture as.” It is designed for standard address labels, Avery 8160. It does not have to be printed in color. It looks good in black and white too.
The Austin candle lighting will be at the lighted fountains in Butler Park, which is behind the Parmer Events Center (Long Center.) It’s easiest to park along the street on Riverside. We generally light them by the water’s edge, but you will find us by our candles.
Here are the final votives and how they turned out. You can get little candles like these for about $4 a dozen.
Blessings to all of you who will mark this day for your lost babies.
]]>Here is a sneak peak at one of the new images. All the angels featured in the book are children who lost a brother or sister. This is Addeline and Teresa, born after their mom lost three precious babies. I first met their mom via this web site, and later she moved nearby and came for pictures! I am so pleased to have them in the book.
I hear from the occasional dad after the loss of a baby. Usually he is worried about mom, wanting to know what he can do or say to help. It’s unusual, although it happens, for him to be sad for himself.
For moms who feel the father of the baby is not grieving like she is, remember that in a relationship, the balance dictates that only one of us can fall apart at a time. He may be holding down his grief to make sure he can be there for you, and he may prefer to keep it private.
I assure you that he notices Father’s Day, especially if the lost baby would have been his only child. He may not cry about it, he may not be emotional. And he may not need for you to recognize him on this day, or even be very open to talking about how this day might affect him.
Sometimes, though, dads find ways to express their grief and pain. Gerrit Hofsink lost his first grandson to stillbirth. He has written and produced a song for the baby. It’s a beautiful song — you can hear it here:
http://www.myspace.com/gerrithofsink
And if you love it, you can buy it for $1 here:
Gerrit is working with me on some wonderful tribute projects using the song.
Tom of the UK band Oswald also wrote a song for his child:
http://oswaldtheband.com/littlesoul/
His song is also available for purchase, to benefit grief organizations.
So Dads, this day is for you.
]]>Maybe you were pregnant and recently lost your little one. Maybe you’re in the process of miscarrying now. Or maybe you’re having scary symptoms and fear that a loss may be imminent.
No matter where you are in this journey, you are a mother. You felt hope and joy when you learned you were expecting. You made plans and dreams about your baby’s future. You wanted nothing more than a happy, healthy baby.
This is what all we mothers want. It makes no matter whether you were a mother a few weeks into a pregnancy, or 80 long years of life: you are a mother. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
On Sunday, we celebrate you. Even when the thought of being a mother is bittersweet, on this day, I like to just remember the sweet.
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Need to connect with other mourning moms? Our Facts about Miscarriage Facebook Group is a new community of women united in our losses, to tell our stories, leave our pictures, and find each other. If you belong to Facebook, join the group and invite others. Joining Facebook is always free.
]]>I get both scenarios in my inbox. Women who don’t see how they can make it through the due date or the anniversary of the loss, who may take off work or go through elaborate rituals. And women who suddenly realize — it passed by without my realizing it. Both things can send you spiraling.
But truly, either thing is a normal part of the process of healing. If you discover renewed grief on that day, then roll with it. Find a way to channel that emotion — make something for the baby, maybe a candle or an ornament, or if you aren’t crafty, do something good for someone else. Take a box of food to a food bank or a couple packages of diapers to a woman’s shelter. These are good and wonderful things you can do in honor of your baby.
And if you find the day has passed without your marking it — that’s okay too. The people who love us (and that includes our angels!) want to see us healing and back to living our lives. There is no better way to honor the ones we have lost than to be happy, healthy, and keeping their memories an important, but not necessarily debilitating, part of how we spend our days.
I got a jolt seven years ago when my ob/gyn tried to schedule Elizabeth’s c-section on April 28, the day we learned Casey had died in 1998. I was adamant — no way. So he tried the 30th, which was the day I had my D&E and actually lost the baby. I told him, “You can schedule it for that day, but I’m not going to show up.”
We settled on May 1, and Elizabeth arrived in all her glory, and my Casey days remained his. This time of year is always a mixed bag of somber and joyful, memories and celebrations. But if in the throes of party planning and preparing for sister’s big day, I don’t remember to bring my revelry to a halt to think of Casey, that’s fine too. He’s probably off playing somewhere anyway.
]]>See.
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