So many things out in the world are there just to help Baby Loss Moms. I’m always amazed by the talent and love that so many mothers put into their art. Some highlights
I know this week is bittersweet for many of us. You’re here because at least one of your sweet babies didn’t make it into your arms.
Mother’s Day is forever a mixed blessing for me. My first one, just two weeks after losing Casey at 20 weeks gestation, was so terrible I have blotted it from my memory. And even now, 14 years later, I still feel the pull of emotions in both directions as I think of the babies I lost (Casey, Daniel, Emma) and the ones that I got to keep (Emily, Elizabeth), and now, the one we’re trying for (our friends call him Thor even though he doesn’t exist yet…)
I want each of you to remember that whether that baby is in your belly, in your arms, or in the sky—you’re still a mother. It doesn’t matter who recognizes it or who doesn’t—your baby most certainly does.
I’m kicking off a week of give aways! You can comment here or on the Facebook page for chances to win! Feel free to comment both places—I’ll be giving away items both here and at A Place for Our Angels.
The first give away is a new book of poetry about infertility, pregnancy, and loss that came out just a few weeks ago by Nicole Breit, called “I Can Make Life.” This collection was a finalist in the Mary Ballard Poetry Chapbook Prize this year.
Check it out below, or if that’s too small on your browser, click through to check it out bigger here!
All the mothers who win any of the give aways over the next few days will be notified on Mother’s Day this Sunday (if I remember! If not, on Monday.)
So many of you are in a tough place. Bleeding, cramping, worried about a miscarriage, and you can’t talk about it because sometimes no one even knows you are pregnant. Those hours where you wait for your doctor to call back, or the days waiting for test results or an appointment can be excruiating. I know. I’ve been there.
So to give you ladies in this place somewhere to go to get instant help, I created a private group on Facebook. People who are not members cannot see the posts in this group (and you have to be logged into Facebook to even see enough to join). We’ve left the name of the group and the description purposefully generic so that no one will know what the group is about.
In this place, you can talk to each other in the very intense few days between when you think you might be having a miscarriage and when you know for sure what is happening. Everyone gets a lot of attention and support and can compare symptoms and how their doctors are handling things.
I spent seven agonizing days after my water broke at 10 weeks waiting to find out if my baby was alive or not. I did nothing but cry and sleep and lie in bed, typing in web sites and looking for answers until my doctor would do a second sonogram to check for growth. You can read that whole story here.
I know this will be a very fluid group, as most of you will find out your baby is fine and will move back into pregnancy groups. But we do hope to provide quick support (we have women in many time zones). You’re much more likely to get a quick answer from me or one of the many women who are there right now, or have just been there.
I really wish such a group was never needed, that we all coasted through our pregnancies with nothing more than a little nausea and sleepiness. But you might have bleeding. Cramps might scare you. You might stop feeling the baby kick. And you’ll need someone to talk to. We’ll be there.
UPDATE: The three Olsen angels won the movie credit!
Over at A Place for Our Angels: Memorials for Miscarriage and Stillbirth Babies, we’re having a HUGE Mother’s Day contest. We’ve already given away several books to moms on the page.
At midnight on Friday, May 13, we’ll be giving away something extra special. We’ll donate $100 to the movie Peekaboo in your baby’s honor to get the baby’s name in the Thank You credits. You will also get a DVD copy of the movie when it comes out.
Peekaboo is a movie about a mother who loses her stillborn triplets. Read more about them in the post below.
To enter the contest, go to A Place for Our Angels and post a PICTURE of anything that reminds you of your baby (bear, jewelry, sonogram, photographs) between now and 10 P.M. Central Time on Sunday. Don’t forget to tell us his or her name!
Find a picture and click on the image below to go!
Yesterday at a support group meeting by the fabulous Face2Face Austin, one of the local groups started by Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope, we talked about how our parents handled the loss of their grandbabies. Especially sensitive is the discussion of “first” grandbabies and of other family members having babies during this difficult time.
Certainly among us, the grandparents handled things differently, running the gamut from overwhelming grief that impacted their lives significantly, to trying to pass off the loss as unimportant, sometimes with those horrid phrases we hate to hear, “It was God’s Will” or “It will happen when it’s meant to be.”
We wondered what resources were out there for grandparents. I did a fairly exhaustive search this morning, trying to come up with things.
Probably the most direct was at Mothers in Sympathy and Support, a long-standing organization dedicated to helping families recover after a loss. They have a page and a forum dedicated to grandparents:
I’ll take some time to consider what I might could add to the resources available. It does seem rather thin. If you have ideas, let me know–send your parents over here to give me ideas, and we’ll make them happen.
At this site you will find information and a place to come in your dark and frightened hours. The special features of the site are listed in the next column, as well as topics ranging from causes of miscarriage, to prevention, to when to try again for a new pregnancy.
A Reminder:
The only person who can really tell you what is happening to you is your own doctor, who peers into you with a light and a speculum, who samples your blood or urine, or who presses a sonogram paddle into your belly. If you are in trouble, bleeding, scared, or more depressed than you think you can handle on your own, you must find help. Read and research all you can, but remember that the one-on-one assistance of a real doctor is the only thing that will give you answers that count. If you don't like or trust your doctor, then find one you can.
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Cradle, Broken Heart
