October 15 is the international day for pregnancy and infant loss awareness as started by Robyn Bear. Many of us will only light a candle at home on that day, but some of you super-mamas out there will organize public candle lightings or memorial walks.

It’s not terribly hard to do, and I have some tips if you want to start a candlelighting or walk in your area:

First, find other grieving moms. A great place to contact is the grief counselor at your local hospital. They will know where the support groups are and can pass on information. Your own OB/Gyn’s office may also know, and if they don’t, find the biggest practice in town and call them.

It’s okay to start very small. Don’t be afraid to just get out of the house. The first year I knew about Oct. 15, I just grabbed my daughters and showed up at the shore of our Town Lake with my candles. I had a few extra, and it was amazing how people would come by and ask what we were doing, and how many of them felt touched by loss and just wanted to stay a few moments and remember, think, or pray. I sent them away with tiny tea lights, the kind you can buy with a bazillion in a package for a few dollars. Now I make a little sign that explains what we are doing to passers by.

If your group is small (under 25), you don’t need special permits any more than you would for a family picnic. Just go. If it grows, you can plan bigger next year, and contact the city and the newspaper and all that. But it’s okay to start small and simple. If you really want to walk and not just hang out, find a hike and bike trail or circle the grounds of a church, and don’t worry about a big event, blocking roadways or police escorts. Just walk. The t-shirts and media attention and hundreds of participants can wait until you’re sure you want to be in charge of an event and all the work that can mean.

Once I start getting a few calls or emails, I tell people who are coming that the best candles are in glass jars, and to let them burn down a bit before arriving, so the wind will not blow them out so easily. You can glue sonograms or pictures to the outside, or use paint pens to decorate them.

One small precaution I take is to buy a bag of electric tea lights just in case we are approached and asked to extinguish our candles. Some city ordinances don’t allow it, especially if there is a burn ban in effect.

I have a list of music that I burn to a special CD and play. I start it at 7:00 and it lasts exactly one hour. These songs are listed in the “Angel Songs” box over on the right hand side. You can listen to snippets right there.

Don’t be intimidated or afraid. Grab a friend, light some candles, and invite others. My little candle lighting has gone from just our little trio to about thirty people in just three years.

If you need more help, join Robyn’s Walks and Memorials Organizational Yahoo Group, where we talk about what we’re doing and get listed on her site.

27 people from 11 families participated. The wind kept blowing our candles out at first, but we found some protection by the reeds along the shore and finally were able to keep them lit.

I spent today making votives for the people coming to the one here in Austin, Texas. If you are hosting one, and would like to use this label for votives of your own, feel free to right-click and “Save picture as.” It is designed for standard address labels, Avery 8160. It does not have to be printed in color. It looks good in black and white too.

The Austin candle lighting will be at the lighted fountains in Butler Park, which is behind the Parmer Events Center (Long Center.) It’s easiest to park along the street on Riverside. We generally light them by the water’s edge, but you will find us by our candles.

Here are the final votives and how they turned out. You can get little candles like these for about $4 a dozen.

Blessings to all of you who will mark this day for your lost babies.

I want to remind all of you that October is Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month. Robyn Bear, founder of the organization that got the designation of this month in all 50 states, has a listing of all the public walks and candle lightings that will be going on. You can see those on her walk page. If you don’t have one near you, start one!

If you are looking for items for your babies, she has lots of lovely jewelry, stepping stones, boxes, and many other memorial pieces. You can see those at her store. She has beautiful pink and blue awareness ribbon car magnets for just $4 to help you spread the word.

And my own memorial book is safely at the printer! In the Company of Angels is done and many of you proud mamas are already preordering your copies. They should be here in a few weeks. I can’t WAIT to fill one out for Casey Shay! You can find out about ordering it at the publishing company web site.

It’s been an amazing month! The video I made (see it in the upper right corner of this screen) has gotten thousands of views. People are starting to understand how important our babies are. They are not to be forgotten, but real people who made a huge impact on our lives.

I had canceled the event due to rain, but at the meeting time, a rainbow appeared, so I un-canceled it.

 I got to meet people I’d only known through my web site.

Big sisters light candles too.

The park at Palmer Events Center with its amazing lighted fountains was an ideal location — serene and beautiful. We will definitely meet here again next year.

It’s time again for Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day. Light a candle on Wednesday, Oct. 15 at 7 p.m. your time to be a part of the continuous wave of light across the world in memory of our babies lost to miscarriage and stillbirth. 

Learn more about Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day, which is recognized in all 50 states, at their web site.

The image here is from our candle lighting from last year. We let floating candles go on Town Lake.

Tomorrow I’ll put the site back in its usual configuration, which is to place Frequently Asked Questions right here front and first-read, but for one more day we’ll think about what this candle lighting means and the day we got to stop and revisit our loss, spend time with our babies, and let the grief flow.

Today I got to tell Emily and Elizabeth about the babies who died in Mama’s tummy, and Emily started to understand. (Elizabeth still thought lighting the floating candles and setting them out in Town Lake was “great fun.”)

I’ll leave you with the image of us here in Austin, lighting our candles on this special day for our babies.

A few years ago, a very dedicated mama enlisted some friends and set out to get Oct. 15 declared Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day in all 50 states of the U.S.

She succeeded.

As the day approaches, I encourage everyone to light a candle for your baby at 7 p.m. local time to create the “Continuous Wave of Light” around the world to honor our babies.

Update: I am so IMPRESSED by some of you Mamas out there who are calling/emailing radio stations to ask them to announce the candle lighting on Monday. You ladies are awesome! Go proud Mamas! 

Here are some words from Robyn Bear, the founder of Pregnancy Loss Remembrance Day.

In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.”

 This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.”

 Robyn Bear, founder of www.october15th.com envisioned a day when all grieving parents could come together and be surrounded by love and support from their friends and families, a day where the community could better understand their pain and learn how to reach out to those grieving. This would be a day to reflect on the loss yet embrace the love. While our babies’ lives where so brief, they were also very meaningful. Yet, there was not a time to talk about them. Our society seemed to forget or perhaps, simply didn’t know how to reach out. Since October had been proclaimed “Awareness Month”, she chose a day, in the middle of the month to become, “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day”. We are asking everyone in all times zones, worldwide, to join us in a candle lighting ceremony at 7pm on October 15th.  For more information, please visit http://www.october15th.com

Ideas for October 15th

• Light candles and display them in your windows.
• Contact local Radio and News stations and have them announce that it is October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
• Drive with your headlights on. Also, ask that radio and news stations announce this as well.
• Leave your porch lights on. Have radio and news stations announce this as well.
• Release butterflies (Can be expensive, but is very beautiful, Use a search engine such as yahoo and type in butterfly release)
• Release Doves (You can rent doves that are trained to fly back to the owner)
• Sponsor a candle lighting ceremony in a park, church, or local hospital.
• Send off a pink or blue balloon with your Angel’s name and/or picture. (Warning Please: If you do this, only send one balloon per child. This is very dangerous for birds and wildlife. The animals can eat the remnants of a balloon and die) (As beautiful and wonderful as it is, I can’t personally recommend it due to my love for animals)

  Ideas for all of the Month of October

• Tying pink or blue ribbons around trees in yards, neighborhoods, and parks.
• Place signs and banners in your yard, neighborhoods, and parks.
• Contact your local radio stations and television news stations to have them announce that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
• Write an article and submit it to your local newspapers.
• Sponsor flowers in memory of your baby in a church service or hospital.
• Have a t-shirt made that says I have an Angel, and have your child’s name put on it.

Our Mission Statement  To diligently work with local, state and national leaders to obtain a National Day of Remembrance recognizing the need for community education and awareness when a family loses a child to miscarriage, stillbirth, and/or neonatal death. While promoting the need for openness, understanding and compassion during a family’s time of grief and most importantly, allowing those who wish, to remember these children who we now hold dear.

Goals of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

To have information and support available to families who suffer from pregnancy and infant loss, to help them cope.

• To inform and educate the public about pregnancy and infant loss so they can better learn how to respond with compassion to affected families.

• To enable professionals, physicians, clergy, emergency medical technicians, funeral directors, police officers, public health nurses, and employers, to better serve families if they have special training and better knowledge of pregnancy and infant loss.

• To set aside a day to remember all pregnancies and infants lost in order to heal and be comforted in a time of pain and heartache, and to have hope for the future.

Objectives:

• Encourage Doctor’s offices, Churches, Hospitals, Funeral Homes, etc. to give to patients at the time of their loss pamphlets that would include books, websites, persons to contact, local and national support groups, resource centers.

• Inform parents of their rights at time of loss; burial, cremation, naming the child.

• Promote Public speaking outline for parents wanting to share their loss.

• A list “Do’s and Don’ts” for well meaning family and friends.

• Encourage media to feature stories on perinatal loss and the healing involved.

• Network with National and Local Organizations.

• Talk to professionals; find out how they deal with feelings related to loss in their work. Explain to them how critical their care and compassion is during this time.

• Develop presentation to H. R. departments for information sessions on this type of bereavement.

• Have October 15th leaders be liaison for those wanting to plan/attend services in their state. An outline will be developed and available on the website.

• Encourage community activities, outreach.

• Give parents one day to openly remember, as parents NEVER forget.

• Provide this healing opportunity so that families can look towards the future.

Why have a day of remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss?

Because EVERY life, even the tiniest and shortest lived deserves to be acknowledged and remembered. The parents of these children never forget, we would just like one day of the year for everyone else to remember then too.