Death and God

I feel as though I’ve lost all faith in God.

It is hard to imagine a loving, compassionate God who would let things like this happen. What did an unborn baby ever do to deserve this? What have you done? 

You may feel your faith is being tested right now, and it is completely understandable that you will doubt in God. Regardless of your religion, “Why, God?” is a universal question when we face suffering. In many ways, you will have to think your way through your conflicting feelings about a God that you love and believe in, but you feel has failed you. Your clergy, pastor, preacher, rabbi, or priest may be able to help. 

I thought of it this way: God is here for us. He will carry us through our troubles if we let Him, but He does not guarantee that life will go as we wish. Death and suffering are part of our life, and our faith is there to help us through it, not prevent it. The last thing I wanted to do in my hour of need was to cut myself off from the only person who would not say something thoughtless or let me down–God.

At the bottom of this post, please feel free to add your ideas about managing these hard days in your religion. If you are not Christian, scroll down to read what others say or leave your own comments.

Thoughts for Christians   

We should always remember that earth is not heaven. Heaven is our reward for going through trials, pain, and suffering of this earth and remaining faithful Christians. God does not always answer our prayers in exactly the way we want, but He is there, listening, and caring.   Many words from the Bible are comforting for moms going through miscarriage. Here are a few:

About your baby:

Isaiah 49:1 – The LORD called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name.

Jeremiah 1:5 – Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.

About you:

Isaiah 41:10So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Mark 11:24 – Therefore I say to you whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

Jeremiah 33:6 – Behold, I will bring you health and cure, and I will cure you, and will reveal unto you the abundance of peace and truth.

Sarah W. passed along her experience with angels.

Both times I had to have the DNC, I asked the angels to just help me get through. The first time was more like a dire plea for help, with no politeness or really gratitude, it was more like ‘please just get me through this hell, any angels out there just please take me away somewhere and then bring me back once it is all over’ kind of plea. But strangely it really worked, and all through the experience I felt a huge love and support carrying me through. I managed to get through surgery being delayed for 4 hours, waking up half way through the procedure because I stupidly told them I was a sensitive person and they took this to mean I won’t need as much drugs, whereas I actually meant that I can feel the pinprick of a needle already a foot away before it has touched my skin, kind of sensitivity. Anyway, I got through it with lightness and sometimes even laughter.And the same last Friday when I went for my 11 week scan and discovered there was no heartbeat. I had to wait until Tuesday (2 days ago) to have the dnc and asked again for the angels to just get me through the weekend without me miscarrying myself or having any complications or fear. It seems to have gone well again, and I felt all Saturday and Sunday a huge feeling of love and compassion surrounding me.My belief in angels comes from a personal experience I had about 5 years ago following a break up of a long term relationship. One night while alone in the house, I experienced and felt (but not saw) a very overpowering energy envelope me, giving me the feeling of infinite, unconditional, and overwhelming, far beyond anything I can explain or have experienced, love.  It completely freaked me out at the time of course, and it took me a few years to assimilate the experience, and all I can equate it to, in my mind, is that it really was an angelic presence.

So, occasionally, when I remember that I am also a spiritual being and not simply just a physical one, I remember to call on these guardians to support me through difficult times, and I recommend anyone try it. One doesn’t need a candle, a ritualistic approach, or any trite incantation to make it happen. For me, simply by asking from the heart, begging even (which most of us really want to do at times like this), wherever you are – in the car, in bed, in the hospital room, or at the midwife, just ask the angels to come and help you, to give you comfort, to get you through it, to just relieve some of your pain, or whatever you personally need or want, and you may be surprised what occurs.

I think a spiritual outlook or a philosophical approach can be the most invaluable at times like this.  After all, us women are creators, we can create and nurture new life. That is so magical, and we have such a strength to be able to do that and to continue to try to do that. We mustn’t let the medical profession rationalise it too much, and get too bogged down in talk of chromosomes, progesterone…etc, but remember that something far more magical is at work, and we are the magicians.

 

 

If you would like to contribute additional verses from your own personal trove of scripture or sacred text of any religion, feel free to add them in the comments below. Miscarriage strikes women of every religion, and we find solace in our beliefs no matter where they originate.

28 Comments »

  Deanna wrote @ March 14, 2008 at 10:39 am

Thank you for your time and effort in developing and maintaining your website. My wife and I found it to be a great help.

We are Buddhists, and perhaps you would consider posting this regarding our recent loss.

We believe that we choose our life; our parents, our family, our friends, how we live, and how we die.

We believe that the life who chose us, did so to bring us joy, and to allow us to experience being parents.

We hope that next time, he/she will stay longer, and help us to experience even more joy.

Derek

  Deanna wrote @ March 14, 2008 at 10:46 am

My name is Melanie, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have recently lost my first baby, whom I had been waiting for three years. I t was been an extremely hard thing for me, but there is one thing that has brought me peace more than anything. As members of the church we believe that Families can be together forever, meaning that your relationship with your husband and children does not end at death. When we get married in the Temple, we are married for time and eternity. We believe that there will be a time that we will see each other again and we will live together as a FAMILY. This has brought me hope and has reminded me of how merciful God is that he will allow us to be with the people we love them most for the rest of our lives. There is a great website that explains this hope that I am talking about and it is h

ttp://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/heavenly-father-s-plan-of-salvation/life-after-death.

I invite every single woman who is going through the same thing I am going through, to visit this website. I promise them that this will bring hope and happiness to them and their families.

My best wishes through this tough time!

Melanie

  Misty Herron wrote @ October 7, 2009 at 9:09 pm

A verse for your baby:

Job 10:12 – You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. My life was preserved by your care.

  Reina Morgan wrote @ October 15, 2009 at 12:58 am

I know. Thank you.

  Rachel wrote @ October 28, 2009 at 6:00 pm

2 Corinthians 12:9 My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

  Angela wrote @ November 19, 2009 at 3:32 pm

Apri l 11 2009 Good Friday a day usually filled with quiteness in home was filled with Smiles and laughter from me and my husband as we read the positive stick together and spoke to our unborn baby. We told our family that weekend at Easter dinner and with Monday came the sadness as I lost my Child in the bathroom stall at my work. I watched in horror as I felt myself having to flush my unborn child down the toilet. Yes I already have a child she’s 3 and I am so thankful for her and love her so much but the pain I felt the moring of the misscarriage was to much to bear. It’s now 9 months later and I cried myself to bed on the eve of what would have been my due date. Still not pregnant and still going through periods of much pain and sorrow. I still don’t have the strength to pray. but I am thankful for these versus. Although they brought me to tears they provided me some comfort. Thank you

  Iris wrote @ November 30, 2009 at 3:23 pm

Thank You for the comforting verses. Soon, in the middle of december our baby would have had his/ her first birthday, but we lost him/ her in miscarriage around week 10 to 12. I Still feel so much pain and sorrow, and sometimes anger, but I have some good periods too.. Thank you for sharing, I am glad I found this site!

  David Tanner wrote @ January 4, 2010 at 9:40 pm

God gave me strength, if it was not for him I know not how I would have managed. Some how I had enough to help my wife and family.

Our son Stephen left us on the 6th of November 2009, he was due 2 days ago. I sorted out the readings and the hymns, my wife and Mother in Law did their own flowers. All in all, its brought us even closer. Our first reading was Isaiah 49:1-4 which I read myself the rest are below.

Ephesians 3:14 – 19.
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father,
From whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name.
I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant
that you may be strengthened in your inner being with the power
through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith,
as you are being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that you may
have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and
length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that
surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the
fullness of God.

Gospel reading from Tanner Family Bible.
St Matthew 18:1 – 5 and verse 10.

At the same time came the disciples unto
Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of
heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him, and
set him in the midst of them,
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye
be converted, and become as little children, ye shall
not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
And whoso shall receive one such little child
in my name receiveth me.
Take heed that ye despise not one of these
little ones; for I say unto you,
That in heaven their angels do always behold the face
of my Father which is in heaven.

  Rachel Francis wrote @ January 11, 2010 at 7:40 pm

Psalm 18:6 – I called to the Lord in my distress, and I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears.

  Tina wrote @ February 24, 2010 at 10:46 pm

I Just had a miscarriage today . Its my first pregnancy and it hasn’t even been 5 weeks . I saw it coming , but I had peace .. Amazing peace , I just know that God Has the right time for me , he plans my life perfectly and i can’t interfere in his plan with my little knowledge or with my own schedualy . I just know he loves me ..
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,And He shall direct[a] your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

  jamie lynch wrote @ March 3, 2010 at 6:03 am

Thank you everyone for these verses and words of wisdom. It has really uplifted me. I’ve been crying and praying to God all weekend to help me and get me through losing my baby. The doctors informed me friday that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat and all weekend I prayed that it was a mistake, but tonight on tuesday I lost him/her. Reading these scriptures made me feel as if God was speaking directly to me. And I know when God is ready I’ll get the blessing to be a mom again, I already have a 5 yr. old.

  simone wrote @ May 10, 2010 at 8:09 pm

This one is my personal favourite…
1 Samuel 1:27-28 “I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD.”

  Amy wrote @ June 17, 2010 at 10:57 am

For through God you were fearfully and wonderfully made. Through the ashes God promises great joy- I hold fast to that. I believe my sweet baby is now being raised by God-loved so much in my womb for 6 short weeks that the baby knew it was already time to return to our God. I find peace knowing our baby will always only know eternity and true love and not the ups and downs of this earth. Our baby will only ever know true beauty and the blessings of heaven. I can only believe that we will meet again and that God will reunite us all when we are in heaven. My sweet baby rest in the arms of angels grow big and strong in heaven as I asked you to grow big and strong in my belly. I miss you with all my heart and all of my days. I know sweet baby that you know I am your mommy, that we did meet as you grew inside of me and that you know I will never forget. I will see you when I get to heaven and until then our mighty God who will fill us with GRACE will take good care of you. I love you baby and I praise you God for your mercy, your grace and this blessing that although I never got to hold I know I one day will.

God bless us all you mommies and daddies!

  Ms Reese wrote @ June 21, 2010 at 9:21 pm

I lost my first baby a week after I found out I was pregnant, when I went to the hospital they took a blood test and told me to call the following week for results. I went home to lose my baby in my bathroom. Needless to say I confused, but yet the words of Psalm 30 comforted me.

I lost my second baby after hearing his heart beat multiple times, I was in my 16th week, when I began to have freakish cramps, yet my cervix never dilated. I went to the ER and was informed there was no heartbeat. I thank God, I dint have to have a D&C, instead I was taken to labor and delivery where I delivered my child and for that I was grateful and even proud.

Its been three weeks, I have informed family but yet have been unable to tell friends. I have changed my number, because I am still healing.

Just tonight after an intensive crying session, the words of Psalm 90 leaped to my eyes and comforted me.

Truly God is merciful, have hope in your situation, I have no kids yet, but pray one day, I might be able to according to his faithfulness.

  Rachel wrote @ November 23, 2010 at 6:14 am

Hi all. I am currently going through a natural miscarriage after having discovered 4 days ago that I had a possible ‘blighted ovum’. I was supposed to be 8 weeks pregnant. I am 41 and have 2 children already and have never experienced this before. Naturally I’m feeling a little anxious about time ‘running out’ for me soon…

As I am waiting this out I have been searching the internet for information in a bid to find out technical information about ‘why’ this happened. This has helped in the sense that it has calmed the raging and mixed emotions I have been feeling since then.

Admittedly I haven’t yet spoken to God about my loss although I know He knows fully what I am going through – just happening on this website by chance has thankfully reminded me of this. I have enjoyed reading the information-give because you write in a way that makes me feel I’m not alone, that a friend is talking me through it all. And someone that knows from experience.

Reading this section on God is uplifting because the scriptures remind me that I mustn’t keep beating up on myself for ‘failing’ (God or myself). ALL life in the womb is fearfully and wonderfully made and a miracle in the making – when it goes wrong it is not because God is punishing me or otherwise, it is a part of life. And a part of life that I can grow from. Truly, in the midst of death, we can have life too.

Here is a word of encouragement that God actively gave to me some months ago at a time when I kept worrying about things that may or may not happen. When I find myself jumping ahead and fretting about the whys and wherefores of what may or may not happen from now, I have to remind myself to stop..breathe..and hear this:

“Be strong. Take courage…GOD is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry”. Deuteronomy 31:7-8 (TM)

I pray that even one person could feel comforted, encouraged and strengthened by this promise just as I have felt the same from visiting here..

God blessX

  Amiee wrote @ December 11, 2010 at 6:26 pm

Hi, my name is Amiee, I have had a miscarriage around 11-12 years ago, I am 37 now. I might be having a micarriage again. I was late6-7 days late, and saw pinkish mucus, then brown. Now today a red color. I pray for God to help me through this fear of not knowing, if my unborn baby is alive or dieing. I would be 6 weeks or more. Your words are all comforting, but still scared and crying alot for a possibility I may be micarrying today…help me somebody. I am Christian, but I don’t doubt God, I just want to know I f my unborn baby died or am I still pregnant…..

  Jeanna wrote @ December 23, 2010 at 11:54 pm

I am so thankful that I have found this website. I had a miscarriage 3 days ago. I was 6 weeks along and was planning on telling our families tonight and on Christmas day. It has been very hard to go through this during this time of celebration. These words of hope, love, peace, and encouragement have meant a lot to me. I will pray for all of those out there who have experienced this or may experience this terrible event in life. God bless you all and thank you for the wonderful verses.

  Ruth wrote @ January 25, 2011 at 7:43 pm

I am so thankful I found this website. I was starting to think I was a little crazy. I had a miscarriage in December and the D&C a few weeks ago. I have so much grief I just couldn’t bear it or shake it. This is my second miscarriage. But I don’t remember going through as much depression last time as I am this time.
All of the words of wisdom and scriptures and reading all of your stories help so much. I believe my babies are with the angels in heaven and I will meet them some day.

One thing to always remember is you will get through this. God is good and He and his angels will comfort you.

  Lina wrote @ January 29, 2011 at 11:37 pm

I had an unplanned pregnancy 3yrs ago… i was shocked to find out that i could be pregnant as i was still undergoing physical therapy for a previous c-section 12months before.
i did not want to be pregnant at that time, but it happened. I panicked and was very depressed… the sadness lingered on. i miscarried at 5 weeks, and am still very sad about the situation. i am not whole anymore. i do not want to be pregnant again because the risks are high… but the thought of what could have been is hard… So I read psalm 13… how long, o lord? … having sorrow in my heart daily?
please pray for me.

  Dina K. wrote @ May 23, 2011 at 6:46 pm

I had a miscarriage a month ago tomorrow. I was 20 weeks pregnant and I had the worst experience at the hospital. Staff lacked compassion and sensitivity. They did not treat me like I was pregnant. Like I was a mom or like I was carrying a baby.. They kept using cold medical terms like “abortion”..

On Wednesday morning, April 27, 2011, my water broke when I went to the bathroom. My husband and I rushed to the hospital emergency where they treated me like anything but an emergency. I kept losing my amniotic fluid and it was all gone by the time the doctor came to see me which was almost an hour since I’d come in. The ultra sound machine didn’t work, so that wasted another half hour trying to fix it. Nurses kept busy with mundane things like taking my temperature and my BP. When they finally scanned, it turned out that I’ve lost all my amniotic fluid and that my baby was going to be dehydrated because the rupture was too big to control, and there wasn’t any left to regenerate. We saw that our baby’s heart was still beating, which had given me some hope. But eventually, the doctor checking me said that she was sorry but that there was no other way but to abort my baby to avoid complications or infections for both.

I was induced and kept in a ward, that was for “aborting women” and had to give birth to my baby holding my husband’s hand on one side and my mother in-law’s on the other, with the presence of my father and brother and none of the nurses or doctor on duty were present..

My baby girl was born on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 8:20 p.m. At only 20 weeks, she was 10 inches long, weighed 300 gms and beautiful. I watched her slip away from us. I will never forget this day.

I am a Muslim woman and I believe in God greatly. I wish I prayed more. All what people could say to me was that God was great and that this happened for a good reason. I cannot imagine what that reason might be. We weren’t given a medical reason at the hospital, all they could think was that I had an “incompetent cervix”..

I regret not holding my baby, but letting the nurse wrap her and take her away. I am thankful though that we gave her a proper burial.

This ordeal has brought be closer to God. I read the Quran to comfort me and will be able to share some verses here as soon as I find good translations.

I pray for all parents who have had to go through this.

  TJ wrote @ September 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

JOHN 10:10
10The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).

If there is stealing, killing, and destroying in your life…JESUS said it is because of the thief(the devil). NOT GOD! Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly.

As well as, the fact that miscarriage is under the curse of the law and we are redeemed from the curse of the law through Jesus. GALATIANS 3:13. You can research yourself the curses in Deuteronomy 28. We are redeemed from every curse in there if we called Jesus our Lord and Savior.

  Cara wrote @ January 9, 2012 at 10:48 am

Our baby left us six days ago. Dear, precious, eager soul that she had, she slipped away to heaven, glory and reunion with God long before her parents had the opportunity to see His face. We waited a couple of years before trying to get pregnant; this was our first attempt and everything seemed flawless through the first seven weeks.

Despite the pain, despite the agonizing sorrow, I take such comfort in knowing that she now has her heavenly body! She is redeemed, she is called by name – we hadn’t even decided on a name yet – and she is God’s!

As a Christian, I KNOW that God is good, loving, and strong. In church yesterday we discussed Isaiah 40. Verse 11 says, “He tends His flock like a shepherd, he gathers the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently leads those that are with young.” Though no longer ‘with young,’ the promise still holds for me.

In the face of gut-wrenching, all too fresh grief and moments of anger and rage, I still take comfort in knowing that He is sovereign. He was lovingly in control of all eight weeks of my pregnancy, and He knows why this miscarriage happened. Despite my fears that more pregnancies will end in miscarriage, or that some other horrible loss still lies in my future, I cling to God’s goodness, and to how He has, “called us out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9).

  Julia wrote @ September 11, 2012 at 11:19 am

I just want to stand and Declare life and not death. That every single generational curse be broken and bound up in Jesus name that all that depression hurt anger be overcome by love joy peace that can only be made perfect by The Savior. There is so much that people will tell us discouraging news but I know a God of miracles a God that give hope to the hopeless. No guilt either that’s been done with and over! worship Him in every season and ask Him to show himself to you. Let’s all pray for each other love each other no matter what background or religion

  pow wrote @ November 26, 2012 at 1:18 am

We had a name picked out. I had bought maternity clothing, just to be ready. Ultrasound at 10 weeks showed no heartbeat. S/he died the morning after Thanksgiving. I gave a different name: “Little Baby” because we want to keep our designated names in reserve.

Little Baby . . . Why did you leave two parents who loved you so much?

Perhaps his visit was brief and barely visible to give us an opportunity to search more deeply for God and to challenge us to probe the mysteries of human existence.

I do know that I love in deeper and in more complex ways than I did a week ago. And if God is love it is beginning to add up for me.

I love you little baby. I will never, ever forget you.

  Nithya wrote @ January 25, 2013 at 5:22 am

i lost my little one in my 6th week. with all family problems, we had planned to terminate it. but after the scan, i made mind to continue.
and to my bad luck, the next itself i lost my little one.

this is my second baby and really wanted to be with him.

looking for peace now. asking god to stay with me.

Love you, will miss u till my last breath, you are just not a rememberence, you are my routine now.

  kerry wrote @ January 30, 2013 at 1:15 pm

i had a miscarriage 5 days ago, it was a gradual pain in my back that went on to severe cramping pains got to the point of where i was beggining the lord to help me, crippled over in aball on the floor and could not move pleading for my life as i thought i was dying. The pain eventualy went with the loss of my unborn baby i would have been 12 weeks on the tuesday 26.01.13, as i was due my 12 wek scan.

it was not a planned pregnancy, but we were both shocked and happy at the news. And i would marvel at the awe of GOD, especially when i saw the heartbeat on the scan twice.

it has really knocked me as i had a troubled childhood filled with a abusive farther and a mother that suffered from depression. I made a promise to the lord that i would be the best mum possible. I had also been caring for my farther for the last two years who was an alcholic and had a stroke, this was very challenging and caused me to think about children and farther relationships.

i finally came to a point where i though my earthly farther was a bad role model but i have a farther who is perfect and better that 10 dads who are good role models.

in my mind the baby symbolised new beginning and life for me the end of childhood pain that crept in to adulthood. I Have seeked God through my many difficulties and have always found a sense of comfort in the scripture.

The hardest part was knowing that GOD IS A GOD OF MIRACLES and in time accepting that this baby was not meant to come in to the world. I will never forget this experience it is my first pregnancy, and i never really planned to have children because of the heartache i had endured as a child.

But one thing i know is that God uses our afflictions to bring good out of them.

” all things work for good for those who are in christ jesus”

i have found this to be true in the past and know it will be true again.

sending all my love , as the ladies on here walk towards healing and new beginnings .

” blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted”

” i will turn your weeping to laughing”

we have so many promises of love
GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND GUIDE YOU AND KEEP YOU
AMEN

  John Morrow wrote @ April 9, 2013 at 8:17 pm

from Romans,
—If you declare with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.—

  wiwawa wrote @ August 5, 2013 at 2:54 am

My first pregnancy lost in week 25, baby died around week 20. The experienced induce awful but thank to god he support along my way and was not so painful. I trust my baby were in heaven and is peacefully by god’s care. Although i am super sad but i believe god has his reason to let this happen, i surrender everything to him and there will be best things coming in future. Pray to those who is still in healing. Amen

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