Despite the pain, despite the agonizing sorrow, I take such comfort in knowing that she now has her heavenly body! She is redeemed, she is called by name – we hadn’t even decided on a name yet – and she is God’s!

As a Christian, I KNOW that God is good, loving, and strong. In church yesterday we discussed Isaiah 40. Verse 11 says, “He tends His flock like a shepherd, he gathers the lambs in His arms; He will carry them in His bosom, and gently leads those that are with young.” Though no longer ‘with young,’ the promise still holds for me.

In the face of gut-wrenching, all too fresh grief and moments of anger and rage, I still take comfort in knowing that He is sovereign. He was lovingly in control of all eight weeks of my pregnancy, and He knows why this miscarriage happened. Despite my fears that more pregnancies will end in miscarriage, or that some other horrible loss still lies in my future, I cling to God’s goodness, and to how He has, “called us out of darkness into His marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9).

If there is stealing, killing, and destroying in your life…JESUS said it is because of the thief(the devil). NOT GOD! Jesus came to give us life and life more abundantly.

As well as, the fact that miscarriage is under the curse of the law and we are redeemed from the curse of the law through Jesus. GALATIANS 3:13. You can research yourself the curses in Deuteronomy 28. We are redeemed from every curse in there if we called Jesus our Lord and Savior.

On Wednesday morning, April 27, 2011, my water broke when I went to the bathroom. My husband and I rushed to the hospital emergency where they treated me like anything but an emergency. I kept losing my amniotic fluid and it was all gone by the time the doctor came to see me which was almost an hour since I’d come in. The ultra sound machine didn’t work, so that wasted another half hour trying to fix it. Nurses kept busy with mundane things like taking my temperature and my BP. When they finally scanned, it turned out that I’ve lost all my amniotic fluid and that my baby was going to be dehydrated because the rupture was too big to control, and there wasn’t any left to regenerate. We saw that our baby’s heart was still beating, which had given me some hope. But eventually, the doctor checking me said that she was sorry but that there was no other way but to abort my baby to avoid complications or infections for both.

I was induced and kept in a ward, that was for “aborting women” and had to give birth to my baby holding my husband’s hand on one side and my mother in-law’s on the other, with the presence of my father and brother and none of the nurses or doctor on duty were present..

My baby girl was born on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 at 8:20 p.m. At only 20 weeks, she was 10 inches long, weighed 300 gms and beautiful. I watched her slip away from us. I will never forget this day.

I am a Muslim woman and I believe in God greatly. I wish I prayed more. All what people could say to me was that God was great and that this happened for a good reason. I cannot imagine what that reason might be. We weren’t given a medical reason at the hospital, all they could think was that I had an “incompetent cervix”..

I regret not holding my baby, but letting the nurse wrap her and take her away. I am thankful though that we gave her a proper burial.

This ordeal has brought be closer to God. I read the Quran to comfort me and will be able to share some verses here as soon as I find good translations.

I pray for all parents who have had to go through this.

One thing to always remember is you will get through this. God is good and He and his angels will comfort you.

As I am waiting this out I have been searching the internet for information in a bid to find out technical information about ‘why’ this happened. This has helped in the sense that it has calmed the raging and mixed emotions I have been feeling since then.

Admittedly I haven’t yet spoken to God about my loss although I know He knows fully what I am going through – just happening on this website by chance has thankfully reminded me of this. I have enjoyed reading the information-give because you write in a way that makes me feel I’m not alone, that a friend is talking me through it all. And someone that knows from experience.

Reading this section on God is uplifting because the scriptures remind me that I mustn’t keep beating up on myself for ‘failing’ (God or myself). ALL life in the womb is fearfully and wonderfully made and a miracle in the making – when it goes wrong it is not because God is punishing me or otherwise, it is a part of life. And a part of life that I can grow from. Truly, in the midst of death, we can have life too.

Here is a word of encouragement that God actively gave to me some months ago at a time when I kept worrying about things that may or may not happen. When I find myself jumping ahead and fretting about the whys and wherefores of what may or may not happen from now, I have to remind myself to stop..breathe..and hear this:

“Be strong. Take courage…GOD is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; He won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry”. Deuteronomy 31:7-8 (TM)

I pray that even one person could feel comforted, encouraged and strengthened by this promise just as I have felt the same from visiting here..

God blessX

I lost my second baby after hearing his heart beat multiple times, I was in my 16th week, when I began to have freakish cramps, yet my cervix never dilated. I went to the ER and was informed there was no heartbeat. I thank God, I dint have to have a D&C, instead I was taken to labor and delivery where I delivered my child and for that I was grateful and even proud.

Its been three weeks, I have informed family but yet have been unable to tell friends. I have changed my number, because I am still healing.

Just tonight after an intensive crying session, the words of Psalm 90 leaped to my eyes and comforted me.

Truly God is merciful, have hope in your situation, I have no kids yet, but pray one day, I might be able to according to his faithfulness.

God bless us all you mommies and daddies!