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Deanna's Miscarriage Keepsake Cards

I have been receiving quite a bit of mail from teenagers and other young women with unwanted pregnancies. The desperation and uncertainty you feel when you discover you are pregnant are unique to you. I have based my advice in this section on your emails and comments. I know you are in a difficult position, whether you want to end your pregnancy or you have lost a baby you didn't really want to begin with. I will do my best to help you, but understand that some of these topics are very controversial and most likely you will have to enlist the help of an understanding adult at some point. Always, always, call a doctor's office to get advice if you are concerned about anything. You don't even have to give them your name.

Topics:

I'm bleeding and no one knows I'm pregnant. What do I do?

Before you panic completely, check out the section on signs of miscarriage to learn a little more. 

 

If you fall into one of the categories below, you simply have to see a doctor. Your health is way more important than the embarrassment, anger and disappointment of your parents, or any other thing you may feel. 

 

I think I've had a miscarriage. How do I know for sure?

Many young women think they have had miscarriage because their period is late, and then is heavy, painful and full of clots. While it is possible that you did have a miscarriage, remember that ANY late period is going to be heavier and have clots in it. A late period is caused by many things, most often stress, especially if you were under stress in the first two weeks of your cycle. Most teen girls are not all that regular, so unless you have had a positive pregnancy test and then began bleeding, you will never know for sure. See the symptoms of miscarriage for more help.

Skye

My mom took me to the clinic where they had free pregnancy testing. It felt even worse when a guy that my mom had known from church came out and asked me if I could give a urine sample. My mom was pretty embarrassed.  I did so and gave him the cup.  The guy came in and asked a bunch of questions like: my age, if I had a boyfriend, if he would be supportive, what was I going to do if I was. 

I asked if I was pregnant and he said,  “you definitely are.”  I was in shock.  I couldn’t breathe.  All I thought was,  "fifteen and pregnant!"  I immediately asked for my mom.  She knew right away and started lecturing like she always does.  We never get along.  I told her I was sorry.  She said not to be sorry but that it was going to be hard. The doctor asked me what I was going to go to do. I knew already from thinking about it before.  I was going to keep my baby. 

As soon as I got home I called Luke (the baby’s father and my boyfriend).  He was so happy.  Finally he told his mom.  She blamed the whole thing on me. “Why wasn’t she on birth control? Why was she having unprotected sex?”

 Luke ended up coming over that night. About an hour after he got there, his mom called and was yelling and lecturing that she wasn’t going to help us and she wasn’t supporting this at all.  All the drama scared him and he didn’t want the baby anymore.  We fought forever it felt like.  Finally I broke down and said, “Fine, I’ll kill our child,” even though deep in my heart I thought differently.  We went to bed; he woke me up early in the morning and told me he wanted to keep the baby.  I was so happy! 

A couple days went by and I had my first OB appointment.  I was so excited.  My mom and my dad took me.  They took tons of blood.  They checked it for iron levels, Rh factor, immunities, and rubella virus.  I had to give another urine sample. They checked that for protein, and hCG.  They also took my blood pressure and my weight.  Then I had to explain all my family history along with Luke’s.  After about an hour and a half of that, I had to go sit back in the waiting room.

 A little later a nurse came out and said I had to see the nurse practitioner.  My OB doctor had a delivery.  They put me in a room and told me to get undressed and put this gown thing on. I got undressed and put the paper towel material gown on, waiting patiently.  The lady came in and explained everything she would be doing. I laid back and she pushed on my stomach and then did a breast exam. It hurt more than anything because my breast were so tender from being pregnant.  Next was the Pap smear part. This was my first one.  It didn’t hurt but I felt a lot of pressure.  She did an STD check and swabbed for bacteria. Then she did a pelvic exam. She stuck two fingers inside while pushing on my stomach.  She was checking the size of my uterus.  After she was done she said everything looked fine.  Just take good care of myself. We left. By then it was lunchtime. I was still feeling nauseated so I went home and went to bed.

Everything was going fine, besides my mom and I fighting.  Then Monday came.  When I came home from school my mom said the doctors office had called.  I was supposed to call them right away.  So I called and asked to talk to a nurse.  When the nurse got on the phone she said my STD testing came back. I had chlamydia. That was a total shock to me. I didn’t know anything about it. The nurse explained that it was a bacterial infection, antibiotics treated it. She assured me that it wouldn’t hurt my baby.  That’s when I started getting really stressed out.  My school wasn’t cooperating, at all, Luke was still doing drugs, my mom and I were still fighting, and I was still worried about any other STDs. I was so stressed out.  It was like I was the only one who wanted this baby.

The week went by fine. I started my new school for pregnant teens. It was teaching me a lot about the baby and my body.  I was having cramping in the beginning of the week. I thought it was just my uterus stretching. Then Thursday came. It was right before lunch and I went to the bathroom. There were two brown discharge spots on my underwear. I immediately got scared. Everything went through my mind. Like when Luke and me read bedtime stories to the baby, when we went to Sears to pick out a stroller and crib, when my mom brought home some baby clothes, or when we picked out the names. After I sat in the bathroom for about five minutes I went and told my teacher. She made me call my doctors. They told me if the discharge turned bright red and I had cramping call back. I made it through the rest of the day but I was still worried.

 When I went to the bathroom I had a pinkish discharge with stringy things. I was home all by myself. I started freaking out and called the doctor right away. They told me to come down there as soon as possible. Amazingly my mom came home right when I got off the phone. She took me down there. They gave me a pelvic exam. He said everything was fine, I just had yeast infection and that my uterus was a little small for almost being 10 weeks. He also told me my cervix was totally closed and I wasn’t miscarrying. He scheduled an ultrasound for the following Monday. I went home a little scared but I was okay because my cervix was totally closed.

Thursday went by and Friday night I started bleeding like a period.  I called the doctor and they said it was probably from them messing around up there. They told me to keep off my feet and put them at heart level. I went to bed. Saturday went by fine until I started having what felt like cramps. My bleeding was getting heavier too. Luke and I went down to the emergency room. We waited three and a half hours until I was finally seen. The doctor came in and said he was going to look first then have an ultrasound done. I started getting anxious but I was relieved because I was for sure going to find out what was wrong with me. They got me ready to give me a pelvic exam. After he was done, he stood up and said my cervix was opened. I asked if I was having a miscarriage. He said it was possible. He left the room, while the nurse was cleaning me up from all the blood loss. I lay there crying with Luke by my side while the nurse was wiping me like I was a baby.

I was taken down for an ultrasound. They started with a normal stomach one. They couldn’t see anything that way. So they ended up doing a vaginal ultrasound. I immediately recognized my baby. There was no blinking to indicate a heartbeat. Then she said she couldn’t see a heartbeat. I realized my baby was dead. I wasn’t going to be a mother. Luke wasn’t going to be a dad. I was in the process of having my dead baby.  They gave me Vicodin for the contractions and sent me home.

 I was lost. I lay there in shock, not knowing what to do, wondering why everything bad always happens to me. I finally fell asleep with Luke by my side.

 I woke up the next morning still bleeding not feeling the contractions until about three pm. Luke’s mom and family came over to visit me. Luke left and I lay there in pain. I got up trying to do things to take away the pain. I didn’t understand why the Vicodin wasn’t working. About six-thirty I couldn’t even stand. My mom took me back to the emergency room where they gave me a shot of pain medication. That worked. I cried and cried.  I just wanted it to be over. I wished Luke were there. I needed him by my side. They did another pap smear and some of the baby came out. I looked at the pieces. That was my child.  I went home and called Luke to come over. Later that night I delivered the rest of my child.

I ended up going back to the doctor the next day. Everything was fine. My cervix was closing. It was all over. I had given birth to my dead child. The next day I went over to Luke’s house to help him comfort his family, not knowing I was going to be told that he had lost feelings for me.

Now I look and realize all this made me stronger…. But now I’m attached to the thought of having a baby. Don’t worry I took the safe route and got the Depo shot. Luke and I are working on our relationship. We talk everyday about when we think we will be ready to try again. I’m making a memorial for our child. We hope and pray next time when were older and mature everything will go fine!!!

Rest In Peace Skye J

I hope my writing will help other teenage girls that go or have gone through the same thing. Also, this helps me because I could explain the story in my own words and get all my feelings out about it. I’m trying to start my own web site about miscarriage and teen pregnancy. I give thanks and support to all teen mothers and everyone else who reads this. To the girls who are in my shoes, some of us wonder if we are still mothers. This is what an anonymous mother who miscarried said:

You conceived a child.
You carried a child within your body.
You birthed a child in blood and pain.
If your child survived long enough in the womb you might of even held your child.
YOU ARE A MOTHER!

Dylan