September 12, 2009 at 10:31 am · Filed under About Deanna's Book
In the Company of Angels, the baby record book for our angels lost to miscarriage or stilbirth, is almost final and will head to galley proof stage very soon. I’m so excited about it. I’ve always wanted to have a book to fill out for my baby even though I never got to see him in person.
Sometimes it seems as though life gives you the skills and experiences to do the one thing you were meant to do. And I think the path that lead me to this book was that:
- to decide against journalism as a career
- to teach journalism instead and to sponsor the school yearbook
- to learn darkroom and photography in order to teach it
- to embark on a photography career when I left teaching after the loss of my first baby
It all comes back around to having the ability to make the images for this book, and to have the lovely little clients to pose for it. And to know a community I can share it with.
I am blessed.
See images at the Facebook page for the publisher.
You can also watch the video trailer for the book.
August 28, 2009 at 11:33 pm · Filed under Miscarriage
It is always a joy to get an update from a once-grieving mom telling me she has had a baby since we last spoke. Often these notes come a year or more after her first frightened question on this site that I answered via email, and I am touched that these women took the time to track down the message I wrote them so long before.
I have had quite a few of these lately, and I’m talking about them because if you’re here right now, you’re probably either scared or grieving, worrying about a little blood you just found, or having some cramping, or waiting for test results and looking for information on the internet.
I’m here to tell you that even if the worst happens, an overwhelming majority of you (yes, YOU) will go on next time to have a healthy baby. You will never forget this one, and you will always carry a bit of grief in your heart over this loss. But you will go on, and you will find the courage to try again.
One thing about talking to women in the middle of a loss every day, as I do, is that you learn to appreciate the happy endings. So many of us have a very difficult journey into motherhood, full of despair we never knew we’d feel in connection with what was supposed to be the most joyous period of our lives.
But we do find our way. For a few, it might be adoption or recurring miscarriage treatments. But for most of us, we’ll perservere, and that baby we long for will come. And when it happens to you, I’m delighted to hear about it.
August 24, 2009 at 4:48 pm · Filed under Grief, In the Company of Angels
I am so thrilled to finally be in production for the “In the Company of Angels,” a memorial book for moms who have lost babies to miscarriage or stillbirth. FINALLY, I get to fill out a book just for Casey Shay!
Here is a sneak peak at one of the new images. All the angels featured in the book are children who lost a brother or sister. This is Addeline and Teresa, born after their mom lost three precious babies. I first met their mom via this web site, and later she moved nearby and came for pictures! I am so pleased to have them in the book.
June 21, 2009 at 9:34 am · Filed under Grief, Holidays
Certainly, dads grieve differently from moms.
I hear from the occasional dad after the loss of a baby. Usually he is worried about mom, wanting to know what he can do or say to help. It’s unusual, although it happens, for him to be sad for himself.
For moms who feel the father of the baby is not grieving like she is, remember that in a relationship, the balance dictates that only one of us can fall apart at a time. He may be holding down his grief to make sure he can be there for you, and he may prefer to keep it private.
I assure you that he notices Father’s Day, especially if the lost baby would have been his only child. He may not cry about it, he may not be emotional. And he may not need for you to recognize him on this day, or even be very open to talking about how this day might affect him.
Sometimes, though, dads find ways to express their grief and pain. Gerrit Hofsink lost his first grandson to stillbirth. He has written and produced a song for the baby. It’s a beautiful song — you can hear it here:
http://www.myspace.com/gerrithofsink
And if you love it, you can buy it for $1 here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/hofsink
Gerrit is working with me on some wonderful tribute projects using the song.
Tom of the UK band Oswald also wrote a song for his child:
http://oswaldtheband.com/littlesoul/
His song is also available for purchase, to benefit grief organizations.
So Dads, this day is for you.
May 9, 2009 at 6:02 am · Filed under Grief, Holidays, Mothers
This Sunday we celebrate Mother’s Day in the US. If you are at this site right now, I know your dreams of motherhood are not going the way you thought they would.
Maybe you were pregnant and recently lost your little one. Maybe you’re in the process of miscarrying now. Or maybe you’re having scary symptoms and fear that a loss may be imminent.
No matter where you are in this journey, you are a mother. You felt hope and joy when you learned you were expecting. You made plans and dreams about your baby’s future. You wanted nothing more than a happy, healthy baby.
This is what all we mothers want. It makes no matter whether you were a mother a few weeks into a pregnancy, or 80 long years of life: you are a mother. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
On Sunday, we celebrate you. Even when the thought of being a mother is bittersweet, on this day, I like to just remember the sweet.
———————————————
Need to connect with other mourning moms? Our Facts about Miscarriage Facebook Group is a new community of women united in our losses, to tell our stories, leave our pictures, and find each other. If you belong to Facebook, join the group and invite others. Joining Facebook is always free.
« Previous entries ·
Next entries »
Empty
Cradle, Broken Heart
