April 28, 2011 at 12:38 am · Filed under Deanna's Story
Thirteen years and it could be yesterday. The giddiness we felt going to the doctor’s office to find out the gender of the baby. My students, back at school, placing bets on boy or girl. My coworkers, knowing I would finish the school year and not come back, and so they were planning an early baby shower, waiting to hear if the gifts next week should be pink or blue.
Both our parents, anxiously awaiting the phone call. First grandbaby on both sides. I don’t think anyone could have been happier driving up to a building, parking, and laughing as we walked in.
The bluebonnets had been covering the hills and I, jealous of all the moms taking pictures of their babies in the blooms, had taped a sonogram image to a flower and taken a picture. I was clutching the print to give to my doctor.
The nurse took me into a room and tried to find the baby’s heartbeat with the Doppler. And failed.
We smiled about it, not quite reaching a laugh. She hadn’t been able to find it at the last two visits either, and both times sonograms confirmed the baby was fine, growing right on schedule.
But when the doctor came in only seconds later, skipping the half-hour wait we were used to, I knew. He rolled up the machine and searched, measured, frowned. My baby, at 20 weeks gestation, had died.
I’m remembering now how quickly I was expected to get over the loss. To try again and forget. I didn’t get the comfort of saying his name aloud. I was pushy, insistent on bringing him up, but he wasn’t real to anyone else. And a few weeks later, my job ended, leaving me without anyone who even knew the history.
So today, on Facebook, I’ve started a new page just for our babies. For our sonograms, our pictures. Even if all you have is a pregnancy test. Or a teddy bear you bought. Or a tree you planted. I want to see it. Other moms will want to see it. We care. We want to know.
So GO! Upload those images. Make videos. Write text. And while you’re there, comment on a few other angel babies, coo and admire the things put up there. Know that for a moment someone else is thinking of your baby.
And to keep Casey company, I’ve asked my book designer (yes, my novel is coming out in October!) if we could fit the names and dates of some of the angels I will get to know in the next few days and weeks into my book. I wanted to list them, make their names permanent somewhere. She tells me she can fit about 500 names and dates into the closing pages. So GO! Add your baby’s name to the roster. They’ll be there together–yours and mine. Not forgotten at all. But celebrated. Known. Permanent. We’re thrilled to hear their names. I’m thrilled to know their names.
What, you’re still here? Click to go to the new page!
March 14, 2011 at 11:11 am · Filed under Grief, Miscarriage, Relationships
Yesterday at a support group meeting by the fabulous Face2Face Austin, one of the local groups started by Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope, we talked about how our parents handled the loss of their grandbabies. Especially sensitive is the discussion of “first” grandbabies and of other family members having babies during this difficult time.
Certainly among us, the grandparents handled things differently, running the gamut from overwhelming grief that impacted their lives significantly, to trying to pass off the loss as unimportant, sometimes with those horrid phrases we hate to hear, “It was God’s Will” or “It will happen when it’s meant to be.”
We wondered what resources were out there for grandparents. I did a fairly exhaustive search this morning, trying to come up with things.
Probably the most direct was at Mothers in Sympathy and Support, a long-standing organization dedicated to helping families recover after a loss. They have a page and a forum dedicated to grandparents:
http://missfoundation.org/family/grandparents.html
Sands has a pamphlet they will send out: http://www.sandsqld.com/booklets.html
There were several articles:
http://www.grandparents.com/gp/content/expert-advice/family-matters/article/mending-a-broken-heart.html
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art54923.asp
And a couple independent books:
Forgotten Tears: A Grandmother’s Journey Through Grief
For Bereaved Grandparents
I’ll take some time to consider what I might could add to the resources available. It does seem rather thin. If you have ideas, let me know–send your parents over here to give me ideas, and we’ll make them happen.
February 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm · Filed under In the Company of Angels, Miscarriage, Mothers
When Casey Shay Press ships out an angel book, we ask moms if they’d like to photograph some of the pages from their filled-out memory book so that we can meet their angels.
Today we are featuring Neveah Hope. Her mom Samantha sent us snapshots of some of Neveah’s pages from In the Company of Angels.
Thank you so much for sharing, proud Mama! What lovely work on the pages you did for sweet Neveah.
Casey Shay Press is still donating $10 of every book sold in February toward the production of the independent film Peekaboo by Big Buddha Films. The movie is about a family who loses triplets to stillbirth. Get your copy and help make this film a reality as well as preserve the memories of your baby. Sales on Amazon count too!
February 17, 2011 at 4:56 pm · Filed under Related Movies-Songs
You did know one was being filmed, right? It’s called Peekaboo, and it’s being made in the UK by award-winning Big Buddha Films with an amazing pair of lead actors. In the story, a mother loses her triplets, and the movie deals with the aftermath in her life.
Shooting begins in mid-March, so it’s time to show them some support–time to say–it’s ABOUT TIME to get this issue more out in the open!
What can you do?
1. “Like” them on Facebook. Leave a comment. Get the word spreading.
2. Get a copy of the DVD when it comes out by donating. There’s no sure thing that it will be widely available to see, so ensure your copy right now by going to the Indie Go Go site where people like YOU help fund independent films. (They have just a few thousand dollars to go to be completely funded–they’ve already raised several thousand on their own.)
3. Already buying one of the Baby Memorial Books for your sweet angel? Casey Shay Press is donating $10 towards the filming of Peekaboo for every book sold through the end of February. That adds up fast! So GO, buy yours now! The book is $18.99 and is made specifically for babies lost to miscarriage or stillbirth, emphasizing the sweet memories of your pregnancy as well as having space for memorials and angelversaries. You don’t have to do anything special, the donation happens automatically.
4. Take action, talk about this, and know you have done something for yourself, for your baby, and for the moms who will come after you. The more we do, the easier it will be for each successive generation of grieving mothers to talk about their babies. Remember how no one used to talk about breast cancer? Look at the pink explosion now. Let’s make this happen for miscarriage and stillbirth too. We don’t have to shut our mouths. Our babies were real, our grief is real, and we shouldn’t just be quiet and get over it. The only way is to get involved.
January 18, 2011 at 11:55 pm · Filed under Miscarriage
Robyn Bear of October15th.com is promoting these new statues by artist D. Antonia Truesdale, and they are so beautiful. I have never seen anything like them:
Go on over to her site and get one of your own. Wow, wow, wow.
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