Your Next Pregnancy

This can be the most difficult topic of all, because everyone has an opinion, and your doctor and your friend’s doctor, and internet sources, and your mother, and your partner will all say different things. You will personally go from wanting to try again RIGHT NOW to never wanting to try again, sometimes in the span of five minutes. You may not agree with your doctor. Your partner may not agree with you. You are already grieving, and upset, and feeling like a failure, and thinking too long about this topic can make you feel so very much worse. 

Accept that there are many opinions. Let me tell you a bit about why.  Doctors are trained to recognize that a woman needs emotional healing, but not really to help them or explain it to them, since it goes beyond their “bones and tissues” type of practice. Three months is considered the average amount of time a women will grieve hard over a loss, and will have a difficult time (and be a difficult patient) if she gets pregnant prior to that. While there are a few doctors who believe that your uterine lining must take three cycles to get back to rebuilding itself fully each time (especially after a D&C, where it gets scraped pretty thin), most doctors know that it doesn’t really matter in about 80% of the cases, and getting pregnant again right away does not carry any increased physical risk or miscarriage risk. 

So even among doctors, some will say the standard “wait three cycles” and might even scare you into thinking you’ll have another miscarriage if you don’t wait, and others will say go ahead and try again now. 

As for my opinion, I’ve been running this site since 1998, and have talked to literally thousands of women who have had miscarriages. From what I’ve seen, you really should wait for one cycle to complete, because if you do not, you will experience one of two situations, both of which will cause you much unnecessary grief and pain:

1. If you do get pregnant again before having a period, you will not establish a reliable Last Menstrual Period date (your miscarriage date is of no use). You will run into lots of problems when you go in for your first prenatal sonograms and blood tests, causing you tons of grief (often for nothing) and can wreck your relationship with your doctor (supporting the “difficult patient” theory.)  For example, the blood test will say you are six weeks; you will insist you are eight. The sonogram will not show a fetal pole yet, but you have read that you should see a baby by now. You will think your doctor should do something, but he or she will just say your date is wrong and come back in a week. You will spend a week of torture, wondering if the baby is dead, and why do you have to wait for answers.

All these things can be avoided by knowing your LMP, or preferably ovulation. Most of the time, the babies are fine, but sometimes you are having another miscarriage. Everything is murky because you don’t know for sure when you got pregnant, because you didn’t complete a full cycle. 

2. If you have retained tissue, your period will be “late” (although all post-miscarriage periods take more than four weeks and are late) and you can even have a POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST, but you are not pregnant. This is hCG left in your system from the miscarriage, which has not completed. You may begin bleeding and cramping and think you are having another miscarriage, but you are just still going through the first one. I have met women who have written me grieving over a 2nd lost baby, naming it and everything, when it turned out she only had missed tissue from the previous loss. 

Having a D&C does not guarantee that all the tissue was taken. This is not uncommon. If you did not wait for a real period, you will not know if a pregnancy test really means you are pregnant again, or if your loss has become a long drawn-out ordeal. Additionally, charting and even ovulation predictor kits are not reliable tools during that first cycle after a miscarriage, and the body will put out lots of signs of fertility or lack of it as it tries to adjust itself. Women may be absolutely sure of their pregnancy’s gestational age, and still be wrong! 

Once you get past that point, try the sperm meets egg plan to see if you can speed up the trying again process. On the other extreme, not getting pregnant that first cycle, or for the next few, when you are fervently trying, will actually push your grief further down the line, month by month, and it can really be detrimental to healing, your life, and your relationship. Often your life will completely revolve around trying again and you will feel even more a failure, more unable to cope.

This may also happen if you wait, but is more likely to pull you into a clinical depression if you are not yet dealing with your loss and are still having some hormonal upheaval.  Even if you feel like you are fine, the grief is really out there, and you need to work directly through it. I don’t worry about the women who write about crying and saying they can’t go on. They are working through their pain and grief. I worry about the woman who just wants to try again, and doesn’t mention or think about the pain of losing a baby. 

Regardless of what anyone tells you, though, me or your doctor or your mom or your friends, in the end, this is your life and your body, your baby, your future, and your decision. Make your choices well, and try not to look back. Moms must be brave–find your courage and move forward.

Monitoring a New Pregnancy

Some doctors will respond to your worries and bring you in for additional hCG tests and early sonograms to monitor the new baby more closely. Most will not do anything. It can be frustrating and scary to think about waiting until 8 or 9 weeks to see the doctor, when every day brings a new twinge or cramp or cervical discharge that makes you panic.

I think it is reasonable, if you have had only one loss, to still request an early blood test and a sonogram at 7 weeks to see the heartbeat. This will reassure you. If you have had more than one loss and no healthy babies yet, then you should be able to request more frequent monitoring of your hCG and progesterone levels, just to see where the pregnancies are failing. This could help give you a clue as to a cause.

Other topics on this issue:

[ Sperm Meets Egg Plan ] Coping with Fear ]

When you do begin trying again, purchasing your sticks at a discount on Amazon does actually help support the costs of keeping this site.

68 thoughts on “Your Next Pregnancy

  1. Helo guys i need help i had a stillbirth feb dis yr nw its april i had unprotected sex wid ma bf 4 daes afta i had my periods but they were light n on and off i have been having al pregnancy symptoms but i bought a test n it said negative i dont knw what wrong help plzzz

  2. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for six years now. We recently have been seeing a fertility specialist. We have done one IUI with no luck. My husband has a sperm count which goes up and down,(the doctor has recomended him taking the Proxeed supplement which he is doing going on the second month now. He also has low motility and morphology. The fertility treatments are already getting so expensive, we may have to stop real soon. The doctor has recomended that we I take injections of HMG to bring on ovalutation, followed by another IUI. (IVF is totally out of the question because of the expense. Getting to my question now, How is this going to help or will this be effective when it’s my husband who has low sperm count? It just seems to me that if the sperm are unable to fertilize the egg it will not matter how many are produced. I am was so confused until i contacted this powerful spell caster called DaDDY ALOMAJESELE who help me with his oracle spell which he obtained from his father who he always called ALOMA, i was help by his spell powers to conceive and now i am gave birth to a bouncing baby boy called LENNIS WART, we are happily settled in our family and glad to have this spell caster as our father, thank you SIR DAddy ALOMAJESELE for helping me get pregnant, you can reach him now at DaDDY_YOYOspelltemple@hotmail.com

  3. I was pregnant in November and lost the baby in January and I thought I could never go through that again. I then got pregnant in may and I was so happy even the doctor was positive about this one. Unexpectedly I recently wound up having a second miscarriage and I am devestated. I thought we got past this.now the doctor is referring us to a specialist which is something I never thought I’d have to do. I’m hoping for the best and hoping that I won’t have to do anything to crazy in order to keep a baby.

  4. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. We have been trying to have intercourse, year after year. I thought I was a loser, a weakling. I couldn’t believe I couldn’t handle pain. I always thought “how come everyone can do it but me? What is wrong with me?” I felt I was the only one in this world that had this problem. One day my husband came home and showed me this website he had printed out. It was about vaginismus and pages and pages of women sharing their stories and testimony on how a spell caster help them make babies, MY STORIES!!!! I started crying like a little baby. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t the only one in this world. I was not a wimp, I really had a problem. To make my very long story short, I i decided to contact this spell caster Dr Odia on his email (nelly.mbayabu02@gmail.com) or skype with him on his ID. kelly.white725, after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i had sex with the man I love most in this world, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant and so happy!!!!! and My husband was the one that found the site, who I will always be thankful to, not for finding it but for believing in me and not leaving me. And thank YOU Dr odia for saving my marriage. Thank you so much. To all those women out there, contact this great spell caster on this email (nelly.mbayabu02@gmail.com) skype ID: kelly.white725, he can solve your problem and be patient and also believe in yourself. It will happen to you, just like it happened to me.

  5. i was just curios because i had a miscarriage in Jan. 2014 due to a h mole :(. an i just gotten over the lost an wanted to move on with my life. then 4 4 1/2 months later i was on my period felt super sick an nauseous an notice that both of my breast were leaking milk. I was wondering if you had any idea what that could mean?

  6. Hi All,
    If anyone has any advice would really be grateful. I have a five yr old – had healthy pregnancy but very long labour (3 days). He was delivered emergency c-section after doc trying vontouse (sorry spelling), baby heart rate dropped as he came down cervix and he was pushed back into womb. I have tried for 5 yrs to conceive. Had laposcopy – all fine. Would they text my cervix for incompetency during this? Had a miscarriage at 5 -6 wks on Xmas day this year and have had several unusually heavy periodsduring 5yrs and each time thought I was pregnant due to symptoms similar to first pregnancy. Doc has never sent me for a scan as too early to be classed as a miscarriage. I’ve said about my son being pushed back in and could I have damage to my womb/cervix, but docs seem to not care, I have a baby, so if i want another need to go private and have IVF! Is this right?? Can I have a cervical stitch to help strengthen my cervix, but how can I if I can only hold pregnancy to 5/6 weeks? No-one seems to want to listen. Many thanks. Becky xxx

  7. I had a miscarriage 2 months ago. I’m still not over it I wonder if I ever will be, I loved my baby do much. And then I lost it, it’s been two months and I have not had a period yet and my doctor acts as if it’s normal, is this normal

  8. I em doing ivf on 11 ET and on 25 hcg test i have to do but in earler week there was pain in my breast but now no pain but my breast size increase lil bit. I had alsi did my frst ivf but on 6+5 days coz of no heart beat i have to miscarriage. Pz tel i cn b pregnant as no pain nw in my breast

  9. I em doing ivf on 11 ET and on 25 hcg test i have to do but in earler week there was pain in my breast but now no pain but my breast size increase lil bit. I had alsi did my frst ivf but on 6+5 days coz of no heart beat i have to miscarriage. Pz tel i cn b pregnant as no pain nw in my breast

  10. 4month after dnc o sign of period nd my breast do bring out brown milk,hv don scan nd hormonal test,d scan shw am ok nd d hormonai result shw I hv high prolantin,pls I wan 2 get my period back nd I wan 2 conceive again.

  11. i had a misscarriage on september 2013 after that don’t getting pregnent ,hsg tet done on 25-august-2014,there is no problem to my both tubes,

  12. Hi,

    I miscarried at 12 weeks this summer and had to take medication to “complete” the miscarriage as it was a non-viable pregnancy. I have had one normal cycle (heavier flow than usual) but on my last ultrasound, I am still retaining tissue that is vacularized. My HcG is less than 5. We were told that we could try again after my first cycle. So we did and now I feel as though I am experiencing moderate daily nausea, vomiting, GI upsets (some similar to my first pregnancy). I am wondering if it is still possible to retain tissue and still be pregnant? If so, would this be a cause for concern? I’m worried this may affect future pregnancies if my body cannot seem to expel the remaining tissue.

  13. Well is true, i guess this is what happen to me some months ago, i hard miscarriage of about 3months of which i did the D&E and the doctor told me that i will see my normal period the following month, but after that month i did not see my Mp though out the month of May, till june 1st i saw my MP and 27th of the same mont, then, by July 27 of which i felt it will start again but it failed so when i did test i was positive meaning am pregnant, but after 3 months i started bleeding angain and this thing after ultrascanning i was told to evacuate it which i did and the doctor assured me of another pregnancy if i want to try again, now my question will i still be pregnant and for how long will i wait?

  14. Hi, i have never written anywhere about this I thought this site might help me…I had miscarriage in nov 2014. I dint bleed much but pain was unbearable. I had bilighted ovum there was a sac but there was no baby inside. This was our first one..I was all alone when it happened… with me I have become so scared of even trying for a baby again I don’t let my husband come near me forget about touching. I don’t know what iam feeling with the loss and this is seriously making me think iam a bad person. This tuesday 16th of dec 2014 I started my period I cried a lot that day but again next day I dint feel anything. This period is reminding of my miscarriage only when iam very angry.. I have become a really aggressive person.. ..I am not jealous of any pregnant women or the sort but I am all the time angry that I disconnected myself from all social media like fb I dont even remember to check my emails.. It has affected me really bad I mean my miscarriage but maybe becsuse I can never express my saddest feelings thats why iam not aware how it has affected…. I was ten weeks pregnant…. and I dont know whether I will be able to try again…and one more thing I want to share ,talk about your pain to the person who will understand you not to anybody who don’t care as I did that mistake. I was still on the 3 rd day of my miscarriage and I told someone but even having given birth to a child just 2 weeks before she compared my miscarriage with her toothache I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or get angry she is a mother of 2 little girls. ..

  15. Hy guys could I ask I go misscarriege on the 13 of December 2014 en on bleed for couple of days after 3 weeks u had unprotected sex how long should I take the pregency test could I be possibly pregnant?

  16. He guys I lost a bby was only 12 weeks preg en had normally misscarriege aftr 3 weeks had unprotected sex could I be preg

  17. I lost my daughter last month. I was 5 months pregnant, and had to deliver her and the placenta. I can’t explain the psi n and grief I deal with daily. This helped a lot. He was “my first love”. I just started trying again a fee days ago, I’ll never forget my Kali Charlise Jones !! 1-6-2015, 2:25am, 0.5pds, 8 inches!!

  18. Hi I had D&C on 23/1/2015 because baby has stopped heartbeat it was my second month. After d&c I had not any problems and I had passed two regular cycles. Now I want consive again. Please suggest me if there are any problems or not. I have one healthy baby of 5 years old. It was my second pregnency .unfortunately I lost my baby so please advise me I am eagerly waiting for your reply my LMP was 25/3/2015. Should I try for another baby?????

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