Your Next Pregnancy
This can be the most difficult topic of all, because everyone has an opinion, and your doctor and your friend’s doctor, and internet sources, and your mother, and your partner will all say different things. You will personally go from wanting to try again RIGHT NOW to never wanting to try again, sometimes in the span of five minutes. You may not agree with your doctor. Your partner may not agree with you. You are already grieving, and upset, and feeling like a failure, and thinking too long about this topic can make you feel so very much worse.
Accept that there are many opinions. Let me tell you a bit about why. Doctors are trained to recognize that a woman needs emotional healing, but not really to help them or explain it to them, since it goes beyond their “bones and tissues” type of practice. Three months is considered the average amount of time a women will grieve hard over a loss, and will have a difficult time (and be a difficult patient) if she gets pregnant prior to that. While there are a few doctors who believe that your uterine lining must take three cycles to get back to rebuilding itself fully each time (especially after a D&C, where it gets scraped pretty thin), most doctors know that it doesn’t really matter in about 80% of the cases, and getting pregnant again right away does not carry any increased physical risk or miscarriage risk.
So even among doctors, some will say the standard “wait three cycles” and might even scare you into thinking you’ll have another miscarriage if you don’t wait, and others will say go ahead and try again now.
As for my opinion, I’ve been running this site since 1998, and have talked to literally thousands of women who have had miscarriages. From what I’ve seen, you really should wait for one cycle to complete, because if you do not, you will experience one of two situations, both of which will cause you much unnecessary grief and pain:
1. If you do get pregnant again before having a period, you will not establish a reliable Last Menstrual Period date (your miscarriage date is of no use). You will run into lots of problems when you go in for your first prenatal sonograms and blood tests, causing you tons of grief (often for nothing) and can wreck your relationship with your doctor (supporting the “difficult patient” theory.) For example, the blood test will say you are six weeks; you will insist you are eight. The sonogram will not show a fetal pole yet, but you have read that you should see a baby by now. You will think your doctor should do something, but he or she will just say your date is wrong and come back in a week. You will spend a week of torture, wondering if the baby is dead, and why do you have to wait for answers.
All these things can be avoided by knowing your LMP, or preferably ovulation. Most of the time, the babies are fine, but sometimes you are having another miscarriage. Everything is murky because you don’t know for sure when you got pregnant, because you didn’t complete a full cycle.
2. If you have retained tissue, your period will be “late” (although all post-miscarriage periods take more than four weeks and are late) and you can even have a POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST, but you are not pregnant. This is hCG left in your system from the miscarriage, which has not completed. You may begin bleeding and cramping and think you are having another miscarriage, but you are just still going through the first one. I have met women who have written me grieving over a 2nd lost baby, naming it and everything, when it turned out she only had missed tissue from the previous loss.
Having a D&C does not guarantee that all the tissue was taken. This is not uncommon. If you did not wait for a real period, you will not know if a pregnancy test really means you are pregnant again, or if your loss has become a long drawn-out ordeal. Additionally, charting and even ovulation predictor kits are not reliable tools during that first cycle after a miscarriage, and the body will put out lots of signs of fertility or lack of it as it tries to adjust itself. Women may be absolutely sure of their pregnancy’s gestational age, and still be wrong!
Once you get past that point, try the sperm meets egg plan to see if you can speed up the trying again process. On the other extreme, not getting pregnant that first cycle, or for the next few, when you are fervently trying, will actually push your grief further down the line, month by month, and it can really be detrimental to healing, your life, and your relationship. Often your life will completely revolve around trying again and you will feel even more a failure, more unable to cope.
This may also happen if you wait, but is more likely to pull you into a clinical depression if you are not yet dealing with your loss and are still having some hormonal upheaval. Even if you feel like you are fine, the grief is really out there, and you need to work directly through it. I don’t worry about the women who write about crying and saying they can’t go on. They are working through their pain and grief. I worry about the woman who just wants to try again, and doesn’t mention or think about the pain of losing a baby.
Regardless of what anyone tells you, though, me or your doctor or your mom or your friends, in the end, this is your life and your body, your baby, your future, and your decision. Make your choices well, and try not to look back. Moms must be brave–find your courage and move forward.
Monitoring a New Pregnancy
Some doctors will respond to your worries and bring you in for additional hCG tests and early sonograms to monitor the new baby more closely. Most will not do anything. It can be frustrating and scary to think about waiting until 8 or 9 weeks to see the doctor, when every day brings a new twinge or cramp or cervical discharge that makes you panic.
I think it is reasonable, if you have had only one loss, to still request an early blood test and a sonogram at 7 weeks to see the heartbeat. This will reassure you. If you have had more than one loss and no healthy babies yet, then you should be able to request more frequent monitoring of your hCG and progesterone levels, just to see where the pregnancies are failing. This could help give you a clue as to a cause.
Other topics on this issue:
[ Sperm Meets Egg Plan ]
When you do begin trying again, purchasing your sticks at a discount on Amazon does actually help support the costs of keeping this site.
15 Comments »
I just want to thank you foir this wonderful site.
I miscarried at 8 weeks having seen the foetus and heartbeat. I’s been three cycles since and still no luck.
I think about it all the time.
Thank you again
MW, Sydney Australia
This site is absolutely brilliant. I miscarried at 6 weeks. The site has helped me to understand symptoms and reasons of what has been happening to me..at a time when I have felt really vulnerable, scared and not knowing what to expect.
Thank you soo much.
MB from the UK
Just to thank the makers of this website. I misscarried at 10 weeks in December. I have just found out that I am pregnant again and really worried due to complications that I had the last time. This is the most helpful website out there and explains everything.
Thanks so such!
SB from Edinburgh
What a fantastic place to come when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom, Thank-you so much for lifting me back up! i misscaried at 7 weeks recently after seeing a heartbeat. i was devestated.
This site has helped me put things into perspective and stop blaming myself. I am curently trying agian after first cycle and i think im prepared either way it goes!
Thanks again!
I am so confused. I had a miscarriage at about 5-6 weeks including lots of bleeding for about 5 days. Afterward I felt pretty normal and all sign/symptoms of pregnancy went away. today is 4 weeks and 4 days past the miscarriage, and my breasts have been sore for about 5 days and I’ve been continually prepared to start my period due to this. Today I took a left over pregnancy test out of curiosity and it was a faint positive. So…could I still be getting a positive from the 5 week miscarriage over a month later? If so, why would I be having this breast tenderness all of a sudden?Is the breast tenderness from my body trying to start a period, or is this a new pregnancy and that’s why? I am so confused.
Kim,
I’m sorry you are going through such a hard time.
First, yes, it is possible that you still have remaining hCG from the previous miscarriage, but it is also possible that you could have a new pregnancy, if you have not been using birth control.
The only way to know for certain what is going on is to have two blood tests done three days apart. If the number doesn’t double, then that eliminates a new pregnancy (which you may not be worried about, if you know it is impossible.)
Having hCG linger that long is a sign that your uterus is having a hard time expelling the tissue at the implantation site. It might require a mild cramping drug or a round of progesterone to bring on a good solid bleed that gets it out.
It’s time to call your doctor and see where you are.
Hi… I took a home test about two weeks back and it was positive. I gave birth to a stiborn last year and four months later later fell pregnant again only to find out that the foetus did nit develop and I had an empty sac. I do not have sore breasts or morning sickness, just feel the urge to eat all the time. What are the chances that this might be excatly like the last pregnancy. I am scared to go to a doctor.
I just wanted to say that this website has been my lifeline for the past 5 months. It provided me with the information I needed after I miscarried 5 months ago. It has given me a place to go for understanding, peace and hope. It has provided me with a sense of normalcy and helped reduce my isolation and self-blame. This website also gave me hope for future pregnancies and provided a very practical guide to help women achieve another pregnancy when ready. The sperm meets the egg plan was a great plan and I can happily say that after trying it faithfully for 1 month I am now blessed to be pregnant again! I of course am filled with fear and excitement but this website has addressed this very natural occurrence and helped keep my stress at bay. Thank you so much for helping women like myself get through the very devestating experience of losing a child. We often need to find support in those who knows exactly what it feels like mind, body and soul.
Thanks for the helpful site.
I was 13 weeks when I miscarried and it was so hard. I was really scared at 9 weeks cause I was getting major cramping. So I booked a U/S and we got to hear the heartbeat. It was really cool and they said the babies hear beat was 170 which was good. But still we had a miscarriage. I thought we were safe cause it was past 12 weeks. My first appointment with my OBGYN was the day after I was in the ER room learning about my miscarriage. It was horrible.
This site helped so thank you very much~
I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and since then I haven’t been able to concieve. Since I had a miscarriage does that mean I can’t have kids? Please help me I’m so upset and scared!
Hi- This website is so wonderful & has helped me very much!! I do have some questions I hope some1 can help me out on. To give some background: I have been w my bf for 7 yrs & I had just gotten off the bc pill & was havin unprotected sex. I was due for my periond on Feb 18 a didn’t get it. On Feb 20, I took 2 pg tests same day diff times & both came back pos. I was soooo excited & made a doctors appt for that thurs, feb 26. at the office I took a pg test as well… this one came back neg. I was soooo upset but the nurse said maybe it was to early to tell bc I tested so early. I was so upset & wanted answers right away so the nxt day I went to the er where they did a blood tst. the test showed my hm levels were at 5, very very low. while I was at the er I started to bleed! it was not terrible just a little heavier then normal. & it lasted till about mon- 4 days. here is my situstion: my bf & I were havin unprotected sex & I have not had a period since the mc. on fri it will be 6 weeks. my question is… is it more likely I am pg again or is my body just off track bc of my mc? I have been thinkin about this & bc it was a very very early mc & my levels were almost to 0 on the 27 shouldn’t I of had a pd by now? I have not taken a hpt bc I am sooooooooooo afraid this will happen again & I would just rather not kno!! any suggestions or comment… thank u!!
Hello. I love this site. I have had 2 pregnancies that resulted in 2 mc over the past year with my most recent one at the end of April. I keep refering back to this site becuz it is so informative and helpful. I did convince my doctor to do some early testing…a complete blood panel of about 8 different tests and they all came back normal. I have faith and trust in God that me and my husband will be blessed with biological children soon. My mom had 13 miscarriages and has 5 healthy children. Of course back then they didn’t really do any of the testing, so I can’t say, “hey my mom has this, so maybe I do too.” I will be trying the sperm meets egg plan, this month as we were given the green light to try again whenever we were ready. We haven’t had trouble getting pg the both times, but hopefully the plan with boost up our 3 month average. Thank you for keeping up with this site and for all your supportive blogs. And please please pray that we will get pregnant soon and that it will go to turn and result in the perfect baby for us.
Thank you, and God Bless
I just recently had a miscarriage on dec 28, the following day I went for an ultrasound and it showed that I had some retained tissue and so I had to take a drug to clear the uterus. Last Friday, Jan 15 , I went for another ultrasound and it showed that I had a small cyst in my ovary, and some fluid, they believe that it is because I am going to ovulate. The ultrasound also showed that I had a small piece of tissue about 1 cm in my uterus. How can I ovulated if I still have retained tissue? Will I get my period. I have had unprotected sex since I stopped bleeding from the miscarriage around jan 3. I don’t know whats going on. Could I still get pregnant|? Even if I have retained tissue? Please help me I am scared and confused.
Thanks so much for this website. I lost my first baby at 15 weeks last week in an incredibly physically painful natural miscarriage and this site has already brought me so much comfort. I find myself coming back to read sections just to reassure myself. It makes me feel better that you offer real plans for how long to wait and how to try again and what’s reasonable to expect and request of doctors. Thanks so much and blessings to you.
Hey thanks for having this amazing website.
My husband & I have been together for 6 and a half years and in the space of 4 years we have had 3 miscarriages and 2 ectopics, as far as I am aware, I have never had any sti’s such as clyamidia or anything like that so I really dont understand why this keeps on happening! After the first ectopic they took my tube out with surgery and told me that both my tubes were damaged and had alot of adhesions on them, I had one healthy baby girl 9 years ago but had bled alot while having her, so much so that they thought i was starting to hemmorage but everything turned out alright, so Im not sure if that had contributed to it or not. I just dont know what to do! My best friend is soo damn insensative and keeps telling me that I should just be happy with what I have which as you can imagine really gets my goat and its not that I dont thank God every day for my little girl, its just thatI want to give my husband the chance to experience everything that I did as he is not my childs biological father and therefore was not around when I had her but he loves her just like he would his own< I just need to know what i should do and what on earth I should do when my friend makes remarks like just be grateful for what you have because you never know when things can be taken away from you! when she has never had anything taken away from her, and she isnt the only one so many other people I know are saying stuff like this to me! and I am finding it sooo hard to hold on and keep sane so if you can help that would be great thanks.
Sammy xx
Your comment
HTML-Tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Empty
Cradle, Broken Heart
