First Trimester Stories

Cassandra’s Story

My pregnancy began under fairly stressful conditions. I had undergone surgery to remove endometriosis, and my OB/Gyn encouraged me to start a family soon because endometriosis almost always worsens over time. My partner and I started trying to conceive. Two cycles later we felt blessed when we were pregnant! My pregnancy preceded normally, mild morning sickness, tiredness and breast tenderness. I also felt intermittent period like cramping which I called about and was told not to worry. I booked my first prenatal for the 11th week, although this seemed late to me.During my 7th week I noticed that my breasts were not growing larger as quickly as they had. In my 9th  week I felt very ill and had diarrhea and a general feeling that was not good.  The next day I started spotting bright red blood. I was terrified although I knew that many pregnancies had spotting and was considered almost normal.I went to the ER for evaluation and treatment.  We were seen very quickly and the doctor did a pelvic exam. The news was good. My cervix was closed and the hormone levels right.  I requested an ultrasound but was told it would be inconclusive. I was told to go home and have bed rest for four days.

We went straight home and to bed, and I stayed there which seemed to help, as the bleeding grew darker and eventually almost stopped. I called my OB’s office first thing Monday morning. The receptionist said that sounded good but to come in for a follow up the next day. 

The next day, my OB told me that I was probably miscarrying.  My hormone levels were actually low and the only way to confirm the miscarriage was an ultrasound that should have been performed at the hospital.

As soon as we got home I went for a long walk with my dog to encourage the miscarriage to start. I did not know if that was the best thing to do but had been left without any instructions.  I decided quickly that I wanted this to occur naturally if possible as I had already had surgery less than six months earlier.  With in a few moments of walking the bleeding started with mild cramping. It felt very much like a period.  I ended up vacuuming my house and tidying up, as I wanted to keep moving to encourage things along. Approximately 4 hours after the ultrasound the heavy bleeding and cramping pain began. It was very painful and the cramps made me “huff huff” with my breath.  They seemed to come regularly every two minutes or so and lasted for about a minute and I could usually feel large amounts of tissue and blood pass. Approximately 20 minutes into this I felt very cold and “shaky” and vomited. I called my partner during this stage as I was very scared and wanted to go to the ER.

We ended up waiting in a crowded waiting room for over four and a half hours.  This was a very trying time as babies and pregnant women surrounded us.  I tried not to show any feelings, didn’t cry, and we kept walking around the hospital to keep things going.  I soon needed a change of pads and asked the nurse for one as well as what the baby might look like.  She was kind and told me it would look like blood clots, probably no baby to be seen. I asked her if I should save what I passed because I had read in books to do that and she said no, just to come and tell her. I felt better and went to the washroom to change and saw what I felt was the fetus–it did look like a blood clot, the size and shape of a bean with white bits showing here and there.  Approximately a half hour later I was overwhelmed with this panicky sensation that I did not want to leave my baby in the garbage can.  This lasted for quite awhile. My partner reasoned with me that the garbage had already been changed and it was okay to feel that way but there were no other options.

Towards the end of the four-hour wait after watching people who looked less ill than me go into the treatment area I started crying and it was hard to get myself under control again. Twenty minutes later we had a room and shortly after that we saw the doctor. My boyfriend remarked I should have done that two hours earlier.When the doctor came into the room, he did a pelvic exam and said that he was pretty sure I had passed all the remains as I had stopped bleeding by then, so we could go home and follow up with our OB.  I asked if I needed the D&C or if it was okay to wait it out naturally.  He said it was probably fine at this point but to follow up with my doctor the next day and not eat anything until I spoke with him just in case.I felt groggy and weak, so I called my OB. He said this was a common occurrence and if I felt okay I could rest for a few days and follow up with him in two weeks.  I felt uncomfortable with that but agreed and hung up.The next day I felt ill and tired and just horrible.  I called my OB and told the receptionist I thought I needed an ultrasound.  By the next morning the cramps were almost unbearable so we went to the emergency room.  The doctor said it was old blood (it wasn’t) and put me on antibiotics and to follow up with my OB, the one I could never get a hold of.  I did the ultrasound that afternoon although this time they would not release the results, but promised to send them to my OB.The cramping and bleeding worsened until I passed a lot of tissue in the late afternoon. It was frightening and painful but I guess I knew what the ultrasound had said.  I could not get hold of my doctor and could just not face going back to the ER. My antibiotics were making me ill so I stopped taking them.  I tried all week to get in touch with my OB because I was frightened and missing classes and needed a letter from him.

On Friday I went and saw him and finally got my ultrasound results (a full week later). I told him about the tissue I passed and handed him a list of questions he hadn’t been available to answer.  He said that I probably was fine and answered my questions. At the end of the visit he said “I’ll see you when you are pregnant again,” which really hurt me. I felt the entire time I was left to go through this on my own.

I wish this were the end of the story, but a full month later I learned from my general practitioner that I still had pregnancy hormones and he thought there was retained tissue from my miscarriage. He then referred me to a different OB/Gyn at my request for follow up. I was desperately trying to catch up in a hard computer course at college and began fearing I would have to drop out entirely.

My new OB/Gyn was very kind and understanding. He gave me a full exam, an ultrasound and then performed a D&C in his office to remove the fetal sac that was remaining. He also talked to me and Adam about the problems with our medical community that we had been exposed to. The D&C was horrible and  VERY painful because I do not respond well to local anesthetic. It was very quick, though, and although it left me feeling pretty yucky, sore and emotional all over again for almost two weeks, it was necessary. At my follow up appointment a week later an exam and blood work looked good so we can finally put this behind us. We plan to start trying to conceive again after two cycles and this time will have an excellent OB/Gyn to support us during whatever the future holds. We hope that is a healthy pregnancy ending with a healthy baby.

What I have learned from this experience is to take charge of your own health, even though it is very hard to do so during a time of crisis. Feel free to demand good care if you feel you are not receiving it.

Cassandra

 

Mel’s Story

Our first pregnancy started out on a great note. We conceived the first time we tried, and we knew how lucky we were that “it worked.”   

In between six and seven weeks I started spotting. The doctor advised me that, as a precaution, I should stay home from work and relax for a couple of days but not to worry because any brown spotting is not dangerous and was, in fact, very common.

On Saturday morning I stood up but had a very intense cramp that was strong enough for me to have to sit down again. After a few seconds it went away, and I went to the washroom. When I got there all I could see was blood, bright red blood everywhere. I immediately screamed for my husband to come and help. He called the hospital and told them what was happening and to see if I would have to wait a long time to be seen if we came in. They said that if it was a miscarriage that they couldn’t help me anyway so I would most likely have to wait. We decided to get in the car and drive to a neighboring small town because we knew we would be seen right away. On the way there I felt two big gushes of blood come out of me.

The doctors saw me right away and did an internal exam. He said my cervix was still closed, however, it was not as tight as he thought it should be. He said he felt that I was indeed having a miscarriage, that there was nothing they could do to stop it, and, unfortunately, I would have to wait to see my own doctor and order an ultrasound on Monday. On Monday I had to go in alone. They would not let my husband come in with me. I told the technician what happened on the weekend and that she wouldn’t find anything because I’d already lost the baby. A few minutes later she said, “Did the doctor say you had a miscarriage?” I told her yes.

Then she said, “Well, You’re still pregnant!”

I asked her if it could have been twins and I lost one. She said that is rare but it is a possibility. Since, I hadn’t had an ultrasound earlier, I had no proof that I’d been pregnant with twins.

The rest of the pregnancy was difficult, but on July 22, Kathleen Marie was born. I wouldn’t understand that I had indeed lost a twin until the next pregnancy.

A year and a half later We became pregnant again. When I was 14 weeks pregnant, I started spotting (brown, just like before). The doctor said not to worry. I was the right size, everything felt fine, I was feeling pregnant and being sick so not to worry.

Christmas Eve morning I woke up to bright red bleeding. I immediately called the doctor and said “I’m coming in and I AM HAVING AN ULTRASOUND TODAY — I DON’T CARE WHAT DAY IT IS. I AM NOT GOING THROUGH THREE DAYS OF UNCERTAINTY AGAIN.”

I went for an ultrasound, again they would not let my husband come in, and the technician would not let me look so I knew that was a bad sign. They could not see a heartbeat or a “fetus.” He said that the fetus had probably died several weeks before, but my body had continued to think I was pregnant and continued to nourish a placenta. He said we could schedule a D&C or I could wait and hope it happened on its own. I was terrified of the thought of a D&C and it was Christmas, besides I thought of what happened the first time and so we opted to wait.

On Boxing Day, just before dinner, I started getting some cramping and the bleeding had gotten worse. I figured this was par for the course so I didn’t say anything to our hosts (who up until then had avoided the topic like the plague anyway.) While we were eating, I began to realize that these cramps were happening at regular intervals and that they had gradually gotten worse. I then said to my husband, “I’m in labor.”

Things progressed to the point where I was having to do ‘labor breathing’ in order to get through each contraction. The bleeding all at once started to get much heavier so I thought we’d better go to the hospital. I had a contraction that had lasted about 45 minutes with no let up, and I was in tears with the pain. It was unbearable.

In a matter of seconds, this long, unbearable contraction climaxed (for a brief second or two) and ended. Immediately I felt three huge gushes which, in an instant, threw me back to sitting in the bathroom some two years before. It was exactly the same sensation. I said to my husband, “Oh my God, this is it. This is exactly the same. We’ve lost another one.”

There’s no way they can tell me that my first pregnancy wasn’t twins. That big cramp and the gushes were the same!

Once inside the hospital I was examined and as I stood up so that I could change my blood-soaked clothes, I could feel a big ‘something’ coming out of me. I couldn’t control myself any longer. I thought for sure it was the baby coming out and I was bawling. I could see a ‘clot’ about the size of the palm of my hand before the doctor whisked it away to pathology. She later told me that it was most likely the placenta.

We were told to wait three months until we try again. I wanted to try right away because I think that having another baby is the only thing that will make me feel better. Because I now know that I’ve lost two babies already, I am seeing a OB/Gyn to monitor me more closely. He has guaranteed me that we will start earlier ultrasounds next time I get pregnant so that if there are any problems we know right away. I probably be terrified anyway, but at least I’ll be able to see the baby progress on the screen and have some sense of peace.

We have named our two babies and my husband and I each wear a pendant with their initials on it, and we will plant something in the spring to remind us of them. We now hold onto our belief that we have two very special angels that we will see some day.

Mel

Mother of Kelly and Gabriel

Update: Mel had another healthy baby in January 2001 and a third in November 2003.

Feel free to add your First Trimester Story in the comments to share your experiences with other women and help us learn about the many ways we endure and cope with our loss.

100 thoughts on “First Trimester Stories

  1. This website is such a wonderful gift. All the stories help justify all the feeling that noone seems to understand.

    I found out I was pregnant February 8th. I have a son that is 2 and we had to see a fertility specialist to have him. We did not think we could have a child because we hadn’t been using birth control for years. I was 35 then and had PCOS. While I was pregnant, I developed a large tumor attached to my right ovary. They did not discover this until I was 37 weeks pregnant when I was in alot of pain. They had to do an emergency C-section to deliver my son and the remove the tumor immediately. The tumor was the size of an IV bag. They had to remove my right ovary and fallopian tube. Luckily, it was non cancerous. Since we had such a difficult time having our son (he was our miracle). We did not consider we would have another pregancy. I was on birth control, had recently been placed on thyroid medicine, and was taking antibotics. Needless to say these factors helped us become suprisingly pregnant. At first we were shocked-my husband had not wanted another baby. After the intial shock, by the next day we were thrilled. I told him we needed to wait to tell people until after the first trimester, neither of us did. I am 37 and my doctor immediatly had me come in for a blood test. The next day they called and said my HCG count verified I was pregnant, but probably early about 4-5 weeks along. They scheduled the first ultra sound for March 3. I never got to see the babies heartbeat. I found out I was pregnant on Monday. I started spotting dark brown blood on Friday about 4:00 with light cramping . Immediately I panicked and talked to the nurse. They said it was probably implantation bleeding, but I was terrified. As the night went on I continued to cramp only on the lower right side below the pelvic area. The pain continued to get worse. I was still only passing dark brown blood when I went to the bathroom. I called the nurse again this time because this had been going on about 8 hours. They told me to go to the emergency room. This was around midnight. I went alone while my husband stayed with our son. I believe at the time he thought I should wait, but I was really worried and I wanted to stop it if it was happening. Now, I know that I could not have prevented it. When I got to the emergency room they immediatly took me back. They did a papsmear a few hours later and said my cervix was still closed which still meant everything might be ok. I had a small amount of bleeding. They said they would also check my HCG counts. The two nurses and male doctor were so kind to me. Of course, I was in tears with fear. They had explained if I was having a miscarriage nothing could be done to prevent it. Once they checked my counts they said they were only 356. The doctor explained 356 was very low for the weeks I should be pregnant but as long as the number had not dropped since my counts on Monday at doctors office I might be ok. Of course I heard might be ok. My doctors office was in the same hospital which allowed them to retrieve my HCG counts. They had dropped from 693 on Monday to 356. He came in and explained I was having a micarriage. I started sobbing. They offered to call my husband and get me pain medication. At this point, I knew I could not hurt they baby so they gave me a pain shot. Shortly after, my husband came and got me. I had to follow up with my doctor on Monday. They had told me at the emergency room I may have to have a DNC, but the day I was to see my OB I naturally miscarried. I had bleed heavily and when I passed the tissue and sack I knew immediatly. They did an ultrasound at the Drs office to verify my womb was empty. I did miss work all that week. The doctor’s office was extremely difficult because other pregnant ladies were there to have ultrasounds. They were happy and I was crying in the lobby while my husband held my hand. I did not talk to anyone that week and told them I appreciated there prayers but I needed to be alone with family. At first I cried all the time, the worst was when the doctors office called to verify my first ultrasound of the baby. They forget to cancel the appointment when I had the miscarriage. Now, I am angry. I know I didn’t cause it but, the day before the miscarriage I was extremely upset. My father was in the hospital with terminal cancer. Luckily, he got to go home the next week. My grandmother was in another hospital with kidney failure. She past away last Saturday. I was not able to really think about everything that happened with the baby the last two weeks because so much other stuff was going on as well. I am not sleeping very well. This site seems to be the only thing that is giving me comfort. I accidently, overheard my husband telling one of his friends. I am driving him crazy. He told me I just needed to not think about it. I asked him if he wanted another baby if I thought we may try again. He said he wanted this baby that we lost, but he doesn’t want to try again. I keep relieving everything in my mind. I want to be ok…I want to be able to be happy again, but I am just really sad, angry, and confused. I am 37 and was fine with just having my son, but my baby I lost changed everything. I wanted this baby. I know everything happens for a reason. I believe in God but I have not been able to talk to him because I have been angry. I want to be able to have peace and trust that everything will be ok. I want to be able to feel God’s presence to comfort me. I ask that you say a prayer when you read this that I will have peace. Right now, I don’t have the heart to day the prayer. Writing this makes me feel that although, my pregnancy may have been early….this site will help my baby always be remembered.

    I

  2. I done a home pregnancy test on 23rd January, I was convinced it would come up negative as it did once before, I waited 5 minutes and then looked at the test, I saw the two blue lines one faintly.. But there, I couldn’t believe my eyes i asked my boyfriend is it just me or is it there, and it was. It was my first pregnancy. I went to see my doctor on the 25th and he done another one and it came up positive again.. It was confirmed, I was so excited I started looking at clothes and cots and imagined what it would be like being a mum! Me and my boyfriend decided to call the baby Grace if it was a girl, And Reggie if a boy. On Valentines day 14th Febuary.. I went to the toilet and discovered Blood on my knickers i paniced and run to my mom and my boyfriend and hysterically cryed my mom told me to calm down and show her.. I look it easy for a few hours to see if i would stop, I didn’t I decided to go to the hospital where i could get it checked out I was waiting 4 hours with women with babies and toddlers it made me terribly upset when i got seen they got a gynecologist down i was booked to have a scan the following day, I had a ultrasound where the sac and the fetus was still in the womb, but i was only early on 6-7 weeks so she suggested a Trans vaginal scan which was much clearer but still no heartbeat but i was warned it was still early so a heartbeat might not be detectable at this stage, I went home on the tuesday I started getting cramps back off to the hospital as i arrived, i went to the toilet and felt something coming out it was the shape and size of a chilli pepper and i run out of the toilet and got the nurse where she examined is and said it was a clot. But i was convinced it was my baby. I then had an Internal where she got the rest of the clots out They kept me in over night because they was worried about the bleeding. I then had a scan the next morning where there was no more sac and no more baby, I was devastated I wasn’t going to be a mommy anymore. When i got home i put my pregnancy test, Baby socks, and vests, my valentines day card and all the leaflets about miscarriage in a bag and put them in my wardrobe I couldn’t bear it.. All i done was cry, I wanted my baby back I would of been 13 weeks and i would of seen my baby on the 15th of march on the 12 week ultra sound. All i get told is You can have more, or It just wasn’t meant to be, You wasn’t ready. But i don’t understand why me? what have i done wrong, I ate healthy, Didn’t smoke, Took folic acid. Done everything right and it still happened to me. I get awfully jealous of people that are pregnant. And i get very emotional all the time, I will always remember my baby. You just can’t help but think of what was going to be. But i’ve got my little angel watching over.

  3. I’m 24 years old. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since we got married a year and a half ago. We knew from the start that it may be very hard for us to concieve a child because I have been diagnosed with polycistic ovarion syndrome. After a year of trying to concieve a child we decided to seek medical help. We both started having test done. When I went into see my ob/gyn for the last of my test results she told me I was pregnant. My husband and I were over joyed with the fact that we were going to have a baby on our own with no medical help after all this time. My doctor had told me that she wanted to moniter my hcg levels cause they were a little low and she wanted to make sure that everything was progressing as it should. So that same day I went in for blood work and asked my doctor if I should come back to see her for the results. She told me not to come in because she is 2 hours from where I live she told me I could just call in a week to get the results. I called her office the following week to ask what my hcg level was not expecting to be told what I was told. All the receptionist said was it is under 5 so you are no longer pregnant and hung up the phone with absolutly so explaination at all. I waited for a phone call from my doctor on what I should do now. I never recieved the phone call all I got was a message on my machine saying that I didn’t need to have more bloodwork done cause my level was back down and they had no worries. All I have been able to think about is how my doctor had acted like it was nothing at all. I was 5 weeks pregnant and lost the baby that I only knew about for 1 week. Despite only having that feeling that there was a baby for 1 week I fell more in love with that child then anyone in my whole life. This has only happened in the last few weeks and i’m still grieving for my child. While also grieving I keep thinking will I have another chance to have a baby because it is so hard for me to become pregnant. My husband and I have had many conversations in these few weeks about how we should approach this and if we should try again and what we should do if I have another miscarriage. My husband had helped my so much there would be no way I would have made it through this without his love and support.

  4. It has been exactly 11 days since I found out my little one was now with the angels.
    This was my first pregnancy, my husband and I have been married for almost 4 years, and I was so excited to be pregnant. I was 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant when I had my routine checkup – I was so excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat. I was fortunate to have an ultrasound at 9 weeks and my husband and I witnessed the baby’s heartbeating, so I did not expect one this time. I brought my mom with me, so proud to be first time Grandma, I wanted to share this moment with her.
    The nurse used the small doppler on my belly and had trouble finding the heartbeat. The craziest feeling went over me and I just knew something was wrong. I started to cry and the nurse assured me the baby was fine, but she then went to get my doctor. My doctor tried the doppler as well, but I already knew my baby had died. I cried non stop as the doctor went to get the ultrasound machine….I knew there was no reason for it.
    I just glanced at the screen for a quick second because I could not believe what was happening to me. I saw my lifeless little one and could tell that the body shape was abnormal. I cried…and cried and cried. My husband met me at the doctors, he was all that I wanted for that moment.
    My D&C was scheduled for the following day. The hospital, my doctor and all the nurses were absolutely amazing. As emotional and sad as I was, they really helped me cope and understand what was going on. The surgery was easy and so was the recovery, the hardest part is the emotional aspect of losing your unborn child.
    Everyday I think about my baby and there is nothing that truly makes sense to me. I just wish this whole thing never happened and my little one would be in my arms this November. Unfortunately, I know this is realty and I have to make it through one day at a time.
    I thank God for giving me my husband as he has been so amazing though the entire process. Our love has grown stronger and I know we will be great parents some day.

  5. It has only been 2 days since I learned that I lost you. I still don’t know if I will be having a d&c yet. I have had no major cramping, just bleeding. Yesterday I was supposed to have my first scan, supposed to see my little peanut and hear your heart beating. I was devastated on Monday when I went to use the bathroom and found blood. Your big sister was such an easy pregnancy, I guess I never dreamed we’d be here, no not me this doesn’t happen to our family. I have been crying all day and all night. The ultrasound confirmed my worst fears on Monday. They took your pictures and folded them up and put them in my file. Nothing like my last pregnancy, no cd of pictures to take home. Just me in tears in a dark ultrasound room. I’m so sad, my little baby I miss you so much. I know God is watching over all of us and that you are being raised and loved by him.
    Yesterday I passed a clot, I don’t think it was you, but I could not bear to throw it away or flush it down the toilet so I wrapped you up and planted you with the earth. Somehow even that doesn’t seem right. I’m afraid that maybe I missed part of you and that you are now not whole. This morning I told myself that you left to be with God a while ago, that you probably had passed a couple of weeks ago and have been in heaven this whole time. It seems so incomplete and confusing today. I fear going through this again, I cannot imagine doing this again. We had found out we were pregnant exactly 3 years to the day that we found out we were pregnant with your big sister and you were due just 2 days after her, February 5th. How I will always think of you in February and every day, all of my days. I miss you my sweet baby for you were fearfully and wonderfully made. Rest comfy with God and in the arms of the angels my sweet love.

  6. November of 2006 I found out that I was pregnant. I was excited but scared to tell my mother and step-father since I was not married yet (my wedding was only 3 months away). Sadly I let my mother talk me into an abortion. October of 2009 I found out that I was pregnant again. I was excited again and a little scared to tell my parents even though I was married. I did tell them and they were happy for me this time. 3 days after I found out I started spotting my OB told me not to worry and to lay on my left side and relax for a few days. When the spotting got worse I went into see my OB to do an ultrasound. I got in there and the only thing that we could see on the screen was the sac, the baby had not formed at all. Later that night I started to be in so much pain I ended up in the hospital and my OB ended up putting me under for a D&C the next day. My Dr. told me that we could try again right away that everything should be fine (which we did). I found out that I was pregnant May 17th 2010 and then went into the O/B what I thought was 7 weeks but I was wrong. I took my sister and one of my good friends with me since my hubby wasnt able to go. He did and ultrasound and I was measured at 6 weeks and the baby had a very strong heartbeat. My Dr. told me he wanted to see me again in 2 weeks. Just about a week ago which would have made me 8 weeks I started some very very light spotting. I went to see my Dr. the next day and he confirmed what I already knew… the baby had died. He wanted me to come in the next day so he could make sure. Later that night I started bleeding some more and cramping some. I was determind to go through this miscarriage naturally. I woke up at around 6 AM with toe curling contractions, and passed 3 huge blood clots. I went into the Drs. office later to find out that the clots that I had brought in were not the baby. The ultrasound was disgusting all you could see was clot after clot surrounding the baby. I said that I wanted to go through this naturally but my Dr. didnt suggest it since I had not even dialated. The next day I had another D&C. I went in for my checkup earlier today which is the 18th of June and my Dr. wanted to put me on birth control and wants me to see a Genetic Counselor before I get pregnant again. I told him that I wasnt going to go on birth control and he said that I need to call him asap if I get pregnant again. I am sorry who is able to afford a Genetic Counselor when its thousands of dollars to either tell you, you have nothing wrong with you, or you have something wrong with you that cannot be fixed. I dont have that money. So now I have my 3 babies up in heaven which I will hopefully get the chance to see them later and I will trust in God and believe that he will do what is right for me.

  7. My husband and I have two healthy children. Bailor who is 4 and Luna Jane who was 3 months when we go the positive pregnancy test in late May. We were not expecting to get pregnant so soon after Luna but it happened and we were excited about it. Talking about names and how we were going to fit the new baby into our 3 bedroom house and even joking about if it was a boy that he was going to have to hare Luna’s girly room with chandelier and watermelon pink walls.

    On the Thursday of my 12th week of pregnancy I started spotting dark brown. I called my doctor whom I had an appointment to see in two weeks and they said that this was totally normal and to call them if the bleeding changed or increased. On Friday afternoon the bleeding increased and changed to red. I called the doctor but they were out for the afternoon so they sent me to the on call doctor’s voicemail. I waited for forever for her to call me back and she said to go to the ER just to make sure sine it was a weekend.

    I went to the ER and the doctor made me feel like an idiot for overacting. He said that everything was normal after giving me a pelvic exam and he said that I just needed to take it easy and that it was not necessary to do an ultrasound that i just needed to followup with my OB on Monday.

    Over the weekend I took it easy and the bleeding did increase but I never felt cramps in my belly which is what the ER doctor told me to look out for.

    On Monday I called my OB and told them what was happening. They had me come in immediately for an Ultrasound. The US tech first did a normal ultrasound and ounce she suggested a vaginal ultrasound I knew. She did the vaginal ultrasound and then sent me to my doctor. I knew what had happened especially after the nurse didn’t tell me to undress at this point but was forced to wait in the exam room for the doctor.

    The doctor came in and asked a few questions. It seems that the pregnancy never progresses after 5 weeks. The ultrasound was only measuring a 5 week pregnancy when I was 12 almost 13 weeks pregnant. Since I had never had missed periods in the past my doctor said it was very unlikely for me to have 3 months of missed periods so this was not a successful pregnancy. The doctor ordered blood work on Monday and told me to come back on Wednesday to do blood work again before doing a D&C on Thursday.

    I was devastated. I went home and cried and cried and cried. We hadn’t told many people but I just felt horrible and didn’t’ want to talk to or see anyone. On Thursday I decided to take a bath and had to hurry to get out b/c the bleeding increased so much that it seemed that I had slit my wrists in the tub. I called my doctor immediately and they told me to come. On the way to the doctor ( I had to drive myself as my husband was at home my 2 children…and I didn’t want them to have to come b/c it upsets my 4 year old to see me sad) I was cramping so badly and the blood was gushing. I went directly into the doctor’s office and they put me onto the table and blood was everywhere on my legs all over the table and the floor. I was in so much pain and I was so scared and sad. The doctor came in and examined me and that is when I had the actual miscarriage. i could feel it all. I could feel everything being taken from me and I was on the table alone.

    The doctor let me know that it seems that I had a full misscarriage and wouldn’t need a D&C. I went home and was in a fog.

    It is about a week now since the actual miscarriage and parts of me wants to get back to normal but the other part of me is so full of grief and hates every person that says “Everything happens for a reason”

  8. I am 18, and not married. I had only been dating my boyfriend for three weeks when i got pregnant. I was four weeks when i found out. He was away, he started basic training for the army, so i wrote him a letter telling him about the baby. By the time i had gotten a letter back, i had already told my mom, step-dad, dad, and step mom. My mother was so excited, so was I. I went to the hospital the day after i found out about the baby, because i was having bad pains. They told me everything looked okay, and that it was too early for them to see the baby, but that they needed me to go to the doctor with in two days. I was visiting my dad in AZ, so i explained that i could not go yet. They gave me the okay to wait till i got home a week later. When i got home, i went to the doctor, and they showed me a positive pregnancy test and did the blood tests. Everything looked normal, so i didnt think about the pain in Arizona. I was told to come back in two weeks, and have my first u/s. I was so excited to get to meet my Tadpole. A week later i had to go into the hospital because i had bad leg pains. They were afraid i might have Blood clots. The testing came back okay, so i went home. When i went to my doctors appointment, i took my best friend, who is, and was, 8 months pregnant. I had been having dreams that there was no heart beat, so i had the eerie feeling when i went. The U/S in the office showed a 9 week baby, but the heart was not beating. I was sent down for another u/s. at that time they told me to wait till they spoke to my doctor. When she came to see me, she told me that could not find the heart-beat. I was so upset. I just wanted a second opinion. But had scheduled the D&C for monday. The next day, i went to a different doctor, and he said that not only was there not beat, there was no heart at all. They had to do the D&C the next day (it was thursday, and surgery was Friday). He told me that because there was no heart, it had grown, only because it was using my heart. He said that he did not understand why the other doctor had not seen it. He gave me a picture of Tadpole, and sent me home. Later that night, i passed out, and my pulse and blood pressure dropped. The doctor said it was because my heart was over worked, and that it could have caused me to go into cardiac arrest. The next day, i had my D&C, and i feel better physically. I have been an emotional mess, but it has only been four days. My boyfriend is still not here, due to the army, but he does not really understand the pain im going through. For the women out there who are dealing with this pain alone… I am here. If you want to my email address is Stay_fly_no_lies@yahoo.com. I am here if you want to talk.

  9. I am so very thankful for this website. My husband and I were so excited to find out we were pregnant. The doctor said at that time we were a little over 4-weeks pregnant. Last week (when I would have been 6-weeks) I started having some strange pain on my left side. I went to the ER and 4 hours later, a blood test and an ultrasound, came out thinking I had a healthy pregnancy and an ovarian cyst. They told me that due to my HCG levels, they figured I was only 4-weeks pregnant, not 6, and because they couldn’t see a baby on the ultrasound.

    They wanted me to come back for a follow-up on Monday. I brought my husband and we sat in the waiting room for 2 hours before asking if we would be seen. Turns out they forgot to enter us into the system. We were sent back to see a doctor about an hour and a half later, and they did another blood test. The ultrasound department was closed due to the Canadian holiday. Another hour later the blood test came back and the doctor came in to our “curtained area”.

    He didn’t close the curtain in the busy ER area and proceeded to tell us very matter-of-factly that my hormone levels had dropped to 140 and that I would be referred to the Early Pregnancy Loss clinic within the hospital and to go home, that they would call me. I finally managed the courage to ask through tears “does this mean we’re not going to have a baby?”. He just said yes and walked away, leaving me to fall apart in my husband’s arms.

    I wish the medical community would be a little bit more sensitive when giving difficult results. It was my first pregnancy and we were so very excited about it and to have him very non-chalantly give me the news right in front of a busy ER was unacceptable and cruel in my eyes. A bit of privacy, even with just the curtain would have been nice. I walked out sobbing with everyone staring and whispering. It was the most awful experience I have ever been through.

    I don’t know what is going on with my body. My breasts still hurt and I’m still having pain on my left side only. No one explained anything to me about what I can expect or what I should do.

    I called the clinic that they were going to refer me to and the earliest I can get in is Thursday morning. I’m so very concerned that this is ectopic because I haven’t had any bleeding, just a tiny bit of spotting yesterday.

    I’m hoping to get a hold of my family doctor today because I don’t want to wait until Thursday if this is ectopic.

    I know that these things happen but it’s still devastating news to receive. I am very lucky that I have some close friends and family that know the situation and who are being extremely supportive during this difficult time. I also have the best husband in the world, who has been incredible.

    Hopefully I’ll get some answers soon on what is happening. I’m scared.

  10. I am 10.5 weeks pregnant and going in for a D&C tomorrow morning at 7:00am. This is my second miscarriage and I am losing hope at ever having a baby. My first miscarriage occurred at 6 weeks and I passed it on my own. We never had an u/s. With this pregnancy, I had an u/s at 8.5 weeks and saw a strong heartbeat. However, my doctor said the baby was measuring small and my dates were probably off. I tried to convince myself that everything was fine. When I had my u/s today, there was no heartbeat. She gave me my options and I immediately decided I want the D&C as soon as possible. We are making an appt. with a fertility specialist and hoping for the best.

  11. Thanks everyone for your stories. I am 7 weeks post-missed miscarriage, and for those who have newly miscarried, it does get better and you will find happiness in your life.

    I’m 34- my husband and I got pregnant basically the first time we had unprotected sex on vacation in Maui. I know I was pregnant a week after, while we were still on vacation. I confirmed it by HPT a few days after my period was due. It was so easy that I got cocky, so it didn’t occur to me that something could go wrong. We told pretty much everyone we knew before our first prenatal appointment at 8.5 weeks.

    The baby looked good, we saw the heartbeat, though it wasn’t as far developed as we thought (7.5 weeks). I didn’t think anything of it, although I was absolutely sure when my last period started and when we conceived.

    I had terrible pregnancy symptoms- nausea, vomiting, round ligament pains, swollen belly, large painful breasts, etc. My OB told me to drink a lot more water, and I started to feel remarkably better a few days later. A month went by, my belly got bigger, I still felt like crap, and I had no bleeding, no cramping, no idea.

    We went for a nuchal translucency screening at 12 weeks. The baby looked no different than the first u/s, just a tiny fetus sitting there in this huge sac. The doctor didn’t have to tell me- I could tell by the look on the tech’s face that the baby had died just after our first u/s. The next 24 hours were terrible- I had lost my young father unexpectedly a few months before and wasn’t very well equipped to handle the grief.

    I opted for the D&C right away- I was horrified that I had been carrying around a dead fetus for 4 weeks and had no idea. It didn’t seem like I was going to miscarry naturally any time soon, and I really needed to have the fetus out for peace of mind. I had an abortion 5 years ago and used the chemical version, and it was so painful and awful that I couldn’t bear to do it again.

    The surgery was quick and tidy, and less painful than the chemical removal. It hurt worse that a bad period, though, for 3-4 days it felt just like someone had scraped out my uterus.

    I was crushed, devastated, angry, crazy, all of that. I was mad at my husband who was sad FOR me, but not with me. I hated having to tell everyone that we’d told (which was everyone). I was mad at all of the pregnant women I saw, all the people with babies. I didn’t work for a week. I told and retold my story. I cried a lot.

    But a few days later, the clouds parted a little and the sun poked through. I took advantage of the pregnancy symptoms being completely gone and went climbing with my husband. I think a lot of the initial craziness is partly due to hormones. Things got better and I decided to pick up running. I had a marguerita. I rode my bike. I stopped saying “I’m not pregnant”, and started saying “I’m not pregnant yet”. I see a therapist. I don’t pretend like it never happened and I explained the process to my nieces and nephews.

    Don’t get me wrong. I miss our baby. We didn’t name it (although it’s nickname was Lillikoi), or have a ceremony, but that’s our style. Every day is brighter. I’ve had a regular period, and we’re thinking about stopping the condoms this week. We’re emotionally and physically ready to welcome a new life!

    Hang tight people- it might take 6 weeks or 6 months (or longer) but you will see the light again. Get help. Get out of the house. Don’t throw out your u/s pictures yet (I regret doing that). Exercise. Take a vacation. Watch funny movies. Tell your story. Talk to other people with similar stories. Try not to shut out your husband (dense as he may be). Do something new with your hair. Live your life. Your little one would not want you to suffer forever.

  12. I fell pregnant last year, September 2009, and to be honest, I can’t really remember the ins and outs of my pregnancy feelings and symptoms- the pregnancy wasn’t planned, and my boyfriend and I were anxious about the arrival of a baby.

    Within a week of coming to terms of being pregnant, I started spotting one night, followed by heavier bleeding- and then a few days later I miscarried on my bathroom floor. It was the most excrutiating pain I have ever felt in my life, and I could swear (without experience) that I was in labour. It was a mixture of horrendous cramping, extreme gushing of clots and blood and I vomiting with the pain. My boyfriend remained outside the bathroom, unable to really do anything but listen to me cry. I don’t know how far along I was, and never seen a Doctor until some weeks later. I was completely sure that everything had passed that day in the bathroom.

    One evening, over a week later, we went for dinner to try to cheer up. I went to the bathroom, and afterwards found a huge clot/tissue in the bowl.

    Although my baby wasn’t planned, my partner and I were absolutely devestated, and it was an extremely hard time for me. I still regret that loss and always will.

    Putting things down to fate and whatever else made it easier to deal with, we continued with our normal lives. (Although my year was definately affected by the loss).

    Two weeks ago, Sunday, we found out we were expecting, via a digital pregnancy test which told me I was 3 weeks plus. Since my previous miscarriage last year and being unknown to how far along I was, I had kept a meticulous diary of my periods- so this time, I know that I am/was 7 weeks, 5 days. Our first appointment with the Doctor is/was Monday 6th.

    Compared to last time, our excitment was uncontrollable. IAnd now, regretably, we have told everyone our news!. In the two weeks knowing, we’ve talked about names and crazy things like that. I’ve already started lathering Bio-oil on to prevent stretch-marks, and my boyfriend ordered me a pregnancy journal a few days ago, to document the pregnancy.

    Yesterday my symptoms of nausea and extremely unbearable to-touch-breasts, subsided and I started spotting. I was devestated and couldn’t stop crying. I read alot of websites reassuring me this was probably normal etc etc and felt a little bit at ease. Today I’m bleeding heavier and with tissue and clots.

    My heart is completely broken. I dread what is to come.

    This site has thankfully, made me aware that I am not alone.

  13. I don’t really know how to begin my story but I have been searching online for information all week and found this website simple but so helpful.
    I have two lovely children three and 18 months. My husband and I wanted one more and our first two pregnancies had been text book so when we only tried for three months and got pregnant we thought it was perfect. I feel silly now but after only a few weeks we told everyone thinking nothing bad would happen to us. Everything was normal and I was so excited.
    On the day after fathers day we went to have a dating scan at nine weeks as I wasn’t sure of my dates. I wasn’t going to as I thought it was not needed but we wanted to see the baby. We took both the kids and I was jumping with joy. I layer down for the scan and I could see there was no heart beat. I rushed over to my lovely OB who saw me straight away he ultrasounded and then checked my dates and he confirmed it was a missed miscarriage and that the baby was only seven weeks old. He said I would probably miscarry in a week and booked a follow up appointment for me. I went home bitterly disappointed and sad a little in denial too as I still felt pregnant.
    A week later feeling numb all over I went to see the OB and decided on a d&c on the Thursday just to get it over with but as Thursday arrived I miscarried that morning naturally which is what I preferred. The OB checked me and even apologized and hugged me, he felt truly sorry for me. Great doctor
    Now a week later I have scrubbed the weeks of the calendar deleted my birth apps on my phone and told a lot of people.
    I am a nurse and after talking to people and reading this site I know it can be just one of those things, a genetic flaw. No ones fault. I have two
    Lovely children. I can try again in a few months.
    But some how it’s all I can think of, I feel sad yeah but more empty, I want to be pregnant. I like it. I feel silly for getting my hopes up before twelve weeks.
    My head says it part of nature but my heart is sad for the little person who could have been.
    It died at seven weeks but I didn’t miscarry till eleven weeks, I thought the end of the process would make me feel better but today would have been twelve weeks and I just feel lost.
    I hope this feeling subsides soon.
    I wish happy positive pregnancies for all that visit this site and thank you for reading my story.

  14. July 7, 2010 – I had returned home from a business trip and realized I was about two days late for my period. My husband bugged me about taking a pregnancy test because we’d been trying for six months to conceive and he said that I just “looked different.” The next morning, I took a pregnancy test and was shocked to find the second line appear. After six months of hoping (and many negative pregnancy tests), I had finally seen the second pink line! I woke my husband up and made him read the results, just to be sure. I took a second pregnancy test later that night, same results, and a third the next day – again it said I was pregnant. I called my doctor, and because of the 4th of July I was unable to get in to confirm the pregnancy that week. We were leaving to visit my family the next week, so I scheduled the appointment the following week after we returned home. We told his family, my family and my best friend and began lightheartedly bickering over whether we wanted a boy or a girl.

    July 19th – I went to my OB/GYN and my pregnancy was confirmed! I was told, based on my LMP, that I was six weeks along and that they were scheduling me for an ultrasound in three weeks to verify the size of the baby.

    July 27th – I woke up this morning and was shocked to find brown blood on the toilet paper when I went to the bathroom. Frightened, I called my OB/GYN and was told it was probably old blood from implantation or my cervix, that lots of women bleed during the first trimester and to call back if it got worse.

    July 29th – The bleeding was still brown in color, but seemed to be heavier. Initially, I only saw the blood when I used toilet paper after going to the bathroom. I began seeing blood accumulate on my panties, and was starting to get worried. I called my OB/GYN back and they scheduled me for an ultrasound the next day.

    July 30th – I went in for my ultrasound, and they were able to find a heartbeat. I felt such a weight off my shoulders and was so relieved. The doctor told my husband and I that they had to push back the due date by four days (I was originally due on March 14th, they moved my due date to March 18th), but that was normal and not to be worried.

    August 3rd – Late in the evening, as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed that my underwear felt wet (like when you’ve started your period). I ran into the bathroom and found that I was bleeding bright red and heavier than I had been (though not as heavy as I thought you’d bleed when having a miscarriage). I called my OB/GYN in a panic and the answering service patched me through to the on-call doctor immediately. She reassured me that since I wasn’t cramping, I was probably fine but to call and schedule an appointment with my doctor the next day.

    August 4th – I called my OB/GYN and they scheduled another ultrasound for the following day. They told me they weren’t very worried because I was experiencing no cramping, but since I was bleeding, they wanted to take a look. Their ultrasound machine was broken, so they sent me to the hospital that my doctor works with.

    August 5th – My husband and I appeared for my ultrasound appointment. The technician let us watch, but was very quiet the whole time. After the ultrasound (I had both a regular ultrasound and a transvaginal ultrasound), she told me to get dressed and she would be back. My husband and I sat there for twenty terrifying minutes until a timid knock sounded at the door. The ultrasound technician opened the door and handed a cordless phone to me – stating that she had my doctor’s office on the phone. I knew. My heart broke. The nurse on the phone said that the hospital can’t give out any results, to come in. We drove the five minutes to the doctor’s office where we learned that they were no longer able to find the heartbeat.

    August 6th – After discussion with my doctor, I decided to use Misoprostal to complete the miscarriage. My body appeared to recognize the failed pregnancy (a term I HATE), but I didn’t want to be going through a miscarriage for weeks, waiting for my body to shed all the tissue. Misoprostal helps your body to shed all the tissue within 24-48 hours. Until I took the medication, I had never had any cramping or pain. Once I took the medication, I went into what I can only assume to be labor (this was our first), and was in significant pain, emotionally and physically, for the next 24 hours, but after going back for my follow up appointment, it was found that I had a clean uterus.

    It has been seven weeks since I miscarried. There are still days where my heart breaks, and it’s amazing how many women I’ve learned have had miscarriages since experiencing mine. My period is due next week, and my doctor told me that once I had two periods, we could start trying again. I’m eager to start trying again, but terrified that I’ll have to go through this again. It’s difficult to learn that I’ll always have one more pregnancy than child – even when I’m changing doctors, I’ll have to put one more pregnancy. A part of me will always be sad, and though I’ve had more happy days than sad days in the past couple of weeks, there are still days where I can barely leave the house. I’m sure the pain lessens, but does the fear that this will happen again?

  15. My story started a little over a year ago. My husband and I decided that we wanted to start a family and we were so happy that after only three month we had a positive home test. This was at the end of April 2009. I went to the local health unit to confirm and was told that I was 6wks and 5dys.They told me to make an appointment with the ob and I did but it was 3 wks later. I felt fine and thought I was just one of those lucky people that didn’t have morning sickness. I had a wonderful birthday weekend and then the next weekend was mothers day . My in-laws even bought me a mommy to be card and gave me a plant on mother’s day. Everything was perfect and I remeber thinking that next year my husband would have to buy me a gift on mothers day. I was scared when I started spotting on that week I called the doctor and was told not to worry that it was most likely implant bleeding and to just keep my appointment. It stopped the next day but by that Sunday it started again and was heavier. We went to the er and the doctor I had an appointment with was on call so he did an u/s . He said it was hard to tell because the baby was small but he thought he saw a heart beat and that he would check again at my appointment in 2 dys. I didn’tthink much of it then but he said the baby measured 4wks after we left I thought well thats funny someone is wrong cause by the other places count I should have been almost 9 wks. That bugged me but I thought the first place must have been wrong since they never did an u/s. My sister took to my appointment 2days later and thats when the doctor told me that the baby had not grown anymore and he couldn’t find a h/b. I was crushed and had to callmy husband at work to tell him the new. The doctor sent to start to the hospital for a d&c. He told me to give it a month and try again.

    We waiting until I had a normal period like the doctor said and started to try again . We were so happy and suprised to find out that on the first try I was pregant again . I went back to the health unit and was told I was 5 wks(July 2009) but this time the health unit wanted to keep a check on me until my appointment with the ob. On my second trip to the health uint they took blood and was about to do a pap when the nurse said u have some inside bleeding. I was so scared we had just went though this and I did not want it to happen again. They called the ob and he said for me to come straight to his office. When I got there he did a u/s and said that everything was fine the baby had a strong h/b and measured just right. I was so relieved. He did say I had a infection that was causing the bleeding and put me on antibiotics. He made me an appointment for 2 wks later. I was so happy that everything was ok but still scared because of our loss just a few moths earlier. My sister was going to go to my appointment with me but over slept so my husband took off work after lunch to go with me. I was so happy that he would get to see the baby and the h/b but when the doctor did the u/s he couldn’t find a h/b. I was do hurt but the doctor said we would wait a few days and check again since the baby measured right. I had and appointment a week later when I would have been 9 wks but that weekend the bleeding started . We went straight to the er but our doctor was out of town and his sub, said that I sould wait and see my doctor on Monday. When I saw the doctor on Monday there was no h/band the baby had not grown any I was 8wks 5dys still . He said he wanted me to do the d&c so he could have the baby tested and I agreed so we would have some answers as to why it was happening. This time he told us to wait 3 months .

    We were so scared and hurt by the back to back losses that we decided to wait longer.

  16. My computer messed up hear is the rest of my story:

    I handled the first loss ok because I knew that we would try again but the second time I fell into a deep depression. I could even attend my good friends babyshower because I feel hurt.

  17. SORRY again!!!!!!!! my computer keeps submitting without me pushing the button. hear is the rest of my story again:

    My second due date was my husbands birthday and even thought I was still deeply depressed I wanted my husband to have a wonderful birthday and not think about the fact that we should be having a baby. His party was going wonderful until my sister came in and announced she was pregant to the family ( she forgot). I was so hurt that I missed my husband blowing out his candles and opening his gift cause I was crying in the bathroom. 2 months later my brother called to tell me his wife was pregant this time I didn’t cry I just got mad . Why them and not me? What did I do to deserve all this pain? I sat down and started to pray and after the prayer I felt better I even got excited that I was going to have 2 new nieces or nephews. I felt so much better I told my husband I was ready to try again.

    Again after a month of trying I was pregant(aug 2010) . I went to a different doctor because they see their patients every 2 wks and they put me on high risk. They did an u/s and said everything looked great . I was happy that me and my sibling would have our babies so close together. I got to see the h/b at my second u/s and still everything was fine. We had my sister baby shower and got a picture of the 3 expecting mommys. I just knew that this time everything was going to be perfect. That was until saturday. I had felt really bad all day and was going to bed early . I went to the bathroom before bed and saw the spotting. I yelled for my husband and he said lets go to the er. We spent all night in the er and final got to see my old doctor. He did an u/s and there was the babies h/b and it measured just a day off . He again said I had a infection but that everything looked great and our baby was fine to check in with is office on friday. I went home scared but happy that everything still looked good. The bleeding stopped that day. I went my moms for family dinner on sunday my back was hurting a little but I thought it was because of the way I has slept the night before . I had a great time with my sibling and we talked about my siter in-laws up coming babyshower and how we need to get another pic of us all .Monday morning I woke up in a lot for pain in my back and even cramps and the bleeding was back and heavier than before. I woke my husband and he called in to work and we called the doctor as soon as his office opened they said come in at 11 . I slept off and on until then still in alot of pain. I just knew that I was miscarrying( I never had pain with my past miscarriages) When we got to his office I was hurting so bad that I was almost in tears. His office was packed and everyone around me was happily talking about thier pregnancy . When I saw him he did a u/s and found that my sack had collapsed. I was 8wks almost 9 . I decided not to do the d&c this time because I have been told that its not good for your body to have multiple ones. I have been in a lot of pain and passed a lot of clots . I have a appoinment tomorrow to make sure I passed everything. I know these next few months will be the hardest because of the births of my nephew and my niece but I am still happy for my siblings and wish them the best. My doctor wants me to have genetic counseling and to have a chromosome test. We plan on trying again but I don’t know when it will take time and courage.

  18. I am lucky enough to have two sons (11 & 6 ) and I am currently on my 6th pregnancy. Unfortunately I have also had three losses and needless to say I am a complete wreck. My persent calendar date is 7w4d, but I already believed that I ovulated early and yesterday’s sonogram shows that I am 8w1d with a strong heartbeat. I should be happy, but I just can’t get that way. All I’m thinking about is what happened the times before, how I’m almost 35 and that raises my risks, how there is blood behind the placenta in this pregnancy and that that can be bad, how things may not work out because I took ibuprofen without knowing I shouldn’t because it was allowed with my first two pregnancies, how my breast tenderness is decreased, how I haven’t had morning sickness in four days, etc. and so forth. I want this baby SOOO badly but I can’t seem to let myself get happy about it. I dread the thought of making it through five more weeks before I feel like I can tell people and frankly don’t know how I’ll do it. Strangely, I occasionally catch myself almost wishing I could go just ahead and get this miscarriage over with and start trying for the next time. (Which, is the exact opposite thing I don’t want to happen but I guess some weird little mind game that I have to play with myself to keep myself semi-sane.) Obviously, I hope beyond hope that this one is a keeper, but after so many disappointments it’s too hard to go there. Ironically, I know that this is a site to post miscarriage stories to, but I can’t bare to got there–to write that in words–yet this IS my miscarriage story, the intense fear that comes with trying and trying again…somehow the grim physical details don’t really matter.

  19. Hi, I am 23 and was pregnant with my second pregnancy. My first ended in an abortion at 19, timing wasn’t right and i just ended a very bad relationship.
    This time around, i got pregnant again, and i have a loving boyfriend of 4 yrs who both him and I really want children. While on vacation, late for my period, i experienced light cramping and a bit of spotting. Which i immediately thought it was implantation bleeding., i still wasn’t sure i was pregnant, but the bleeding was how i found out i was pregnant before. So i knew, when i got back from vacation the following day, i took a test and it was positive. My boyfriend and i were so excited. We told our families and friends. Not even 1 week later, the following tuesday, a day i booked off of work to find an OB. I started bleeding first light, with a little brown. Then it picked up, i was cramping by then. I immediately went to the emergency with my boyfriend, where i cried, paced around and waiting 5 hours! They took a cervical exam and the ER doc said my cervix was closed and my blood tests appeared ok for 6 weeks pregnant. Next day i had an ultra sound, there was some remaining tissue and i was still bleeding very heavily and passed a lot of clots. They prescribed me misoprostol to pass the remaining tissue. Over the next course of 4-5 days my bleeding slowed down, everything passed at home and that was it. I feel extremely upset, and saddened because i chose to make a decision to keep our baby, and i lost it. I question my abilities every day. All i want to do is try again. They said to wait at least 1 menstrual cycle before trying again. But, we don’t want to. Now, i am overwhelmed with when am i ovulating? where the hell is my cervix anyway? and this cervical mucus? my mucus looks the same most of the time….i am afraid i will miss ovulation. I don’t know if its bad that i try again right away. But i am so excited to be a mom, and i have the best boyfriend in the world. And all we want is a family of our own to love. And i am terrified i will miscarry again, I hope i don’t. And i am hopeful and keeping my head up. I hope that real soon i will discover that i am pregnant and pray every day that i do not miscarry again.

    I have read a lot of stories, and it is very encouraging to know that woman have gone thru this before and i am not alone, nor am i not normal, thanks for the stories that have made pregnancy after miscarriage successful. I have hope.

  20. I am 25 years old and suffered a miscarriage of my first pregnancy this past Saturday, 12/18/2010, in the emergency room of the local hospital.

    I have polycystic ovaries and have never had a normal period unless I was on birth control. I stopped taking bc early in 2010, and by the summer, my periods started to come regularly and I was happy and hopeful that my body was working out its kinks. I was unaware that I was polycystic until my annual exam in July of this year. The Dr. told me it was uncommon, as I am a thin and petite woman, but it was the diagnosis. He told me that I would need hormone therapy in order to conceive, and at this point I was not thinking of having a child, but still felt like a failure as woman.

    I had three regular periods until August, when I started skating rollerderby. Exercise has always thrown my cycle off. I was not surprised when the periods stopped.

    Then, in November, I started feeling “strange.” Sex with my boyfriend was usually accompanied by mild cramping. Then my breasts became very sore and quite large. On December 1st, I took a pregnancy test and found a positive result! I didn’t know whether to burst into laughter or cry- I wasn’t prepared but was still SO happy. It was quite a day of mixed emotions. I called my OB/GYNs office, who scheduled me for a confirmation appt. the following day, December 2, as I hadn’t had a period since August. I knew I hadn’t been pregnant since then but was thrilled that I didn’t have to wait the usual 6-8 weeks that other women do.

    I had a sonogram at my first appointment. I was so terrified but so in love with the little black spot on the ultrasound picture. I was 4w2days along at this point in time. I kissed the little person in the picture goodnight, stopped my serious coffee habit, went to bed earlier, and did all of the research I could. I tried so very hard to do the right thing and change my life. I had tons of paperwork to complete for medical assistance, as neither my f/t or p/t job offered health coverage. The waiting for approval was nerve-racking but I was approved and started to feel relieved that things would be just fine.

    Last Wednesday, Dec. 15, I used the restroom at work, only to find the scariest thing ever- blood in my panties. I had been spotting for 2 days before, but only when I would sit on the toilet and strain for a bowel movement. I was frantic, called the OB, and was instructed to come to their office immediately. At the office, another transvaginal ultrasound was done, where I heard my baby’s tiny heartbeat. I was 5w6days along at this period in time. The ultrasound showed no reason for bleeding and I was told to take it easy and not worry. I started running scenarios through my head and tried to prepare myself for the worst, even though I was thrilled to have heard the heartbeat and see the progression in growth of the baby just in two weeks time.

    The bleeding continued intermittently and with variance in color for the next 2 days. On Friday night I was uncomfortable and beginning to cramp. My left side was incredibly sore (Dr. said because of constipation) but the pinching in my bowel in lower left side started to creep up into my rib cage and around to my back muscles. I left a message for the on-call midwife at my OB/GYNs office on Saturday afternoon, after sitting on the toilet with cramps so bad I thought my pelvic bones were cracking. She called me back in 5 minutes and instructed me to go the er- she wasn’t as concerned about the bleeding as she was the pain in my side.

    I drove myself to the er and patiently waited for my boyfriend to arrive. There were children in the waiting area, and I had an immediate feeling of eminent danger. I only waited for 10 minutes to get a room in the er, and while I was changing into the horrible hospital gown, my boyfriend showed up. He was supportive and caring- everything I needed him to be. I was given IV fluids, and soon saw the Dr., who planned to perform an ultrasound and pelvic exam. The IV bag was empty by the time a young man showed up to take my blood. All this time my left side was killing me, and I started to have severe cramps. My blood was taken and I had to urinate very badly. A nurse came to help me into the bathroom, where my boyfriend waited outside of the door. When I sat down to urinate, and rapid stream of blood came out. The blood then turned black and thick and I started to panic. That was when I felt something touch the opening of my vagina and stop. I had the sense that I needed to push. When I did, I passed a large clot- my baby. As I watched my baby fall out of my body and into the toilet, I began to scream and wail uncontrollably- like something out of a gut-wrenching movie. I couldn’t stop it and didn’t care that everyone in the nearby rooms could hear me. My boyfriend came rushing into the bathroom, and I screamed, cried, and snotted all over him as more fluid escaped my body. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything but wail in horror. I instantly felt like I had lost a piece of myself. The nurses came running in and asked what happened. Charlie, my boyfriend, said “I think she miscarried.” The nurses asked me if this was the case and I gagged out the words, “I’m afraid to look.” They said they would look for me, and when they did they said it looked like a large clot and I had most likely miscarried. They left us in the bathroom, where I sat on the toilet sobbing and wailing. They came back in several times over the next 20 minutes, and I couldn’t get up and leave the room. I couldn’t leave my baby in the toilet. I was mortified that the baby with a heartbeat that I had heard only days before, was now in the toilet of a public restroom in a busy hospital. The nurse came back in again, this time with a plastic container with a lid that she attempted- and failed- to hide from me. I said, “What is that for?” She said, “I have to get it out of the toilet.” I cried more and wanted to vomit. I told her I wasn’t leaving the bathroom yet. I managed to catch my breath to tell Charlie that I had to look at it before I left the room. He said he didn’t think I should, and that he didn’t want to, but I knew I had to. We both looked at the horrifying image of what should have been born into the world as our infant on August 11, 2011.

    I passed the placenta 2 hours later in the er bathroom, while waiting for the Dr. to come back and perform a pelvic exam.

    The few days that have passed since have been a blur. I am anxious, panicky, and riddled with grief and guilt. My family has been supportive and Charlie has been great, but I don’t feel like they understand the magnitude of the sorrow I feel. I am not going to work all week, and feel like I’m letting my employers down. I can’t function normally with people and try to pretend that everything is ok. I do not feel ok, I feel dead inside. I know everything in life happens EXACTLY the way it is supposed to, but the experience in the ER bathroom keeps replaying in my mind like a scene from a movie. I don’t feel like I’m ever going to feel sexy or attractive again. I see babies and pregnant women everywhere I go and I want to hate those women so much, but I can’t. I’m jealous of them and so very sad.

    I appreciate having the opportunity to post my story on this website and am very happy to have discovered it this evening. I will be visiting the site regularly on my journey to get my soul back.

    Much love and warm wishes to all of the other woman who are experiencing this pain, or have experienced it in the past. You are all in my thoughts.

  21. I am 27 and the mother of a almost 15 month old son. My husband and I decided in September we wanted to start trying for baby number two. Late in October I started feeling moody and had various other symptoms. When I should have gotten my period I had uncharacteristic spotting. I was excited since I had had this with my son and knew it to be implantation bleeding. I took a test, it was positive. We were very happy. We told people within the next few weeks and I made a doctors appointment for about 8 and a half weeks along. I had some slight spotting off and on but nothing I really worried about. Then a week before my appointment I started spotting and it kept going day after day. It was brown to light pink so I tried not to worry.
    We happily went to the first appointment. Everything seemed normal, my OB checked me and said I felt 8 weeks along but she thought we should do an ultrasound just in case. But she did not seem worried at all.
    SInce the us wasn’t previously scheduled I had to wait a while. My son was getting antsy so I had my husband take him home and I would follow after it was done (we lived within walking distance).
    They were ready to do the us and took me back. They did a vaginal since I was so early. I could see the monitor and I saw what looked to be a small peanut attached to what was the placenta. The tech said nothing. Then she turned to me and said I’m seeing a pregnancy in the uterus, but its smaller than it should be and there is no heartbeat. She said she would show the pictures to my OB and she would come talk to me.
    I was floored. I was alone. I knew there was a chance but I honestly didn’t think this would happen. I still wasn’t sure if what I thought had happened had until my OB entered the room. She looked so sad and said I’m so sorry Amanda. Then I knew. My baby was gone.
    She said I had a missed miscarriage. My baby had stopped growing after 5 weeks. I opted to pass the baby naturally. We were moving to a new state over 600 miles away the next week and in the middle of packing and I’m still nursing my son so I didn’t want any surgery.
    They checked my HCG levels and they were going down so I left at that.
    Dec. 13th, the day we moved I was unpacking around 8:30 pm when I felt stronger cramps, like bad menstrual cramps. I’d never stopped spotting and it had slowly changed to red and gotten heavier. After the cramps got stronger I felt a strong gush. So I rushed to the bathroom. The blood just kept dripping with small clots. I couldn’t get cleaned up. I called the hospital, they said I should come in. My son was sleeping so I told my husband I was going to the hospital and I was driving myself, no arguments. I felt gushes with each step to the car. I used our tom tom to find the ER which thankfully is only a few miles away. As I got out of the car in the parking lot, my jeans were instantly drenched with blood. I was horrified. I was afraid of bleeding to death, there was just so much.
    It is a small town so once I got inside they quickly got me in a room. The nurses were so nice and sympathetic and took good care of me. The doctor was an old man who smirked at me and said, so you decided to miscarry huh?. I glared and said I guess. I’m not sure what he did down there but it hurt and I cried.
    A little while later I had to use the restroom and passed a clot the size of a baseball. I was so so cold I couldn’t stop shaking. Finally things seemed to calm down a little and I was able to rest. They gave me pitocin to help clamp things down and stop the bleeding. I had to stay overnight and managed to sleep some. Early in the morning the bleeding slowed way down and I was relieved. They did another us and said I had passed everything and was fine to go home.
    My hemoglobin levels had gotten pretty low so I felt under the weather for a couple days. The bleeding just stopped a couple days ago. I had been bleeding or spotting since just after Thanksgiving.
    My heart hurts. I wanted this baby so much. I felt very strongly it was a girl and I was looking forward to having a daughter and a little sister for my son. Now our plans are on hold. I want nothing more than to be pregnant but am so scared it will happen again. My old OB who was fantastic told me I only had to wait one cycle and I had every chance in the world of having a perfectly normal pregnancy next time. I’m trying to hold onto that but I know there is still always a chance things could go wrong.
    The only thing I can do is face what happened, grieve and let my heavenly Father’s love comfort me, and know that my little one is in his hands now.
    The hospital here has a program where they save the tissue that is collected from a miscarriage and in June they do a memorial service and bury the little ones remains from all the miscarriages of the previous year. We are going to participate in that. Plus I got a small ring with a ruby, the birthstone of July when my due date was, to remember my baby by. That way I always feel I have her with me in some way.
    I pray for comfort and healing for all the women here. Remember you are not alone!

  22. I miscarried my first pregnancy four weeks ago, the weekend before Christmas. The first week of December my fiancée and I were overjoyed when the first blood hcg was positive, we have been working with a fertility clinic for his low sperm count and invested thousands in medications and tests. They drew hcg level every 2 to 3 days the first 3 weeks, and it was an emotional roller coaster. At first the levels were rising well, then it slowed, then it jumped again. By the time I was 7 weeks my levels had plateaued and they couldn’t find a sac on my early ultrasound. Shortly after the ultrasound I miscarried naturally. Although it has been nearly a month I still feel the grief acutely, though it is getting better day by day. My first period after the miscarriage started a few says ago, but brings with it a fresh set of emotions ranging from grief to hope.
    It is reassuring to read the stories of other women and know that we are not alone in this grieving process.

  23. Reading these stories is so sad, but helpful in the sense that we know we aren’t alone. Here is mine;

    I am 31, DH is 42, no kids, no prior problems. We had not been “careful” for a while, and had started trying after we got married in July. By September I was doing my temperatures daily and all that, and I was SO excited to tell my husband we were expecting our first child right around our anniversary!

    It was the end of October and I had been pretty much sure I was pregnant- my temps were up, my boobs looked GREAT (haha) and I could smell everything in the world even more than I usually can. I was having crazy vivid dreams and beer was…ughh.
    The morning I finally took the test, I made him a really awesome breakfast and got him a card saying “Happy Anniversary from me and The Very very very very Little Chuther” (umm stupid name we call each other is “My Chuthers”, it’s just a bastardized version of Each Other…nm) We were SO excited and said a little prayer that we have a healthy baby over breakfast. As it happened, DH’s mom called, so we told her (which meant that our whole family would know pretty much right away). We called my parents and told them since it was “only fair” – Not thinking that anything would happen. My dad, after buying my youngest sister that got knocked up at 21 a house and a car, said only “are you sure you’re ready for this”?, instead of congratulations or anything- I just snarled back, “Nope, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE-remember when you were 24 and had me?” and got off the phone. Famous last words…

    As it turned out, I started spotting a week later. I hoped it was just implantation spotting, but called my midwife just in case. We had a meeting with her scheduled the next day and I was very excited, as she was the midwife who delivered my sisters and I at home. By the time we got to her the next day, I was bleeding heavily. It was like a bad period, and I could stop crying, but my heart was broken. I had been so happy, and only days later I was so sad I felt like I was drowning.

    My husband didn’t really understand why I was so sad until my mother in law explained (love her!) He still doesn’t understand why I sometimes cry half the night when I think about how far along I should be, etc. That was in early November and we have started trying again, but I am thinking about taking this month off. Then again we have had unprotected sex at all the “right” times for months and nothing has happened, so I’m not too worried about it.

    I miss that feeling every day. I feel broken on the inside. I wish I was four months along with a little pooch instead of this. But I know I am not a good enough person to care for a child with some genetic defects, so I try and be positive and enjoy the “free” sex we can have if we want to, the concept of being able to sleep in, a glass of wine, friends, my new awesome job, walking to work, our cat. I hope we are out, away, doing something fun for our anniversary and that I won’t ruin it with crying because we should be having our baby at home.

    Maybe if I can get pregnant this month I can tell DH some good news for his 43rd birthday in March. I want to feel that happiness inside me again, I was so good at being pregnant, I felt like I could take on the world, like I had found a secret stash of awesome happy drugs. (bad analogy but…you know what I mean). We have 6 nephews and 2 neices and are the last in his family to have kids, I got a text from my sister in law as I am writing this of the baby (born the day after we got married) learning to eat food.

    It gets better, even though it sucks.

  24. I am nineteen . I have never wanted children . Not because i don’t like them . I love kids ! My sister and brother were born when I was 15 and 16 . They are the light of my life , and they have been since their births . My fiancé has nine nieces and nephews , ranging from the ages of 1- 12 and I adore every single one of them . I remember a pregnancy scare when I was eighteen and all I could think was ; I can’t do this , I cannot have a baby . Lo and behold I wasnt pregnant , but I was extra careful after that . When I met Anthony , I fell inlove for the first time . He was the perfect boyfriend , and after being together long enough , we moved in together . On Halloween night , this year at four in the morning , I woke up in so much pain , I actually woke up crying . The pain was in my left abdomen , it was this sharp stabbing pain that left me short of breath . I had extreme cramps , that felt as though it was pulsating through my entire body . I didnt want to move , all I could do was lay in pain crying . My boyfriend quickly became concerned and took me too the hospital . When I arrived I was given two t4s and waited to be seen . When I was finally admitted , they did blood work and a pee test , and the first result I was given was ” your pregnant. . ” I cried . And cried . My boyfriend was scared but optimistic and was decided on keeping it . The moment I found out , I loved my baby . I loved her as though I had been waiting my entire life to meet her . The thought of her growing in my belly made me warm and fuzzy . But I wasn’t at the hospital because I was pregnant – something else was wrong . The doctors were horrible . I still don’t fully understand most of the next week , due to the fact I was given any information besides the actual results . But I was given an X-ray and a sonogram and told I also had a severe kidney infection ( I’m nineteen , and live in Canada . I drank alot ) and also I had a mild uti ( I still don’t know how you get those . ) anyways after hours of waiting I was finally given a prescription for antibiotics , and. T3s . The week went by , we only told two people , not even our parents yet . I remember being in consistent mind numbing pain, day and night that week . On top of it I started getting morning sickness . I couldn’t hold anything down . I mostly slept ,cried , ached ,threw up that week. Towards the end of the week , my mom insisted that I stay there so she could take care of me . By this point she knew i was pregnant and wanted to keep coral. My prescription said to take two t3s ever two to four hours ,but I was scared to hurt my baby and hadn’t been taking them . By the time I was ready for bed my body was numb , and the pain I had been feeling was finally gone . I watched ‘ real housewives of new jersey ‘ that night . Beverly had just recieved news she was pregnant , she was 7 weeks . I was between 4 and 6 . One lady said ” you have to becareful in the beginning . I’m superstitious , your not supposed to tell people your pregnant until after the first trimester .” ( probably not exactly like that , but you get the point .) Just like that – the cramps started . A minute earlier I was thinking ” it’s good only three people know ” scared to look , I tried to keep myself calm . I knew bleeding in the first trimester was normal , but when went to the bathroom the blood was thick and dark purple red . I told my mom , waking her up , while panic ran threw me . I was so scared . My mom told me to calm down , but when I showed her she knew it didn’t look good . Trying to get me to calm down , she told me blessings normal , but I needed to lay down . She told me not to move and to remain calm . But my baby was obviously hurt or dying . I called my fiancé and cried while I told him , it broke my heart . But I tried to keep him calm repeating my moms lines . My fiancée is 23 and he and his ex had miscarried twice before , hey never had kids , And they broke up because she had cheated on him ( also drank while pregnant ! ) the first thing he said was to get to a hospital he would meet me there . He works nights and I didn’t want him to leave work for my sake , besides the bleeding had stopped .all I wanted as to hold him. All he wanted was to hold my stomach . But I promised I would go to the hospital if there was more bleeding . I must have fallen asleep for about an hour because when I woke up the towel I had been laying on was soaked withblood . I could not keep myself together . My mom actually had to sponge bathe the blood off me while I cried . My stepdad got the car ready while my mom did this . I was in Soooo much pain . Betweenmy kidneys and my cramps and fear I was a mess . My boyfriend met me at the hospital where it took them about an hour to tell me a had lost my baby . I was admitted after a ten minute wait and heard( wasnt even told) I have a half moon cervix- I still don’t know what that means . I cried for days , and now all I think About is Recieving news that I’m pregnant again . Everytime I see pregnant lady or even a mom I think of coral . I never wanted kids and now all I want is my baby back . I’m jealous of other girls and when I see thee pregnAny pictures on fAcebook . It seems everyone else can have a normal happy pregnancy . And I’m entirely jealous . Everyone seems to think it’s a blessing I Lost it being so young . But I am so heartbroken . I think about her at least once a day . I even think about how far along I would be now . I didn’t even know a sex . I only knew about her for a week . But I have Never been so inlove with something . I watch teen mom and think I would be the best mom ever . I’m still very confused and hurt about it . But still only three or four people know And life goes on . Nobody even knows about the beautiful life I lost . And I still think it’s too unfair for words . I love you coral Hamilton . Always and forever .

  25. I was hoping for a little relief from my worries about miscarrying. Although all the stories were inspiring to be strong…they scared me more…

  26. This site is not really the place for calming pregnancy fears, other than perhaps the page about the signs and symptoms of miscarriage, so you can see if it is happening to you.

    This site is more about recovering.

  27. my name is candice and i am going to be 22 on valentines day i have a little girl named aleigha she is one my pregnancy with her was perfect no problems what so ever… after i had her i got put on the pill and they gave me a low dose and i ended up getting pregnant although i took the pill every day like i was supposed to.. i was so happy even though it wasnt planned me and my fiance was so excited we took a home test and about a week later i went to the health department on november the 28th and found out i was 4 weeks pregnant my due date was supposed to be on august 6th 2011 and i was so excited we told everyone and they was excited also everything was going fine i didnt strain myself or do anything i wasnt supposed to i did everything like i did when i was pregnant with my daughter and on december the 3rd i got up and took a shower then when i used the restroom i was spotting but i thought it was normally but i still called the gyno and she said just to prop my feet up and relax and not to strain myself. about 4 hours later i started bleeding worse and worse it was like i had started my period but only worse and i told my fiance and he rushed me to the emergency room and they took me back and done some test and said that i was still pregnant that they was going to do a ultra sound to see and when they done it their was not baby i was so heart broken to know that my baby was gone all of a sudden without any warning to me,,, i asked the doctor why the test and blood work said i was still pregnant and he said it would do that until i pass all the sac and what was formed of my baby,,, i just broke down in tears holding my belly and he said im sorry mam there was nothing you could do it was an act of god that he had a reason for this and i never doubt god but i wonder why sometimes this happened to me..me and my fiance was hurt so bad and still are to this day. i looked at my fiance and all i could say was i flushed my baby down the toilet and started screaming my lungs out after i passed all the stuff i was supposed to i started my regular cycle and we have been trying for 2 months now to get pregnant again and its not working i dont understand someone please help me to understand this…

  28. I have a wonderful little boy named Noah. He is 19 months old. It took me 5 months to get pregnant with him. My husband and I decided we wanted to start trying finally after 6 months…and watching everyone else I knew get pregnant I got a positive test result. We were so excited. I scheduled my first ultrasound for 8 weeks. I had to go by myself as my husband was out of town for work. I found out that the baby was too small and there was no heartbeat. I had to wait a week and then come back for another ultrasound to be sure. Of course there was still no heartbeat. All of my hormone levels were normal for 9 weeks. I opted for the D and C because I could not handle the thought of carrying around a child that had died while still feeling as thought I was pregnant. It has been very difficult as many people I know including my sister in law (# 4 for her) and my best friend (#4) for her are both expecting. I just find myself so jealous and thinking I will never get pregnant again or it will take me another 6 months. I am trying so hard to be positive and have hope and not to spend everyday so sad. It is extremely difficult. Hoping as time passes I am able to get rid of these jealous feelings.

  29. When I went to do the pregnancy test my hands were shaking, so I just knew it was going to be positive. It was and I was so excited. I had been wanting another child for a few years and now my little girl was going to be a big sister. My boyfriend was happy too, and our daughter. I saw my GP and he confirmed it, I was 6 weeks and due on 1st October 2011. We didn’t tell everyone, just my mum and mother in law and one of my friends. I had been having really bad morning sickness, so much worse then with my daughter. I started to worry that something wasn’t right but just put it down to nerves. I was so excite dto be having another baby that I did some shopping and bought a couple of blankets, singlets and a cute little outfit for my little one. My daughter and I would wonder aloud if it would be a boy or a girl, I was convinced it was a boy. When I was 11 weeks I woke up to find some spotting. I was scared but knew that it didn’t mean I was definately having a miscarriage so I remained positive that all would be ok, I was even looking forward to the ultrasound as I hadn’t had one yet. I had been having some minor pain too but everything I read said that was normal so I wasn’t concerned about that. I made an appointment to see the doctor that day. He sent me straight for an ultrasound and blood test. When the ultrasound image came up I knew that I’d had a miscarriage, I could tell that the size was wrong and that the sonographer could find a heartbeat. The sonographer confirmed that indeed there was no heartbeat and that by the size of the fetus my little one died at approx 7 and a hlaf weeks. I was shocked, I had still been feeling pregnant. The morning sickness had reduced a lot but it was still there, my belly had even grown a little. I didn’t cry I just said “oh ok” and went back to the doctor. He wrote a referral to the hospital for a d and c and told me to go that day. I went home, picked up my daughter from school, left her with my mum and went to the hospital with my boyfriend. They were really good and advised me to see the Early Pregnancy Service the next day to save me waiting in the emergency room. The next day I woke up to discover that the bleeding had gotten a lot worse. I went to the bathroom and my legs were covered in blood and I could feel it gushing out. I sat on the toilet and felt two huge clots pass, and started to bawl my eyes out. All I could think was “Is that my baby coming out, I dont want to flush him down the toilet” . I showered and changed, but bled through three pads in about half an hour. My mum was home so she called an ambulance for me and I went to emergency. I was there all day on a drip and bleeding heavily. All of the staff were great, although the first doctor said something a little thoughtless “He came up and said Hi how are you today” I know that he was just on auto. I had another ultrasound which showed that some product remained but not much and went home. I have been feeling really dizzy and sick to the stomach and am really upset because I’ve just discovered that I now have an infection in my uterus, nothing I did wrong I’m just one of the unlucky ones. I know logically that none of this is my fault, but the grieving, illogical me keeps wondering what have I done wrong. I believe that the reason my body didn’t recognise that it was no longer pregnant is because it was in denial.

    Thank you for giving me this opportunity to tell my story. It helps to share my pain.

  30. As I am typing this, I am spotting and cramping with my second miscarriage.

    I knew something was wrong when my nausea subsided and my seasonal allergies started kicking in. I didn’t have that familiar craving for A-1 sauce or bison burgers from Ted’s as I did with all three of my girls. And the pain from my left hip and the numbness in my leg that occurs earlier and earlier during each of my pregnancies stopped-It just ended one day as if my uterus stopped growing and applying pressure to that very sensitive nerve.

    I mentioned all of this to my OB when I went in at 10 weeks. She told me everything was fine. She did my exam. She did the ultrasound. She could not find a heartbeat or a fetus in the sac.

    My doctor sent me to the ultrasound tech who was a little…different. (That is the most polite term I can think of.) The tech told my doctor that I did not have an appt. with her and the doctor said basically I will clear your schedule as you need to see her now. So the doctor left me with the tech and her cohort in the exam room. The tech gave me a paper sheet and pointed to the bathroom where I stripped and wrapped the paper sheet around me-the best that I could with my backside hanging out. I re-entered the room where the tech and other assistant were waiting. I stood in the doorway for a good 10 minutes as the French accented tech argued with me about the date of my last period as my behind was airing in the breeze. Apparently the month was entered incorrectly into my chart. I was already upset and could hear my little girls impatiently playing in the waiting room with my husband as this appt. had already spanned an hour. My biggest annoyance was-does the date of my last period really matter at this point? Either there is a problem or you are going to give me a due date by the baby’s measurements. I mean-Come on!!

    So I finally made it to the table and I was instructed to insert the ultrasound probe myself…after multiple ultrasounds this was a little odd to me…

    She turned the screen away from my line of sight and looked for awhile with no verbal communication-just a few hums and haws. She printed a picture, which I asked to have and after an obvious annoyed look and comment she gave me one of the images of my amniotic sac and very small baby. She said the baby was measuring 6 weeks and the yolk and amniotic sacs were measuring 10. Since the yolk and amniotic sacs were the same size, I was probably going to miscarry.

    Just like that-blunt and to the point it was put into words. Immediately I started going through the signs of grief.

    I elected to do this naturally again-as this is my second miscarriage. I am very blessed with three beautiful little girls. However, the fact that I already have two little angels living above me (twins-as I was told by a previous ob “Twins are an unnatural pregnancy and almost always result in a spontaneous abortion”) and three little angels living with me does not make this any easier.

    When I lost the twins, I read a passage somewhere of a religious belief that I take great comfort in-even though it is not my religion.

    The little spirits who live under your heart for such a short time are sent from above to be near you, to teach you, and to inspire you. Their journey was never meant to included life here on Earth, but life eternally watching over you. Their presence in your life is a true blessing and you were chosen to host and nurture and love them during their brief mission from heaven.

    So tonight as I cannot sleep, I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering what I did wrong this time. Did I lift a box that was too heavy? Did I do to much yard work? Was it the raspberry tea that I drank? I will never know-but always wonder. I know it will get easier. But I will always wonder “What if?” and for every pregnancy, those first weeks are not joyous until that first ultrasound and until I hear a heartbeat.

  31. I’m 33 years old and have a 14 year old daughter from a previous marriage. My present husband and I got married 6 months ago and wanted to start trying for a baby straight away. We did and I got pregnant after the 2nd month of trying. We were over the moon and told everybody after just a few weeks. It never entered my mind that anything could go wrong. I took it for granted that since I had a previous healthy pregnancy, though a long time ago, all would be well. At 11 weeks I started to feel a bit worried, my 12 week scan was coming up and thought it was just a natural feeling. However after a couple of days i noticed my pregnancy symptoms were less. I had had very sore breasts and they were not feeling as sore, i also had a lot more energy. I had not had any naseau, but hadn’t with my daughter so that didn’t concern me. One morning I got out the shower and looked in the mirror and my breasts looked smaller. I burst out crying, I had a feeling of dread. I called my husband and we went to the health clinic which is a 5 minute walk away. We are from the UK but live in Central Asia, however i go back to the UK regularly and was having my prenatal care there. We told the receptionist we just wanted someone to listen for the heartbeat and i was due to go back to the UK the next week for my 12 week scan. I ended up being sent to 3 different clinics and getting little pieces of information, as they spoke Russian and I don’t! The lovely 20 year old receptionist who spoke English stayed with us all the time to help translate. As soon as I was told i would need a transvaginal scan i knew things were wrong. Eventually i was told there was no heartbeat and the baby was the size of a 6/7 week old. They wanted to book me in for a D&C. We got on the first flight back to the UK the next day. Everything was confirmed there and I was booked in for a D&C (ERPC) in 6 days. The next few days I started to bleed with very strong cramps, which i was happy about as i thought i could avoid the D&C. However the morning of the D&C they scanned me again and said everything was still there, so I went ahead and had it.
    I have now started my first period which i was overjoyed with as i felt everything was behind me and i could start being proactive in trying again. However its a strange period as it keeps stopping and starting and after being clean from day 6, today is day 9 and i have had another bleed. This has broken me, and i feel i have gone backwards in my emotional healing. I was feeling quite good the last couple of weeks, playing tennis, exercising and enjoying my wine again ;-). I guess it takes more time than you think for your body and mind to recover. And although i am eager to get pregnant again, part of me is so scared and as really don’t want to go through another miscarriage.
    I want to thank all of you who have posted your stories, it means so much to hear from people who have gone through this. I have read lots of webchats but this one really helps and i felt i should take the time out to share my story, which hopefully will help others.
    My heart felt wishes to all of you x

  32. I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks about 10 years ago. I had been on the depo shot and spotted the entire time. The first month off I conceived even though I had spotted throughout the month. I took like 6 or 8 tests watching the lines get darker. At about five weeks I started spotting and went to the doctor. The doctor told me I was just having a period and probably wasn’t ever pregnant. I asked aboout the positive tests and she said it was probably a bad lot.I had not told how many I had taken because I didn’t want to sound crazy. I told her at this point and she said “well, if you were pregant it was just for a minute.” That hurt so bad and ten years later I am still angry about it. I had the bleeding with the mc and never bled again. Thankfully I was pregnant with my son. Fastforward to present day I now have 4children who I adore. We were planning on having one last child and debated on that because of a down scare with our youngest child. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant thoughand not worried at all about chromosomal problems. I am positive of my dates. I monitored my temps and had a+ hpt 5 days before my missed period. My first ultrasound I shoud have been 6 weeks and 3 days. They did an abdominal ultrasound tht showed only a sack at 5 weeks and 4days. They said my dates were off and to come back in 2 weeks for a dating ultrasound. At the 2 week ultrasound. The abdominal ultrasound only showed a sack. I was asked to undress for a vaginal us. It showed a yolk sack and fetal pole too small to see a hb. I should have been 8 weeks and 3 days. The doctor still seemed optimistic and wants me to come back in 1 week for another us. I told him that I already had a feeling that this was not going to happen. He said I may be right busince there was some growth since the last us and the yolk sac is perfectly round he is not convinced. I am. All of my symptoms left a few days before the first us. Oddly enough. The day they left I would have been 5 weeks and 4 days. The waiting is absolute torture but it has allowed me some time to cope. After rreading the stories here I think I will opt for the d&c. Whereas I was leaning toward a natural miscarriage. It has also given me time to research the causes. There is no history of mc in either side of our familes. I am convinced my first one was a result of the depo shot. This time I have been reading that slow growth in the first trimester is indicative of a chromosomal defect. I have found out that my husband had an uncle that was born with an undiagnosed defect and only lived for 3 months. This baby cried like a cat and its back was curved. I realize that I am very lucky to have 4 healthy children. I am still so very sad for this little baby. He or ahe would have been so loved

  33. I live in the UK and from reading experiences on this site pregnancy medical care differs in the UK from the US. We don’t get tested/seen regularly early on in pregnancy. I would have have my first midwife appointment at 9.5 weeks and my dating scan at 12.5 weeks.
    On Day 22 of my 24 day cycle I had PMT signs so I did a HPT test and it was negative. This calmed me because there was no am I aren’t I pregnant wonder going on that month because I had that answer up front. But then at day 29 I still hadn’t come on so I took a test and it was positive! So I took another and that was too! :o) We were thrilled and so excited!
    My husband and I decided to keep it to ourselves- not even telling family until we’d had the 12 week dating scan and seen the heartbeat.
    For 24 days I was blissfully happy and so excited, counting down the weeks until the scan so that we could tell our family and friends. Finally I felt that bit closer to achieving my dream.
    On 1st September at 7 weeks 5 days I felt sick. As usual I was pleased to have pregnancy symptoms because I naively considered them a reassuring sign that things were going well. I never moaned about them. By lunchtime it had passed. 3 hours later I went to the toilet and noticed a small dark speck against my dark knickers. My heart sank. I wiped it with a tissue and saw it was brown. I went into shock, not wanting to believe what I instinctively knew was happening. I no longer felt pregnant. I called my husband at work and he met me at the doctors. He couldn’t accept my intuition. The GP suggested it was implantation bleeding and told me to book an early pregnancy scan to find out what was happening. I considered this unlikely at my stage of pregnancy since I was sure of my LMP. My husband’s hopes were further raised by hearing how common bleeding in pregnancy was. He googled and found it could be a fake period. As it got even heavier I knew this wasn’t the case. The National Health Service couldn’t offer a scan for 5 days so we paid for a private scan sooner and 2 days after it started I had it confirmed that I was in the process of a miscarriage and that it had stopped developing at 6 weeks. We were literally watching it bleed away on the screen. The sonographer kept asking me if I was sure I didn’t have backache. This worried me because I hadn’t had any pain and expected it to get far worse. We left completely devastated. That evening I felt a bubbling sensation and blood gushed out. I likened it to the rate when you have a heavy runny nose. The next evening I felt very mild twinges which became more frequent and the next morning it just slipped out.
    Foolishly I had been counting the weeks until 12 weeks. I knew miscarriage was a risk but naively believed because I was fit and healthy that I’d be okay. That like cancer it happens to other people. For once in my life I was confident and positive.
    I didn’t expect that cruelly the pregnancy hormone continues during miscarriage. Within a week my swollen breasts had gone down but then I started feeling sick again, had headaches and was very moody, far more so than when I was pregnant.
    I never understood that miscarriage was a process not an event. I hadn’t known anyone closely who’d had one so no-one had ever talked about it to me. Like many others I hadn’t considered that it was any different to how they portray it in films, i.e. that you wake up covered in blood and that was it.
    Looking back there were things that were supposed to happen week by week that didn’t. Foolishly I thought I was lucky to escape them. On reflection it indicated I certainly wasn’t lucky.
    This site has been invaluable to me. I know it’s nothing I did or didn’t do. I now understand that right from conception the pregnancy is either viable or not so it’s out of my hands really. It’s just a matter of if it’s not viable at what point it stops developing and at what point your body rejects it.
    I feel like I’m grieving more for the loss of joy and ignorance of future pregnancies. Although I only knew about my pregnancy for just under 4 weeks and it only took me 5 months to get pregnant this potential child represented something I’d dreamt of for much longer, since childhood. But I didn’t just want a child I wanted a family so I delayed it until I was settled in the right relationship and married. Now that I’m creeping towards age 35 and had this unfortunate experience after my first pregnancy I now wonder if I would have been wiser to have not waited for everything to have been perfect.
    It’s now been longer since it happened then the time when I actually knew that I was pregnant. It’s a shame people don’t talk about or tell people about their experiences. Combine that with the fact that the medical staff I saw gave me very little information on what to expect means it’s been a very steep learning curve and again I have your site to thank for that.
    I feel like the GP and hospital have treated me with token gestures to pat me on the back as if to say there there, job done-tick for them! It’s a shame the systems here in the UK aren’t sophisticated enough to tie up that visit to the GP to automatically notify the hospital to cancel the dating scan request so that I didn’t receive that. Or alternatively that the GP’s pre-empt this and advised me to cancel it myself.
    I saw my GP again last week and she advised I need another scan to check it’s all come away. I’ve been told this is unusual so I’m unsure if this is because I haven’t experienced any pain and that the bleeding stopped after 6 days or because I’m still feeling very sick etc. Ironically I now have this scan booked for 4th October- the same date as the dating scan would have been. As instructed I called them to arrange this date and I explained my situation. Her first question was ‘How many weeks pregnant are you?!’ Wonderful at her job hey? Very professional and sensitive. Even when I explained again she just sounded like I was inconveniencing her with my call. If I was having a bad day I could have broken down in tears at this and then justifiably complained about her.
    I feel oddly empowered and more self confident with the knowledge I’ve acquired. from your site. I feel as if I fit into a new group of those who have experienced it (only one group no woman would ever choose to join) but one that those who aren’t members will never be able to understand and appreciate. People who have had viable pregnancies don’t understand the loss of joy for future pregnancies. They themselves are also misinformed regarding the causes or to be more accurate the myths behind the causes of miscarriage. I get irritated by their well intended comments. Maybe I’m jealous of their ignorance? If any of my friends or family are unfortunate enough to experience a miscarriage I will certainly be recommending this site to them.
    So I will have to start working through the ‘first’s’ e.g. seeing baby family members, mothers day, Christmas, the due date etc. I won’t ever forget this one though because (fingers crossed) I’ll have a permanent reminder because coincidently I’m due to become an auntie 2 days before…
    It annoys me when I hear pregnant ladies moaning about their symptoms. I’d gladly swap places with them. Since nearly 4 weeks have passed it all now feels like a bad dream. When I knew I was pregnant all I thought about was baby and now I’ve lost it all I think about is the miscarriage :o(

  34. My name is Samantha Hollier. My husband and I decided that we wanted a baby so i went off birth control and we got pregnant within the 1st month. I called my Dr. and set up an appt for about 6 weeks later. i started cramping really bad on my right side so i was told to go to the hospital. On the way their i couldn’t help but think that this was my fault and i should have done something different. i was than told that i had appendicitis so i thought that my child was OK. i was told that i had to go into surgery the next day. so at 8 pm on Monday night i went into surgery thinking that my child was OK. well while on the table my blood pressure dropped and they put me completely under when i came to i automatically asked about my unborn child. The lady in the recovery room told me that the child in my uterus was fine but that i had lost my unborn childs twin who was stuck in my Fallopian tube. I was still on the pain medicine and didnt fully understand what she was talking about. later that night i woke screaming and asked for my dr and my husband to explain to me what had happened. i had lost a child while keeping the other. i felt like the worst mother ever im still not quite sure how i manged to get over it i dont know how i am going to tell my baby that she should have had a twin i dont know how i am going to tell her without her feeling guilty like i do. I lost Anthony Lynn Hollier on March 28th 2011 at 845 pm its been 6 months and im still depressed

  35. My story is a little differnt. Me and my hubby had gotten pregnant very easily. Everything had gone fine. I has an us at 6 weeks and it showed a healthy baby with a good heartbeat! Everything went fine until 9 weeks. I came home.from work and when I wiped noticed brown blood. I called er nurse and she said.that was normal but if it turned bright red to come in. Well within 45 min it was bright red. We went to er and no hubby was found. Baby has dies at 7 weeks. I had a natural miscarriage which wasn’t too bad. The dr had given me pain pills so aside from passing the clots it was just like bad cramps. Fast forward a few year and a healthy daughter later…I had been bleeding for 10 days which I thought was oddfor a period. I had also been crabby! Took a pg test on a whim and it was positive but I was already miscarrying. This miscarriage waa very mild being I was only 4 weeks. More recently march 2011…another positive pg test! I started spotting at about 6 weeks. Had an us and all looked good with a good heartbeat! Spotted for 3 weeks but never really heavy. I rented a doppler.for home and always found hb. I had an us at 13 weeks becuz I was measuring big. Baby looked great! I had been checking hb every couple of days and at 14 week mark couldn’t find it. Went ro dr whom also couldn’t find it with doppler so sent me for us..I was alone as my hubby was getting ready to deploy and I was on my way to see him. I knew it wasn’t gonna be good and it wasn’t. Just as I knew the babies hb had stopped sometime between 1 and 4 days earlier..the dr talked to me over phone at us and becuz of my situation and being I was literally on my way to see hubby he said we could wait on d&e. He said becuz I was so far along u wouldn’t pass this baby naturally nor would I want too. Aorta finally almost 2 weeks later has the surgery. All went well. But after 3 days waa starting to not feel well. By day 5 I couldn’t hardly stand up. I was crying in pain. I went in for bloodwork and us. Was told there was a lot of tissue left in uterus …so dr put me on antibiotic for the infection plus stronger pain pills plus pills to make my uterus contract. In rare cases the cervix swells shut and doesn’t allow fetal material to pass hence infection and horrible pain!! Do after 3 days of the other meds I finally started feeling better. Now here I am 11 weeks pg. Very hard not to worry all the time but so far so good! Hb looks good and haven’t spotted at all. I’m on progesterone ans aspirin. Keeping our fingers crosses as this will be the last pregnancy

  36. I just wanted to say how inspirational all you women mentioned, and all women who have to go through this are. I have recently had a mc and it has been one of the loneliest times of my life. My mc was at 12 weeks and everyone seems to think that i am ‘lucky’ that it happened so early!?!?!? No one else seems to understand that to me and my partner the ‘lost fetus’ was our child and had a name and a personalilty. It doesnt matter if you lose a baby at 12 weeks or 30 it is still a loss ans is one of the most traumatic things any couple should have to go through. It is comforting to know there are others that have felt the same pain as I and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  37. This is actually very hard for me to share and bare with me my grammar is horrible
    My story begins in June 2010 and I knew I was pregnant. I just had my daughter 11 months b4 so this was a big surprise. My pregnancy went along with no morning sickness or anything never really felt pregnant. But at 9 weeks I saw her on the ultra sound and she looked fine and I felt fine. My boyfriend and I were having issues and I continued to be stressed. But the day to find out the baby’s sex had arrived. I was so happy and wasn’t at my boyfriend anymore just loved him deeply. We brought his family along and our daughter. We were joking in the waiting room about the sex. They finally called us back I was so happy. She pulled the screen up and there was my baby beautiful. But the nurse had a look of Awww poor you. The doctor came in and said the baby had past. It felt like my heart was just ripped out I couldn’t stop crying I just wanted to run away. My ob told me I would have to be induced because the baby was too big. I was so scared but I new it had to be done. My body was still thinking the baby was alive I had no cramping or anything. I walked around for hours with my boyfriend be four I had to deliver. We came in at 9 at 9 and they wasted no time in inducing me. I started to cry and begged them to check for a heart beat again but the nurse ignored my please. I woke up at 12 at night with horrible contraction and I told the nurse I wanted the epi but she refused and said it was to soon. I told her my water broke but she said I just needed to pee. I was crying I was in so much pain she forced me into the bathroom. I told her I think the baby is coming, she ignored me. The cramping was so unbearable and I sat on toilet and had my daughter. I screamed she looked like a little person hands legs feet. I held her in my arms screaming for the nurse. The cramping wasn’t stopping, I thought I was going to faint. Nurse yelled at me to walk to the bed. I asked the lord plz don’t let my boyfriend see his daughter plz. I finally made it to the bed and the nurse said the placenta still needs to come out. She still wasn’t giving me pain medicine. The pain made me crazy I just wanted to escape. The nurse left me connect with my daughter for two hours until some doctor I didn’t know came in and started to perform the d and c on me. I began screaming I had no pain meds nothing. All the doctor said was shove her something already and just kept tearing at me. I passed out from the pain when I woke up they told me to leave the hospital. My little girl was born 09/23/2010 her name is Melonie Rose. She was 20 weeks when she passed. The doctors did not let me bury her and I did not get to see her again. The hospital did have a grief therapist her words of wisdom was well at least she wasn’t planned. A day does not go by that I do not think of my little Melonie Rose.
    What I take from this is take charge of your body and your health. Don’t let anyone bully you into doing something you do not want to do.

  38. I am 27 years old and have had 3 miscarriages. The first when I was 21.. I was a week and a half late for my period when I took a test in the middle of the day that showed a faint positive. I had no symptoms other than just “feeling different”. Four days after taking the test I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst cramps I’ve ever had and alot of blood. No D&C was needed. The second I was 25..two months away from my 26th birthday. I was taking birth control, but it was a very stressful time for me so I had a tendency to forget..alot. The moment I realized I was pregnant was when I miscarried and saw my baby. Although a week before I felt a “flutter” in my right side and remember thinking how odd that was and that I should take a test. I was 8 weeks pregnant. The third, was 8 months ago. I started my period a week late with awful cramps like the first time, but I hadn’t taken a test. But, after being pregnant twice before and losing both my babies, I’ve learned to pay close attention to my body and I feel sure that I was. If I’m pregnant again then I’m 7 1/2 weeks. I want this baby so much it hurts and I really don’t think I can handle another miscarriage.

  39. I have lost 5 babies through miscarriages. Two were when I had just found out and I started bleeding. The other 3 were missed abortions. I am 39 years old and a mother of a beautiful 19 yr. old woman. I had suffered my 5th loss two months ago and haven’t fully grieved over my loss. It’s eating me up inside. I cry here and there to myself but I haven’t fully went through my emotions that I may not ever have another child. Nothing can replace the miricle God has given me and the gift that has left me. I just want to be able to live and be somewhat happy again.

  40. When my son Isaac turned 6 months I was overjoyed to be trying to concieve a sibling for him. My pregnancy with him had been very routine, I didn’t even experience any morning sickness, so in our second month of trying, when I noticed a spot of pink blood at 11 days post ovulation I thought ‘maybe implantation bleeding’. I didn’t want to get my hopes up so I marked it on a piece of paper and it left my mind. At the same time I felt dizzy if I stood up too long, or my shower was too hot and felt exactly like I did during my first pregnancy.
    Three days later when my period was due I noticed the pink blood again, I thought that I was out for the month and it was my period beginning but the next morning, the blood was gone and my hope restored. This made my period one day late so I took a test. It was negative. Again that night I spotted pink.
    The following day it was gone.
    I waited another day before testing to let my hormones build up because I just knew I was pregnant and when I took the next test it was once again negative.
    I was confused and upset, I was pregnant but the tests didn’t agree.
    At 17 days post ovulation the pink spotting started again. It carried on for 3 more days and I had noticed that it was now a steady flow and the amount was slowly increasing. I told my fiance and he asked ‘what does that mean’ all I could tell him was ‘I might be having a miscarriage’. He told me not to think like that or something silly. I had tested each day and was still getting negatives.
    On the night of the third day I fell into a depression. I didn’t want to talk to him or look at him, even my son couldn’t cheer me up. I just wanted to be alone and suffer in my unexplainable sadness.
    The next morning when we awoke to my fiance’s alarm I noticed that I was cramping, no make that contracting. I could tell exactly when each contraction began and ended. They were uncomfortable but not painful. I knew what was happenening but didn’t say a word to my fiance, I was scared to face it. I stayed in bed and went back to sleep until my son woke up and was crying. Reluctantly I went to the bathroom, scared of what I would find.
    I was right to be scared, as soon as I sat on the toilet I felt something fall out of me. I looked and saw that it was a huge clot around an inch in diameter, I was devastated but in a state of shock. I flushed it and went to call my fiance at work.
    He kept rejecting my calls (I later found out he was in a meeting, sitting right next to the big boss) Losing my cool and desparate to talk to someone I called my Mum. The first thing she said was ‘is it congratulations?’ I started shaking as I said ‘No’ She responded ‘did you get your period?’ I said ‘I dont think its that either’ she asked ‘what is it then’ and all I could say as I burst into tears was ‘I think I’m losing my baby’. It was the worst feeling of my life. I later had to tell my fiance through text message while in a fit of tears. I then had to stop and be a Mum so I suppressed the tears and made my son breakfast, I made an appointment to see a doctor later that day. My fiance called back to check up on me and I told him there was no need to come home. The doctor ordered me a blood test immediately and I went to have my blood taken. About 4 hours later she called me with the results, my HCG was a 2, but I already knew. The tingling sensation I began getting a few days before in my breasts was gone and they no longer felt fuller.
    The next few days I somehow felt great. I was strangely happy. I lost a few smaller blood clots that were gone by the third or fourth day. I also noticed that for the first 2 or 3 days the blood smelled like lochia, which is the bleeding you have after giving birth. After that it just smelled like blood and I knew my baby was long gone. On the 6th day it seemed like the blood wasn’t slowing down but all of a sudden it just stopped. I expected spotting after but it never came.
    I would have been exactly 5 weeks when the bleeding started.
    My one regret is that I didn’t see the doctor days earlier for a blood test, It would have been nice to see a positive result.
    It has now been almost a month and I can say with certainty that the happiness that I had in the first days, did not last. I feel empty inside, like I lost a piece of my soul with my baby.
    We are trying again but I am scared for the future.
    I miss the child I will never meet and think about them every day. I hope to give him/her a name sometime soon. I know that the pain will fade as time passes but for now, I am just going to take it one day at a time and pray that my next pregnancy is a long one.

  41. I had my healthy daughter in 2011. The pregnancy was completely normal in every way. We decided to try for a sibling in 2012 so our children would be exactly 2 years apart. As it was with our first child, we got pregnant right away. But this time was different. I had symptoms, but not like before. It was a “boring” pregnancy. I often looked into miscarriage information on the internet because the pregnancy was progressing but not like I would have expected.

  42. My apologies.
    We went to the midwife who couldn’t find a heartbeat at 11 weeks. I had already told her I would have been surprised if a baby was in there. Our ultrasound was at 12 weeks and the baby had passed at 10w2days in size.
    They told me it could be 4-5 weeks before I miscarried naturally, so I opted for a D&C which went well, as far as I can tell.
    For the last 6 weeks I have been a bundle of nerves. I’m terrified of never getting my cycles going again and worried that the D&C may have damaged me, even though I have no real reason to feel this way. It’s just amazing how little information there is out there related to the physical aspects of healing from a miscarriage. Thank you for putting together this website. Whenever I feel overwhealmed by the lack of certainty in the future, I turn here. Hopefully, we’ll have good news to report soon.

  43. I last posted on September 12, 2012. It took me 6 weeks and 6 days to get my period post-D&C and, thankfully, it was normal in every way. My husband and I made the decision to start trying again right after my first period. I am now almost 7 weeks pregnant. Not one day – probably even 1 hour – goes by that I don’t think about the pregnancy I lost. In fact, it’s hard to explain in a way that sounds rational, but I almost feel like I’m still pregnant with same baby as I was last time. I can only imagine that this is because I’m either afraid of losing a third child or that I’m not ready to let go of the second one (or both). Fortunately, I’m having symptoms that are closer to my first pregnancy than my second, but I can’t concentrate worrying about whether or not I have enough symptoms and if things are going well. I just wish that someone could tell me everything is going to be okay – of course, no person can tell you this. We have an early scan to check for “viability”. I almost didn’t book it because never been so afraid to do so something in my life. I just couldn’t bear to hear bad news again. I’m not ready. Of course, it’s been more than a week since I lost my baby and so everyone else seems to have happily moved on and wonders why I can’t do the same. This process is so much harder than I thought it would be and I regret not being more informed about how to help my friends who have been through the same. I suppose you never know what someone goes through until you walk a mile in their shoes.

  44. I last posted on October 29, 2012. We had our early scan last Friday. It was just as hard as I was afraid it would be. I held it together until we were taken to the back waiting room and then the tears started to flow. Fortunately, we had a firm ultrasound technician who was able to coax me onto the exam table in relatively short order. I couldn’t look at the screen. In my mind all I could see was the stillness of our last baby. After an eternity, or maybe a few seconds, she told me the heartbeat was good at 157 and the baby was measuring 8 weeks. I cried more, enough that it took me a few minutes to even see the flicker of the heart through my tears. I suppose this means that our chances are good we’ll have a baby this time around. I would love to just be happy and embrace it, but given our last baby passed away later than 8 weeks, I don’t feel as confident as I was hoping I would feel. It does feel better though. Only 3 weeks until our next ultrasound and then maybe I’ll feel ready to tell people. It’s so hard to have faith, but I suppose not having faith isn’t going to change the outcome and is only going to make me miss out on the joy of expecting a baby.

  45. I last posted in November 14, 2012. Yesterday was our 12 week ultrasound. Thank goodness, it went well and everything appears fine with the new baby. The whole ultrasound process was still so hard and so nerve-wracking. The technician told me there was a good heartbeat right away, but when I looked up the baby wasn’t moving. I felt that panic and fear wash over me. And then, the baby moved. Relief. I now feel like it’s time to get excited and plan for the future. So far, it’s easier said than done. I have spent the last three months trying so hard to focus on “one day at a time, try not to worry too much about the future” that I still don’t know in my heart if I believe I’m going to have a baby at the end of this process. I’ll now have to go back and start working on trying to plan, look forward and have faith. I miss you, my little baby #2. We will always have a place for you. I hope that the many other women who turn to this site will have our good fortune on their next try. My thoughts are with you.

  46. I am still bleeding from a miscarriage I had on Christmas Day. I found out I was pregnant a week before. I have three children two from a relationship when I was young and one from my marriage last year. I found out I was pregnant with my 8 month old 2 months after getting married. All went well and I had a home birth. This time I was very happy as I am still breast feeding my son so thought my chances of conception were slim. I am 34 and my husband and I both would like a large family. I firstly noticed a dot of brown blood about 2 am Christmas morning before bed and got a feeling of dread. I showed my husband and he was scared but reassured me as I did him. I woke and there was a slight old blood residue the next day but also cramps pains which got worse until the blood slowly turned from brown to red as the pain increased. Whilst out for dinner I noticed this and pulled my husband aside hugged him and told him we were going to loose our baby. So sad because we told all our family only the night before. By Christmas night I took a trip to the ER and got treated very well and seen very quickly the bleeding was quite light then. They took my bloods. The bleeding increased until every time I went to the loo Boxing Day I was afraid to look. When I did I called my husband and showed him the bright red water in the toilet. That night we told our children including our stepdaughter who lives with us about the sad news. They cried. The youngest slept in bed with us for comfort she is 8. During the night I passed what was the baby. Two very big clots. About two inches each. I found them on my pad after a uncomfortable sleep. I told my husband I thought the baby had come out and wrapped it up in a clean nappy in a fluster as it was all I had in the bathroom. The next day I got more bloodwork done. It was confirmed the pregnancy hormone had dropped from 80 to 30. I lost the baby. I feel so upset. So does my husband. I have hope though and we named the tiny unformed child of ours Francis. The gpriest is coming tomorrow and we will probably have a mass said for our child in heaven who went to meet Jesus on Christmas Day. Despite the negative hype the Catholic chirch respects life in ALL its stages. How beautiful. We placed the pieces of our child’s unformed body on large cotton pads and covered it then placed it in a small box that was a gift from The Vatican in Rome for the goodbye mass. One child of mine this year brought to birth on Easter and one created to be with Jesus on Christmas Day. Gosh I am sad and hopes are still alive. Fear tries to creep in and say ill never have another child with my love my only my handsome husband. The brain nagging, too old, happen again, your fault, be afraid but ultimately I am very blessed and am hopeful. Thank you all for sharing and I really pray things turn out ok for you. Keep hoping and let’s try not to fry our own minds with too much Internet misery. You have a little saint in heaven praying for you mummy. All life is sacred however long or short. If we can conceive or not if we are disabled or able. Life in all its many forms. So try to love you right now. God bless all readers and all who suffer this pain. It will pass and another day will be bright because there is only one of you and there always will be and there is only one of the child you correctly grieve and always will be.

  47. I learned about my pregnancy shortly before my 30th birthday. It was a surprise and it took a while for me and my partner to come to terms with the news. We did. We have been thinking about telling our families over Christmas as everyone would be together for the first time. I stopped drinking alcohol entirely and significantly decreased my caffeine intake. I would not eat my favourite cheese anymore, and have my eggs cooked all the way through. I was looking forward to a healthy little baby.

    I have been very cautious about entirely adopting the thought of being pregnant as I was aware that about a quarter of early pregnancies result in miscarriage. I was very worried about this possibility and discussed it with my partner and midwife and read about the topic extensively. Early on, pregnancy symptoms set in. I was very tired and my breasts felt tender to the point of soreness. I was peckish all the time as well and quite irritable without food.

    About eight weeks into my pregnancy, I started spotting brown blood. I called the midwife and she said I should wait and see whether it got worse and painful. The bleeding was very light but as it persisted until the next day and changed in colour (it became dark red), my partner took me to A&E. This was on Saturday, December 22. The next day, we expected my family from abroad for Christmas and I wanted to make sure I was okay for the holidays. I got to see a nurse who asked me about my symptoms, how heavy the bleeding was, how often I had to change pads, whether there were any clots. I have always wondered about blood clots and I wasn’t entirely sure what these were. Following this, I had my blood and urine taken and was waiting at the gynaecology ward to see a doctor. I was very uncomfortable as I had a needle stuck into my arm and was already wearing hospital clothing. My partner tried calming me down.
    The doctor said that bleeding occurred quite often, that my urine and blood were good, but it could be possible that I was miscarrying. If this was the case, they could not do anything about it.

    I wasn’t able to get a scan that day, so she proposed to have one early in the morning on boxing day. As we were planning to stay at my partners’ parents together with my family over Christmas and I really did not want anyone to worry but enjoy Christmas, I asked for a later appointment. We were told to come for a scan of December 30. A week of wait and absolute desolation. Everyone waiting for a scan: Try to get the earliest one! There are more important things in life than trying to make everybody happy at the cost of your own mental health and well-being.

    The next day, the bleeding became stronger. I was concerned but I was aware that many women bleed during pregnancy. So I tried to preoccupy myself with preparations for the family and enjoying Christmas. We decided not to tell anyone about the pregnancy because of the bleeding. I didn’t want to take everybody’s happiness away.

    On boxing day, during our family breakfast with both families, I started having strong cramps to the point that I was squeezing my partner’s hand under the table. After breakfast, I got up and felt a gush. I was very concerned and quickly made my way to the bathroom. Moments later I found myself in my worst nightmare. There was blood gushing out of me, so much, so heavy and so quick that I was in absolute terror. Big dark red blood clots came out the size of golf balls. I saw these and started shaking all over. I couldn’t believe my own eyes. There was more blood everywhere. I cleaned up the bathroom and had to smile at everyone again as if nothing had happened. All I wanted was for my parents to spend their first Christmas in England nicely and not having to worry. Most of that morning I spent in the bathroom as there was more blood and more clots. I could feel it rushing out of me and I was scared to leak, literally.

    The family planned a trip for the day and I tried my best to talk them out of it. Luckily, I spent most of the day sitting in the car with bathroom breaks being aguishly anticipated.

    This experience was the worst in my life. I am lacking words to describe the absolute terror, bewilderment and disbelief in what had happened. It was surreal. The pain was barely bearable and I put on the best show that I could have, for the sake of my parents. My mum realised something was wrong so I told her that I was suffering from after effects from the norovirus that I had caught a week ago.

    The next day, December 27, my family left and the first thing I did was to call the hospital. After describing my symptoms to her, she put me through to the doctor. So I described my symptoms to the doctor. She said she had to discuss it with her superior. Back on the phone she said they didn’t need me to come back to the hospital before the scan. If I had any other problems, I should call them again. I was baffled. Neither was I told what to do nor did I hear a word of consolation. I was not informed about what was going on with me. If it was not for the Internet and the pregnancyloss forum, I would have been left in utter desolation. My partner was a great source of consolation during this time. Even today I am still utterly bewildered at the reaction of the doctor. Her lack of empathy and basic humanity has made me feel lonely, not understood, and not take seriously. I had just lost my baby and a mere acknowledgement of this loss would have been the bare minimum I would expect from a health care worker.

    I rested. The next few days I spent on the couch watching television and eating ice cream. I couldn’t get myself to do anything. I was anticipating the scan. I was frightened. The bleeding was still strong. On December 29, the bleeding got stronger yet again and I passed dark red tissue, about 8x1cm in size.

    Finally, on December 30, my partner took me to the gynaecology ward. I got the long anticipated scan. The technician said she couldn’t see any signs of a pregnancy. She asked me whether I was okay with a transvaginal scan. I said yes. I had never done something like that and felt extremely uncomfortable. She said she couldn’t see anything. There was no pregnancy. It might have been a miscarriage. She asked me to get dressed and wait in the waiting area because somebody else would come to talk to me. My partner tried to comfort me as I was beside myself. I didn’t want his consolation as I felt that I would start crying any moment. I used the last bit of my energy to pull myself together in the waiting room until the nurse came to see us.

    The nurse was kind and polite and said that one third of pregnancies end in miscarriage. She said there was nothing I could have done about it as it is likely that it was a chromosomal problem. She asked me for my age and said that I was still young. I would be ovulating soon and we could try again once my bleeding had stopped. She took a blood sample. Then she asked me how I feel about the situation. At that point I lost my self-control and started crying. I felt miserable. My partner comforted me and the nurse brought a few useful leaflets.

    Once we got home I wept miserably. My partner tried to do everything he could to comfort me. I don’t know what I would have done without him. In the evening he called the midwife and asked her whether I needed to receive an Anti-D injection as I am rhesus negative. The wife confirmed what the nurse had said previously, namely that these injections will only be given at twelve weeks. He called the hospital for the results of my blood tests. My hcg levels had dropped from an initial 14000 to 800. The nurse said to come back in two days’ time for another blood test to check the hormone levels.

    On January 1, we found ourselves sitting in the waiting area of the gynaecology ward again. On our way, we had met a girl who had told us about her ectopic pregnancy. She was scared. Another woman came in with her two kids, clearly in pain as she wouldn’t be able to walk properly. I kept asking myself whether she was suffering from the pains of miscarriage. Yet another woman was brought in. She appeared very sad and was crying. So much misery. That waiting room was the last place I wanted to be in. I was the only woman with her partner in the waiting area. I was asking myself what I would have done if I was by myself.

    After one and a half hours of waiting, the doctor took my blood. She asked me for symptoms and left the room. A nurse came in. She was very kind and caring. She told me that it was nature’s way and I could not have done anything to stop it. She said that early miscarriages happen at random and I was young so we can have other children. It was very comforting and made me feel a bit better.
    The next morning, I called the hospital for the results of my blood test. The nurse said my hcg levels had fallen from 800 to about 300. They need to be below 5 in order for your body not to think you’re pregnant. She asked me to come back in for another blood test in a week to make sure that my body had expelled all the pregnancy tissue. The next day, I lost another heap of blood, accompanied by further pain. I lost more tissue.

    Now, a week after the worst experience of my life, I am a bit better. I feel support from my partner. I have applied for membership of the Miscarriage Association. I am baffled at the lack of public knowledge about miscarriages particularly considering its tremendous frequency. I want to learn more and I want to share my experience. I feel that if I had known what to expect, the pain, the trauma, the desolation, loneliness and disbelief, I would have been helped. Time is the greatest healer, that’s what my partner says. I know it’s true. It will numb the pain. But I know it will be there forever. This was my first pregnancy and I have lost my baby. I am scared to be pregnant again. I don’t know whether I could cope with another pregnancy loss. I am wondering about the purpose of things now that this has happened. I know I will move on, but I also know that I will never forget. I am with all the women who have to go through the same experience. I feel your pain. I hope you have someone to comfort you. I hope you have the strength to go on.

    On a last note, I have not told anyone about my pregnancy apart from my partner and my closest friend as I was aware of the ever so present stats surrounding early miscarriage. I would advise other women do the same. I could not bear going out there telling anyone. I am still waiting to tell my friend about it. I am afraid to do it because it brings the experience back into reality.

  48. Pregnancy loss
    I learned about my pregnancy shortly before my 30th birthday. It was a surprise and it took a while for me and my partner to come to terms with the news. We did. We have been thinking about telling our families over Christmas as everyone would be together for the first time. I stopped drinking alcohol entirely and significantly decreased my caffeine intake. I would not eat my favourite cheese anymore, and have my eggs cooked all the way through. I was looking forward to a healthy little baby.
    I have been very cautious about entirely adopting the thought of being pregnant as I was aware that about a quarter of early pregnancies result in miscarriage. I was very worried about this possibility and discussed it with my partner and midwife and read about the topic extensively. Early on, pregnancy symptoms set in. I was very tired and my breasts felt tender to the point of soreness. I was peckish all the time as well and quite irritable without food.
    About eight weeks into my pregnancy, I started spotting brown blood. I called the midwife and she said I should wait and see whether it got worse and painful. The bleeding was very light but as it persisted until the next day and changed in colour (it became dark red), my partner took me to A&E. This was on Saturday, December 22. The next day, we expected my family from abroad for Christmas and I wanted to make sure I was okay for the holidays. I got to see a nurse who asked me about my symptoms, how heavy the bleeding was, how often I had to change pads, whether there were any clots. I have always wondered about blood clots and I wasn’t entirely sure what these were. Following this, I had my blood and urine taken and was waiting at the gynaecology ward to see a doctor. I was very uncomfortable as I had a needle stuck into my arm and was already wearing hospital clothing. My partner tried calming me down.
    The doctor said that bleeding occurred quite often, that my urine and blood were good, but it could be possible that I was miscarrying. If this was the case, they could not do anything about it. I wasn’t able to get a scan that day, so she proposed to have one early in the morning on boxing day. As we were planning to stay at my partners’ parents together with my family over Christmas and I really did not want anyone to worry but enjoy Christmas, I asked for a later appointment. We were told to come for a scan of December 30. A week of wait and absolute desolation. Everyone waiting for a scan: Try to get the earliest one! There are more important things in life than trying to make everybody happy at the cost of your own mental health and well-being.
    The next day, the bleeding became stronger. I was concerned but I was aware that many women bleed during pregnancy. So I tried to preoccupy myself with preparations for the family and enjoying Christmas. We decided not to tell anyone about the pregnancy because of the bleeding. I didn’t want to take everybody’s happiness away.
    On boxing day, during our family breakfast with both families, I started having strong cramps to the point that I was squeezing my partner’s hand under the table. After breakfast, I got up and felt a gush. I was very concerned and quickly made my way to the bathroom. Moments later I found myself in my worst nightmare. There was blood gushing out of me, so much, so heavy and so quick that I was in absolute terror. Big dark red blood clots came out the size of golf balls. I saw these and started shaking all over. I couldn’t believe my own eyes. There was more blood everywhere. I cleaned up the bathroom and had to smile at everyone again as if nothing had happened. All I wanted was for my parents to spend their first Christmas in England nicely and not having to worry. Most of that morning I spent in the bathroom as there was more blood and more clots. I could feel it rushing out of me and I was scared to leak, literally.
    The family planned a trip for the day and I tried my best to talk them out of it. Luckily, I spent most of the day sitting in the car with bathroom breaks being aguishly anticipated.
    This experience was the worst in my life. I am lacking words to describe the absolute terror, bewilderment and disbelief in what had happened. It was surreal. The pain was barely bearable and I put on the best show that I could have, for the sake of my parents. My mum realised something was wrong so I told her that I was suffering from after effects from the norovirus that I had caught a week ago.
    The next day, December 27, my family left and the first thing I did was to call the hospital. After describing my symptoms to her, she put me through to the doctor. So I described my symptoms to the doctor. She said she had to discuss it with her superior. Back on the phone she said they didn’t need me to come back to the hospital before the scan. If I had any other problems, I should call them again. I was baffled. Neither was I told what to do nor did I hear a word of consolation. I was not informed about what was going on with me. If it was not for the Internet and the pregnancyloss forum, I would have been left in utter desolation. My partner was a great source of consolation during this time. Even today I am still utterly bewildered at the reaction of the doctor. Her lack of empathy and basic humanity has made me feel lonely, not understood, and not take seriously. I had just lost my baby and a mere acknowledgement of this loss would have been the bare minimum I would expect from a health care worker.
    I rested. The next few days I spent on the couch watching television and eating ice cream. I couldn’t get myself to do anything. I was anticipating the scan. I was frightened. The bleeding was still strong. On December 29, the bleeding got stronger yet again and I passed dark red tissue, about 8x1cm in size. Finally, on December 30, my partner took me to the gynaecology ward. I got the long anticipated scan. The technician said she couldn’t see any signs of a pregnancy. She asked me whether I was okay with a transvaginal scan. I said yes. I had never done something like that and felt extremely uncomfortable. She said she couldn’t see anything. There was no pregnancy. It might have been a miscarriage. She asked me to get dressed and wait in the waiting area because somebody else would come to talk to me. My partner tried to comfort me as I was beside myself. I didn’t want his consolation as I felt that I would start crying any moment. I used the last bit of my energy to pull myself together in the waiting room until the nurse came to see us.
    The nurse was kind and polite and said that one third of pregnancies end in miscarriage. She said there was nothing I could have done about it as it is likely that it was a chromosomal problem. She asked me for my age and said that I was still young. I would be ovulating soon and we could try again once my bleeding had stopped. She took a blood sample. Then she asked me how I feel about the situation. At that point I lost my self-control and started crying. I felt miserable. My partner comforted me and the nurse brought a few useful leaflets.
    Once we got home I wept miserably. My partner tried to do everything he could to comfort me. I don’t know what I would have done without him. In the evening he called the midwife and asked her whether I needed to receive an Anti-D injection as I am rhesus negative. The wife confirmed what the nurse had said previously, namely that these injections will only be given at twelve weeks. He called the hospital for the results of my blood tests. My hcg levels had dropped from an initial 14000 to 800. The nurse said to come back in two days’ time for another blood test to check the hormone levels.
    On January 1, we found ourselves sitting in the waiting area of the gynaecology ward again. On our way, we had met a girl who had told us about her ectopic pregnancy. She was scared. Another woman came in with her two kids, clearly in pain as she wouldn’t be able to walk properly. I kept asking myself whether she was suffering from the pains of miscarriage. Yet another woman was brought in. She appeared very sad and was crying. So much misery. That waiting room was the last place I wanted to be in. I was the only woman with her partner in the waiting area. I was asking myself what I would have done if I was by myself.
    After one and a half hours of waiting, the doctor took my blood. She asked me for symptoms and left the room. A nurse came in. She was very kind and caring. She told me that it was nature’s way and I could not have done anything to stop it. She said that early miscarriages happen at random and I was young so we can have other children. It was very comforting and made me feel a bit better.
    The next morning, I called the hospital for the results of my blood test. The nurse said my hcg levels had fallen from 800 to about 300. They need to be below 5 in order for your body not to think you’re pregnant. She asked me to come back in for another blood test in a week to make sure that my body had expelled all the pregnancy tissue. The next day, I lost another heap of blood, accompanied by further pain. I lost more tissue.
    Now, a week after the worst experience of my life, I am a bit better. I feel support from my partner. I have applied for membership of the Miscarriage Association. I am baffled at the lack of public knowledge about miscarriages particularly considering its tremendous frequency. I want to learn more and I want to share my experience. I feel that if I had known what to expect, the pain, the trauma, the desolation, loneliness and disbelief, I would have been helped. Time is the greatest healer, that’s what my partner says. I know it’s true. It will numb the pain. But I know it will be there forever. This was my first pregnancy and I have lost my baby. I am scared to be pregnant again. I don’t know whether I could cope with another pregnancy loss. I am wondering about the purpose of things now that this has happened. I know I will move on, but I also know that I will never forget. I am with all the women who have to go through the same experience. I feel your pain. I hope you have someone to comfort you. I hope you have the strength to go on.
    On a last note, I have not told anyone about my pregnancy apart from my partner and my closest friend as I was aware of the ever so present stats surrounding early miscarriage. I would advise other women do the same. I could not bear going out there telling anyone. I am still waiting to tell my friend about it. I am afraid to do it because it brings the experience back into reality.

  49. We live in the UK and got pregnant the second month of trying end of Feb this year and were thrilled. Decided not to tell anyone until 12 weeks. Really pleased to be pregnant but physically found it difficult as normally very active and unsure of how much exercise I could do. Made it all the way to 12 weeks and then started a tiny bit of spotting 3 days before my first scan. We were very worried as we had no idea what it meant, phoned local early pregnancy unit who were very good and arranged for scan one day earlier than planned. Everyone great but doctor made random comment about people often being earlier than they think which annoyed me as I was 100% sure on my dates. Anyway they did the scan and I had actually miscarried at 7 weeks, so 5 weeks earlier! Went for the medical management I.e the pills. It was Painful but bearable. I feel angry that my body hadn’t realised the baby had died. This was 4 weeks ago now, feeling ok except a few good friends are pregnant too at exactly the same time which is a bit hard too take.

  50. On July 10, 2014 i found out i was pregnan im 20 for the first time after taking 2 first respone pegnancy tests that came back positive since my period didnt come in june and i started spotting most likely implantation bleeding. I called a OB clinic to schedule my first prenatal app I went in the told me i was about 5 weeks preg. 3 weeks later im stil spotting everyday but thet told me its normal as long as it doesnt turn red. then one day i get home from school i wipe and there is red blood i tell my husband to take me to the ER and they do a pelvic exam and hcg blood test and a ultrasound the doc tellss me he doesntvknow if i am miscarring t that his not sure if he saw a heart beat or my aeorta and to do a followup app with my OB …he didnt help me much. so i schedule an app with the OB and a tech did a transvaginal ultrasound this time and i saw my bby on the screen i got happy because in my mind im like my baby is still in there everything will be okay. But it wasnt when i talked to the OB she told me there was no heart beat and my hcg levels were dropping and that i would have a misscaraige so she asked me if i wanted a natural misscaraiage or the surgery i said natural. and on Aug 2 i started having contractions i spent 2 hours in the bathroom in pain just bleeding when all of a sudden i get the sharpest pain and out comes the sac with my bby in it i cried and cried i felt so empty thinking why did this happen to me i was alll alone my husband was at work so i had to clean the bathrooom afterward while i was in pain isaved the sac and popped it because i wanted to see my baby and inside was a tiny fetus with eyes and little hands i felt so sad i couldnt just flush it down the toilet so my husband and i bought a pot with flowers and burried the baby in it. This was one of the worst events in my i wont ever forget the day i lost my first bby.

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