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In October we were so excited to see the second line on the pregnancy test! We were expecting our second baby. Jacob would be a big brother. 2 days later I took another test, still positive! I called my ob to get an appointment and they saw me that day. Everything was great. I scheduled my first ultrasound for about 2 weeks later. We ordered a t-shirt for Jacob to tell everyone. We planned to tell them on thanksgiving. In my ultrasound they had trouble seeing the baby so she asked if she could do a transvaginal ultrasound. I was fine with that but really nervous. After a minute she turned the screen to me so I could see the heart beat. A sigh of relief! They said our due date may be off and I could talk to the doctor about it at my next visit which was 2 weeks away. We told everyone on Thanksgiving day. They were all so excited. I went to my next check up and asked about my ultrasound and due date and also about my blood work results. the Midwife told me she didn’t have either and they found it was sent to a different site. They would have them in a day or two and I could call then. Everything looked fine though so far. She did tell me I might not be able to travel to my brothers out of state wedding which I was really bummed about! I called a few times and they still didn’t have my results. Then I finally got a call telling me that my ultrasound had been lost due to computer problems and I could come in the next day for an ultrasound for dating and they offered me a free 3D ultrasound later in my pregnancy. I was so excited about both. That night while relaxing in a warm bath I had some back pain and two pains that felt like mild contractions. Then that ended I didn’t think much of it. Again the tech had trouble seeing the baby and asked to do a transvaginal. Again I was concerned being that I should have been around 10 weeks! But since everything was fine the first time I tried to stay calm. After a minute or 2 she asked me to sit up. I knew exactly what she was going to say. There was no heart beat! Our baby had died. We met with a doctor a few minutes later and she discussed our options. We opted for a D&E because it was so close to Christmas and I wanted it to be over so I could enjoy Christmas. The procedure was not bad and I only had pain for a few days and then I was fine. The bleeding stopped after 2 weeks. I am not awaiting my periods to begin so we can begin trying again soon. We named our baby Jaidon. It means God hears. We will plant a tree in the spring. I know someday God will once again bless us with another child. I will never forget Jaidon though.

My husband and I were planning to start trying for our first baby on our Christmas holiday in the mountains.

A week into the holiday I realised that my period is 2 weeks late and my breast are very tender. We went to the shops and bought a test which was positive. We were so excited as I got pregnant earlier that we planned.

The next day we went to the local doctor for a blood test and later that day he phoned me and said it is positive. It was the 18th of December that we found out and I was already 5.5 weeks pregnant. We decided to go home earlier but home was 1500km away and we planned to travel over 2 to 3 days. On the 20th we left our holiday destination and started on the long journey home. The first night we stayed at a bed and breakfast. I started to feel mild cramping on the right side of my pelvis and towards my lower back. I also started to feel cold.

I decided to take a warm relaxing bath and I took some vitamin C. My husband gave me a back massage and I felt much better. The next morning I woke up and I just started crying for no reason. I phoned my mother and told her I am pregnant over the phone. She told me to stay there for one more night until I feel better and up for the ride. After I spoke to her I felt better and we decided to leave.

About 70 km into the rural part of Africa (transkei), the pain started again. Luckily we saw a little village and I asked my husband to stop there so I could stretch my legs and go to the toilet. in the toilet I just saw blood. I got such a fright and I phoned my mother right away. She told me to keep my legs up and drive back to the little town where we stayed and go to the local doctor immediately.

The doctor send me to a little private hospital (we have medical aid) and they were very helpful. They did an ultra sound and saw nothing in my uterus but they saw a lot of fluid at my right fallopian tube. The doctor who did the ultra sound send me to the gyn and he said it looks like a tubal pregnancy and I am bleeding internally. (that is why I have the fluid). He said he will have to do a Laporoscopy immediately. The cramping just got worse and worse and they booked me into the hospital.

I had breakfast in the morning so we had to wait until 6 hours after that before they could give me the general anesthetic. I was lying in the fetal position and they gave me an injection for the pain. After 10 minutes the pain got better. At 14:00 in the afternoon they came to take me for the surgery. The doctor told me that I will probably loose my right tube but he will do anything he can to save it. I prayed and prayed and prayed. He was such a good and friendly doctor and he held my hand until I fell asleep.

When I woke up for the first time I can remember, it was already 19:00. My husband was sitting beside my bed and he told me that I still had my tube and ovaries and that the doctor said he has never seen anything like it before. The fluid wasn’t blood but it was some sort of milky fluid and nothing raptured. Everything looked 100% and he drained the fluid and send it in for tests. He said it looked like some kind of inflammation or a cyst but he can only really tell me what it was in 10 days after he recieved the test results.

The doctot said I could go home as soon as I feel wide awake and as soon as I went to the toilet. As I stood up, the blood gushed out of me and the whole bed was also full of blood. They phoned the doctor and he prescribed me pills to stop the bleeding and told the staff that I should stay in the hospital until the morning. My blood pressure dropped and after they cleaned my bed, I went back to sleep.

The next morning I felt much better. My husband came to pick me up and we stayed in Port Edward for 2 more days. On the 24th of December we started the long journey home. We arrived on the 25th of December and had Christmas with my parents. I was on very strong antibiotics that made me very sick and I lost a lot of weight (Not that I can afford it).

My follow up appointment at my own gyn was on the 4th of January. He received all the test results from the gyn that did the operation. The results were very good. Everything is normal, it wasn’t a tubal pregnancy, it was a normal miscarriage. The fluid was a huge cyst that he removed. My gyn took blood tests to test for the pregnancy hormones and he did an ultra sound. Everything looked normal and the blood tests were 1. So no more pregnancy hormones. He told me that we could start trying right away but it is best to wait until my normal cycle start.

I still feel sad sometimes and I think about the baby I lost every day. I am just so grateful that it wasn’t a tubal pregnancy and that we get to have another chance.

I am 17 and found out that i was pregnant. I would not tell my mom for the life of me. I went to planned parenthood and they told me that i could go to the courthouse and fill out a paper and talk to a judge and most likely he would grant me permission to have an abortion without my mother knowing. I did all of that and he granted me permission because i made up some horrible story about my boyfriend being in jail and how my mom would kick me out of the house. I had the abortion scheduled 3 days from the day i started bleeding. I got scared and i thought i was having a miscariage. I had really bad cramps to. It was my first trimester miscarriage and since i could not let my mom know i was going to have it natural. I spent hours online and this site was the one i always came back to. I went to every sight trying to find out if it was safe to have a natural miscariage and what would happen in the process of it. Well i had a miscariage and although i am unbelievably sad. I think it was gods way of not making me commit a sin of abortion, but letting me know that i am not ready to have a child.

I am glad to see these postings here. You can find lots of information about the psychological aftermath of a miscarriage, but very little information about what to expect of the process itself. I have had two first trimester miscarriages, and felt like there was very little practical information or support available from the medical community or anywhere else. They pretty much just tell you to go home, wait it out, expect some cramping, and call if you’re bleeding profusely. They should say WHEN your’re bleeding profusely. They don’t tell you it’s going to be like childbirth in miniature, complete with contractions, broken water, and yes, a whole lot of bleeding. It’s so hard to tell whether you should just stay home and possibly pass out from blood loss in your bathroom or go to the ER and quite possibly have the miscarriage in a waiting room chair. After my second miscarriage, a friend of mine was told she was starting a miscarriage herself, and called to ask what it would be like. I told her that mine were worse than they had warned me of, but that maybe they were unusual, because you never hear of this stuff in the baby books and web pages. But sure enough, a few days later she went through the exact same process. She was scared, but grateful to have known ahead of time that what she was going through was what was supposed to happen. So anyway, y’all keep talking about it – you could help somebody when they really need it.

February 8, 2008

I have two beautiful boys, ages 3 and 1 and have been very, very blessed. My husband and I decided that we would not try for a third, seeing that the odds of having the girl I hoped for were slim, and the physical, mental and financial strain of more children would be a bit much for us.

My story of loss began on the 29th of Jan when I believed I was getting my period, right on schedule. Things progressed normally until Feb 1st when I began bleeding heavily. After a call to my OB and discussing the possibility of pregnancy (which my husband and I believed to be nil) my OB advised me to begin taking Aleve and BCP’s as well as bed rest to alleviate the heavy period I was experiencing. I also scheduled an appointment for the 11th of Feb to have everything checked out. To make a very long story short, the bleeding and passing of large clots continued off and on for several days. I continued to stay in contact with my OB and follow their advice, to stay in bed and keep my appointment on the 11th. On Wed, the 6th, after beginning to bleed and pass clots again, I passed out on the way back to bed from the toilet. My husband and I went to the ER where blood tests and ultrasound confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and was experiencing a miscarriage. I was transferred up to med/surg and awaited my turn in the OR for a D&C. While waiting, I passed several more large clots, which made for a very simple procedure, as I had actually passed most everything naturally while waiting for the OR.

My feelings are incredibly mixed. I did not know I was pregnant until I was no longer…I’m sure I haven’t really had time to feel anything yet. The hardest thing for me was we are still not planning on having any more children. This pregnancy, which was indeed unplanned, would most certainly have been welcomed with as much love as my two boys receive on a daily basis. We are not planning to try again…so I am not sure where to go from here to heal…will I always feel as if I have been cheated. I was given a gift for only minutes…and the experience leading up to the news was less than enjoyable. I know there is no way to change the past, but without trying again, is there anyway to improve the future???

I never thought that I would ever write on a site like this. Currently, I have 2 children with pretty much normal pregnancies. I spotted a little with the first but found out it was implantation bleeding. However, my pregnancy this year was totally different. When I found out that I was pregnant (March 15) I was excited. I couldn’t wait to post the information on MySpace and break the news to the whole world. So I did. I was alarmed that my body lacked symptoms of being pregnant. I did have a little tenderness in my breast but no nausea. With my first 2 pregnancies I was nausea with the first child and had vomiting episodes with my second child. However, I tried to remain optimistic. I constantly tried to remind myself that every pregnancy was different. It was hard for me because I read that women who didn’t experience nausea were most likely to miscarry than those who do. I just blew it off and hoped that I would be one of the small % of women who don’t experience morning sickness.
Unfortunately on April 3, I started to spot after being with my husband. I didn’t think much of it because I wanted to believe that it was implantation bleeding. I wasn’t alarmed until days later when I noticed that I was bleeding a slow constant flow. By Wed April 9, the flow was like a heavy period. I went to the hospital and was told that my cervix was closed and I should be ok. However the bleeding continued. When I went to my Ob doc the next day, he told me that I had a 50/50 chance of having a mc. I could tell by the look on his face that he probably believed it to be more of a 90/10. A few hours after going home I mc’d……………….. It is Monday 4/14 and mentally I am in so much pain. I know that it is a possibility that something was wrong with the embryo that caused the mc but it still hurts. My pain is making me want to try again to conceive immediately. But deep in my heart, I know it won’t replace the one that I lost. I also know that my next pregnancy will be clouded with the fears. I honestly don’t know what to do. All I want to do is cry right now……………….

Kelli

I found out I was pregnant in April after six months of trying. I was so excited, and my husband was too after the initial shock wore off. I told my family right away, and they were also excited (this was the first grandchild for my parents). I was pretty nervous about miscarriage all along, so my OB gave me an ultrasound at my intro appointment (almost 5.5 weeks). All we could see was the gestational sac, which made me more nervous although they said it was normal.

I came back in two weeks for another ultrasound. My OB was great about wanting to reassure me. At that point we saw the baby and even heard and saw the heartbeat. This made me feel sooo much better after reading how much the risk of m/c decreases after hearing the heartbeat. They told me I was ten days behind what I thought, which made me suspicious (I’m like clockwork), but I figured they knew best.

I had my first midwife appointment scheduled for 10 weeks (or 8.5 weeks on the new schedule). The midwife was so nice and we had a great appointment. We had to come back for an u/s later that day. I knew something was wrong as soon as I saw the image on the screen. It was completely still, and I immediately knew it was gone. The tech didn’t say anything the whole time, and my husband just thought she was rude. She pulled the heartbeat image up for just a second and it showed nothing. She gave us pictures and sent us to the midwife’s office, my husband still thinking all was well, and me thinking I was just being negative.

The midwife walked in and said, “This is not good.” She told us the baby died probably a few days before and I’d had a “missed miscarriage.” She was very kind and understanding. She said I didn’t have to decide what to do then, so I said I wanted to wait a week and see what happened. By some miracle I didn’t cry; I barely held it in and just said “uh huh, okay” to everything she said. I did cry later that night, but for most of the day my husband and I were just stunned. I felt angry at the baby mostly, and for a few minutes I was angry at God for having let me get so excited. Then I just prayed for Him to get it out of me. I was obviously a wreck that night!

That night I had a dream that I miscarried naturally and it was horrible. I decided during the dream to have a D&C, and I woke up feeling almost completely better. I called the OB office to tell them my decision and they scheduled it for me for four days later. I felt almost back to normal that day, and by the next day I wasn’t even sad, just slightly disappointed but ready to get it over with. I was really disturbed every time I thought about the dead baby inside me. My parents came to visit for a night and we had a really good time despite the reason for the visit.

Two days before the D&C I started spotting. It was very, very slight and brown. The OB said on the phone that it was normal and to continue with the plan. I began to have lower back pain off and on, but nothing serious. I also noticed that my pregnancy symptoms had decreased in the few days before discovering the miscarriage, but I had attributed them to other things or hadn’t noticed it.

I had my D&C today and it went great. The worst part by far was the IV because I hate needles. The staff were incredibly kind and patient with me and my stressed husband. When I was finally being taken to the OR, one minute I was awake, and the next minute I was waking up in recovery. The procedure was very short and I felt great afterward. I am bleeding but not much so far. I feel so relieved and happy to finally have this over with. I feel like myself again, and I feel so grateful that this happened the way that it did. I had a long weekend to deal with the miscarriage and surgery, I got to see my family, and I didn’t have to live through panic and pain like I would if we hadn’t discovered it through the u/s.

On a last note, I think people have been worried because I’m not devastated and crying about this. I think part of it is that all along I somehow knew this was coming (especially when they said I was ten days behind). I honestly thought miscarriage would be horrible, but I just see it as a momentary failure with many chances for success ahead. I think making a plan to get this over with as quickly and painlessly as possible helped me. If, God forbid, this happens to you, don’t be afraid of the D&C. I was at first, but for me it was definitely the least traumatic way to deal with my miscarriage. Also, don’t feel weird if you are less upset than you or others expect. There are others of us out here!

I found out I was pregnant in April after trying for just three months. I was so excited and shocked that it happened so quickly. I told my husband that night and he was thrilled. I was completely naive and didn’t even think about miscarriage. I am very healthy and my mother never had a miscarriage, so I reasoned with myself that there was no way I was going to have one.
I made an appointment with my OB for 10 weeks into the pregnancy. At seven and a half weeks, I noticed spotting. I called the doctor and they said it was normal and to only call back if it turned bright red, like a period. Two days later it did. I went into the doctor for an ultrasound, but nothing showed up on the screen. The midwife told me the baby had likely died earlier on in the pregnancy. She ordered me to have my hcG levels taken so they could track them down to zero.
The first day that I went to have my levels taken, I was surrounded by very pregnant women and infants. It was all I could do to not break down crying. The following weeks I felt emotionally stronger, but the first week was so tough. I felt hopeless, and also upset that my husband was hurting too. Knowing that it wasn’t just my pain, but also that of the person I love most in the world was difficult.
To make things harder, I had to tell people who didn’t know I was pregnant that I had miscarried. I didn’t tell my parents, but they were visiting the weekend that I began to miscarry. I knew I couldn’t keep a brave face and told them. My husband told his family. Everyone was supportive but the last thing I wanted to hear was people telling me how sorry they were.
In one instance, I was out with a friend and she told me she had just gotten off the pill and that she and her husband were going to start trying to get pregnant. I then told her I had miscarried, and she got mad at me for not telling her I was pregnant in the first place. I thought that was such a selfish response. Also, I wish she hadn’t told me that she was off the pill at all. I can see myself getting jealous if she gets pregnant before I do again, and I don’t like that I will feel that way.
I just got my period a couple of days ago. It was a reminder of losing my baby. But, it’s also a reminder that I can start trying again soon.

My story begins with my first pregnancy. My husband and I were thrilled to find out we were pregnant with our first child in May 2002. The pregnancy was going well until I spotted slightly. After panicking and running to a walk-in clinic. I was told early bleeding is very common and not too worry. Hubby and I were satisfied with this response. We continued planning this pregnancy with the purchase of a new crib. Two days later came the ultrasound. I was quickly informed that my husband was not allowed to enter the room. At this point, I was 13 weeks pregnant. It turned out I had a molar pregnancy which devastated me. Not only was my health in danger, but I also had to wait a complete year before attempting to conceive again. A D&C was performed and I had no health problems afterwards. It was a very long year of crying and depression. Very difficult on a couple who just got married.

We were thrilled to find out we were pregnant again with our son who was born in 2006. What a joy!

Pregnancy number three was confirmed in May 2008…on Mother’s Day…how perfect! Thinking nothing could go wrong, our news was announced to everyone. Had lots of symptoms, especially nausea in the evening. At 10 weeks started the dark brown spotting, sometimes a watery pink. Rushed to the ER where an u/s was performed. A fetus was detected in the uterus with a strong fetal hearbeat. Thank God! The spotting had stopped immediately just to start again two weeks later.

Another u/s was performed and I knew it was not going to be good news. They used a transvaginal ultrasound, which was not needed before. The technician said nothing and told me to follow up with my doctor. It has been 5 days and no results yet. However, I started to bleed bright red with lots for cramps. Friday night, I woke up with terrible cramps and passed several large clots and a lot of blood. The cramping then subsided. I was sure the miscarriage was done. Saturday night came terrible cramps, which can only be described as labor. They started at 10 pm and by 3 AM, I felt the urge to push. I went to the washroom and a clot the size of a baseball came out of me. The pain was finally over; the physical pain that is. Thank goodness for sites like these. I was able to read up about miscarriages therefore preparing me for what was to come. I will be seeing my OB in the next few days. In the meantime, the bleeding is similar to a period and no more cramping. Maybe we will try again…time will tell.

I am Rh neg blood type. Who would have ever thought that we could write about our “nightmares”. I am someone who has been unwell for more than five years constant illnesses like bartolini, ovarian cyst, polyps in uterus.
I had Laparascopy june 2007, hysterescopy procedure removal uterus polyps on 16 March 2008. Shortly after procedure I had a small bleeding but it stopped.
On 14 April 2008 as I can remember I had a period but for 2,3 days.i m not sure
In may june 2008 i had no period.
on 14 june i did 2 pregn test turned positive
and 2 blood tests in which i had hcg 46000 and on 30 june 2008 36000.
2 Ultrasound results showed empty sac.
At 7 weeks and 2 days
one more U/s was done on 30 june same results.
On 30 june 2008 at 1.45 I had an appointment with Gyn for reg. check up and during waiting in the hospital i began having cramps and small bleeding started. Day before i had a cramps in my breast and little brown spotting and little pain.
During examination on 30/june 2008 doctor said that it is M/C less than 8 weeks into pregnancy and D/C must be done and everything in uterus must go outside and must be clean
They moved me into ER in Sandrigham hospital Melbourne Australia where I was under great and good care of doctors Cassidi and Neta and they told me that I could have two choices
conservative management to go home and to wait for natural complete M/c or
to do D/c that night at 9p.m.
They told me to come back to the ER if I continue having heavy bleeding for more than 2 3 days. So I went home and on MONDAY 30 June night, 1/07/2008 as I was sleeping I could feel cramps in small rituals and they were coming regularly with heavy bleeding. I Was cold too. I wrap my self into warm blanket and spend that night in horror. The bleeding made me to wake up every one hour to change and by the early morning i had 4 aspirins for pain. Next morning I woke up with less pain and smaller bleeding I was fine from 9 till 12 pm tuesday 1 july 08. Around 1 p.m. small thing like blood cloth around 1 cm came out of me when i went to toilet.
I did not throw this thing in garbage I put it in a plastic bag and into a freezer and later on i will plant a tree as that thing is a dead embryo.
Later the same day around 4 p.m.i had a shivering, cramps very heavy cramps and pain and almost could not stand to go to toilet i somehow managed to go to toilet. I had emptied everything i had before all food.
I had a cold fever, almost cold sweating and was thinking i need to go to ER again.
My parents had a nightmare dream that i am in pain and they call me and they yell at me you need to go to hospital. You CAN DIE…
Dobry my partner with whom i could not stay pregnant for more than 24 months due to previous ovarian cyts and polyps which were removed, and is so anxious to have family, drove me to Sunshine hospital at 7 pm 1 july 2008.
In Hospital they examined me and they found a not so large sac around 4 5 cm and got that thing from cervix. So in the less 24 hours i had expelled everything naturally and they send me home at 1 a.m and gave me referral for new U/S TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS COMPLETED
complete M/c if it is not than i will need d/c.
wedn. 2 july until 12 july 2008 i have’t had any heavy bleeding few drops and i started eating and feeling my self again.
During previous two three months i felt tired, so sleepy, have throw out few times in the morning and at night and was very very exhausted.
Gain weight too.
today 12 july 2008 i had a follow up U/s and on tuesday i am going for results.
on the u/s they saw only small bood clots hopefuly will go..
Did i stay pregnant too early after hysterescopy which was uterus polyps removal in march 2008?
As i did not have periods 2 3 months..
Three months after hysterescopy i had a complete M/c .
this is my first pregnancy.
Now i will try exercise and healty eating even though in previous 3 months after hysterescopy i was resting most of the time. So that means if pregnancy is wrong M/c is natural way of cleaning something that is not natural and good.
hopefully things will be better soon.
keep trying and hoping i will never get this illness as less than 35 y.o.

I cannot believe some of the stories I have read that offer hope for all. I am happy to hear some of the good endings. On May 5, after only two months of trying to conceive naturally, my husband and I found out I was pregnant. I am 43, he is 45. We were ecstatic to say the least. We made the mistake of telling our parents, I told some close colleagues as well. We felt it must be meant to happen. Unfortunately, by the time I went back for my second set of HCG numbers, the second number had dropped in half instead of doubling. I was told that I would miscarry but no idea exactly when. So, I waited. I had no idea what to expect. I waited for three days. On 5/10, I felt intense pressure, and period type cramps. Then, the bleeding began with intense cramps and the passing of tissue for most of the evening and throughout the next few days. I was four weeks, 6 days. I mc naturally. I was amazed at the physical progress; however, my mental progress was much slower. I grieved and planted a rose bush for my lost angel. This was my first pregnancy. It was very difficult. I have waited 2 cycles and plan on trying again this month.

I have 2 healthy, beautiful boys and had no problems during those pregnancies. My husband and I decided that we wanted a third and last one.
In 2007 I easily became pregnant and we were ecstatic. During our first ultrasound at 6 weeks the technician could not find a heartbeat but I was not worried at all and just thought it was too early. Over the next week my midwife monitored my hCG levels which were not increasing as much as they should. Waiting for the third and final hCG test which (I understood) would define if the baby had died or not was excruciating. I was told the results would be back the next morning and waited all day, not able to eat or function properly, not knowing if the baby inside me was dead or alive. Finally by 3pm worried that the office would close and I would have to wait all weekend before hearing anything I called and asked if someone from the office could please call me to give me the results. I got a phone call from the midwife who had ordered the tests complaining to me that she had to be calling me on her day off and gave me absolutley no sympathy!! She coldly told me the levels had not increased signigicantly but it didn’t mean anything and I had to have an ultrasound in 3 days time to tell anything. Her unprofessionalism and lack of human kindness still makes me angry today! I think a lot of medical people don’t consider what is inside you during the first trimester as a baby, but I definitely did, I had made plans, I talked to my baby, it was a part of my family already.

I ultimately had an ultrasound at about 8-9 weeks that showed that the fetus had not grown and there was still a lack of heartbeat …my baby had died at 6-7 weeks.

I was told I could go in for a D&C or wait it out naturally. I have always prefered to take the natural way as I believe the body is amazingly designed to deal with a multitude of things by itself. When asked what to expect I was told “a regular period, maybe heavier with mild cramps, and to take double the doze of Tylenol. So I waited it out…for 3 weeks. Again excruciating weeks knowing there was a dead baby inside me, and not knowing when everything would come out. I started to get mild bleeding one morning, which turned into very heavy bleeding by the evening (going through a pad every 1/2 hour) with palm size clots and cramps. I staying in touch with my midwife through out (a different one who was much better) and went to bed. By 1am I was so scared by the amount of blood and the pain; this was equivalent or worse than labor (not period cramps) lasting one minute every one minute. I had taken the Tylenol and in fact had miss-read the dosage and taken 4 times the recommended amount by accident but this made absolutely no difference to the pain. (I’m not a wimp either, my second son was born with no pain medication). I ended up going to the ER who gave me pain medication and on examining me told me I wasn’t even dilated and had not passed any of the fetal tissue. They wanted to send me home but I refused not wanting to end up in the same situation, so waited there all night for my doctor who gave me a D&C in the morning. This was a terrible experience that made it so much worse by the attitude of the one midwife and the lack of information given on what to expect!

Well my story continues; after waiting 5 months to emotional and physically heal I got pregnant again. Again though there was no heartbeat and my hCG levels did not increase as they should have. Again my baby died at about 6-7 weeks. This time though I opted for a D&C. I was able to plan child care for my 2 other children rather than running to the ER in the middle of the night and I started recovery without a night of trauma to deal with on top. I also opted for what they called a “sleeping sedative” rather than full anesthetic. I was not really awake and could not remember anything, and was not sick afterwards as i was with the anesthetic.

I became pregnant a third time, this time at 6-7 weeks we heard a strong heatbeat! Hurrah! We celebrated! But it was not to be, and a week later the heartbeat and my baby were gone. Another D&C, and finally a referal to a specialist. After several tests nothing was found wrong with me or my husband, or the fetal tissue we had to really push doctors to test.

We had to really think about what we wanted to do next….but under the care of the specialist and on monitored progesterone use (as a precaution) I am now pregnant again. I have had my hCG levels taken twice and yesterday I got a phone call that they are not good. I think now I have just given up any hope because holding on to even a tiny amount is too difficult to bear. We promised ourselves that this was our last chance to try.

I have to keep reminding myself that I already have my 2 healthy boys and I am lucky to have them, and for whatever reason that was all I was meant to have. I do keep having nightmares though that I loose one or both of them in a terrible accident. I am now very aware of the fragility of life.

The hardest thing of all is just not knowing why I have lost 4 babies in a row, there are just no explanations even though every one has happened almost the same way and I believe the statistics for this is only 1% . Basicly I have been told that I am too old! (I turned 40 this year).

I’m telling my story hoping to help anyone else in the same situation. I felt very alone and “unique” until I found this website. This is the only website where I have found information to questions I have asked over and over again but did not get satisfactory answers to, so thank you and thank you to the others who shared their stories, i don’t know why but it has helped me. I wish all of you luck, and happiness with the blessing you already have in your life.

I just learned yesterday that may baby has died. It would be 7 weeksold tomorrow. My husband and I were trying to have a baby for a year, and finally I got pregnant. I was so excited to see the test being positive. I told my husband that he is going to be a daddy, and he was on top of the world. Then at 4 weeks I started getting really bad cramps, and I waited a week and decided to go in for an ultra sound. The doctor did an ulra sound right away, and my husband and I saw our first babies heartbeats. The doctor said everything looked fine. Three days later I still had cramps and when I was getting ready to go to bed pink waters started to run down my feet, and then the bleading started. I called an emergency line, they told me if the bleading does not stop in three hours to go to ER. Well the bleading stopped. In the morning I went in for another ultra sound. The baby was still alive. His heart still beating. And then five days later I had really bad cramps again that I could not walk. I layed in bed all day. The the next three days there wasn’t any cramping, I was very surprized. So, yesterday Oct, 7th 2008 I went for my weekly ultrasound and foundout that the baby didn’t have a heart beat. I felt like the time has stopped for me. I got so attached to that little person. And he is no longer alive?????? But, the Lord has comforted me. He’s given this precius little guy to me and He’s taken it. I feel though lucky to be a parent for 7 weeks. My husband and I grieve together. And, my family is there for me. But even with their support, it is very hard. I trust the Lord, that this was for the best, even if I don’t uderstand all of it. If you are going through a pregnancy loss don’t go on alone. It is 100 times harded to bear. Share your grief with family or close friends. And talk to God about it He understands better than anyone at what you are going through right now.

I found out that I was pregnant, much to my surprise in September. I had been on the pill and the pregnancy was not planned. Nonetheless, we were excited after the initial shock wore off. I found out very early in my pregnancy, about four weeks along. About a week after I found out, I started spotting brown blood and my doctor had me come in for an ultrasound and blood tests to make sure everything was okay. All was normal and I was told that this was not common, but normal, just old blood. This continued on and off for about a month and they kept having me come in for ultrasounds. I went in for a five week ultrasound and saw the yolk sac and then for a six week ultrasound, at which time I saw the heartbeat. There are three things that I will never forget as long as I live. First, when I found out I was pregnant, second, seeing that heartbeat, and third, when I found out that that heart has taken its last beat inside of my body. When I saw the heartbeat, I felt so much better because of the spotting, just getting to that point was so reassuring to me. My doctor had me come back in two weeks for a two month ultrasound and I asked the technician to show my husband the heartbeat and I could tell something was wrong as soon as I saw the look on her face. She said the fetus had not grown and that there was no heartbeat. That was the moment that I felt like all of myself escaped my body. I was so shocked, I couldn’t even cry. I got up and got dressed while we waited for the doctor to come in and then the tears came as I put my first pair of maternity pants on that I had just bought the day before back on. The doctor came in and tried to shake my hand and I couldn’t, I was not even able to look him in the face. It took two weeks before I could even make eye contact with anyone, including my husband. He went through the it’s not my fault, nothing could have stopped it, but nothing helped. He gave me the option to let nature run its course and the baby leave my body on its own or to have a dnc. We were told to go home and think about it and we did, but my mind was made up, I had to have the surgery. I could not bear the thought of my child inside of me no longer living. So we went to the hospital that night and I had to be sedated before I even went into the operating room. My husband tried talking to me and he said looking at me he could tell there was no one home. I was completely blank. So we came home early the next morning and as the day progressed, I kept having complications and pain and went back to my doctor only to find out that the fetus had not been entirely removed and that I would have to have another dnc. So I had another one that day. I cannot express how empty I feel now. I feel like the life was taken right out of me when they took my baby out of me.

I went back to work in a week and that was the best thing I could have done. I had an ultrasound pic on my desk that I had my secretary remove and I took the ones at home down as well. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them so I just waited. Then about two weeks later I got up the courage to ask for the one back at work and took it home and put it with the others. It was three weeks ago this past Friday, yet it hurts like it did the day I found out. I have cried more than I thought I could, hoped that it was a bad dream, and tried all I can to be happy. I even wrote my baby a letter telling him or her all the feelings I was experiencing and how sorry I was that I could not make a good home for him or her. I put this letter with all of its pics.

Some days are better than others, today seems unbearable. I just want to go home and have my husband hold me, which he has done a lot of lately. He has been very understanding of me wanting to do nothing other than read, watch tv, be depressed, or cry my eyes out. I feel bad for being this way around him because I know that he cannot understand how bad I feel. But I do know that he is dealing with the same loss I am and try to keep that in mind.

I have to go back to the doctor next week for a checkup since I had two dnc’s to make sure that all is okay. I know this is silly but I am going to ask my doctor if my baby suffered. That has been on my mind a lot and I think knowing that it didn’t may help me to deal with this better.

For all of you that have went through this, my heart sincerely goes out to you. Thanks for listening to me and I hope that anyone out there can impart some wisdom to me on how to deal with this.

I started trying to conceive two years ago. It took my husband and I three months. I was on top of the world when I found out I was pregnant. I told everyone right away. My sister in law warned me not to do it, but I was too excited to keep the news a secret. Week 7 of my pregnancy is when things turned for the worst. I, like others started out with brown spotting, which then turned red and got really heavy. I also went through having major contractions and passing tissue. After I had a few doctor appointments and found out I miscarried I was determined to try again. It didn’t take long before I found out I was pregnant again, this time it was shorter than the first time with me miscarrying at 5 weeks. Once again, I was determined to try again thinking the third time would be a charm. Well, my third pregnancy lasted 9 weeks. I indeed miscarried again. I had a few tests done to find out that I am border line for an anticardiolipen antibodies disorder (a blood clotting disorder). I needed to be put on a blood thinner. I got pregnant again and thought that with this diagnosis, I would be ok. Well, being positive didn’t work so well, I miscarried a 4th time. I was completely devistated and couldn’t believe that this was happening to me again. I had more testing done by a reproductive endocrinologist only to find out I was back to square 1. She detected the same thing as my OB GYN, but instead of testing borderline, I tested positive. I was pregnant 4 times in a year and a half. I put my body through quite a lot. Now it is a year later since my last pregnancy. I have been trying for over 10 months and now I am having trouble conceiving, which used to never be a problem. I am having a difficult time watching friends and family members have normal healthy pregnancies and then go on to having thier babies without any problems. It is also very difficult around the holidays to deal with this pain, but I won’t give up hope.

I have one son, Jeremiah, who was born in Mar 2006. He is my world. And my husband and I had no problems with his pregnancy until 29 weeks. I started to have cramping here and there. I didn’t think anything of it and given it was my first pregnancy, I chalked it up to just standard physical things you go through when you are preg. Well long story short my cramps were actually my body in labor. My son tried to be born, however, with the help of bed rest some meds we were able to hold off until 32 weeks. He was born at 32 weeks and healthy considering the circumstance. It was a scary beginning for his life but we survived. There was never any medical reason found for why I went into pre-term labor.

After my first pregnancy being scary, my husband and I finally felt comfortable trying again in late 2007. We became preg almost immediately in Dec 07. I started to have bleeding and cramping around 6 weeks. After being blown off by my doctors office telling me that some bleeding and cramping is normal. I pushed for an u/s, but they refused and said hcg blood work would tell them what we needed to know. The initial test was low but not concerning…..so I waiting another two days to be tested again, and the hcg work came back reduced. They told me I was having a natural miscarriage. I continued to have to go in until my hcg came back around zero. It was an awful experience….the waiting….the unknown…..the insensitivity because “this happens all the time”. I knew in my heart I lost a little boy that Jan 08, and we named our angel boy Michael Kenneth. We will never forget him.

After a rough start in 2008 and a lot of stress, emotion, and pain for us both, we found out we were preg again in July 2008. This was not planned for us but we were thrilled. Since we learned that miscarriage is very common and often for no cause, we both felt positive about this pregnancy. I was a little nervous though and set milestones for myself. I figured if I could make it past 6 wks (when I lost Michael), that was a good milestone. Well 6 wks came and went….and so did 8 wks….and 10 wks. I was feeling good, had symptoms and just kept praying. I had an u/s at 11 weeks just to put my mind at ease given my previous loss. I didn’t feel nervous until the day of my u/s. I started to question that something was wrong…..suddenly I didn’t feel preg and then noticed things like my breast tenderness and size had changed. Regardless I tried to stay optimistic. Well I found out at my u/s that the baby had stopped growing around 7 wks. Given I should have been 11 weeks, my doc recommended a D&C. The procedure itself was very simple and painless, but the emotional aspect of it, was horrible. The idea that my baby (even though I know she was gone) was being taken out of me just felt awful. My doctor tested the tissue to determine the cause and they did find that it was an extra chromosome. I was assured that this was one of the most common causes of miscarriage and nothing I could control. My doc confirmed I lost a little girl that Aug 08, and we named our angel girl Megan Nichole. She shines down on us every day.

Well after two consecutive losses, my doctor said she would do some testing on me to just check for common risks likes hormone levels, blood clotting risk , and so forth. Well after fighting with my insurance company to get the testing covered and waiting for all the work and results, I still had no answers. My tests were normal. Here I was grieving at the loss of two babies and no understanding as to what happened.

Well after a few months, my husband and I agreed that we would give it one more shot. We weren’t going to “try”, but we weren’t going to “prevent” a pregnancy from happening. Well I became preg this past Dec 08. A lot sooner than I would have guessed, but again very excited and soooo terrified. This time was a different experience. As soon as I was 1 day late, I took a home test, but it was negative. I thought that was weird because I am an extremely anal-retentive person and I have NEVER been late except when preg (and I have the spreadsheet to prove it). Anyway, I stayed calm and continued to wait a few more days, continually taking a home test each day….still negative results and still no period. I called the doc and insisted on a blood test to confirm a pregnancy. I knew in my heart I was preg but also that something was wrong. The blood work confirmed I was preg but my hcg levels were so low they weren’t detectable on a home test….not a good sign considering I should have been 4 weeks. Of course that night, I started to have bleeding with clots and cramping. I knew I was miscarrying. But of course the doc wanted me to come back in 2 days to see if my hcg was going up or down….after waiting, they confirmed it had dropped down. I felt I lost a little boy this past Jan 09, but we are still waiting to name this precious angel.

So here I am, 3 miscarriages in a row, and one healthy little boy. I feel like I should just stop risking the lives of more babies and just be done. Be so thankful for the son that I have and just celebrate his life rather than risk more pain and suffering. I just don’t know. On top of all the worries I have with another early miscarriage, I have plenty of worries if I carry past the first trimester, given what I went through with my first pregnancy. And now that I fall into the “recurrent miscarriage” world, by doc is referring me to some specialists and genetic counseling. I just don’t know if I can handle more testing and waiting and still not getting answers. I know that I cannot control most of the things happening here, but I have to believe that something isn’t quite right with my body for me to have gone through all of this. Maybe I am not meant to carry anymore children.

Thanks for listening….and I will keep praying to the Lord for strength and guidance. I hope all of you can do the same.

Stacy

when i feel pregnant for the second time it didn’t feel the same as it did the first time around. i didn’t have the symptoms such as tender boobs, etc. i just felt a little tired. well when my period came late (would of only been the second since they returned, didn’t get it back until my sone turned 1) i thought i should by a hpt. well i tested and it came back negative, yet i felt as i was pregnant. i tested again the next day and same thing still negative so i thought i was just testing too early. i left it for a few days and tested again, this time i could see a very very faint line. i was confused. but my curiousity got to me and went and bought another brand of hpt that day and test in the afternoon, just as i thought the test was positive, this made me really confused!!! i did another test a few hours later and again positive. i booked to see the doctor the next day. the day of the doctors appointment i did another test to make sure and again a positive. went to the doctors and was told that the tests were accurate but no point taking blood at this stage my as well wait for couple of weeks and get a blood test the same time as u/s. well a week before my doctors appointment i started spotting only very lightly and not much at a time and it was brown in colour, thought to myself something is wrong be reassured myself when i googled on the net and found it could be implantation or breakthrough bleeding and it stoped 3 days later. i went to my appointment abd told my doctor about it she did an u/s and said she could see something but too hard to see cause i had emptied my bladder before going. i left the doctors feeling fine and i ahd another appointment booked a week later. 2 days before my appointment i spotted again but red this time, this worried me but the last time at the doctors she gave me an anti-d injection as im o-. the spotting last one spot so again i reassured myself that everything was okay. the morning of my appointment i started spotting again and was in extreme period pain, now i knew something had to be wrong. and as i expected the doc told me i was in the process of a miscarriage but my cervix was still closed. i was told to expect more bleeding and more pain the only thing is that the bleeding has slowed not increased and same goes for the pain. so now im deeply confused, just rang doctors and my normal doctor wasn;t there but the other told me its a good sign that im not in pain and that there isn’t much bleeding? but i know that it needs to come out otherwise it could end up poisoning me? now i dont know what to do, i’ve acceptted that i wasn;t meant to be this time but would feel a lot better if it was no longer inside me?
so confused now???

My story is very similar to Anna
Had one missed miscarraige at 12 weeks. Gave birth to beautiful baby girl 6years ago. since then 2 more missed miscarraiges and now I am pregnant 5 – 6weeks. High risk at aged 39years but last hope for sister/brother for my little girl. Spotting at moment every few days so not holding out much hope for this preg. All I want is to see heartbeat on scan past 12 weeks!

Well my story began jan 2005 after 2 years of trying to get pregnant I finally did my husband an I had our first dr apt an during the ultrasound the dr saw a sac but there was nothing in it so she thought that I didn’t know when was my last cycle but I knew I had been trying to get pregnant for 2 yrs anyways after 2 more wks of getting ultrasounds an running test my dr decided I could get a d&c because the baby wasn’t in the sac nor in my tubes but I decided against it because I wanted it so bad an maybe my baby could survive where ever it was but unfortunatly march 20 2006 my body finally miscarried

Here is my story. I’d dreamed of being a mother for a long time but did not want to do it until I found “the one” and got married. Time was ticking by for me though and I was worried this wouldn’t happen before my biological clock expired. Finally I got married in Sept of 2008 at 36 yo and we began trying on our honeymoon. To my surprise I got pregnant the second month of trying. Everyone had warned me that being of advanced maternal age it might take longer. Of course no one told me the miscarriage rate was higher.

I was joyful but also very nervous because I’d had a miscarriage 12 years prior with an unplanned pregnancy. I thought everything was going alright with this pregnancy in the beginning although in restrospect I had mild symptoms like constipation, smell sensitivity, racing heart, frequent urination and sore breasts. No morning sickness.

My husband and I went in for our OB GYN appointment at 7 weeks and saw the baby and heartbeat. Although I could tell the doc didn’t give me the all clear. He said the baby was “measuring small” and that I’d either gotten the conception date wrong or the baby wasn’t growing right. Furthermore the doc said “I still have to tell you what I tell all of my patients, there is a 20% chance of miscarriage”. Doc wanted us to come back in two weeks. I was very confused because everything I’d read said that once you see the heartbeat the miscarriage rate drops significantly to 1-5%.

1.5 weeks later I began having cramps while at work that after a couple hours took on the characteristics of patterned and intensifying contractions. I remember going to the grocery store and thinking no one in their right mind would be doing this right now, they’d be home. But I didn’t want to believe it was happening, AGAIN! When I got home I told my husband about my concern through tears (who by some miracle was home at the time) and went to the bathroom and found alittle blood. I was panicked and my husband had me lay down and not move as he took my temperature and called the advice nurse. She scheduled an appointment with my OB GYN for the next day and said to go to the ER if I filled one pad per hour. Well I never filled a pad (had recently come off birth control and always had light periods) but the pain became upbearable and the bleeding worsened throughout the night. At 2am I woke up my husband and said I can’t stand the pain anymore we had to go to the ER. I had to wait for about an hour in the ER and was shifting around constantly to try to lessen the pain by positioning myself just so. I couldn’t even process what was happening entirely. My only focus was to make the pain stop.

When roomed, the doc did an ultrasound and said she saw a lot of clotting and that I was more than likely miscarrying. She saw the baby but said there was no heartbeat. My husband had the strength to look but I did not. My bloodwork indicated high hormones still but I could tell something was wrong because I didnt have to urinate frequently. My cervix was closed she said, so the pain should get worse when it opens and I actually pass the baby but wanted me to go home. Now back up. I’d been given intravenious Morphine for pain 4 times during that visit so far (she said it was safe) and only on the fourth time did I “catch up with the pain”. I was terrified. My husband was wonderful though because he simply said, we aren’t leaving, they can’t make us. Finally we were able to get the doc to come back in and give me a morphine shot in the behind (apparently they last longer, 4-5 hours) to go home with on top of oral Vicodin and antinausea meds.

When home I went straight to bed and slept for almost 24 hours straight only getting up to eat or drink or check in with my husband briefly. Thank God the pain was well managed with just Vicodin. I continued with bleeding and cramping and then it all stopped. My OB GYN said if it didn’t clear naturally I’d have to do a D&C which I did NOT want to do. I got up in the morning and got into the shower to get ready for my doc appt and felt myself pass something big. I panicked and tried hard to keep any of it from going down the drain and I was sobbing. I screamed for my husband who got a towel out and wrapped up the tissue. I went to my OB GYN that morning and he did another ultrasound and said most of the tissue had passed and I didn’t need a D&C. He gently and sensitively had me look to see that the baby and sac were now gone. He had us leave the bag with the towel and tissue in the room which made me very uncomfortable. See it was Christmas Eve and his nurse seemed very distracted. I was so worried that she’d leave what at the time I thought was my baby in this dark room on the floor over the holiday weekend. When the results came back turns out it was just tissue not the baby which was a relief but taking a shower was a really horrible experience for me for that next week and I’d really only shower every other day.

In summary, I would never wish this experience on my worst enemy. I am so sorry for all of you that have had to go through this. It’s hard enough emotionally without going through mini-labor. I just thank goodness that my husband and medical team were so wonderful throughout it. And frankly I also thank God for drugs.

I have known my entire life that I wanted to be a mom. Some people say they are born to dance, sing, act. I was born to be a mother. When I reached my thirties and I wasn’t even married I started to wonder if my deams would come true. Then I met my future husband Jack and at the age of 32 all of my dreams started to come true. Right away we knew we were ready to start a family but we decided to wait until after we were married. Immediately after out wedding in May of 2008 we began trying. We went for a few months with no results. I decided it would be best to go to my OB & see if he had any advice for us. I was a little concerned that if we didn’t get pregnant soon (since I was already 33) it would become increasingly more difficult as I got older. On our first visit we did not get good news. I was told I had endometriosis, which I was all to familiar with because my little sister has been struggling with it for years. My OB wanted to do laproscopic surgery ASAP. On November 19, 2008 we had the surgery and it was a success. My OB said we were all clear to try again & that if we were not pregnant in 3 months to come back. We tried & tried to get pregnant but once again no such luck. We went back to the OB in the beginning of March & we were told that he thought we needed to go to a fertility specialist. I was devestated. How could this be happening? I was meant to be a mom. But we were determined to do what we had to do so I made us an appt. for April 24, 2009. In the interim I started feeling pretty sick. I was nauseas, my breast hurt, I was cramping. I just assumed I was getting my period. But on April 3 I took a pregnancy test & after almost a year of trying it was positive. Jack & I were ecstatic. We figured we were about 6 weeks along at that point. We made an appt. immediately to see the OB. It was amazing being told by him that “yes, you are going to be a mommy”. We told the world about our joyous news. On April 24th we went in for our first ultrasound (which put us at about 9 weeks, we thought). The ultrasound showed a large gestational sac & a little tiny fetus. The nurse said the baby had a strong heartbeat but was only 6 weeks along. The Dr. said not to concern ourselves with the difference in timeframe & that he wanted to schedule another ultrasound in 4 weeks to see if he could determine then how far along we really were. Jack & I were a little confused at first but we trust our Dr. & waited patiently until we could see our little “peanut” again. In the weeks that led up to our May 19th appt. I really didn’t feel pregnant at all. I was still tired a lot, sometimes I got sick but nothing compared to earlier on. Everyone kept teling me that I was lucky to not be sick all the time. I tried not to concern myself but deep down I knew something was wrong. We went for our ultrasound filled with anticipation at seeing our baby. When the baby first came on the monitor I knew something was wrong. It looked so small. Like it had shrunk since I last saw it. The EDD on the screen was Jan. 11, 2010. That was almost a month later than what our due date was a month earlier. The nurse (bless her heart) you could tell she was nervous. Said she wanted to move us to another ultrasound machine to get a better look. It was still the same. When she said let me go get your Dr. I knew our baby was gone. My Dr. said it happens sometimes the fetus stops growing & the heartbeat stops. We scheduled an appt. at the hospital that afternoon for a D&E. The hospital staff was amazing & the surgery was painless. Now I am at home with some mild spotting & a completely broken heart. Everyone keeps telling me that this loss will get easier over time but I do not believe that is possible. How do I move on after something so traumatic? Will this emptiness in my heart every go away? How am I supposed to see other families & not be jealous of their fortune? I do know that I am thankful for my husband (the love of my life) who I know is hurting just as bad as I am. For now I guess I all I can do is hold onto the hope that maybe one day my dreams of motherhood will come true.

I’m 37 and recently had a miscarriage in my first trimester. This was my first pregnancy and I was 6 weeks along when my loss happened. It’s now been 2 months and I have still not recovered physically although emotionally, I’m great. I continue to feel very drained and have terrible bowel symptoms and lower back pain. I’m scheduled to undergo a colonoscopy in 4 weeks time to ensure there are no underlying problems such as Crohn’s or colitis. I’m wondering if others have had similar extended recovery symptoms?

13 days ago I was blissfully pregnant. I was 9 weeks pregnant at that time. My boyfriend and I had decided we wanted a baby more than anything and the first month we tried, we were successful. When I got the positive on the test we were ecstatic. We waited about a week before we told everyone. I had the honor of telling my mom on mother’s day and she was so excited. Everyone was excited! Then 13 days ago we were at a barbeque and I just didn’t feel right so we left early and went home. When I went to the bathroom I noticed that I had spotted. I was terrified but hopeful. My sister had spotted during her pregnancy and everything had gone wonderful and she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. So I didn’t worry but called the doctor’s office anyway. They assured me as well that it was normal. I was still a little worried and deep down felt that something was wrong but ignored it. Then, on Saturday, after 4 days of light spotting it started getting a lot heavier so I panicked and went straight to the ER. We were there for forever and they did an u/s. The tech wouldn’t let me see the screen, then he said he was going to do a transvaginal u/s and this worried me. But he didn’t say ANYTHING so I was left in my room just wondering. Then the doctor came in and said everything was fine and to see my doctor on monday and then left. So we went home, a little worried but feeling very reassured. On Monday I went to my doctors office and was told, “Congratulation, you’re exactly 10 weeks today.” So again I was feeling that everything was okay. When I finally met the doctor he was very serious not very friendly; got straight to business. He said it was too early to do a “regular” u/s so he did a transvaginal one as well. He let my boyfriend and I see the screen. However, I’ve never seen an ultrasound I didn’t know what to look for or if it was normal. Then after a few minutes he just said, “well, this isn’t good. Basically you’re seeing your uterus collapse on itself for a miscarriage. If you want we can do a D & C which I recommend.” I am completely new to all of this and was stunned stupid at the news so I just said ok. The next day, on my father’s birthday, the day before my 21st birthday, I had a D & C. It was quick and painless, a rip-the-bandaid-off type of procedure. I definitely recommend it if you don’t want to deal with having to pass your baby and see it and if you want to go straight into the healing process. My 21st birthday was the worst birthday of my life sadly because I laid in bed all day sore from the surgery. It hurt to sneeze; it hurt to cough; it hurt to breathe at some points; it hurt to cry, which I did all day. I’m now starting to heal emotionally and definitely planning on trying again as soon as we get the go-ahead.
Throughout this entire ordeal all me and my boyfriend got were hassles about how are you going to pay for this and that. Hopefully medical assistance will help us because the insurance company hung us out to dry. The only people were nice and caring and sensitive to what we were going through were the nurses. They held my hand, offered me kind words, were patient when I cried, gave me small gifts that made me cry harder. I love nurses! I wish all of you luck in the future. Please wish me some. We’re going to try again in about 3 months says the doctor.

I miscarried three weeks and two days ago. It was still very early, just 4 weeks and 6 days – it had been a week since I first tested positive.

We are now again trying to conceive and looking into the future positively. Still, something is different than it was before. I know this little bean was still very small and all, but still it’s this baby that we are never going to have – it can’t just be replaced by another one.

In the evening before I started bleeding, I was with my sister in law, her newborn, and her mother in law, at a beautiful little beach at a lake in the mountains. The sun was shining after a rainy day, making gentle light and playful shadows and reflections across the lake. The shallow water was clear and warm and we took off our shoes and socks and waded through to a small sandbank, where we just sat, quietly enjoying the sun and the glorious views. I found myself thinking of names for the little bean. I started considering Gwen, and suddenly I thought how beautiful it would be to have a little Gwendolyn. With a stick I meditatively wrote the name into some sand covered by clear water – although it was under water, the lake was so calm that it remained legible for a long time. As I watched the sand slowly blurring the letters, I thought about how fleeting this moment was, how nobody would ever know that I wrote this here because soon it would have disappeared for ever. But maybe some day I would tell my future daughter (if it indeed would turn out to be a girl) how one day when she was nothing more than a few cells, I wrote her name in the sand under clear water, and it was beautiful and sunny, and it didn’t blur for a long time.

Later that night, I discovered a smear of blood in my panties. I was concerned, of course. Looked it up in the interwebs and discovered that it is quite common to have spotting in pregnancy. Still, I was worried, and told my partner on the phone (I was away from home). But I didn’t let go of hope yet. Next morning, the smear had developed into a full-blown, menstruation-like bleed. I was shattered. (You know, like, when you freeze into a block of ice and then someone knocks on you with a hammer, and you break into thousands of little cold hard sharp shards …)

Sister in law took me to the local hospital, where a hormonal pregnancy test came up negative. Further investigations revealed some tissue outside of the uterus, which the gynaecologist removed. My blood group was tested, it came up rhesus negative, and I got an Anti-D shot to prevent difficulties with future pregnancies. During all this, I was in kind of a haze. It was all too fast and sudden. Just hours earlier, I had been thinking happy thoughts of names – how could everything be so brutally, definitely different now?

Two days later, I flew back home. Seeing my partner was strange. I had left shortly after discovering that we were going to have a child – and now I came home distinctly un-pregnant. I felt like a different person. Together we had to learn to deal with this new situation, had to get to know each other all over again, and had to find our way back to some sort of normality.

This was just over three weeks ago now, and I am feeling much better, and, as I said in the beginning, looking positively into the future. I will always remember this little one, my Gwendolyn, though I have told noone of this – not even my partner. I will remember that sunny beach in the mountains, the clear water and how even though she was only with us for a very short time and in an abstract sense, she shared some beauty and happiness with us.

I knew I was pregnant the first day I missed my period. It was a Monday and after class I went to get a test to confirm it. When I saw the word “pregnant” I almost passed out. I was in shock.
I’m 20 years old with an on-again off-again lover, trying to finish my schooling. I was adopted from Lima, Peru when I was 3 days old. I love and appreciate my family here, but growing up was hard. I have abandonment issues even though I can’t remember anything about my birth mother. My family is white and I’m brown. My parents are older than most of my friends’ parents. My dad already had two kids who had families of their own, when I came around. So for me, finding out I was pregnant was the most wonderful thing that could happen to me. I would finally have a family that was of my blood and looked like me. Especially after the year I had just been through; I was in a horrible car accident and fractured my hip and a week later my grandfather passed away. Being pregnant made me so happy, I didn’t want to wait nine months to see my baby boy. I knew right away that he was a boy. I could feel it in my heart.
Around 7 weeks, I started to have horrible morning sickness. They really should change the name to all-day sickness. My doctor gave me some pills to take to help it. Around week 11, I was lucky if I could keep down one meal a day. My boyfriend got sick and had a fever of 103. He stayed away from me, but I guess it wasn’t good enough because I managed to get sick a few days later.
In the middle of my 12th week, my morning sickness got worse. Wednesday I remember I couldn’t even keep water down. I was constantly in the bathroom. Around 11:30pm, I called my mom, who was visiting Italy, because I had cramps and I couldn’t sleep. The cramps got worse as I was talking to her. She told me to call the advice nurse, who told me to go to the Emergency Department. I woke my boyfriend up and he drove me. I was very nervous and in pain. The ED doctor eventually came in around 1am and said I was very dehydrated and that cramps go along with dehydration. So the nurse got me two IV bags and gave me medicine to help the nausea. When the bags were empty, I got to go home with more nausea medicine and was told to take it easy.
We managed to get home around 7am and we went straight to bed. I finally had to pee at 9:30am, after all those IV’s. I wiped and there was blood. I didn’t move for a minute, and then I wiped again to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. It was clean. So I got off the pot, called the advice nurse and she said, “Well if it gets worse you might be having a miscarriage. And if that’s the case, there’s not much we can do for you.” I’m thinking, okay well spotting can be normal but the cramps just kept getting worse.
I finally took a hot shower to try and help the cramps. As soon as I got out, I began bleeding everywhere. I ran to the toilet and I just continued to bleed. I called the nurse back and she said since I’m in so much pain that they wanted me to come in and make sure everything was okay.
It obviously wasn’t. I knew I was losing him. I was already crying in the bathroom with my boyfriend. He grabbed some pads and my purse and ushered me to the car.
It was so uncomfortable waiting for the doctor because I was bleeding everywhere, and I had to strip down and use the hospital pads which were way to thin for my blood flow. When the doctor finally examined me, he said “you are right in the middle of your miscarriage.” I couldn’t help but scream and cry. I remember crying hysterically and my boyfriend rushing to my side and grabbing my hand and seeing tears stream down his face, telling me that I’m going to be okay. For the life of me, I cannot tell you what the doctor or nurse said or did after that. I just remember looking into his eyes and him saying, “They’re going to make you better.” And I responded to that by saying, “I don’t care about me, help the baby.” And of course, there is nothing you can do after a miscarriage has started. He just held my hand and looked at me and said, “I care. I want you healthy. You’re going to be okay.”
After that, the nurse brought me pain medication and an IV. They took at least 10 vials of blood for testing. I had a D&C. After the doctor was done, I asked to see him, even though I knew he wouldn’t look like anything. My boyfriend was quick to say that there was nothing there. I know he was trying to do what was best for me, but I wanted to see what was mine. I now feel a little bit guilty that he had to see that by himself. The doctor also said my baby was twice the size it should have been at almost 13 weeks. They were also concerned I had ruptured an organ because the pain was so extreme. The pain was all over my stomach, not just my lower abdomen.
Those cramps were the worst pain I had ever felt; even more than feeling my hip bone crack. It amazes me what trauma my body has been through this past year, emotionally and physically, and I’m still kickin’.
I miss my son every day. I’m not too sure why he left me so soon. Maybe he knew my worries about a job and a place for us to live. Anyway, he let me know his presence is waiting for the right time. I know he’s out there. And I can’t wait until the day I get him back. He is with me always, waiting for the moment he feels is right for him.

As of yesterday, i was 13 weeks. this past saturday, i was so super excited, i was going for my first ultrasound. it was at a pregnancy resource center that was offering free ultrasounds to women in their first or second trimester. how could i let that opportunity pass by? i was gonna see my baby for the first time. that excitement didnt last long. a couple minutes into the ultrasound the tech turned to me to tell me that i had a blighted ovum. i couldnt comprehend. a blighted ovum? what was that? was something wrong with my baby? i had never heard of a blighted ovum before. he explained it to me and i left devistated and afraid. the tech told me i could hemmorage. i called my ob when i got home and calmed down enough to talk. she said to come in first thing monday for an ultrasound to check things out. so i spent the weekend waiting to hemmorage and crying. monday i went for the ultrasound and they did a transvag. guess what? they found my baby. i was so elated. so i really have a baby and not an empty sac. that happiness was shortlived when the tech said there was no hb. i met with the ob and discussed my options. i chose to m/c naturally and started to spot that evening. how ironic, i just found out i was gonna m/c and started spotting that evening. during the week i was bleeding heavier and was cramping alot with a lower back ache and yesterday at work i had been having stronger cramping and back pain all morning long. around 12:45 i felt a gush and went to the bathroom. as soon as i sat down, i started gushing blood and clots that were slightly bigger than what i had been passing. i couldnt get up for about 15 minutes. so against the advice of my coworker and dh (my coworker called him while i was in the bathroom) i drove myself home to rest. neither of them wanted me to drive. on the way ome i felt a few more gushes. when i got home i went directly to the bathroom and had another episode of gushing. this happened about 3 more times. the cramping was picking up and so was the back ache so i took tylenol. it did help a little. after going about an hour without any more gushing episodes i figured it was safe to go with my family trick or treating. i told my dh that if i needed to i would just sit in the van if the pain got bad. after all it was my dd first trick or treating. last year she was a newborn. the pain wasnt too bad so i decided to walk a couple blocks with the kids. thats when i started getting the pain more and the backache was coming back. nothing too bad that i couldnt deal with though. well, after walking with my dd up to a door i felt big gush and what felt like the biggest clot ever. i told dh that we needed to go home. i told him what had happened. we went home. i went up to the bathroom and was not at all prepared for what i saw. there in my underwear was the sac still intact. complete. i didnt think that it would come out like that. i thought that it would pass as clots and not be so reconizable. boy was i wrong. i have to say though. the backache is about a dull ache and i am only getting a few twinges of cramping now and then. and the bleeding is now like a moderate period.
i am glad that most of the physical part is over. and i am glad that the pain wasnt as intense as my first m/c. i ended up getting 3 units of morphine for that one.
now i can try to move on and heal emotionally. dh says that he wants to get a vasectomy because of how many losses we have had over the past few years and he doesnt want me to go through that again. i am telling him not to make any rash decisions at the moment based on how we are feeling emotionally. we’ll see…..

i am 41 and have been trying to get pregnant ever since i got married 3 1/2 years ago. my husband and i were elated to finally get pregnant after 4 failed IVFs and multiple tests and procedures. we had ultrasounds at 6, 7 and 8 weeks and all was going great – baby measuring exactly spot on and strong heartbeat. the fertility center released us to our OB’s care. we had our first checkup at 10 weeks. just the usual blood tests and informational stuff. the doc did an internal exam and felt my uterus but no ultrasound. he was very optimistic about our outcome. because of my age and all that i’d been through to get pregnant, i had been very nervous and apprehensive about getting too excited about this pregnancy. but i knew that with each passing week our chance of miscarriage was going down and i was just starting to believe that we finally would be getting the baby that we’ve so longed for. we were very excited to see our little one moving around at our 12 week ultrasound. unfortunately that never happened. it was my worst nightmare come true. when the ultrasound tech first brought up the image she was having a hard time finding the baby and i just knew it was not going to be good. she finally found it and had to zoom in to measure it. not good – it only measured about 8 weeks. and no heartbeat. i was and am completely devastated. it must have stopped growing right after our last ultrasound and i had been blissfully carrying around a dead fetus for the past 4 weeks!! i have been not pregnant for 3 weeks now and it’s still very difficult to comprehend how this could happen to us. this was our last chance.

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