Comments on: First Trimester Stories http://pregnancyloss.info Tue, 07 Feb 2012 04:44:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Andrea http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-19757 Andrea Sat, 26 Nov 2011 02:30:00 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-19757 My story is a little differnt. Me and my hubby had gotten pregnant very easily. Everything had gone fine. I has an us at 6 weeks and it showed a healthy baby with a good heartbeat! Everything went fine until 9 weeks. I came home.from work and when I wiped noticed brown blood. I called er nurse and she said.that was normal but if it turned bright red to come in. Well within 45 min it was bright red. We went to er and no hubby was found. Baby has dies at 7 weeks. I had a natural miscarriage which wasn't too bad. The dr had given me pain pills so aside from passing the clots it was just like bad cramps. Fast forward a few year and a healthy daughter later...I had been bleeding for 10 days which I thought was oddfor a period. I had also been crabby! Took a pg test on a whim and it was positive but I was already miscarrying. This miscarriage waa very mild being I was only 4 weeks. More recently march 2011...another positive pg test! I started spotting at about 6 weeks. Had an us and all looked good with a good heartbeat! Spotted for 3 weeks but never really heavy. I rented a doppler.for home and always found hb. I had an us at 13 weeks becuz I was measuring big. Baby looked great! I had been checking hb every couple of days and at 14 week mark couldn't find it. Went ro dr whom also couldn't find it with doppler so sent me for us..I was alone as my hubby was getting ready to deploy and I was on my way to see him. I knew it wasn't gonna be good and it wasn't. Just as I knew the babies hb had stopped sometime between 1 and 4 days earlier..the dr talked to me over phone at us and becuz of my situation and being I was literally on my way to see hubby he said we could wait on d&e. He said becuz I was so far along u wouldn't pass this baby naturally nor would I want too. Aorta finally almost 2 weeks later has the surgery. All went well. But after 3 days waa starting to not feel well. By day 5 I couldn't hardly stand up. I was crying in pain. I went in for bloodwork and us. Was told there was a lot of tissue left in uterus ...so dr put me on antibiotic for the infection plus stronger pain pills plus pills to make my uterus contract. In rare cases the cervix swells shut and doesn't allow fetal material to pass hence infection and horrible pain!! Do after 3 days of the other meds I finally started feeling better. Now here I am 11 weeks pg. Very hard not to worry all the time but so far so good! Hb looks good and haven't spotted at all. I'm on progesterone ans aspirin. Keeping our fingers crosses as this will be the last pregnancy My story is a little differnt. Me and my hubby had gotten pregnant very easily. Everything had gone fine. I has an us at 6 weeks and it showed a healthy baby with a good heartbeat! Everything went fine until 9 weeks. I came home.from work and when I wiped noticed brown blood. I called er nurse and she said.that was normal but if it turned bright red to come in. Well within 45 min it was bright red. We went to er and no hubby was found. Baby has dies at 7 weeks. I had a natural miscarriage which wasn’t too bad. The dr had given me pain pills so aside from passing the clots it was just like bad cramps. Fast forward a few year and a healthy daughter later…I had been bleeding for 10 days which I thought was oddfor a period. I had also been crabby! Took a pg test on a whim and it was positive but I was already miscarrying. This miscarriage waa very mild being I was only 4 weeks. More recently march 2011…another positive pg test! I started spotting at about 6 weeks. Had an us and all looked good with a good heartbeat! Spotted for 3 weeks but never really heavy. I rented a doppler.for home and always found hb. I had an us at 13 weeks becuz I was measuring big. Baby looked great! I had been checking hb every couple of days and at 14 week mark couldn’t find it. Went ro dr whom also couldn’t find it with doppler so sent me for us..I was alone as my hubby was getting ready to deploy and I was on my way to see him. I knew it wasn’t gonna be good and it wasn’t. Just as I knew the babies hb had stopped sometime between 1 and 4 days earlier..the dr talked to me over phone at us and becuz of my situation and being I was literally on my way to see hubby he said we could wait on d&e. He said becuz I was so far along u wouldn’t pass this baby naturally nor would I want too. Aorta finally almost 2 weeks later has the surgery. All went well. But after 3 days waa starting to not feel well. By day 5 I couldn’t hardly stand up. I was crying in pain. I went in for bloodwork and us. Was told there was a lot of tissue left in uterus …so dr put me on antibiotic for the infection plus stronger pain pills plus pills to make my uterus contract. In rare cases the cervix swells shut and doesn’t allow fetal material to pass hence infection and horrible pain!! Do after 3 days of the other meds I finally started feeling better. Now here I am 11 weeks pg. Very hard not to worry all the time but so far so good! Hb looks good and haven’t spotted at all. I’m on progesterone ans aspirin. Keeping our fingers crosses as this will be the last pregnancy

]]> By: samantha hollier http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-16339 samantha hollier Wed, 28 Sep 2011 17:03:07 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-16339 My name is Samantha Hollier. My husband and I decided that we wanted a baby so i went off birth control and we got pregnant within the 1st month. I called my Dr. and set up an appt for about 6 weeks later. i started cramping really bad on my right side so i was told to go to the hospital. On the way their i couldn't help but think that this was my fault and i should have done something different. i was than told that i had appendicitis so i thought that my child was OK. i was told that i had to go into surgery the next day. so at 8 pm on Monday night i went into surgery thinking that my child was OK. well while on the table my blood pressure dropped and they put me completely under when i came to i automatically asked about my unborn child. The lady in the recovery room told me that the child in my uterus was fine but that i had lost my unborn childs twin who was stuck in my Fallopian tube. I was still on the pain medicine and didnt fully understand what she was talking about. later that night i woke screaming and asked for my dr and my husband to explain to me what had happened. i had lost a child while keeping the other. i felt like the worst mother ever im still not quite sure how i manged to get over it i dont know how i am going to tell my baby that she should have had a twin i dont know how i am going to tell her without her feeling guilty like i do. I lost Anthony Lynn Hollier on March 28th 2011 at 845 pm its been 6 months and im still depressed My name is Samantha Hollier. My husband and I decided that we wanted a baby so i went off birth control and we got pregnant within the 1st month. I called my Dr. and set up an appt for about 6 weeks later. i started cramping really bad on my right side so i was told to go to the hospital. On the way their i couldn’t help but think that this was my fault and i should have done something different. i was than told that i had appendicitis so i thought that my child was OK. i was told that i had to go into surgery the next day. so at 8 pm on Monday night i went into surgery thinking that my child was OK. well while on the table my blood pressure dropped and they put me completely under when i came to i automatically asked about my unborn child. The lady in the recovery room told me that the child in my uterus was fine but that i had lost my unborn childs twin who was stuck in my Fallopian tube. I was still on the pain medicine and didnt fully understand what she was talking about. later that night i woke screaming and asked for my dr and my husband to explain to me what had happened. i had lost a child while keeping the other. i felt like the worst mother ever im still not quite sure how i manged to get over it i dont know how i am going to tell my baby that she should have had a twin i dont know how i am going to tell her without her feeling guilty like i do. I lost Anthony Lynn Hollier on March 28th 2011 at 845 pm its been 6 months and im still depressed

]]> By: Sarah http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-16299 Sarah Tue, 27 Sep 2011 11:46:41 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-16299 I live in the UK and from reading experiences on this site pregnancy medical care differs in the UK from the US. We don’t get tested/seen regularly early on in pregnancy. I would have have my first midwife appointment at 9.5 weeks and my dating scan at 12.5 weeks. On Day 22 of my 24 day cycle I had PMT signs so I did a HPT test and it was negative. This calmed me because there was no am I aren’t I pregnant wonder going on that month because I had that answer up front. But then at day 29 I still hadn’t come on so I took a test and it was positive! So I took another and that was too! :o) We were thrilled and so excited! My husband and I decided to keep it to ourselves- not even telling family until we’d had the 12 week dating scan and seen the heartbeat. For 24 days I was blissfully happy and so excited, counting down the weeks until the scan so that we could tell our family and friends. Finally I felt that bit closer to achieving my dream. On 1st September at 7 weeks 5 days I felt sick. As usual I was pleased to have pregnancy symptoms because I naively considered them a reassuring sign that things were going well. I never moaned about them. By lunchtime it had passed. 3 hours later I went to the toilet and noticed a small dark speck against my dark knickers. My heart sank. I wiped it with a tissue and saw it was brown. I went into shock, not wanting to believe what I instinctively knew was happening. I no longer felt pregnant. I called my husband at work and he met me at the doctors. He couldn’t accept my intuition. The GP suggested it was implantation bleeding and told me to book an early pregnancy scan to find out what was happening. I considered this unlikely at my stage of pregnancy since I was sure of my LMP. My husband’s hopes were further raised by hearing how common bleeding in pregnancy was. He googled and found it could be a fake period. As it got even heavier I knew this wasn’t the case. The National Health Service couldn’t offer a scan for 5 days so we paid for a private scan sooner and 2 days after it started I had it confirmed that I was in the process of a miscarriage and that it had stopped developing at 6 weeks. We were literally watching it bleed away on the screen. The sonographer kept asking me if I was sure I didn’t have backache. This worried me because I hadn’t had any pain and expected it to get far worse. We left completely devastated. That evening I felt a bubbling sensation and blood gushed out. I likened it to the rate when you have a heavy runny nose. The next evening I felt very mild twinges which became more frequent and the next morning it just slipped out. Foolishly I had been counting the weeks until 12 weeks. I knew miscarriage was a risk but naively believed because I was fit and healthy that I’d be okay. That like cancer it happens to other people. For once in my life I was confident and positive. I didn’t expect that cruelly the pregnancy hormone continues during miscarriage. Within a week my swollen breasts had gone down but then I started feeling sick again, had headaches and was very moody, far more so than when I was pregnant. I never understood that miscarriage was a process not an event. I hadn’t known anyone closely who’d had one so no-one had ever talked about it to me. Like many others I hadn’t considered that it was any different to how they portray it in films, i.e. that you wake up covered in blood and that was it. Looking back there were things that were supposed to happen week by week that didn’t. Foolishly I thought I was lucky to escape them. On reflection it indicated I certainly wasn’t lucky. This site has been invaluable to me. I know it’s nothing I did or didn’t do. I now understand that right from conception the pregnancy is either viable or not so it’s out of my hands really. It’s just a matter of if it’s not viable at what point it stops developing and at what point your body rejects it. I feel like I’m grieving more for the loss of joy and ignorance of future pregnancies. Although I only knew about my pregnancy for just under 4 weeks and it only took me 5 months to get pregnant this potential child represented something I’d dreamt of for much longer, since childhood. But I didn’t just want a child I wanted a family so I delayed it until I was settled in the right relationship and married. Now that I’m creeping towards age 35 and had this unfortunate experience after my first pregnancy I now wonder if I would have been wiser to have not waited for everything to have been perfect. It’s now been longer since it happened then the time when I actually knew that I was pregnant. It’s a shame people don’t talk about or tell people about their experiences. Combine that with the fact that the medical staff I saw gave me very little information on what to expect means it’s been a very steep learning curve and again I have your site to thank for that. I feel like the GP and hospital have treated me with token gestures to pat me on the back as if to say there there, job done-tick for them! It’s a shame the systems here in the UK aren’t sophisticated enough to tie up that visit to the GP to automatically notify the hospital to cancel the dating scan request so that I didn’t receive that. Or alternatively that the GP’s pre-empt this and advised me to cancel it myself. I saw my GP again last week and she advised I need another scan to check it’s all come away. I’ve been told this is unusual so I’m unsure if this is because I haven’t experienced any pain and that the bleeding stopped after 6 days or because I’m still feeling very sick etc. Ironically I now have this scan booked for 4th October- the same date as the dating scan would have been. As instructed I called them to arrange this date and I explained my situation. Her first question was ‘How many weeks pregnant are you?!’ Wonderful at her job hey? Very professional and sensitive. Even when I explained again she just sounded like I was inconveniencing her with my call. If I was having a bad day I could have broken down in tears at this and then justifiably complained about her. I feel oddly empowered and more self confident with the knowledge I’ve acquired. from your site. I feel as if I fit into a new group of those who have experienced it (only one group no woman would ever choose to join) but one that those who aren’t members will never be able to understand and appreciate. People who have had viable pregnancies don’t understand the loss of joy for future pregnancies. They themselves are also misinformed regarding the causes or to be more accurate the myths behind the causes of miscarriage. I get irritated by their well intended comments. Maybe I’m jealous of their ignorance? If any of my friends or family are unfortunate enough to experience a miscarriage I will certainly be recommending this site to them. So I will have to start working through the ‘first’s’ e.g. seeing baby family members, mothers day, Christmas, the due date etc. I won’t ever forget this one though because (fingers crossed) I’ll have a permanent reminder because coincidently I’m due to become an auntie 2 days before… It annoys me when I hear pregnant ladies moaning about their symptoms. I’d gladly swap places with them. Since nearly 4 weeks have passed it all now feels like a bad dream. When I knew I was pregnant all I thought about was baby and now I've lost it all I think about is the miscarriage :o( I live in the UK and from reading experiences on this site pregnancy medical care differs in the UK from the US. We don’t get tested/seen regularly early on in pregnancy. I would have have my first midwife appointment at 9.5 weeks and my dating scan at 12.5 weeks.
On Day 22 of my 24 day cycle I had PMT signs so I did a HPT test and it was negative. This calmed me because there was no am I aren’t I pregnant wonder going on that month because I had that answer up front. But then at day 29 I still hadn’t come on so I took a test and it was positive! So I took another and that was too! :o ) We were thrilled and so excited!
My husband and I decided to keep it to ourselves- not even telling family until we’d had the 12 week dating scan and seen the heartbeat.
For 24 days I was blissfully happy and so excited, counting down the weeks until the scan so that we could tell our family and friends. Finally I felt that bit closer to achieving my dream.
On 1st September at 7 weeks 5 days I felt sick. As usual I was pleased to have pregnancy symptoms because I naively considered them a reassuring sign that things were going well. I never moaned about them. By lunchtime it had passed. 3 hours later I went to the toilet and noticed a small dark speck against my dark knickers. My heart sank. I wiped it with a tissue and saw it was brown. I went into shock, not wanting to believe what I instinctively knew was happening. I no longer felt pregnant. I called my husband at work and he met me at the doctors. He couldn’t accept my intuition. The GP suggested it was implantation bleeding and told me to book an early pregnancy scan to find out what was happening. I considered this unlikely at my stage of pregnancy since I was sure of my LMP. My husband’s hopes were further raised by hearing how common bleeding in pregnancy was. He googled and found it could be a fake period. As it got even heavier I knew this wasn’t the case. The National Health Service couldn’t offer a scan for 5 days so we paid for a private scan sooner and 2 days after it started I had it confirmed that I was in the process of a miscarriage and that it had stopped developing at 6 weeks. We were literally watching it bleed away on the screen. The sonographer kept asking me if I was sure I didn’t have backache. This worried me because I hadn’t had any pain and expected it to get far worse. We left completely devastated. That evening I felt a bubbling sensation and blood gushed out. I likened it to the rate when you have a heavy runny nose. The next evening I felt very mild twinges which became more frequent and the next morning it just slipped out.
Foolishly I had been counting the weeks until 12 weeks. I knew miscarriage was a risk but naively believed because I was fit and healthy that I’d be okay. That like cancer it happens to other people. For once in my life I was confident and positive.
I didn’t expect that cruelly the pregnancy hormone continues during miscarriage. Within a week my swollen breasts had gone down but then I started feeling sick again, had headaches and was very moody, far more so than when I was pregnant.
I never understood that miscarriage was a process not an event. I hadn’t known anyone closely who’d had one so no-one had ever talked about it to me. Like many others I hadn’t considered that it was any different to how they portray it in films, i.e. that you wake up covered in blood and that was it.
Looking back there were things that were supposed to happen week by week that didn’t. Foolishly I thought I was lucky to escape them. On reflection it indicated I certainly wasn’t lucky.
This site has been invaluable to me. I know it’s nothing I did or didn’t do. I now understand that right from conception the pregnancy is either viable or not so it’s out of my hands really. It’s just a matter of if it’s not viable at what point it stops developing and at what point your body rejects it.
I feel like I’m grieving more for the loss of joy and ignorance of future pregnancies. Although I only knew about my pregnancy for just under 4 weeks and it only took me 5 months to get pregnant this potential child represented something I’d dreamt of for much longer, since childhood. But I didn’t just want a child I wanted a family so I delayed it until I was settled in the right relationship and married. Now that I’m creeping towards age 35 and had this unfortunate experience after my first pregnancy I now wonder if I would have been wiser to have not waited for everything to have been perfect.
It’s now been longer since it happened then the time when I actually knew that I was pregnant. It’s a shame people don’t talk about or tell people about their experiences. Combine that with the fact that the medical staff I saw gave me very little information on what to expect means it’s been a very steep learning curve and again I have your site to thank for that.
I feel like the GP and hospital have treated me with token gestures to pat me on the back as if to say there there, job done-tick for them! It’s a shame the systems here in the UK aren’t sophisticated enough to tie up that visit to the GP to automatically notify the hospital to cancel the dating scan request so that I didn’t receive that. Or alternatively that the GP’s pre-empt this and advised me to cancel it myself.
I saw my GP again last week and she advised I need another scan to check it’s all come away. I’ve been told this is unusual so I’m unsure if this is because I haven’t experienced any pain and that the bleeding stopped after 6 days or because I’m still feeling very sick etc. Ironically I now have this scan booked for 4th October- the same date as the dating scan would have been. As instructed I called them to arrange this date and I explained my situation. Her first question was ‘How many weeks pregnant are you?!’ Wonderful at her job hey? Very professional and sensitive. Even when I explained again she just sounded like I was inconveniencing her with my call. If I was having a bad day I could have broken down in tears at this and then justifiably complained about her.
I feel oddly empowered and more self confident with the knowledge I’ve acquired. from your site. I feel as if I fit into a new group of those who have experienced it (only one group no woman would ever choose to join) but one that those who aren’t members will never be able to understand and appreciate. People who have had viable pregnancies don’t understand the loss of joy for future pregnancies. They themselves are also misinformed regarding the causes or to be more accurate the myths behind the causes of miscarriage. I get irritated by their well intended comments. Maybe I’m jealous of their ignorance? If any of my friends or family are unfortunate enough to experience a miscarriage I will certainly be recommending this site to them.
So I will have to start working through the ‘first’s’ e.g. seeing baby family members, mothers day, Christmas, the due date etc. I won’t ever forget this one though because (fingers crossed) I’ll have a permanent reminder because coincidently I’m due to become an auntie 2 days before…
It annoys me when I hear pregnant ladies moaning about their symptoms. I’d gladly swap places with them. Since nearly 4 weeks have passed it all now feels like a bad dream. When I knew I was pregnant all I thought about was baby and now I’ve lost it all I think about is the miscarriage :o (

]]> By: lynn http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-10716 lynn Mon, 06 Jun 2011 23:14:04 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-10716 I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks about 10 years ago. I had been on the depo shot and spotted the entire time. The first month off I conceived even though I had spotted throughout the month. I took like 6 or 8 tests watching the lines get darker. At about five weeks I started spotting and went to the doctor. The doctor told me I was just having a period and probably wasn't ever pregnant. I asked aboout the positive tests and she said it was probably a bad lot.I had not told how many I had taken because I didn't want to sound crazy. I told her at this point and she said "well, if you were pregant it was just for a minute." That hurt so bad and ten years later I am still angry about it. I had the bleeding with the mc and never bled again. Thankfully I was pregnant with my son. Fastforward to present day I now have 4children who I adore. We were planning on having one last child and debated on that because of a down scare with our youngest child. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant thoughand not worried at all about chromosomal problems. I am positive of my dates. I monitored my temps and had a+ hpt 5 days before my missed period. My first ultrasound I shoud have been 6 weeks and 3 days. They did an abdominal ultrasound tht showed only a sack at 5 weeks and 4days. They said my dates were off and to come back in 2 weeks for a dating ultrasound. At the 2 week ultrasound. The abdominal ultrasound only showed a sack. I was asked to undress for a vaginal us. It showed a yolk sack and fetal pole too small to see a hb. I should have been 8 weeks and 3 days. The doctor still seemed optimistic and wants me to come back in 1 week for another us. I told him that I already had a feeling that this was not going to happen. He said I may be right busince there was some growth since the last us and the yolk sac is perfectly round he is not convinced. I am. All of my symptoms left a few days before the first us. Oddly enough. The day they left I would have been 5 weeks and 4 days. The waiting is absolute torture but it has allowed me some time to cope. After rreading the stories here I think I will opt for the d&c. Whereas I was leaning toward a natural miscarriage. It has also given me time to research the causes. There is no history of mc in either side of our familes. I am convinced my first one was a result of the depo shot. This time I have been reading that slow growth in the first trimester is indicative of a chromosomal defect. I have found out that my husband had an uncle that was born with an undiagnosed defect and only lived for 3 months. This baby cried like a cat and its back was curved. I realize that I am very lucky to have 4 healthy children. I am still so very sad for this little baby. He or ahe would have been so loved I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks about 10 years ago. I had been on the depo shot and spotted the entire time. The first month off I conceived even though I had spotted throughout the month. I took like 6 or 8 tests watching the lines get darker. At about five weeks I started spotting and went to the doctor. The doctor told me I was just having a period and probably wasn’t ever pregnant. I asked aboout the positive tests and she said it was probably a bad lot.I had not told how many I had taken because I didn’t want to sound crazy. I told her at this point and she said “well, if you were pregant it was just for a minute.” That hurt so bad and ten years later I am still angry about it. I had the bleeding with the mc and never bled again. Thankfully I was pregnant with my son. Fastforward to present day I now have 4children who I adore. We were planning on having one last child and debated on that because of a down scare with our youngest child. I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant thoughand not worried at all about chromosomal problems. I am positive of my dates. I monitored my temps and had a+ hpt 5 days before my missed period. My first ultrasound I shoud have been 6 weeks and 3 days. They did an abdominal ultrasound tht showed only a sack at 5 weeks and 4days. They said my dates were off and to come back in 2 weeks for a dating ultrasound. At the 2 week ultrasound. The abdominal ultrasound only showed a sack. I was asked to undress for a vaginal us. It showed a yolk sack and fetal pole too small to see a hb. I should have been 8 weeks and 3 days. The doctor still seemed optimistic and wants me to come back in 1 week for another us. I told him that I already had a feeling that this was not going to happen. He said I may be right busince there was some growth since the last us and the yolk sac is perfectly round he is not convinced. I am. All of my symptoms left a few days before the first us. Oddly enough. The day they left I would have been 5 weeks and 4 days. The waiting is absolute torture but it has allowed me some time to cope. After rreading the stories here I think I will opt for the d&c. Whereas I was leaning toward a natural miscarriage. It has also given me time to research the causes. There is no history of mc in either side of our familes. I am convinced my first one was a result of the depo shot. This time I have been reading that slow growth in the first trimester is indicative of a chromosomal defect. I have found out that my husband had an uncle that was born with an undiagnosed defect and only lived for 3 months. This baby cried like a cat and its back was curved. I realize that I am very lucky to have 4 healthy children. I am still so very sad for this little baby. He or ahe would have been so loved

]]> By: Louise http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-10111 Louise Fri, 27 May 2011 10:05:14 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-10111 I'm 33 years old and have a 14 year old daughter from a previous marriage. My present husband and I got married 6 months ago and wanted to start trying for a baby straight away. We did and I got pregnant after the 2nd month of trying. We were over the moon and told everybody after just a few weeks. It never entered my mind that anything could go wrong. I took it for granted that since I had a previous healthy pregnancy, though a long time ago, all would be well. At 11 weeks I started to feel a bit worried, my 12 week scan was coming up and thought it was just a natural feeling. However after a couple of days i noticed my pregnancy symptoms were less. I had had very sore breasts and they were not feeling as sore, i also had a lot more energy. I had not had any naseau, but hadn't with my daughter so that didn't concern me. One morning I got out the shower and looked in the mirror and my breasts looked smaller. I burst out crying, I had a feeling of dread. I called my husband and we went to the health clinic which is a 5 minute walk away. We are from the UK but live in Central Asia, however i go back to the UK regularly and was having my prenatal care there. We told the receptionist we just wanted someone to listen for the heartbeat and i was due to go back to the UK the next week for my 12 week scan. I ended up being sent to 3 different clinics and getting little pieces of information, as they spoke Russian and I don't! The lovely 20 year old receptionist who spoke English stayed with us all the time to help translate. As soon as I was told i would need a transvaginal scan i knew things were wrong. Eventually i was told there was no heartbeat and the baby was the size of a 6/7 week old. They wanted to book me in for a D&C. We got on the first flight back to the UK the next day. Everything was confirmed there and I was booked in for a D&C (ERPC) in 6 days. The next few days I started to bleed with very strong cramps, which i was happy about as i thought i could avoid the D&C. However the morning of the D&C they scanned me again and said everything was still there, so I went ahead and had it. I have now started my first period which i was overjoyed with as i felt everything was behind me and i could start being proactive in trying again. However its a strange period as it keeps stopping and starting and after being clean from day 6, today is day 9 and i have had another bleed. This has broken me, and i feel i have gone backwards in my emotional healing. I was feeling quite good the last couple of weeks, playing tennis, exercising and enjoying my wine again ;-). I guess it takes more time than you think for your body and mind to recover. And although i am eager to get pregnant again, part of me is so scared and as really don't want to go through another miscarriage. I want to thank all of you who have posted your stories, it means so much to hear from people who have gone through this. I have read lots of webchats but this one really helps and i felt i should take the time out to share my story, which hopefully will help others. My heart felt wishes to all of you x I’m 33 years old and have a 14 year old daughter from a previous marriage. My present husband and I got married 6 months ago and wanted to start trying for a baby straight away. We did and I got pregnant after the 2nd month of trying. We were over the moon and told everybody after just a few weeks. It never entered my mind that anything could go wrong. I took it for granted that since I had a previous healthy pregnancy, though a long time ago, all would be well. At 11 weeks I started to feel a bit worried, my 12 week scan was coming up and thought it was just a natural feeling. However after a couple of days i noticed my pregnancy symptoms were less. I had had very sore breasts and they were not feeling as sore, i also had a lot more energy. I had not had any naseau, but hadn’t with my daughter so that didn’t concern me. One morning I got out the shower and looked in the mirror and my breasts looked smaller. I burst out crying, I had a feeling of dread. I called my husband and we went to the health clinic which is a 5 minute walk away. We are from the UK but live in Central Asia, however i go back to the UK regularly and was having my prenatal care there. We told the receptionist we just wanted someone to listen for the heartbeat and i was due to go back to the UK the next week for my 12 week scan. I ended up being sent to 3 different clinics and getting little pieces of information, as they spoke Russian and I don’t! The lovely 20 year old receptionist who spoke English stayed with us all the time to help translate. As soon as I was told i would need a transvaginal scan i knew things were wrong. Eventually i was told there was no heartbeat and the baby was the size of a 6/7 week old. They wanted to book me in for a D&C. We got on the first flight back to the UK the next day. Everything was confirmed there and I was booked in for a D&C (ERPC) in 6 days. The next few days I started to bleed with very strong cramps, which i was happy about as i thought i could avoid the D&C. However the morning of the D&C they scanned me again and said everything was still there, so I went ahead and had it.
I have now started my first period which i was overjoyed with as i felt everything was behind me and i could start being proactive in trying again. However its a strange period as it keeps stopping and starting and after being clean from day 6, today is day 9 and i have had another bleed. This has broken me, and i feel i have gone backwards in my emotional healing. I was feeling quite good the last couple of weeks, playing tennis, exercising and enjoying my wine again ;-) . I guess it takes more time than you think for your body and mind to recover. And although i am eager to get pregnant again, part of me is so scared and as really don’t want to go through another miscarriage.
I want to thank all of you who have posted your stories, it means so much to hear from people who have gone through this. I have read lots of webchats but this one really helps and i felt i should take the time out to share my story, which hopefully will help others.
My heart felt wishes to all of you x

]]> By: Leslie http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-9745 Leslie Tue, 17 May 2011 04:45:02 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-9745 As I am typing this, I am spotting and cramping with my second miscarriage. I knew something was wrong when my nausea subsided and my seasonal allergies started kicking in. I didn't have that familiar craving for A-1 sauce or bison burgers from Ted's as I did with all three of my girls. And the pain from my left hip and the numbness in my leg that occurs earlier and earlier during each of my pregnancies stopped-It just ended one day as if my uterus stopped growing and applying pressure to that very sensitive nerve. I mentioned all of this to my OB when I went in at 10 weeks. She told me everything was fine. She did my exam. She did the ultrasound. She could not find a heartbeat or a fetus in the sac. My doctor sent me to the ultrasound tech who was a little...different. (That is the most polite term I can think of.) The tech told my doctor that I did not have an appt. with her and the doctor said basically I will clear your schedule as you need to see her now. So the doctor left me with the tech and her cohort in the exam room. The tech gave me a paper sheet and pointed to the bathroom where I stripped and wrapped the paper sheet around me-the best that I could with my backside hanging out. I re-entered the room where the tech and other assistant were waiting. I stood in the doorway for a good 10 minutes as the French accented tech argued with me about the date of my last period as my behind was airing in the breeze. Apparently the month was entered incorrectly into my chart. I was already upset and could hear my little girls impatiently playing in the waiting room with my husband as this appt. had already spanned an hour. My biggest annoyance was-does the date of my last period really matter at this point? Either there is a problem or you are going to give me a due date by the baby's measurements. I mean-Come on!! So I finally made it to the table and I was instructed to insert the ultrasound probe myself...after multiple ultrasounds this was a little odd to me... She turned the screen away from my line of sight and looked for awhile with no verbal communication-just a few hums and haws. She printed a picture, which I asked to have and after an obvious annoyed look and comment she gave me one of the images of my amniotic sac and very small baby. She said the baby was measuring 6 weeks and the yolk and amniotic sacs were measuring 10. Since the yolk and amniotic sacs were the same size, I was probably going to miscarry. Just like that-blunt and to the point it was put into words. Immediately I started going through the signs of grief. I elected to do this naturally again-as this is my second miscarriage. I am very blessed with three beautiful little girls. However, the fact that I already have two little angels living above me (twins-as I was told by a previous ob "Twins are an unnatural pregnancy and almost always result in a spontaneous abortion") and three little angels living with me does not make this any easier. When I lost the twins, I read a passage somewhere of a religious belief that I take great comfort in-even though it is not my religion. The little spirits who live under your heart for such a short time are sent from above to be near you, to teach you, and to inspire you. Their journey was never meant to included life here on Earth, but life eternally watching over you. Their presence in your life is a true blessing and you were chosen to host and nurture and love them during their brief mission from heaven. So tonight as I cannot sleep, I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering what I did wrong this time. Did I lift a box that was too heavy? Did I do to much yard work? Was it the raspberry tea that I drank? I will never know-but always wonder. I know it will get easier. But I will always wonder "What if?" and for every pregnancy, those first weeks are not joyous until that first ultrasound and until I hear a heartbeat. As I am typing this, I am spotting and cramping with my second miscarriage.

I knew something was wrong when my nausea subsided and my seasonal allergies started kicking in. I didn’t have that familiar craving for A-1 sauce or bison burgers from Ted’s as I did with all three of my girls. And the pain from my left hip and the numbness in my leg that occurs earlier and earlier during each of my pregnancies stopped-It just ended one day as if my uterus stopped growing and applying pressure to that very sensitive nerve.

I mentioned all of this to my OB when I went in at 10 weeks. She told me everything was fine. She did my exam. She did the ultrasound. She could not find a heartbeat or a fetus in the sac.

My doctor sent me to the ultrasound tech who was a little…different. (That is the most polite term I can think of.) The tech told my doctor that I did not have an appt. with her and the doctor said basically I will clear your schedule as you need to see her now. So the doctor left me with the tech and her cohort in the exam room. The tech gave me a paper sheet and pointed to the bathroom where I stripped and wrapped the paper sheet around me-the best that I could with my backside hanging out. I re-entered the room where the tech and other assistant were waiting. I stood in the doorway for a good 10 minutes as the French accented tech argued with me about the date of my last period as my behind was airing in the breeze. Apparently the month was entered incorrectly into my chart. I was already upset and could hear my little girls impatiently playing in the waiting room with my husband as this appt. had already spanned an hour. My biggest annoyance was-does the date of my last period really matter at this point? Either there is a problem or you are going to give me a due date by the baby’s measurements. I mean-Come on!!

So I finally made it to the table and I was instructed to insert the ultrasound probe myself…after multiple ultrasounds this was a little odd to me…

She turned the screen away from my line of sight and looked for awhile with no verbal communication-just a few hums and haws. She printed a picture, which I asked to have and after an obvious annoyed look and comment she gave me one of the images of my amniotic sac and very small baby. She said the baby was measuring 6 weeks and the yolk and amniotic sacs were measuring 10. Since the yolk and amniotic sacs were the same size, I was probably going to miscarry.

Just like that-blunt and to the point it was put into words. Immediately I started going through the signs of grief.

I elected to do this naturally again-as this is my second miscarriage. I am very blessed with three beautiful little girls. However, the fact that I already have two little angels living above me (twins-as I was told by a previous ob “Twins are an unnatural pregnancy and almost always result in a spontaneous abortion”) and three little angels living with me does not make this any easier.

When I lost the twins, I read a passage somewhere of a religious belief that I take great comfort in-even though it is not my religion.

The little spirits who live under your heart for such a short time are sent from above to be near you, to teach you, and to inspire you. Their journey was never meant to included life here on Earth, but life eternally watching over you. Their presence in your life is a true blessing and you were chosen to host and nurture and love them during their brief mission from heaven.

So tonight as I cannot sleep, I am feeling sorry for myself and wondering what I did wrong this time. Did I lift a box that was too heavy? Did I do to much yard work? Was it the raspberry tea that I drank? I will never know-but always wonder. I know it will get easier. But I will always wonder “What if?” and for every pregnancy, those first weeks are not joyous until that first ultrasound and until I hear a heartbeat.

]]> By: Lauren http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-8665 Lauren Fri, 25 Mar 2011 03:42:32 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-8665 When I went to do the pregnancy test my hands were shaking, so I just knew it was going to be positive. It was and I was so excited. I had been wanting another child for a few years and now my little girl was going to be a big sister. My boyfriend was happy too, and our daughter. I saw my GP and he confirmed it, I was 6 weeks and due on 1st October 2011. We didn't tell everyone, just my mum and mother in law and one of my friends. I had been having really bad morning sickness, so much worse then with my daughter. I started to worry that something wasn't right but just put it down to nerves. I was so excite dto be having another baby that I did some shopping and bought a couple of blankets, singlets and a cute little outfit for my little one. My daughter and I would wonder aloud if it would be a boy or a girl, I was convinced it was a boy. When I was 11 weeks I woke up to find some spotting. I was scared but knew that it didn't mean I was definately having a miscarriage so I remained positive that all would be ok, I was even looking forward to the ultrasound as I hadn't had one yet. I had been having some minor pain too but everything I read said that was normal so I wasn't concerned about that. I made an appointment to see the doctor that day. He sent me straight for an ultrasound and blood test. When the ultrasound image came up I knew that I'd had a miscarriage, I could tell that the size was wrong and that the sonographer could find a heartbeat. The sonographer confirmed that indeed there was no heartbeat and that by the size of the fetus my little one died at approx 7 and a hlaf weeks. I was shocked, I had still been feeling pregnant. The morning sickness had reduced a lot but it was still there, my belly had even grown a little. I didn't cry I just said "oh ok" and went back to the doctor. He wrote a referral to the hospital for a d and c and told me to go that day. I went home, picked up my daughter from school, left her with my mum and went to the hospital with my boyfriend. They were really good and advised me to see the Early Pregnancy Service the next day to save me waiting in the emergency room. The next day I woke up to discover that the bleeding had gotten a lot worse. I went to the bathroom and my legs were covered in blood and I could feel it gushing out. I sat on the toilet and felt two huge clots pass, and started to bawl my eyes out. All I could think was "Is that my baby coming out, I dont want to flush him down the toilet" . I showered and changed, but bled through three pads in about half an hour. My mum was home so she called an ambulance for me and I went to emergency. I was there all day on a drip and bleeding heavily. All of the staff were great, although the first doctor said something a little thoughtless "He came up and said Hi how are you today" I know that he was just on auto. I had another ultrasound which showed that some product remained but not much and went home. I have been feeling really dizzy and sick to the stomach and am really upset because I've just discovered that I now have an infection in my uterus, nothing I did wrong I'm just one of the unlucky ones. I know logically that none of this is my fault, but the grieving, illogical me keeps wondering what have I done wrong. I believe that the reason my body didn't recognise that it was no longer pregnant is because it was in denial. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to tell my story. It helps to share my pain. When I went to do the pregnancy test my hands were shaking, so I just knew it was going to be positive. It was and I was so excited. I had been wanting another child for a few years and now my little girl was going to be a big sister. My boyfriend was happy too, and our daughter. I saw my GP and he confirmed it, I was 6 weeks and due on 1st October 2011. We didn’t tell everyone, just my mum and mother in law and one of my friends. I had been having really bad morning sickness, so much worse then with my daughter. I started to worry that something wasn’t right but just put it down to nerves. I was so excite dto be having another baby that I did some shopping and bought a couple of blankets, singlets and a cute little outfit for my little one. My daughter and I would wonder aloud if it would be a boy or a girl, I was convinced it was a boy. When I was 11 weeks I woke up to find some spotting. I was scared but knew that it didn’t mean I was definately having a miscarriage so I remained positive that all would be ok, I was even looking forward to the ultrasound as I hadn’t had one yet. I had been having some minor pain too but everything I read said that was normal so I wasn’t concerned about that. I made an appointment to see the doctor that day. He sent me straight for an ultrasound and blood test. When the ultrasound image came up I knew that I’d had a miscarriage, I could tell that the size was wrong and that the sonographer could find a heartbeat. The sonographer confirmed that indeed there was no heartbeat and that by the size of the fetus my little one died at approx 7 and a hlaf weeks. I was shocked, I had still been feeling pregnant. The morning sickness had reduced a lot but it was still there, my belly had even grown a little. I didn’t cry I just said “oh ok” and went back to the doctor. He wrote a referral to the hospital for a d and c and told me to go that day. I went home, picked up my daughter from school, left her with my mum and went to the hospital with my boyfriend. They were really good and advised me to see the Early Pregnancy Service the next day to save me waiting in the emergency room. The next day I woke up to discover that the bleeding had gotten a lot worse. I went to the bathroom and my legs were covered in blood and I could feel it gushing out. I sat on the toilet and felt two huge clots pass, and started to bawl my eyes out. All I could think was “Is that my baby coming out, I dont want to flush him down the toilet” . I showered and changed, but bled through three pads in about half an hour. My mum was home so she called an ambulance for me and I went to emergency. I was there all day on a drip and bleeding heavily. All of the staff were great, although the first doctor said something a little thoughtless “He came up and said Hi how are you today” I know that he was just on auto. I had another ultrasound which showed that some product remained but not much and went home. I have been feeling really dizzy and sick to the stomach and am really upset because I’ve just discovered that I now have an infection in my uterus, nothing I did wrong I’m just one of the unlucky ones. I know logically that none of this is my fault, but the grieving, illogical me keeps wondering what have I done wrong. I believe that the reason my body didn’t recognise that it was no longer pregnant is because it was in denial.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to tell my story. It helps to share my pain.

]]> By: Liz http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-7829 Liz Wed, 16 Feb 2011 02:17:43 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-7829 I have a wonderful little boy named Noah. He is 19 months old. It took me 5 months to get pregnant with him. My husband and I decided we wanted to start trying finally after 6 months...and watching everyone else I knew get pregnant I got a positive test result. We were so excited. I scheduled my first ultrasound for 8 weeks. I had to go by myself as my husband was out of town for work. I found out that the baby was too small and there was no heartbeat. I had to wait a week and then come back for another ultrasound to be sure. Of course there was still no heartbeat. All of my hormone levels were normal for 9 weeks. I opted for the D and C because I could not handle the thought of carrying around a child that had died while still feeling as thought I was pregnant. It has been very difficult as many people I know including my sister in law (# 4 for her) and my best friend (#4) for her are both expecting. I just find myself so jealous and thinking I will never get pregnant again or it will take me another 6 months. I am trying so hard to be positive and have hope and not to spend everyday so sad. It is extremely difficult. Hoping as time passes I am able to get rid of these jealous feelings. I have a wonderful little boy named Noah. He is 19 months old. It took me 5 months to get pregnant with him. My husband and I decided we wanted to start trying finally after 6 months…and watching everyone else I knew get pregnant I got a positive test result. We were so excited. I scheduled my first ultrasound for 8 weeks. I had to go by myself as my husband was out of town for work. I found out that the baby was too small and there was no heartbeat. I had to wait a week and then come back for another ultrasound to be sure. Of course there was still no heartbeat. All of my hormone levels were normal for 9 weeks. I opted for the D and C because I could not handle the thought of carrying around a child that had died while still feeling as thought I was pregnant. It has been very difficult as many people I know including my sister in law (# 4 for her) and my best friend (#4) for her are both expecting. I just find myself so jealous and thinking I will never get pregnant again or it will take me another 6 months. I am trying so hard to be positive and have hope and not to spend everyday so sad. It is extremely difficult. Hoping as time passes I am able to get rid of these jealous feelings.

]]> By: candice shelton http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-7739 candice shelton Thu, 10 Feb 2011 04:42:27 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-7739 my name is candice and i am going to be 22 on valentines day i have a little girl named aleigha she is one my pregnancy with her was perfect no problems what so ever... after i had her i got put on the pill and they gave me a low dose and i ended up getting pregnant although i took the pill every day like i was supposed to.. i was so happy even though it wasnt planned me and my fiance was so excited we took a home test and about a week later i went to the health department on november the 28th and found out i was 4 weeks pregnant my due date was supposed to be on august 6th 2011 and i was so excited we told everyone and they was excited also everything was going fine i didnt strain myself or do anything i wasnt supposed to i did everything like i did when i was pregnant with my daughter and on december the 3rd i got up and took a shower then when i used the restroom i was spotting but i thought it was normally but i still called the gyno and she said just to prop my feet up and relax and not to strain myself. about 4 hours later i started bleeding worse and worse it was like i had started my period but only worse and i told my fiance and he rushed me to the emergency room and they took me back and done some test and said that i was still pregnant that they was going to do a ultra sound to see and when they done it their was not baby i was so heart broken to know that my baby was gone all of a sudden without any warning to me,,, i asked the doctor why the test and blood work said i was still pregnant and he said it would do that until i pass all the sac and what was formed of my baby,,, i just broke down in tears holding my belly and he said im sorry mam there was nothing you could do it was an act of god that he had a reason for this and i never doubt god but i wonder why sometimes this happened to me..me and my fiance was hurt so bad and still are to this day. i looked at my fiance and all i could say was i flushed my baby down the toilet and started screaming my lungs out after i passed all the stuff i was supposed to i started my regular cycle and we have been trying for 2 months now to get pregnant again and its not working i dont understand someone please help me to understand this... my name is candice and i am going to be 22 on valentines day i have a little girl named aleigha she is one my pregnancy with her was perfect no problems what so ever… after i had her i got put on the pill and they gave me a low dose and i ended up getting pregnant although i took the pill every day like i was supposed to.. i was so happy even though it wasnt planned me and my fiance was so excited we took a home test and about a week later i went to the health department on november the 28th and found out i was 4 weeks pregnant my due date was supposed to be on august 6th 2011 and i was so excited we told everyone and they was excited also everything was going fine i didnt strain myself or do anything i wasnt supposed to i did everything like i did when i was pregnant with my daughter and on december the 3rd i got up and took a shower then when i used the restroom i was spotting but i thought it was normally but i still called the gyno and she said just to prop my feet up and relax and not to strain myself. about 4 hours later i started bleeding worse and worse it was like i had started my period but only worse and i told my fiance and he rushed me to the emergency room and they took me back and done some test and said that i was still pregnant that they was going to do a ultra sound to see and when they done it their was not baby i was so heart broken to know that my baby was gone all of a sudden without any warning to me,,, i asked the doctor why the test and blood work said i was still pregnant and he said it would do that until i pass all the sac and what was formed of my baby,,, i just broke down in tears holding my belly and he said im sorry mam there was nothing you could do it was an act of god that he had a reason for this and i never doubt god but i wonder why sometimes this happened to me..me and my fiance was hurt so bad and still are to this day. i looked at my fiance and all i could say was i flushed my baby down the toilet and started screaming my lungs out after i passed all the stuff i was supposed to i started my regular cycle and we have been trying for 2 months now to get pregnant again and its not working i dont understand someone please help me to understand this…

]]> By: Deanna http://pregnancyloss.info/womens-stories/first-trimester-stories/comment-page-2/#comment-7727 Deanna Wed, 09 Feb 2011 01:48:54 +0000 http://www.pregnancyloss.info/?page_id=76#comment-7727 This site is not really the place for calming pregnancy fears, other than perhaps the page about the signs and symptoms of miscarriage, so you can see if it is happening to you. This site is more about recovering. This site is not really the place for calming pregnancy fears, other than perhaps the page about the signs and symptoms of miscarriage, so you can see if it is happening to you.

This site is more about recovering.

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