Comments on: Second Trimester Stories

By: Cortney

Cortney — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:00:33 +0000

I am truly moved at the stories I have read. I am a mother of three. Two of my children are beautiful, healthy, full of laughter with the world ahead of them. My third child never had a chance on this earth. My third child is in heaven. I was 17 weeks pregnant when we lost our baby. I went into the doctor’s office for a routine appointment. I had no signs anything was wrong, no bleeding, no spotting, no cramping. I was just really tired. The morning of my appointment though, everything felt wrong. I can’t explain it but it just felt wrong. The normal lady wasn’t at the check in desk, the normal nurse didn’t check my vitals and even when the nurse practitioner measured my belly, her touch felt wrong too. She couldn’t hear a heartbeat but wasn’t too concerned because at my previous appointment, she had to put me on the ultrasound because of the way my baby was positioned. We walked into the ultrasound room and that felt wrong too. She turned on the ultrasound and I saw my beautiful baby completely still. I knew. The doctor came in and took some measurements and said “Shellie asked me in to take a look because she couldn’t find a heartbeat and I can’t find one either. I am so sorry Cortney.” I was in shock. Even though I knew, the words cut through me. I jumped off the table and cried uncontrollably. All of the emotions from the last five years fell through the ceiling. When I was pregnant with my son five years ago, two of my best friends lost full term babies within months. The pain was too strong. I went across the hall back to the exam room and had to call my husband. I asked my nurse practitioner what had to happen next. I didn’t have time to think about options. She said delivery, I said I couldn’t do that. I don’t know if I could. I feel guilty now. I am just still so sad. I had a d&e. I was heavily medicated. The pain was just so much. I am still so overwhelmed, sad and mad. I didn’t tell anyone until I was out of the first trimester. I loved this baby. I still love this baby and just wanted this baby to be happy, healthy and full of laughter like my other two. My kids were so excited for our new baby. I feel like I have to justify what happened wasn’t a miscarriage. A loss is a loss and I would never want to take away from someone’s else’s loss. A miscarriage is just not what happened to me. At my follow up, I was told that I have a clotting issue that is genetic. I formed a clot in my umbilical chord. Why didn’t we know. This could have been prevented. I know that I am extremely lucky that I did not form a clot with my other two babies….Why now? I hope one day I will more at peace.

By: amanda

amanda — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 00:42:38 +0000

I had just got married and we were desperate to have children. Within no time at all I found out I was pregnant, we were delighted. I went for my 12 week scan and our baby was doing great. I wasn’t that well though but apart from that the baby seem to be doing well. Then on the 11 th Oct 09 our worst nightmare I started to bleed I knew this was not right I called the docotor was advised to come to the hospital they done a vaginal examination my waters then broke. My husband and I just screamed we could believe I was going to deliver my little boy. They said I would go into labour within 24 hours this never happened. We began thinking we are going to make it our baby is going to survive then on the 16 th oct at 20 weeks our son was born asleep, its the most heart breaking day of our life. Our hopes and dreams gone. They could not give us any answers to why this happened. We decided to try again 3 months later and again I fell straight away we were so happy. I went for scans all the time up until 20 weeks had past and was delighted to find out we were having a little girl. I was back and forth at the hospital to hear the baby heart beat I always just wanted reassurance. I was leaking discharge and was told this was normal my back was also sore again they said this was normal. Then on Monday tiihe 31 st may I was having a bearing down feeling and my back pain was getting worse they said it was a urine infection but about 5 hours later I delivered my little girl she was prefect weighting 1 pound 4 oz. I just can’t believe this has happened again and we now have our two babies in heaven its just so unfair. I really don’t know how I am going to get through this I just feel totally robed.

By: Susan

Susan — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 03:59:00 +0000

Laura’s Story

I want to say thank to Laura story the same thing happen to me. Except for going to the hospical twice. I went to the doctor that day and the doctor told me that everything was going well. I heard the baby heartbeat, I was 16 weeks. That same night i had strong pain on my side. I had spotting the whole entire time that I was carrying the baby. I went to the hopsical and they told me I was in labor. My baby lived for about 13 minutes after i had him. This story has made me feel alot better knowing that it was not just me. The doctor told me that my cervix just opened. This happen this past week.

By: Samantha Adolph

Samantha Adolph — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 03:36:17 +0000

I am hurtting everyday. We lost our baby girl at 14 wks and 1 day. Just the day before we seen her on the ultrasound and she was great, good heartbeat and very active. I was put on bedrest because I was spotting. I went into pre-term labor, instead of the hospital calling the pre-natal specialist that I was seeing they gave me vicoden and sent me home. We later had the baby at home. It was the most horrifying moment of my life. It has been 3 wks and 4 days since we said goodby. My prenatal specialist says it may have been the hospitals fault because they gave me other meds that I was not aware of untill I went for my follow up visit. Those meds they gave me are only to be given to someone under observation, due to the fact they could cause a heart attack. We wont know anything for sure untill we get the autopsy results back. Every day I sit and wait for a phone call for someone to tell me why my healthy baby girl slipped away.

Neveah Hope 3/2/2010 (my angel)

By: Claudia Ivette Mejia

Claudia Ivette Mejia — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:38:29 +0000

I’ve been pregnant three times, and I don’t have any children. On October 22, 2003, my first baby, Elizabeth Mejia Garcia, was born at 5 months and three weeks. She was placed in the NICU since she was born until the day that she would go to heaven. My husband and I visited her in the NICU every day. I remember spending all day with her taking advantage af every minute because we were not given much hope of survival do to her premature age. After two weeks in the NICU and my husband I praying that everything will be fine, we call to the hospital as we did every morning before my husband went to work, and for some reason they told us that they have been trying to call us because the baby had not been stabled since two in the morning, but they had a wrong number. We quickly rushed to the hospital and found our baby in her last heart beats. We were there from a heart beat of 90 going down and down until it got to 0. I was out of control and cried and cried asking myself, why? Two weeks after delivering my baby girl I was able to hold her in my arms. She was no longer alive, but I carried her with the same love I would have carried her with if she was still alive. We had her funeral service four days later and said our final good byes. In our sadness and loneliness and desperation of having a baby we tried having another baby and I conceived in March of 2004. We were so happy full of hopes and sure that everything was going to be find this time. In June 13th we had an ultrasound and the baby was great and her heart beat was very strong “150″. On July 4th at 11 am I started to feel the same thing I felt with my first pregnancy. I started to feel small contractions I went to the restroom and as I clean myself I felt my amniotic bag. I immediately told my husband and he rushed me to the ER by the time we were there I was completely opened from my cervix. I delivered my baby at 8:30 pm that Sunday 4th of July of 2004, and we lost our baby boy, Jonatan Mejia Garcia. I went in for a D&C and when I came out from anesthesia I was confused and wasn’t sure what was going on when they told me that I was not requested to take the baby because he was only 19 weeks and 1/2. I remember falling asleep right after that. When I woke up I was asking for my baby and they told me they could no longer give him to me because he had already been taken. I only have in my mind one small slight look that I was bale to give to my baby right after he was born along with the only ultrasound I had from him. We now remember him and place flowers in his sister’s grave pretending he’s body is laying there with his sister’s. My doctor said that according to my previous case and the recent one she diagnosed me with incompetent cervix and the next time that I became pregnant I would be needing a cervical cerclage . After four years my husband and I still grieved over our precious babies, but we decided that it was time to try again. We began trying by the ends of July of 2009 and we conceived by the ends of August 2009, and we found out I was pregnant when I was 7 weeks. Everything was find until I was 9 weeks I began to spot and I went to the hospital and I was told that the only thing I could do was bed rest until I stopped spotting. I spotted for about 2 to 3 days and it stopped. After that everything else went find. I was placed a cervical cerclage by my 13th week and I was placed in disability until I delivered in May 22, 2010. I had bed rest, no sex, no, lifting, and no too much walking. Everything was find until December 23, I had to go to the hospital because I was denigrated and I was throwing up and I could be doing that because I couldn’t do to much pressure do to the cerclage I had placed. The baby was OK and his heart beat was find. I went home and came back to the hospital on the 28 of December with a really bad pain by my liver. I was given pain medication and send home. I was also told to see my general doctor in a day and I did. Everything seem OK and they couldn’t really know why I had that sever pain under my liver. The days went by and that same pain tried to come back a few days later, but it didn’t. The days went by I had my prenatal appointment on, Monday 4th of January 2010 and everything was great. The baby’s heart beat was 140 and went home. On the 6th I began to feel pressure on the lower abs and when the baby moved it felt a little painful and and I felt pain in the upper part of my abs where the placenta is attached. I also felt little small contractions, but nothing strong. I felt this for about three days and it when away. My Doctor said it was normal to feel pressure and back pain do to the baby growth. I had and ultrasound scheduled since a month before I started feeling sick and had on the 8th of January. The ultrasound showed everything was find and the baby’s heartbeat was okay. We were also told we were having a girl and the baby was very active. A few days later I went to the restroom many times because I wanted to urinate, but when I did urinated I urinated a very little amount. When I did urinated a lot I saw the water like pearly. Kind of like the way the amniotic fluid looks like, but my dumb self thought it was normal to urinate like that. I also had a lot of mucous and I constantly felt my underwear not wet, but humid. I called my doctor on Monday, January 11th and told her and she said it was normal to have mucous at that point in pregnancy, but that if it was smelly then I should go to the ER, but since it wasn’t smelly I was no longer worried and since the cramps and ab pain were gone I thought everything was in my head. Although, I felt something was out of order I trusted in God that everything was in my head. On January 13 th, 2009 at 1:52 am I woke up and felt my underwear wet. I went to the restroom and I urinated normally and went back to bed and I my husband told me I had wet the bed and his shirt. So we try to dry the bed part I was laying down and he changed his shirt. We went back to bed and a minute later I felt my vagina again and I felt it wet again. I told my husband and told him this was not normal and got concern, so I got up from the bed and a splash of water dropped on the floor. I told him to get up and to take me to the ER that my water had probably broken. When got the ER AT 2:20 and they tested the water and it come out positive for Amniotic fluid and not urine. I had already lost half of the water and I was admitted to the Birth center and waited for the doctor. He checked me and said that my cervix was closed and that it was thick and long, but he told me that the problem this time was not my incompetent cervix: my problem was that the bag had broken. He said the the blood testing came back positive for infection. He said he had to remove my cerclage to deliver the baby because there wasn’t anything they could do because the baby was 22 weeks and they need to be at least 24 weeks to be able to take them to the NICU. I was in shock i didn’t knew what to do, say or think. The doctor removed my cerclage around 7:30 am and we waited all day for my cervix to open and It didn’t at 5 pm the doctor came back and said he was going to induce me. By 6 pm my baby boy, Benjamin Mejia Garcia was born. I carried him and kissed him all I could, he was alive for about an hour after he was born. The nurses showered him and put clothes on him and they gave him to me to keep with me until I wanted to. I left the hospital the next day and then I gave my baby away to be taken to the morgue. My husband and I slept with him all night and caressed him all we could because we knew he was going to be take away the next day. We buried him as closed as we could from his sister and he is now resting away from us. His stay was very short, but we will never forget how he looked a lot like daddy and none like mommy : )
and how he pooped on his first and last diaper. On my postpartum appointment I was told the placenta testing results showed that I had a bladder infection and an infection that entered the placenta and the amniotic bag making swell and brake. He said that if I would had come to the ER when I felt something was wrong they could had detected the infection and I would had got antibiotics and I would had stay in the hospital. And as you might imagine I feel guilty, mad, sad, upset and all of this feelings. I was told that I could try in three months again or in six if I thought it was to soon, and that this time I will get the cerclage, complete bed rest, progesterone shot and antibiotics in any sign of infection and I was going to be treated by an Perinatologist instead of an OB. The prinatologist is going to be giving me prenatal checking every week instead of every month as we would normally do. Now I considered very high-risk pregnancy by my the next pregnancy. As you might know I will not be able to get over all the things that I have been through as easy as before, but I’m still hoping that some day God will allow me to have a baby because I no longer want to make him more angels I really do need a baby to give him all the love that my husband and I have gathered over the years. We want to give a baby all that love that’s been stored in our hearts for so many years.

By: Sad Mama

Sad Mama — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:36:50 +0000

I’ve had 2 miscarriages (non-consecutive, thank goodness). One at 9-10 wks. Last month, I lost a baby at 15 wks. This one was so much harder. We never did hear a heartbeat the 1st time and when I miscarried, the baby measured just millimeters, so I didn’t know what of all the tissue I was passing was baby.
This time, we saw the baby on the ultrasound before Christmas with a nice strong heart beat & he was waving his little arm at us like he knew we were watching him. We thought things were fine.
But, 3 weeks later at a regular appointment, there was no heartbeat. The midwife did an ultrasound & the baby measured only several days of growth more than the last ultrasound.
Because my 1st miscarriage completed at home without complications or pain, I chose to go that route again. It seemed that the interventions were mostly for people with risk factors or those who wanted to speed up the process. That was not us at all. I really welcomed the time to process what was happening. We picked out names in case we could tell the gender when we saw the baby. I stiched a tiny blanket & prepared a box to hold his body until he could be cremated. We notified family & friends that we were losing our baby. I cherished having the baby inside me, knowing he’d soon be gone. We cried.
The midwife did an HCG test & my hormones had dropped to the equivalent of only a 2-3 wk pregnancy, so we knew my body had realized that the pregnancy was not viable. Less than a week later, I started spotting early in the morning. It was a holiday, so my son didn’t have school & my husband was off work. We sent the kids off to a playdate. I ate my lunch pacing the kitchen. I was a little achy, but not in pain. Then, I felt a gush of fluid. I was worried it was blood. When I went to the bathroom, there was little blood on my pad, but it was heavy, so I knew the amniotic sac had burst. I put my hand down to catch what I assumed would be tissue (the midwife encouraged us to keep all the tissue so she could verify that I’d passed the placenta and was not retaining tissue). The baby slid right into my hand like he wanted to be held. This part wasn’t as tough as I was expecting because it seemed so sureal to just sit there in the bathroom holding our baby.
We called the midwife & she came to cut the cord since the placenta did not immediately follow. I passed some clots & felt a little light headed (I’m kind of a wimp about seeing blood). She checked me & helped me move to the futon so I could lay down. About 4 or 5 hours after the baby was delivered, the placenta was too & I was so relieved that my body worked how it was supposed to and that I didn’t have to go to the ER.
He was tiny, about 3 inches long & looked just as a baby that small should. Of course his head was as large as his body & his limbs were skinny, but he was OUR baby, so he was beautiful to us. His skin was flesh colored, slightly purplish (not translucent). We were AMAZED at the detail of development- his ears, his hands, nostrils on his tiny nose & white nails forming on his toes. I’m so thankful we were able to see him & hold him & take pictures for us to remember (but the pictures don’t do him justice since you can’t capture the details of those tiny toes, etc.)
We bought a small wooden box that is heart shaped. We painted it white, and decorated the top with imprints of baby feet (not our baby’s, just something we found at the craft store to remind us of how perfect his tiny feet were). I did silver lettering around the box that says “foverever in our hearts”. The funeral home wrapped the envelope with the ashes in his blanket when they tucked the ashes in the box. I thought that was so tender & thoughtful.
It’s been a few weeks now & our schedules & responsibilities are back to normal. I don’t feel back to “normal”, but grieving takes time, so I try to be patient with myself. I’ve started a journal- writing is therapeutic for me.
I have hope that we can have another baby someday when we are ready to try again. But I miss my sweet baby James. The scriptures say that God will wipe the tears off all faces. I believe that all our loses will someday be compensated and in the next life, we will not need to grieve anymore for God will restore all things to us. I just have to have faith until then.

By: Maria

Maria — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 04:26:26 +0000

I went in for my check up at 18 1/2 weeks and my ob could not find a heartbeat so after several tries she sent me in for an ultrasound. I will never forget the picture of my baby not moving and the lack of a heartbeat. I knew even before she said it. “I am so sorry but here is no heartbeat.” I hadn’t had any eason to think anything was wrong. I have two beautiful girls at home already and both of those pregnancies had no complications. I chose to get induced at the hospital. There was no way I could choose to wait it out until my body was ready. I don’t think I could have handled that stress. That ob appointment was on a Wed and we scheduled to be induced that Fri 12/04/09 at 1pm. I already had an important procedure my 4 year old that had been scheduled for Fri morning that she needed to be sedated for and there was no way I wasn’t going to be there for her. That day was horrible. I had to take my daughter to one hospital for her procedure and be there at 7:30am. This went all the way until about 12:30 when my mother-in-law came to take over and my husband picked me up to go straight to the next hospital to get induced.
At that point I asked for another sonogram and my baby only measured at 15 weeks and had apparently slowed down growing and eventually her little heart couldn’t take it anymore. There was no progress until the next day but in the meantime I ran a high fever of 103.8 all night with horrible chills that would make my teeth chatter. Finally with that under control I got a little rest and at 2:30pm on Sat. After my precious baby was born. She was so tiny only 6 1/2 inches long and 3.4 oz. My husband could not look but my mom and I held her. I was able to get the most beautifal tiny handprints and footprints. Those tiny footprints were so perfect. Every little tiny toe was seen so easily. Each foot only measured about 3/4 an inch long. (Those tiny little prints are what I open up nearly every night since this has happened.)
We had a burial service for little Chloe Maria and were able to bury her on top of my father’s grave. I like to think that she is sitting on grandpa’s lap up in heavern. I had several people tell me that I have my own little angel up in heaven looking down and watching over me. I am doing much better here two weeks later but I have a hard time looking at little babies and pregnant people. I will cry almost every time. I had one of my nurses tell me that she had a similar situation only about 8 weeks ago happen to her and that she likes to think that that baby held on as long as they possibly could but just couldn’t hold on anymore. At her burial service it started to snow but only for a few minutes. I will think of her every time it starts to snow. My dear little Chloe.

By: Cheri

Cheri — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 19:33:24 +0000

Excuse the typos. IPhone makes for typing perfect a non-reality. I hate typos.

By: Cheri

Cheri — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 19:24:35 +0000

I’m 25yrs old and had my d&c yesterday at noon. I came to terms with everything when I woke up afterward. I had spent the two days prior to waking up in post-op trying to get a grip on what how to handle this emotionally devestating turn in events.

I knew something was wrong, but I was in a protectic type of denial. This baby stopped “talking” to me a few weeks earlier. Since I tried sharing that concern with others and having them look at me like I’m nuts for trying to communicate with an unborn baby, I simply forced myself to believe this baby was shy, not like my two year old Anna Michael, she told me when I was like a week pregnant with her that he name was Anna, she was going to come out a princess and would require lots of pink stuff. But not this one. This one was not giving me anything! I had felt it was a boy but he never confirmed for me if he was.

Everything about him was perfect. I could see his precious little bones where they belonged. His little body was still, there was no heartbeat. Now I knew why he wasn’t talking to me anymore. He stopped developing at fourteen weeks and this was my twenty week scan. I was numb. My mom almost lost it but distracted my lite girl who was playing with toys in the midwifes office. My fiancé cried, I knew that he was devestated. I couldn’t lose it yet because Anna did not need to see every person she trusts in her life fall apart at once. My mom took her home for a sleep over and my fiancé and I went home and started painting the bathroom upstairs. Provided us with a distraction until we were both ready to talk about this before the confirmation the next day from the obgyn/surgeon. The bathroom looked beautiful! Pink top creamy white bottom of wall with a beautiful wallpaper border dividing the colors, I thought Anna would love it when I picked her up in te morning (she totally did).

At midnight I lay with my fiancé and finally it sank in that all the hopes and dreams for this baby were never going to happen. All my plans were lost. I had been carrying a corpse within my body for weeks. I felt I’ll, like mentally I’ll. I had watched a program on NoVa that was trying to show that animals feel emotion like us. They showed a mother gorilla who lost her baby. She carried the lifeless body of her infant for two weeks until it was skeletonized before she gave up. She groomed her baby, talked to it, held it and tried to feed it. I suddenly had become that mommy gorilla. I have never felt so much agony over being helpless. There’s nothing I could do to bring either that poor mommy gorilla’s infant back nor my own. I felt primative.

Everything was my fault, within my control before they put me under yesterday. My fiancé is the Most amazing man I’ve ever been fortunate enough to have in my life. He stayed with me until the hospital put me under, his frightened but protective eyes were the last thing I saw before google under. His expression was that of strength but fear of not being able to prevent anything from happening to me after they wheeled me out. I know he felt how I had felt about not being able to save this baby, but about saving me this time around. This mans eyes said that he really really loved me and would do anything for me.

I woke up feeling amazing! The sadness was gone. Grief was gone. I felt like a gift was given to us that minute I went under. Instead of growing apart through this, instead of letting the need to blame something makes us starting to pointing fingers at one another, instead of turning inward and suffering alone my fiancé and I grew together. Though it would be easy to blame me because our baby was lost inside of my body he never did. He quickly assured me that it wasn’t my fault, that he was relieved when I finally cried at midnight the first night because I indeed was human and for the first time he saw me cry ever and continued to see me cry until now. We could have easily lost the trust we had in each other but we both came out of the grief stage more happy, close and committed to our love than we had been a week earlier.

The trauma of this tragedy was a gift given to us from our baby to protect his sister Anna from suffering a second loss of a parent through divorce by teaching us to get through the hardest thing that we will ever endure together instead alone.

I’ll miss my little person and when my flow gets back to normal we will tru to get knocked up again. Emotionally seeing this horrible loss of life as a step toward positive growth within our relationship as parents has totally hanged it for both of us. Yes we do still cry. I loved my baby and my fiancé loved this baby equal to me, in addition to fearing losing me to surgery he felt equally helpless as I had been feeling and with that he placed blame on himself as I had done to myself too.

It’s been less than 24hours since I woke up, but the next 24years will be better because of the gift our baby has given us. I’ll never be the same, I’ll never forget him and it’ll never not hurt to have lost him. But we will keep going. I have now experienced something that will strengthen my ability to empathize with others suffering loss, as I do with every woman who lost a child posted above and to others not ready to share their grief. I urge all women to find the silver lining, what good can you make of this tragedy in your lives so that you are a better person having had the experience in your past? I now understand how to be a parent and wife at the same time and with true focus on everyones feelings in the family I’m feeling like I’m better at balancing everyones needs without forgetting my own.

I am grateful I have my fiancé with me, my daughter is healthy and beautiful and that my sense of optimism will not ever be lost, you need to laugh. It will honor your lost loved one to go on with life with laughter and smiles. They would have wanted to see that, babies always prefer a smile. It’s hardwired for them to smile back, remember that.

By: April

April — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 19:35:20 +0000

I will never forget July 31,2009 that was the day my baby boy was born, born at 18 weeks, all of the sudden I star having cramps and a light bleeding since the pain in my lower back was really bad I decided to go to the ER they took blood samples and then an ultrasound after waiting in the room for 29 min. the doctor came back just let us know that my boy was dead inside me, it was the most difficult time in my life, the most difficult day of my life according to the ultrasound some how the baby stop growing at 15 or 16 weeks and I was already on my 18 week.
On July 31, 2009 at 9:12am by baby boy Angel was born I remember his hands, his face so perfect. Until today I still asking why, why me why my baby. I pray God to give me the straight I need since I have a 3 year old at home I know I have faith that one day God will give us the change to have another baby and never never I will forget my boy Angel and I know he is looking after his brother and us.
God bless all of you.