Comments on: Second Trimester Stories

By: pattyjean

pattyjean — Sat, 12 Nov 2011 21:50:23 +0000

Lost my baby 23 weeks 26 weeks with remaining twin

By: rosse balladares

rosse balladares — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 06:24:13 +0000

I can relate to all and sorry for your losses..mined happened 08/30/2011 I was 19 weeks and 4 days..her name was Natalie Moreno. I started having small spots at 3 months pregnant and would ask on my doctors appointments and they would say it was normal..then I had a small fall which was nothing and the next day I started spotting and it was more noticeable when I wiped..I ended up in ER and they said everything look great no sign of the cervix being open and the size was perfect, heartbeat was excellent. Then the next week after that I was doing breakfast and a small leak of blood came out got worried and rush to ER again, they did a lot of exams and everything was perfect the only thing they can say is that they don’t know why the bleeding and some women bleed through there pregnancy,so I went back home. Four days later I woke up in the morning and pee with the toilet full off blood,rushed again to ER which send me to obgyn and they run more test then usually and did not fine nothing again I was put in bed rest for 2 weeks..3 days later which came to be a weekend my 2 older kids where taken to my sister in law house and husband stayed to keep me in bed and do everything stress free,had the most wonderful weekend ever till that sunday nigh I started having cramps from no where and was very uncomfortable. I called they said if it got worst go to the ER it calm down so I went to sleep and at midnight I had a use the restroom badly and as soon as I got out of bed I felt a lot of water come out and I thought I had pee..this never happened before so when I went to obgyn they saw the heartbeat but no fluid…I had a feeling what he was gonna say,they send me to labor and delivery to run more test. My heart dropped and had a bad feeling. Labor and delivery runned more test and came back with the bad news that my water had broke. Either we had to terminate or wait till and see if the sac would build more fluid but the changes were almost close to none,in my head I was just hearing them say u have to kill your baby while the husband and I cried I was telling them that I was not gonna kill my baby if it is god will she live if not I would not be the one who made up that decision while I had my sister in law saying we had too due to the risk and the consequences. By the time we were making out minds my pains started worsening and the bleeding was worst, it hit me that I was going into labor as I saw the IV injected and the pain killer injected all I could think of was why? Why her ? Why me? Why like this?..so after hours of labor she was born asleep..my angel was 9 inches long and weight halve a pound and I could just hear the doctor say that I did not do it,she did it herself not to blame myself. My angel was beautiful had her 5 min and then they wrap her up and took her. No answer on why yet and I will never get them. The pain is unbearable and now I’m face with the whole funeral and its hard. Its been a little pass one week and the pain worsens every day and even dough I know my angel Natalie is with out father the mind tells u its for a reason and she is an angel now the hearth does not. I’m sorry ladies and may god bless u all.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 22:16:28 +0000

I lost my baby 7 days ago. This was my second pregnancy. Everything seemed to be going fine. Almost too fine. With my first I had all the classic pregnancy “symptoms”. With this one, almost none. A little nausea here and there, perhaps some fatigue, but really I “felt great”. That had me a little concerned, since I’d heard that the more symptoms you have the more your body is “aware” of it being pregnant, and that’s a good thing. But I never thought it would end in tragedy.

Last Monday we went in for our regular check-up at 17 weeks. The Dr. measured my uterus to be typical size for 16 weeks, but that didn’t seem to be reason for alarm. Then he couldn’t find a heartbeat. He said that sometimes happens and went to turn on the ultrasound machine just to “make sure”. I knew something was wrong. I’d never had a problem with finding the heartbeat before, with either pregnancy. They were always loud and normal. We went in for the ultrasound and still, no noise. At first I was afraid to look at the screen. Afraid to see my baby not moving, dead. If something was wrong I wanted to remember it healthy. But then I gathered up the courage and looked. There was the baby, perfect as could be. Perfect, but still. Then the Dr. pointed out the baby’s heart and said it wasn’t beating. I already knew. He measured the head and said it was 16 weeks.

We don’t know why our baby stopped living. We probably never will. Four days later we went to the hospital to get induced. My body never realized it’s baby had gone on. Six hours after I was induced my beautiful baby boy was born – still.

When I first found out I had lost my baby I thought it would be easier if we never saw it, never found out the gender, just tried to “forget” and go on. During the days that we waited to deliver we realized, this IS our baby and we want to know who it is! But still, even after he was born, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to look at him. We were so early, only 17 weeks, would he look “scary”? My mom and my husband were with me when I delivered. They both decided to see him (they were the ones who told me it was a “him”). I asked my husband if he was “gross” or if I’d want to see him. He said I’d probably want to, and I’m so glad he did. Sure, he didn’t look full-term at all. His head was very large and his limbs so tiny. But still, he was perfect. Perfect hands and feet. Perfect mouth and eye sockets. Perfect little “boy part”. Just so very tiny.

We decided to name him and have him cremated and buried. We will be putting him in the ground today. We will always miss him, our little boy we never got to know.

By: Leanne

Leanne — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 04:57:29 +0000

I have read with such sadness your stories. I have had 4 m/c’s in the last 18 months and am currently pregnant again. We had given up having another child knowing we were so blessed with three daughters already. But here I am at almost 12 weeks pregnant and I rented a doppler device, we have heard the heartbeat almost every day. I’m so scared because I’m starting to fall in love with my little heartbeat and my growing bump. Can I have a baby after 4 miscarriages? I sure hope so even though all the statics are against me.
I hope everyone here continues to try. I am planting a white rose bush in our garden this spring in memory of my lost babies and I hope to keep this one in my belly for a few more months.
Hope to all.

By: Kellie

Kellie — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:24:27 +0000

I lost my baby 4 days ago. The baby that we were convinced was a boy (the mdwife, my friend and I all saw what we thought was a penis), now the autopsy says it was a normally developed female. That’s just one unfortunate event in a series of many unfortunate events in my life lately. 8 months ago after many years of battling a heart rhythm issue, I finally was implanted with a pacemaker. I have a 7-year-old daughter and a 5-year-old son. I had two miscarriages in between the two, one at 8 wks and one at 5 wks. Due to these circumstances we had decided we were done having children. Then, much to our surprise, a couple months before my husband was to have a vasectomy I wound up pregnant. Due to my pacemaker and heart issues, the docs were concerned for my welfare and had even suggested terminating the pregnancy. Little did they know that my heart would be fine, my pregnancy would succumb to an infection that is at this time is still unknown. I’m angry that god or the powers that be decided to give us a pregnancy that we didn’t want in the first place, let us keep him long enough to love him, then take him away from us. The delivery was horrible. They were pushing antibiotics like crazy to try to eliminate the infection in the hopes that the cramping and bleeding would stop. After 24 hours of being in the hospital my water broke. 7 hours later our baby was born. I’m struggling, I’m struggling more than I ever thought I would and would give anything to have him back. If it’s even a him. The midwife and nurses were so very helpful, but we didn’t know what to do with the baby. I see so many people here buried their babies or cremated them and kept their ashes. We just sent ours away for an autopsy and now I don’t know what will happen to him. I regret this somewhat, but my husband thinks it will just prolong our pain. He didn’t want to name him, but after two days I told him I needed to, so we did. We named him Walker. Now, with the gender confusion, I’m left confused and angry, but we have decided for our children’s sakes to let him stay a him. Now I’m left wondering what was wrong with me or what I did to get this infection that attacked my baby and wishing I would have acted on the early signs I was noticing that something wasn’t quite right. I can only hope that as time goes on the guilt will lift and my life will feel normal again.

By: Maggie

Maggie — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 17:24:03 +0000

Thank you for sharing all your stories. I lost my baby girl on Oct 30th and the sadness is always with me. Although I have amazing support from my husband, parents, and friends I still feel very alone. It was so helpful to read about other women’s stories and realize I am not alone.

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 21:01:17 +0000

I just read your blog entry on recurrent miscarriage and how to focus that your last loss may have been the Last Loss. That is very encouraging and very good advice. However, I feel kind of like I am going through my very first pregnancy/loss all over again. You know the feeling, lost innocence. I really grieved the loss of a carefree pregnancy, because I knew I could never have one again. But, everyone told me “Oh yeah, I had a miscarriage too. Everyone has one at least once. Now that you have that out of the way, your body can get busy making babies.” And I believed them. Then I lost the second one and was shattered again. The next time worked out and I had the most wonderful baby boy and most wonderful pregnancy. Pregnancy number four ended with a shattered heart once more. I really thought that since I had a succsessful pregnancy that my miscarriage days were behind me. The next pregnancy had me really worried and sick, but again I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy. Pregnancy number 6 was uneventful and brought me a third little boy, just as precious as can be. he is a delight and joy. I was looking forward to giving him a little sibling when I embarked on pregnancy number 7. We heard the heartbeat, I was growing, we had reached the “magic” 13th week. I’ve never had problems past then. That’s why waking up to spotting and cramps were really unsettleing. And the ultrasound that confirmed it, just devastating. I couldn[‘t believe I was going to lose ANOTHER baby!!! I wasn’t prepared for the possibility of loss this far along. Then everything about this loss has been unreal. The actual miscarriage that took place in the bathroom of a pizza place. I was stuck in there for over an hour. The baby was stuck right at the opening and I couldn’t get it to come out. I bled and bled like crazy. finally it did and I held it in my hand. It didn’t look like I would have expected, I think it was enclosed inside a membrane or a clot, but I could see teh cord and fluid was leakin g out of it. I saw a little dwarf hamster the other day that reminded me of the baby. It was the same size. I dreamed the other night that the hamster was dead. Once I got home the bleeding just got worse. I nearly passed out. We went to the emergency room and I laid on the floor until they got around to seeing me. That actually may have saved my life. My husband was monitoring my blood pressure himself and it really didn’t look good to have patients on the floor, caring for themselves…. When they did wheel me back, I nearly went under and for the first time considered that I may have woken up for the last time, that morning. I was fine with that. But God is n’t finished with me yet and I am very grateful. I have much to be thankful for, but I have a lot to recover from too. I am very anemic and for about 2 weeks, very weak. I am now back to”normal”. Every thing that I do that takes me a little closer to pre crisis activities and lifestyle is good and a reason to celebrate, bu it also really hurts. It’s like going to the gym for the first time in a long time. It hurts. Going to the mailbox, library, grocery store, church, playing the piano, taking out the trash. It hurts. But it’s good for me, too. I am ready to stop being an invalid. But I want my doctor to pay more attention to what might be wrong!!!1 No one can convince me that four miscarriages is normal!!! IT’S NOT!!!! So what if they weren’t concurrent. I am twenty five and have been pregnant 7 times in seven years with a success rate under 50%. I am counted as having a good sized family with three children. But I have four in heaven! If they had all survived, I’d have a really large family. We would be almost there with the eight we dreamed of having. I know that God has His purposes in all this and I pray that He will guide us to know if there is anything wrong that we could fix. I feel so helpless not being able to protect my babies. I dream about my children, other children, hamsters, being sick or hurt or dead and there is nothing I can do for them. I know I am going to get through this. God is bringing me through. But I am so scared that this pattern of loss, success, loss will dog me for the rest of my childbearing days. I want answers

By: Ashley P

Ashley P — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 19:10:30 +0000

It all began with me finding out I was pregnant after 4 years of trying on May 25, 2006. It was exactly 1 year to the day that my grandma had passed away and she was sending me my special angel. My pregnancy was perfect or so I thought. When I was 12 weeks I began spotting just a little so I called my doctor and they got me right in for an u/s. When I looked at the screen there was my little jumping bean just moving all around I couldn’t believe it everything was fine I just had a low lying placenta so the doctor put me on moderate bed rest basically no lifting, bending, or standing longer than 45minutes without taking atleast a 15minute break in between and def. no working because I was a medical assistant. I thought to myself hey that’s fine I will do anything to make sure my baby is safe. After that my pregnancy went back to normal. On September 1, 2006 we had an u/s and found out we were having a boy and that everything was perfect baby was the perfect size for his gestation, no bleeding, and no problems.

On September 9, 2006 we were at a picnic and I started having low back pain and pelvic pressure. I just kept thinking oh this is constipation or gas, hey part of pregnancy. On September 11, 2006 the pains started moving across my lower stomach area and was getting hard and thats when I knew something was wrong, this is what people describe as begining of labor so I called my obgyn and they got me right in for an u/s again. The first look the tech. said everything was fine then she took another look and noticed a little water under the baby’s head and asked me to empty my bladder I got a little concerned but not to much. When she took another look with an internal u/s that is when she told me that I was beginning to thin out and my heart shattered. I was only 20 weeks I cant be in labor its to soon. The hospital was only 5 min. away so I rushed to the hospital while the office called to let them know I was coming in and what was going on. As soon as I got to the hospital I was transferred to labor and delivery and they hooked me up to monitors and I was having small contractions. They hooked me up to mag. sulfate and iv fluid and I basically had to lay there and wait. The doctor come in a little later and explained to me that I would have to have an ER cerclage but it couldnt be placed until my uterus stopped contracting. It wasnt until 2 days later that I was getting ready for surgery and I was just so anxious to have it over with and to know my baby would be okay. I remember saying my I love you’s to everyone and being wheeled to the O.R and telling the doctor to take care of my baby. When I woke up the first thing I asked was how is my baby and the nurse answered the baby is good, but when my family and the doctor come around the corner I knew something was wrong. The doctor told me they were unable to do the surgery because my membranes were bulging and I was dilated to 4cm…at that point you are unable to have a cerclage done, my heart broke into a million pieces and I was just thinking, if there is anything you can do and if I have to choose me or my baby tell me…I will choose my son, but there was nothing I would just have to wait to deliver my son who had no chance of surving. About 15min. after I returned to my labor and delivery room my water ruptured and the water was full of meconium and I knew it wouldnt be long until my son’s heart stopped and I would deliver him. Little did I know that my son was a fighter he held on for 2 more days. His heart rate kept going up and down up and down he just wasnt coming out he was gonna fight and it hurt me to know that he was fighting for something he couldnt have his life and it killed me to know that as a mother there was nothing I could do to help him. Finally on September 15, 2006 around 5:00pm I was given meds to speed up my labor and my precious angel was born sleeping at 7:35pm.

Jaidyn came into the world weighing just 11.6 ounces and 9 7/8 inches long I was 20 weeks and 6 days when he was born. I couldn’t believe that I had a son so precious and I couldn’t keep him. We kept him in our room for about 5 1/2 hours before the nurse came to get him. The hardest thing in my life that I have ever had to do was hand him over to that nurse knowing I would never hold him or kiss him again.

Jaidyn was buried on September 21, 2006. Having my son laying right there in front of me and not being able to hold him just killed me, I felt like I was in a bad dream and would wake up any minute to hear him cry or to feel him moving inside my belly, but I wouldn’t. I would never get to hear him cry, watch him take his first breath or any of the firsts.

On September 29, 2006 I had an appt. to get the results back and come to find out I had a placental infection and incompetant cervix. The chromosome test come back and Jaidyn was perfect 46 XY chromosome boy.

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 19:25:34 +0000

It is so comforting to hear these stories (and sad at the same time). I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and have been told I will miscarry in a couple of weeks since my baby has no amniotic fluid (but has a strong heartbeat of 170).
The problems began at 8 weeks. I woke up at night to go to the bathroom and found my underwear filled with bright red blood. After I went to the bathroom, the toilet was filled with blood. My husband rushed me to the hospital to be told that I was still miraculously pregnant and things were fairly good. I had an ultrasound at my doctor’s 2 days later that showed a strong heartbeat and that I had a subchorionic hemmoraghe. I was put on bed rest and went in a week later to find that it had healed. Yeah! (I thought). I was still bleeding however, and my doctor couldn’t see why…it was dark blood so we assumed it was leftover bleeding. 2 weeks later, I woke up at night again, went to the bathroom and had some spotting. I stood up, flushed and just stood there for a moment. Something felt “off”. Suddenly, I felt something firm coming through my vaginal opening and sat on the toilet…I passed 4 large blood clots. I went to my doctor the next day thinking I miscarried, but all was well except I had a very large blood clot (7cm) in my uterus near the baby (still with a strong heartbeat). I was told I could go back on light duty, so I did and things were well…only light brown spotting (mainly at night). When I went to my doctor for a checkup at 15 weeks, I was hoping and expecting good news. No/little bleeding (especially dark or brown)=good! However, when she did the ultrasound she was shocked to find absolutely no amniotic fluid! I had no rupture and no loss of fluid, so I went and saw a specialist yesterday. She told me the baby has a 1% chance (basically it would take a miracle) since it is too young to have lungs and can’t survive without them if it’s born (obviously). So, here I am now…….horribly waiting to miscarry (waiting is supposedly healthier than inducing at this point) but will only wait a week. I see Friday,Oct. 8th. It kills me because my baby is an otherwise healthy baby girl…the blood clot interfered with the placenta so the baby can not receive the nutrients it needs…thus, it isn’t producing urine, thus no amniotic fluid. This is my first pregnancy and heartbreaking. My husband and I will try again, but we will always miss this baby.

By: HAZEL EYEZ

HAZEL EYEZ — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:17:56 +0000

I am truly inspired by all of you BRAVE WOMEN who wanted to share your stories. I too have been through a terrible lost but not just one, three. Three of my babies have passed away in the past 8 years all within me being 6 months pregnant. My most recent happened In April. For the most part I didn’t have morning sickness and every dr. appt. I went to everything was ok. At four months my back started hurting really bad, and I would spot but every time I went to the doctor or to the hospital they would tell me everything was fine, just try to stay off my feet and things like that. So I did. They would have me on bed rest for a week then tell me I was able to go back to work. That lasted all the way up until I was like 23 weeks and 3 days. I had called my dr. that night explaining to him that I wasn’t feeling her move like I normally do because she was very active as well. Especially when I ate or drank something she enjoyed. So the dr. told me to come in the next morning so he could do a U/S. I came in the next morning and he said well her water level is low, go to labor and deliver for them to put you on the monitors and make sure the sac hasn’t rupture because that’s what happened the second time. After checking me out they assured me the sac didn’t rupture they told me I would have to stay so they could keep giving me IV fluids to try to bring her water level back up. Her heart beat was a strong 167 from the time I found out I was pregnant until the 2nd or 3rd day of me being in the hospital. Around 8:00 pm Thursday, April the 29 her heart beat started dropping and it was taking the nurse a long time to find her on the monitor. I kept asking why is her heart rate dropping, and the nurses kept telling me oh it’s normal because she is so small. I knew that wasn’t the case because as I said since I had found out I was pregnant her heart beat was a strong 167. So I requested to see the doctor. He came in my room around 1 something Friday morning so I explained to him that her heart rate was dropping and he said the same thing the nurses said but I KNEW something wasn’t right. After talking to him for about 45 mins to an hour, he was about to leave the room and her heart beat dropped drastically and my mom stopped him before leaving the room and explained to him ok now you see it for yourself her heart beat has dropped from 167 to 95. So he then did a u/s sound and said well baby Jamare is forcing me to take her. They then rushed me to have a cesarean all of while my mom and I were crying and praying because I had already gone through this before two other times. I had her at 3:45 am April 30. She was a strong baby I guess she got that from her mom. She fought and held on for three days. Then passed away that Monday. It was so discouraging because I as well as my family thought she was going to be the one that pulled through. I believe GOD wasn’t ready for me to have kids. I do believe that in due time when he is ready for me to have a child I will. Thanks again for sharing all your stories.