DeannaI’ve been told many amazing stories on this blog in this last month. I have made a database of the ideas, moments, and scenes that seem to fit with the direction the book is going. I may not use them all, and certainly as I build an entire scene with fictional characters in fictional situations, the details will change. In that process, you might see a seed of your story but it will certainly be altered to no longer sound like your story anymore.
However, this is your opportunity to email me and say–please don’t even use the idea I gave you.
I will honor it, although realize that some things in the novel might end up sounding like something that happened to you even if I totally made it up out of my head. But if it’s here in this list, and you would like to avoid seeing anything that triggers your past in my book, please say it here, now. You may do so via email rather than publicly, of course, as with any concern.
If there is an asterisk by the story, it is already in the first section of the novel outline, so it is likely to be used.
Aftermath
- Women gets call from a nurse months after lost baby to check on her pregnancy.
- *Went camping after loss and passed clots. Wasn’t sure what to do so burned it in a clump of sage brush.
- *Jumped in car after leaving hospital as if trying to outrun something.
Obsessions
- Feels like she can still see the spot on the floor where baby fell out and landed on tile.
- When a family member with five kids had her tubes tied, she had a party
- Read medical bills over and over.
- Opened Bible randomly to pages to see if God had a message for her.
- Thinks of baby as an adult and examines young men to see if they look as he might have.
- *Kept placenta in freezer for two years.
- Unable to even watch a movie with a baby in it without walking out.
Insensitivity
- When asked for progesterone, doctor told her flat out–baby is dead.
- Close friend named her living baby the name she had chosen for her angel.
- Minister came from vacation with a vial of gold and told her God was purifying her with pain like the gold, and that God had told him to tell her that.
Kindnesses
- Sister sent mother’s day card from two babies.
Scenes
- Incompetent cervix, when got to hospital, baby’s foot already descended into canal.
- Mother’s Day church is awkward when they call moms to stand or receive gifts. Wasn’t sure if she was considered a mother or not.
- Her friends got to choose the moment their baby died, as it had a genetic problem and was dying already. Heard the heartbeat until it stopped.
- A temporary worker came 5 months after loss and patted her belly and asked how the baby was. Thought her overweight was the baby.
- Had to go to abortion clinic for late term removal of Turner’s. Had a hard time getting into stirrups and doctor chose that moment to tell her she needed to get in shape as she was overweight.
- Lit a spiral of tea candles for her babies. They all went out one by one except for two, which burned longer than the other ones, but when they went out she cried and cried for her two babies.
- *Lost baby at friend’s house. Friend brought a grocery bag to put it in the garbage. A few days later, she became obsessed with the sac. Convinced it was not empty, but baby in there. In middle of night wanted to go garbage and dig it out even though it was summer.
- Took a bath to relieve cramps and baby came out and floated in the water. Saw spongy outer chorion and inside a curved pinkish baby.
Family
- *Ex wife cheated on husband and left, they had two kids. Ex wife treats her like a babysitter. Felt inferior after lost baby. Ex wife heartless bringing up topic of babies at kid activities. Became jealous and hateful toward husband because he had kids. Misplaced anger on stepdaughter, who is 6, saw evil mother in her, then realized little girl was hurting over loss of baby. They ended up making scrapbook together.
- *Felt bitter about stepdaughter, wondered if her baby would have looked as much like the father as this one did. People would say at least they had the stepdaughter.
- Husband felt his lack of religion caused the baby’s loss and decided to go to church more.
I appreciate so much the insight and information you have given me. In my next entry I will introduce the characters–especially the main ones Melinda, Dot, Stella, and Tina– and at midnight Halloween, as the date switches to November, I will start writing the novel. I am committed to writing the first 50,000 words, about 2/3 of the book, in the next 30 days.
Thank you for coming along for the ride!
Oh, that list gave me chills and goosebumps on my legs. Wow.
It’s odd to read something that I’m pretty sure came from my story and the story of others that I know and realize it will be in a book. I certainly don’t mind at all, but it’s still……..just odd, I guess.
Will you be updating at all in November? (I know you will be super busy.)
Have you approached publishers or anything yet or will you wait until you’re closer to being done?
Thanks for sharing this all with us!
Thank you so much for doing this. It’s a big undertaking,a nd I wish you well. Please use any bit or piece from story that you need to. If it helps someone else to manage their grief and realize that they’re not crazy, it’s worth it. Or if someone who doesn’t know how to deal with us can glean something from this, I think it will do some good as well. Good luck with the writing. I know that creativity can be exhausting.
It gave me chills but peace at the same time to see that you are considering using part of my personal story (camping and burning my baby’s tissue). I hope it will contribute to how surreal (e.g. this can’t be happening to me) the process of miscarrying can feel.
Recently, I had a healing experience. I had a missed miscarriage in January 05 and waited 6 weeks before finally scheduling a d&c. The morning of the procedure, I used cytotec to ripen my cervix. DH and I drove to DS’s daycare to drop him off before dchecking into the hospital. I had been having cramps and bleeding during the car ride, and passed the baby in the bathroom at the daycare center. I couldn’t leave my little bean there in the toilet, and I couldn’t even see if it was in there, but was sure I’d felt it pass. I remember fantically sticking my hand in and grabbing at anything that could be my baby. When I found it, I put it in an empty garbage bag I found in the bathroom, wrapped it all up, took off one of my two shirts and wrapped it in that again. I must have been a mess, because DH had a hard time understanding what I was trying to tell him. When we got to the hospital, ultrasound confirmed that I’d passed my baby and didn’t need the d&c. I saved my baby Jaden’s little body in the freezer until the ground was soft enough to find the perfect spot, which we did that Spring. Back at DS’s daycare, I avoided the bathroom the rest of that schoolyear, and DS started at a different preschool the next fall (not because of any negative experience). My DD, born one year later, is now at the same daycare (which I really do love). Last week, while picking up DD, I had to pee really badly, and had a 1/2 hour drive home, so I decided to use that bathroom. I was fine, and even sat there smiling about the many blessings that have come into my life since then.
One of the hardest parts of dealing with my miscarriage was going to my obgyn for the check after the d and c to make sure everything was “back to normal”. I had to sit in a waiting room filled with all pregnant women in various shapes and stages of pregnancy, and I sat there with an empty void inside me. The one lady sitting across from me was a first timer and had to fill out the same paperwork I did my first time there. There is a part about how many pregnancies you’ve had and how they ended up. SHe laughed so hard and said out loud, “well this is my first pregnacy and I’m still pregnant! Innocent comment to her, slap in the face to me. I know that she meant no harm to anyone, and probably hadn’t a clue about the pain of miscarriage like I didn’t a few months before, but at that moment it was all I could do not to tear a strip off her. I almost bit my tongue of biting back words ” well be thankful you got to check still pregant, I had to check miscarriage and then sit around all of you and your big bellies complaining about the difficulties of being pregnant! Guess what, I don’t care that it’s hot in the summertime and you are uncomfortable, I don’t care that your ankles are swollen, you still have YOUR baby!!!” Never thought sitting in a waiting room could ever hurt so bad.