DeannaMost every day I will receive two to five emails from women who have lost a baby. I try to always respond.
Many just want to share their story–to tell anyone and let it pour out. I always imagine it is like poison, or snake venom, and you simply have to purge it from your body in order to survive. I’ve heard most every situation that can be told after eight years, and I can handle anything laid in my inbox.
The beta readers who are going over Baby Dust right now also email me, mentioning moments in various characters that they feel reflect me. Stella, certainly, in her unabashed devotion to the group for a decade, often will say things I write in my emails to women–encouragement or concern or a reminder that the future will look very different that the landscape currently in view. I too once thought I would never have children, only loss after loss. I probably hit my lowest low when I was pregnant for the second time and my doctor called me to say my screenings with this new baby were abnormal.
“It will happen again,” I thought, my belly already fat enough that I had to lean forward to rest my head on the work desk. “It will happen over and over again until I can’t take it anymore.”
And that was when I formed a resolution I still repeat to women who feel their losses will recur and they can’t face it. “Can you make it through one more?” I ask them. “Not two more or five more or an endless stream of them. But just one more?”
When you say yes, you know you can make it through one more loss, you are ready to try again. Because your last loss may indeed have been your last loss.
Brilliant.
Wow, You are truely right! All you have to do is focus on one more pregnancy not a whole bunch, then your ready for another..you have got good insite. I just want to say, your book will be great, I cannot wait to read it..
stef
I guess I never saw it that way. I have had two losses and I have had this thought that I can not keep losing things over and over. But now I see how you say ‘Can you take one more…’ I would have to say yes….
Thank you so much! I can not wait to read your book!
Deanna – I have only experienced one loss, not multiple losses as other women have. I can’t even imagine what that’s like right now, but still, your post made tears well up. “Because your last loss may indeed have been your last loss.” – That’s beautiful and true. Great perspective.
Like the others have said – I cannot wait to read your book because I KNOW it will help many, many women out there.
Deanna – I can’t tell you how excited I am to be one of the first in line to buy your book. I have read almost all the excerpts and they have left me in tears at times right at my desk! This is a story that needs told in a fashion that people will listen and I think you can do it! So far it has kept my interest and your writing style is really enjoyable for me. Thanks for all that you have done! Can’t wait to toast the release!
Deanna, thank you for having this website. It really helps! I just turned 34 yesterday and found out on my birthday that I will soon be miscarrying my 3rd baby (what a birthday!) I had a miscarriage in 3/06, another one in 10/06. All 3 look like blighted ovums. I will be undergoing some testing to see what is wrong. All I keep telling myself is WHY? It is so very frustrating. You wait to reach the right time in life where you can give your baby everything and then there is no baby to give it to.
I’ve never submitted anything before, but this made me want to share. Many thanks for inspiring me. I am 31. Married. I lost my first at 12 weeks four years ago, my second at eight weeks three years ago, and my third I gave birth to at 21.5 weeks. The third was Amie, her birthday was April 29. I just found out that I am pregnant again. I am happy, but also have mixed emotions I can’t yet put my finger on. Although, after reading your post, I know that I am willing to try once more. I am not thinking about the future, but just know for now that I am willing. That makes me feel a lot better. Thanks again.
I just had my third loss. I miscarried before and after my two healthy daughters. Your right, it is one more each time the same as getting through labour one contraction at a time. Each day I was pregnant this last time I was aware that this could be the only way I could love my baby so I held on to hope and tried to love instead of being anxious. I am waiting for my first period. Usually it has come regular after my miscarrages but this one is late. I am really getting mixed up inside b/c I am not ready for another one, not yet. I do hope that it will come soon b/c it completes the healing for me, the residual of my loss i guess. It was good to find this sight. I will recommend it to others who find them self experiencing this loss.
I have had two miscarrages both between 15 and 16 weeks the last one i took really hard and I know that only God helped me to recover because I thought that i was really going to “loose it” (mentally). I had just lost my mother and became pregnant probably within 2weeks and eveything seemed to be fine .My fiance had all the symptons and all seemed to be well i started spotting around 12 weeks called the doctor went in to be checked and again all seemed to be well around 15and 1/2 weeks bleeding again this time it wouldn’t stop went into the doctor . I was put on the ultrasound and they found no heartbeat. I had a boy we named Calib . I still believe i can and will have a healthy baby.