Thanksgiving among the Less than Thankful

A holiday about giving thanks is sometimes about as welcome as the drunk uncle who siphons all the rum off the rum cake.

Here you are, and what has happened this year? You’ve gotten pregnant, told everyone, bought seven layettes, and then, the worst happened. You lost the baby.

Now, your dad is saying grace, your mom is smiling over the table at your pregnant sister-in-law, and you want to shove thanks up somebody’s nose.

And that is just fine.

You don’t have to be thankful. You don’t have to cram your anger and disappointment and overwhelming grief inside you like the overstuffed turkey.

You definitely don’t have to oooh and aaah over the new baby in the family, or admire a fat belly, if one is sitting mockingly across the room.

Find your inner peace, take deep breaths, talk to the kinder gentler members of your family, even it it’s just the cat, and realize that this time next year, the entire situation could be reversed, and you will be the pregnant one. Get through this one day, this one dinner, however you can, and remember that you have a long future ahead with bundled babies and doting family–really, you DO!

So go arm wrestle your uncle for the last rum-soaked cherry.

We’re all here too. We’re enduring, we’re NOT thankful, not this year. And that is okay.


Read more about getting through holidays.

Find answers to your miscarriage questions.

4 thoughts on “Thanksgiving among the Less than Thankful

  1. My friend is doing this exact same thing,,,,she lost her baby last night at 11 weeks….I am going to forward this websight to her. I think it may just help.. Thank You for having this!

  2. my very best friend in the entire world lost her baby four months ago, and she was still so upset she couldnt eat at thanksgiving. and she keeps having waves of anger and depression that get pretty seriouis. and Im very worried about her. she wont talk to anybody about what she’s feeling, and she is STILL blaming herself about her baby. this is getting really scary.

    can someone please help me?

  3. My husband and I lost our baby this past weekend. I was 10 weeks. We only knew about the pregnancy for 1 week. I am thankful that we are not blaming each other. We are blaming God and thinking how could he be so cruel? We tried for 7 years to get pregnant. He blesses us, then takes it away. We don’t understand and I’m sure we never will. But we still have each other and I am grateful for that. I know we’ll get through this because we love each other completely. This website has helped us with a lot of our questions and some of our grief. Thank you.

  4. It is important for your friend to talk to a docter if she is having that hard of a time. It is to be expected, but she could also be dealing with postpartum on top of it all and that can be a scary thing.

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