UPDATE: I went ahead and set up a support topic for those who need to find each other over the holiday and talk to other grieving moms-to-be during this very tough time. Feel free to register under any anonymous name, just make sure you can check the email address to validate your registration so you can post and answer posts.
I know from the deluge of mail that this is a hard time of year to be grieving or worried about your pregnancy. Of course it is. You want to be sitting around a fire, sipping hot chocolate, and dreaming of the baby who is on the way.
But you’re not. Maybe you have scary cramps. Or you keep spotting. Maybe a miscarriage is on its way or just happened and you’d rather crawl in a hole than celebrate anything.
JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN.
Here’s a message left today on the miscarriage symptoms page, and my response. It’s what I hope for each of you–to find that place where you can find joy even amongst pain, fear, and sadness.
I am 28 and 6 weeks 1 day pregnant, it is my first pregnancy. I took my first pregnancy test a week and two days ago and it read ‘pregnant 1-2weeks’.
On Saturday evening (it’s now Tuesday) I started spotting, and am still spotting now. It varies from brown to pinky brown and back to brown again. I went to the doctors yesterday and he tried to send me for a transvaginal scan but the early pregnancy unit won’t do it until I am eight weeks. He arranged a HCG blood test for yesterday and I have another one tomorrow both of which I should get the results for on Friday.
The bleeding does not appear to be getting any worse, it very rarely touches the pad and is just there when I wipe. But nor is it stopping! I still wee alot and felt nauseous this morning. This morning I took another home test and it said ‘pregnant 2-3weeks’. I am so worried I have cried since Saturday night and have already started grieving for this baby. Friday is Christmas eve and my birthday is Boxing day and I just don’t know how I am going to get through it and cope with the not knowing. I have only had tiny minor cramps which I have had since the day before I found out I was pregnant but I can’t feel them most of the time it’s only when I bend occassionally or my jeans are too tight and dig in and it feels a bit kind of tender. Can anyone give me something positive to think because I think by the time I get my scan on Jan 5th I will have cracked up!!
I am so sorry you are going through this. It’s painful and so scary. I’ve been there. The not knowing is horrible. You can’t focus on anything else. I understand this.
First, some statistics. 70% of all pregnancies have bleeding. Only 10% miscarry. You are on the safe side of that.
Your blood level is low, but it did increase. That is a good sign. Take every good sign you can get right now.
Here’s what you know right now: You are pregnant. You are expecting something amazing to happen–the birth of your baby. Many parts of this journey will be terrifying (wait until this little one starts driving a car…)
Try to laugh. Try to have hope. And most of all, especially this time of year, try to find peace. You have two choices: Whether this baby is with you for seven weeks or seventy years, you can make each day full of joy, hope, and love. Or you can make it full of fear, grief, and tragedy.
Choose joy for as long as possible. Make every day a celebration. Buy something each day for the baby. Write down your thoughts on your baby constantly.
Love. Hope. It’s what we mothers do. And this way you’ve spent your little one’s life the best way possible. Let January 5 be January 5. Let today be today.
NOTE: Gemma has updated in the comments.