DeannaMy next book is going to be FREE for those who want to read it as I write it. In Baby Dust, you met Stella, who had two first-trimester miscarriages and several rounds of failed IVF. If you’ve read it, you learn Stella and her husband Dane’s devastating secret as to why they can’t adopt.
This new book takes you back to when Stella and Dane meet, and how she stands by him, and gets you all the way through her losses and how she comes to terms with the way her life has gone.
So sign up to read excerpts of the book as I go along. The e-book will be sent to everyone on the email list when it’s done before it goes on sale.
Sign up here to get excerpts and the entire e-book when it’s done!
Writing begins next week! I’m so excited to get back to Stella!
Deanna,
I am writing to tell you thank you for your website. As a former L&D/ NICU chaplain, I walked daily with families striving to endure and make sense of their perinatal losses. This was challenging, as I had never been pregnant or lost a child. Yet, I sincerely wanted to help and support them in a genuine way.
Now, as I face the loss of my baby at only 11 weeks gestation, I am one of the moms I tried so hard to support. Thank you for helping this wounded healer.
If you are still maintaining your list of print resources, one book I would encourage you to add is “Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart” by Marie Allen and Shelley Marks. These professionals have both experienced loss and interviewed over 100 women to try to understand how families grieve and heal following a miscarriage. Although it is a bit technical in places, a vast majority of the book is simply candid interviews with mothers of miscarriage. I have cherished it professionally and personally.
Thanks again for your work.
Meridith
I’m commenting because you asked about supportive spouses/partners. My story is a bit different. I am the mother of 7 incredible children. My first two from my first marriage suffer from the effects of 22q deletion syndrome and have many disabilities. We divorced when they were 2/4. I remarried quickly and continued building a family. With my new husband, I had 5 children in 6 years. Suffering severe ppd, I had paraguard placed to put pregnancy on hold until I could emotionally recover. My husband was not supportive during those three years and our marriage hung on by a thread. In Dec 2014, after counseling and time to heal, I had paraguard removed so we could have another baby. I got pregnant right away and had a positive by 12/28/14. We were both excited. My husband was excited that I was willing to try again. Our excitement didn’t last long. I began bleeding on Jan 6, just short of 6 weeks. I did not have strong feelings at first. It took 2weeks to naturally complete the miscarriage. We both felt we would move on and try again. About a week after I stopped bleeding, I took the recommended hpt to make sure it was negative as instructed. The days following, I began to grieve, deeply. My husband was a bit surprised when an argument became about the loss. I felt a weird pull of wanting comfort but also wanting solitude to grieve. He allowed me both. He also called me out when I was being unreasonable. The grief was alot like the ppd I had suffered and was difficult to share or explain. It felt deep but also distant. I often didn’t feel like myself. He would ask me what I needed from him and I would be honest. Sometimes snuggles, sometimes time away from my children, sometimes to cook meals so I could rest, sometimes just to let me vent without taking it too personally. The last few weeks have been more normal. I’m still waiting on my first period. We are excited about a baby joining us this year, but are now a bit more realistic about my age. Which was what was attributed to the loss. My dr simply said “you’re not in your 20s anymore. But I think you’ll get a baby.” We are together, hopeful and optimistic, but with an understanding that we will not use assisted fertility interventions. We both agree, that God is the giver of all life. That He will be faithful to us in our journey together reguardless of if there is a new baby. He has been faithful to me in my darkest days, never forsaking me even when my husband did not know how to support me. He was my constant companion during the three years my husband turned his back on me. I have hope, not that I’ll get another baby, but that He will hear my prayers and give our family exactly what He has planned for us. And that it will be good, that it will give me hope. It’s been interesting, but eyeopening to experience this side of building family. I’m looking forward to reading the book Baby Dust.