I never share private notes written to me, but sometimes I like to post my responses, as often what I say applies to many situations, and a keyword search might lead you here.

This response was for a woman considering suicide, unable to get out of bed or care for her family.

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It is very natural to feel super terrible after losing a baby, both physically and emotionally. We do all go through it. We think about dying to be with our babies. We don’t want to talk to people. It’s very normal to be very very upset.

Right after a D&C, the body has to adjust to not being pregnant. The chemicals that were in your body while you were pregnant have to all get filtered  out of your blood. During this process, your brain is robbed of a VERY important chemical called seratonin. While it’s missing, you feel just awful, crying, drained, miserable, angry, snappy, like screaming, then suddenly not wanting to move or go anywhere, unable to function. It’s just awful.

But know that it’s only a few days, two weeks at the most. If it goes on longer than that, then another thing has happened, and your body is not recovering chemically. It’s VERY important if you still don’t want to get out of bed after about two weeks that you talk to your doctor. You can get in very bad shape and feel very suicidal if you don’t get something to help you through the transition until your body can take over your emotions and moods again.

The whole thing is always so sad. You lose your baby, then your body makes a mess of your life. I’m so sorry you are going through it. I’ve been there three times, and it was so awful. I remember wanting to drive my car off a cliff and later thinking–why did I even want to do that? It wasn’t me. It was just this mess in my body at the time.

Realize there is a difference between THINKING about suicide and PLANNING it. We all think it. Really, we do. It’s part of the healing process. But if you start planning how you’ll do it, or what you’ll do, or when, the minute you sense you’ve crossed that line, don’t think twice, call 1-800-SUICIDE. They’ll talk you through it and tell you much of what I’ve told you here.

Hang in there. It’s a hard road. You’re not alone. So many of us have walked this path and struggled through it. There is so much out there ahead, so much love to feel and babies to have. You’ll get there, I promise.

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Deanna is the author of Baby Dust, a novel about women going through miscarriage.
If you need help right away, remember she has a secret Facebook group you can join.