Common Questions

I have created a private Facts about Miscarriage Facebook Group  so that we may find each other. Your friends will not be able to see your posts.

Most Common Questions:

What do these terms on my medical form mean?

What if the doctor is wrong?

Will I ever be able to have children?

How often does this happen?

Why does this happen?

Why can’t anyone tell me why my baby died?

Why are there so many different answers to “when can I try again?”

When can I start testing?

Why do I have to wait for three miscarriages before testing?

Should I save any tissue that comes out?

What is a blighted ovum?

What causes ectopic pregnancies?

Will I get my baby’s remains?

Will surgery cause damage?

Should I see a specialist?

Questions about Physical Recovery

Why am I so sore after the D&C?

When will my cycles go back to normal?

When will I stop bleeding?

Why aren’t my cycles normal now?

Should I have a follow-up exam?

When can I have sex again?

Why does sex hurt now?

What do I do if I get a fever?

Why do I feel sick and totally tired?

Why do I still have pregnancy symptoms?

When will I have a new period?

How will I know if I am ovulating?

I’ve been spotting and cramping for two weeks. When will it end?

Should the bleeding stop and start again?

How  do I get through this?

Questions about Your Next Pregnancy

Why are there so many different answers to “when can I try again?”

Is it going to happen again?

What are my chances of a miscarriage after one, two, or more miscarriages?

If I already have a healthy baby, does that this miscarriage was just a one-time thing?

How many miscarriages are too many?

How can I get pregnant faster?

Should I get genetic testing on me and my partner before trying again?

Will stress about another miscarriage cause me to lose the baby?

What can I do to prevent another miscarriage?

When will I ovulate again after the miscarriage?

Is is okay to get pregnant again without having a period between pregnancies?

Why do I have to wait three cycles?

I was told to wait a whole year? Why?

Why is it dangerous to get pregnant again after a molar pregnancy?

Questions about Grieving and Coping

Why am I so sad?

Why am I so angry?

Am I going crazy?

Should I be worried about my thoughts of suicide?

Why won’t anyone talk about my baby?

Why isn’t my husband sad too?

Why is everyone saying such stupid or thoughtless things?

How do I handle all these questions?

How do I get through the first day back at work?

How do I tell my children?

How do I tell the millions of people who knew I was pregnant?

How do I get through the holidays?

Why am I so jealous of pregnant women?

How do I handle my best friend or family member being pregnant?

How do I handle baby showers?

Why do other women have babies just fine and not me?

Where is God in all this?

Questions about Memorials

Should I name the baby?

What kind of services are appropriate?

Are there any appropriate songs for the service?

I don’t have any remains. What do I do?

What is a memory box?

How can I name the baby if I didn’t know the baby’s sex?

What do I do if no one supports my memorial efforts?

153 thoughts on “Common Questions

  1. This is a wonderful page with so much information. Do you have any brochures/pamphlets or packs that we could possibly get hold of to have in our Maternity Resource Centre. Would really appreciate it.
    Coordinator Feilding Maternity Resource Centre

  2. I have never developed any handouts myself, as I have found women are most likely to look for information in the dead at night, alone and searching for answers. The information on my site has been used in a number of publications, however, and I usually grant permission for it to be reprinted as long as they are free resources given to mothers and not something you have to buy.

  3. Deanna,

    Thanks so much for all the information. I recently miscarried (about 3 weeks ago…i was about 6-7 weeks pregnant), and your site has helped me immensely. You have reassured me that my feelings are completely normal! The information about trying again has been very helpful, too…like everyone else, I am hearing so many different answers to this and am obviously anxious to try again. Your website has been a Godsend…thanks again!

  4. Deanna,

    I just want to take this opportunity to thank you for having the forum up for as long as it lasted; it has been a very supportive source for me and many of the wonderful ladies I met on FAM… Thank-you for providing the life-line for so many of us who were going through some very difficult times with our miscarriages.


  5. Like Christine I wanted to thank you for the forums. I was quite disappointed when I came back from vacation and they were gone. I couldn’t believe it. I love the look of the new site though. It’s beautiful.

    The forums were such a place of healing for me after my loss though. I don’t think I would have gotten through everything so well without them. They were where I needed to be after my loss. I know they no longer exist, but I hope maybe one day you’ll think about adding them back.


  6. Deanna,
    This is the first time I’ve stopped by in several years…I lost a child to a miscarriage 5 1/2 years ago, your site helped me through that most difficult time in my life…I truly appreciate that…the new site is beautiful…I hope you know that you are a very special person…Hope life has treated you well in the last few years…Thank you again!


  7. Hi Deana

    I found your website filled with lots of information which helped me alot. I recently found out at 10 weeks pregnant that my baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I had no bleeding or pain at the time of the miscarriage. I recently had a d&c and had no pain or bleeding after the surgery. I have searched your website to find out if this is normal as it seems to be common to have about 5-10 days of bleeding after surgery. Could you pleas advise if I should be concerned. Thank you Nicole

  8. Nicole, I also emailed you this in case you don’t make it back here. But I’ll answer it for others who come along with the same question.

    Not bleeding after a D&C does happen, although it is a pretty rare instance. Some doctors are better than others at getting more of the lining. So there are two possibilities for your failure to bleed after surgery: 1. the lining got emptied out and doesn’t have anything to bleed yet 2. you still have enough pregnancy hormone in your system to keep you from bleeding.

    I would not be overly concerned about it either way, although just keep track of the days you don’t bleed. Going more than four to five weeks with either scenario would warrant a call to the doctor to check your blood hormone levels. In those weeks, either your lining will build up and finally bleed out, in which case you are recovered and able to try again. Or, your body will filter out these hormones (and likely some missed tissue) and you will still have some recovery ahead.

    Neither scenario is anything that will cause damage or harm you or affect future pregnancies. They just are different timelines to recovery.

  9. My husband and I have been trying to conceive a second child. A couple days ago I started bleeding, bright red blood; this only lasted for a few minutes and then it stopped. I have no severe cramping, and I don’t believe I have passed any clots that may be the fetus. I do have a doctors appointment scheduled for Tuesday; however I am trying to ease my mind after this scare. In my first pregnancy I didn’t bleed at all; so you can imagine my pain when I saw blood and broke down crying in fear that I had miscarried. I will be 10 weeks on Sunday, assuming that everything is ok, my question is how do I know at this early of a stage what to expect as ‘clots’? Also, if I am miscarrying, would i still have pregnancy symptoms such a nausea, fatigue and breast soreness?

    I’m so afraid of losing this baby 🙁

  10. Actually, even bright red blood, if it stops immediately and doesn’t come back, is not really a dangerous sign. It just means you had a hormone fluctuation, and this is very normal in the 10-12 week mark as the placenta is trying to take over hormone production and can sometimes slip up a little as your body adjusts. Even the slightest dip in progesterone can make you bleed a bit, but the body, when the pregnancy is still fine, will quickly compensate and the bleeding will stop.

    Both my daughters Emily and Elizabeth had bright red bleeding–and they are fine and perfect (okay, one of them doesn’t eat vegetables…but you’ll get to that in a couple years.)

    I’m glad you have a doctor’s appointment, but really, the likelihood that you are fine and baby is fine is very high. Breathe easier.

  11. About a year ago i thought i had a miscarriage. It was going 2 be my 3rd month and when i should start my period cause i was on the Depo shot. I was bleeding heavy and having horrible cramps and i went to the bathroom and passed what looked like a “flesh colored blob” the size of a baseball. I didn’t take a preg. test cause i was scared and embaressed. i’ve been looking ever since to find out what it could have been. What do u think it could have been?

  12. If you were on the shot, it is very unlikely it was a pregnancy, and miscarriages don’t produce a flesh colored blob that large. By the time the sac and baby were that large, the fetus would be something you could see and recognize as a baby. You just can’t get that far along in three months.

    This sounds more like a cyst or a uterine fibroid that detached. I would ask your doctor about this the next time you go in for a prescription. It’s not anything to worry about–both cysts and fibroids are very common–some 50% of women have them at some point.

  13. Hello, I recently had miscarriage. We had been trying for 3 years and finally fort he last 6 months had been getting fertility help. This wesite has really helped me in my loss. My family and friends have tried but none know what it’s like. For the first 2 weeks of my miscarriage, I didn’t cry. I thought there was something wrong with me. Then one day while coming home from the mall, I lost it. I broke down, yelled at my husband, screamed more than I have in my life. I wrote a poem that helped me to cope and allow me to let my tears fall. I thought I would post it here. Thank you for this web site and all the information and stories.
    Empty Arms

    Long days and nights with years of trying, false results left me always crying.
    Expecting mothers as passerby’s, envious feelings pushing me to try.
    Laughter from children everywhere you go, hoping one day to add more to my home.
    Medicine to aid our hopes and dreams, staying positive and true to our holy faith.
    The day it came, that positive sign, what joy and surprise I can hardly describe.
    To tell my sister and brother in law as well as my mother and father we’d called.
    Thought’s of a baby name, boys and girls, just as long as it’s healthy as my tummy does twirls.
    A day of pain and unexpected bleeding, oh God, what’s happening please take away this feeling.
    Books passed down for me to read, they sit in my room where they can’t be seen.
    Visits to the Doctor to see what is wrong, finally to be told I lost her or him all along.
    Talks with my mother my sister and husband, though feeling as if something’s been stolen.
    I try to be strong, I try to be brave, but really all I feel is I wish it could have been saved.
    I wonder when this feeling will go? Maybe never, I guess that’s something only God knows.
    The creation of life is the most precious thing, I hope to experience that love again.
    Tonight I will sleep and pray to the Lord, that my arms will soon be filled with a baby that’s adored.

  14. I want to thank you for your site. I am a mommy to 2 angels, Jacob 18-weeker, and Benjamin 26 1/2 weeker who died at 6 1/2 months of age. He was such a trooper! Anywho, once again, this is a wonderful site for all of us out here who have experienced this kind of loss.

  15. Deanna-
    I have been using the FAM site as a strong resource and some days a life-line since my 2nd m/c 11 months ago. I have to say that I think if I had not found your site (and the old forums) I may not still be here today. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the information that you have provided to so many women!

  16. Thank you so much for this wonderful site. I have been worried sick about not having had a period yet since my late miscarraige back in July. The information on that section of your site has been very informative and re-assuring. I’m feeling less panicy now and very hopeful that everything is normal.
    Thanks again

  17. I too have to thank you for this website.
    I had a missed m/c and D&C two years ago today. We are finally ready to start trying again (have been for the past nine months with no success) and we are trying your “Sperm Meets Egg Plan”. I am now starting my ‘two week wait’ with much anticipation.
    Thank you again, you certainly have eased many of the thoughts a lot of women have during this difficult time.

  18. If I am 5-8 weeks pregnant and have broncitis and are coughing real hard and repetitive, can that cause a miscarriage? I can feel the caugh deep in my belly and worry about it.

  19. No, deep coughing will not cause a miscarriage. Your little bean is very well attached and cushioned inside. It will make you sore in your abdominal muscles, and will make you worry, and it might even cause you to have cramps or a bit of discharge with all the pushing as you cough, but it won’t hurt the baby.

    If you don’t have a humidifier, send someone out to get you one! This will help your cough a lot and you’ll need one for baby anyway.

    Hang in there! Lots of us have a nagging cold and cough throughout pregnancy due to the neverending post nasal drip caused by hormones.

  20. I have a question that I hope you may have a little experience. I have had some very strange pregnancy issues lately. Perhaps I’m just going crazy I don’t know. In May- I discovered that I was about 1-2 weeks late with my period. I had nausea, acne and couldn’t drink coffee for the life of me. Took 2 urine pregnancy tests which were negative. Seen by covering OB a couple of days later (mine was out on maternity) and began to bleed that day. The blood test showed my level was about 5. They said either I was not preg. or it was very early miss, not to worry just keep trying. They also recomended that I began using ovulatiton kit to track my ovulation. I did and In early july discovered that I was pregnant-2 positive home tests 2 days after missed period ( over the weekend. )Monday morning began cramping and having spotting. Called OB and seen by another covering OB. By the time I got to the office, my cramps were worsening and the bleeding was much heavier. Again bld level was about 5 and urine test neg in office. I have continued to track ovulation with kit and I am now almost 4 days late for my period this month. I did home preg. test on friday (1st missed period) and monday both have been negative-still no sign of my period though. I have some symptoms-nausea, fatigue, increased urination. I just don’t want to call the OB again and look stupid (especially with mine out on maternity leave) What do you think? Could I have chronic issue with low HCG or am I just crazy. We do all the things that I have been told to do-legs up after sex, urine dip sticks for ovulation. If I know my ovulation day, my period should follow 14 days after right? We have been trying since january and I just don’t want to disappoint myself or my husband again by being hopeful that the tests are wrong.

  21. It’s possible that those level 5’s represent lab errors and you weren’t pregnant other than the one time with the home pregnancy tests. In that case, you wouldn’t have a lot to worry about just yet as far as recurrent miscarriage. When we are watching closely, we often get the symptoms we are looking for (especially nausea, tiredness, urinary frequency), and truly, pregnancy symptoms just can’t be strong enough on their own without the hormones there to cause them. Does that make sense?

    You can’t really count on an expectation of a period precisely 14 days after ovulation, and remember those sticks go off 24-48 hours prior to ovulation, not on ovulation itself. So that would not be proof to me of a problem just yet either.

    But let’s go ahead and assume for a moment that you were pregnant all three times. If so, it sounds as though you are having implantation problems–the fertilized egg is either not getting enough time to implant before the hormones falter or an immune problem is causing the egg to be attacked as soon as it gets blood flow. The first, a luteal phase defect, is easy to treat. The second would take a specialist. The main thing at this point would be to find a doctor you believe in, who will listen to you, and who you will not feel strange calling with each and every question. That may be where you need to do things different for now.

    I’m not sure that I’m super worried just yet, but if you find that you are upset about this a lot, and you are afraid to keep trying, then certainly, act now.

    Let me know how you are doing.


  22. Hi, I have miscarried at 5 weeks on august 26th. I found out I am pregnant again on october 1st. I am having dull cramps all the time, but no other symptoms. I am not bleeding but I always worry I am going to bleed any minute and finally miscarry again. I have a 18 months daugther and with her pregnancy everything was very simple, no signs but also no problems. Now, I need to travel to Europe next week (which puts me in 5-6 weeks) and I woory. Should I travel or not. Does it increase risks? What are the chances that I might miscarry again? How do I know that this time everything is going as it should?

    My OB GYN doesn’t want to see me until week 10. What do I do in the meantime?

    Please any advice will help.


  23. Glad this site is up. My SIL had a miscarriage and I didn’t have this site to give her, but now can. Thank you. The information on your site is generally unmatched out there.

  24. Nancy,

    I’m sorry you are so frightened. I don’t blame you. It’s so scary to get pregnant again after a loss.

    But cramping is actually a good sign the body is rearranging itself and preparing to expand. As long as you don’t bleed along with it, there is nothing to fear from that.

    Traveling on a plane carries no miscarriage risk. Women in the last weeks of their pregnancy are told not to fly mainly because they don’t want to be delivering a baby on a plane! It is fine to travel, and should something happen to the baby, it would not be caused by that. Do drink plenty of fluids while traveling, though, as planes are dehydrating due to the air recirculation and the first symptom you are not getting enough fluids is–cramps.

    I know it is so hard and scary. But you’ve made it through once before and have a lovely little girl. You can do it again. I promise.


  25. Thank you for youe website – I have found so much comfort in knowing that I am not alone and knowing that things could have been so much worse…. I am a blessed mother of two beautiful little girls (age 1 and 2) and we were expecting our final piece in our family puzzle April 08′. On Oct 11, I went for a routine checkup at 15 weeks. Much to our surprise, there was no heartbeat. We had heard that beautiful wooshing sound just weeks earlier at my last appointment. I was (and still am) devestated. We were sent for an ultrasound at the prenatal center to confirm the death – and there – our first pictures of our beautiful and perfectly formed baby – were of him dead. I opted for the D&C as I didn’t think I could handle the trauma of physically losing the baby (especially at home with my two daughters). My surgery was Oct 13 and most everything that could go wrong went wrong. I ended up having severe bleeding and losing well over a liter of blood. My blood pressure dropped to almost nothing and I required a blood transfusion. It has been such a hard week – losing the baby, having surgery go wrong, recoverig from surgery, plus dealing with grief, hormones, having to tell everyone, taking care of my daughters etc. I am scared for my follow up visit because the dr. was so concerned about the blood loss and wants to figure out why I bleed so much (apprently it wasn’t obvious). I dread seeing those people who knew I was pregnant but don’t know that I lost the baby. We have been blessed to have amazing people surround us and help us through this time, and have only had to deal with a small share of stupidity and insensitivity from others. I take comfort in knowing that our little baby bump (what our daughter called him) is up in heaven – but I am a bit jealous that God gets to hold him first….but what better place to be….
    Anyway – thank you fro providing a place to share my grief and seek comfort from others stories as well. It is a club no one wants to join, and a sisterhood no one else could ever understand.

  26. Deanna –

    Your site is great and was of much help to me when I had my m/c that was also a partial molar preg. I was one that did need chemo and it was misserable. I am back in the game of trying and am in my first month your Sperm meet Egg plan. I am excited to being. But I wanted to share with you that I know a woman who had a partial molar pregnancy who delievered at 26 weeks a baby girl, alive and like most 26 week premies. Last I knew she was 3 months old, healthy and doing well, but that was a year ago. It is such a great sucess story for a molar pregnancy that I had to share!

    Thank you for all you do!

  27. Hello, about two months ago I had a miscarriage. It was one of the more difficult things I have had to go through in my life. I am 24, was very excited about being a younger new mom, my parter was ecstatic when he found out. We happily rearranged our whole lives to make this the healthiest environment possible for our new baby. At ten weeks I started bleeding and knew what what happening. I had the miscarriage naturally. It was so difficult, I felt lost, I thought no one knew what I was feeling, who do I turn to is what I kept asking myself. I couldn’t go out in public without crying every time I saw a baby. It was really awful. Then I started to talk about it more with other women, my mother, her friends, my friends older siblings and so on. It was then I learned how common miscarriages are; many women have been through what I have. I drew lots of strength from this. I wish I would have known this when I got pregnant. I feel misinformed and feel like discussing miscarriage is almost taboo. What I would like to do is to change that. I am writing a book of collective story’s with artwork and poetry on women who have experienced a miscarriage. This book will give women strength and inspiration, let them know that its perfectly acceptable to feel awful but also to know that things will get better, to help realize they are not alone and gain tools to help with their grieving process. If anyone would like to contribute to this endeavor or get more information please email me at I

  28. I am currently in the first stages of having tests done at womans hospital, after recently losing 3 babies, Not looking forward to this as we are not sure what is coming? And worried about the future.
    My babies grow to a certain stage (i see heart beat on your 1st scan)then it diesoff but the sac seems to carry on growing.
    This time i have had not normal feelings or behaviour have really worried everyone (me too)
    I have come of anti depreesants and started with hypnosis which helps more then the pills.
    i just wanted to Thank You for your site it has helped me to overcome some of my feeelings i sort of feel human(ish) again Thank you

  29. Hi Deanna,
    I was just wondering why there are no more forums? I had a m/c back in 2003 and your forums were what saved me from myself. I could commiserate with other women going through that, too, and it helped tremendously. Are you planning to have them again? Just thought I’d ask. I like your new website, it looks fabulous! ~Erin

  30. The forums became far more than I could handle as one person running a site. While I had ten wonderful and dedicated moderators, we just couldn’t manage the spam, the influx of members, and the problems that came with running such an enormous forum when personality conflicts could really affect the well being of grieving women.

    My secondary site still exists, however, for former FAM forum members seeking the company of other women who have had miscarriage in their history. It’s a more lighthearted place where we talk about the whole of our lives. Email me directly about that if you want to know more.

  31. Deanna,
    Thank you for creating this site. Reading your story has been incredibly hard and inspiring for me. We lost our baby girl at 20 weeks about a month ago. The grieving process has such highs and lows. Unfortunatly today is an incredibly painful low and reading your story brought me to tears. But the tears help me to shed the pain and I am inspired by your story. We are wanting to try to have another soon and knowing you did is such a comfort.
    Thank you.

  32. Deanna,

    My name is Renee and on Sept.19, 2007 I miscarried. When I went to the doctor for my first prenatal visit my hcg levels where 204. The next visit on the 19 it was at 184. And on the third vist which was on the 27 it was at 154. Well the following month when I didn’t get my period (around the 19th of october) I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative. However two weeks ago I started to noticed that my breast were extra senstive and sore. So I did some research and read that taking vitamins might help and that it may be a hormone inbalance. Well the vitamins help to relieve the pain for the most part but they are still slightly sensitive. So I still continue to take the vitamins. Anyway, I started feeling nauish all the time so I decided to take another pregancy test this one however came back positive. And I am not sure what to think. I said I am going to wait untill after December 19 to see if I get my period. But I want to know if I am possibly pregnant again. Can you email me back at [email removed by Deanna for your privacy] with your thoughts concerning this situation. And let me know if you think I am pregnant or if this is just my body going through a phase to become normal again. Because I really don’t want to get my hopes up again that I am pregnant and Im not. I don’t think I can deal with a second lost right now. Thanks for you help with this issue

  33. I just wanted to let you know how much your site helped me during and after my miscarriage. This site is so much more helpful, easy to use, and personal than any others I have tried. Thank you!

  34. Hi, let me just THANK YOU. Unlike all doctors I talked to, and all websites I found, yours is the only website warning us that the post-miscarriage period is different for every woman. In my case, the sequence of events after my D&C was just crazy: let me post this in case this can help other women. I had a D&C, then 5 days of blood/spotting, then after exactly 28 days I had what seemd to be period number one. I thought I was lucky having this quick recovery….Then, at day 15 of the “second cycle”, I started spotting. After 10 days, the spotting turned into what seemed a period 2, which lasted 3 days. This turned into new spotting, that lasted for 20 days. At that point, after more than one month of spotting (any color), I was adviced that I needed a second D&C, as my womb linen was 17 mm thick. Yet, my HCG levels were zero. Actually, one doctor suggested it was not obvious I had residual products, and that I just might have a hormonal imbalance due to not having ovulated (e.g. suggesting the first 2 cycles were fake cycles), which was thickening my linen (no ovulation=no progesterone, hence the linen never really clears up). I followed his advice of waiting one weak more for a new period. End of the story: a third period has come, horribly heavy (1 pad per hour) for 3 days, with clots, plus 3 days with average blooding. The period is now over. No spotting and the latest scan shows my womb linen is back to normal and I am ovulating. Thanks God it is over, but I wish I had heard from someone that even THIS series of events can be occurring after a D&C. Hope my story helps. Giacy

  35. August 28 an ultrasound confirmed a missed miscarriage. I waited and started to bleed Sept 18 for 2 weeks. My beta hcg came down but slowly over the next few weeks. The end of October I had a small amount of spotting so my MD sent me for an ultrasound. Retained products were detected and so I went for a D&C Nov 1. I had bleeding for 12-14 days. Now 26 days post d&c I have spotting. What is this – a hormone shift? Or something else?

    My reading suggests that it is too early for a period and yet I’m very emotional today. It’s been such a long journey and I just want to move on to TTC again as I’m 36. Just prior to the d&c my beta was already down to 130. I know that it was 11 4 days after the d&c and zero by the 11 days after d&c.

  36. I forgot to mentioned that your site answered so many of my questions that go beyond the usual advice out there. THANKS

  37. Angela,

    I’m very sorry you are going through such a hard time. It’s been a very long road for you.

    The spotting was just your hormones, still trying to figure out what to do after a lengthy period of confusion with the pregnancy, the missed miscarriage, and the D&C. Any time your progesterone drops, you will bleed some, and hopefully this drop will help you start a new cycle. If it had not really built a new lining after the D&C, you won’t have anything to bleed out.

    This is going to be a long process. I’m glad you at least followed your hCG to zero. Now you just have to let your body try to straighten its cycle out. It might be another month before it does.

  38. deanna, Im probably getting really annoying, and Im sorry. I was just wondering if you could maybe email me sometime? you really helped me a lot with helping my friend. and I think she needs more help, but I dont know how to talk to her and I could really use your help. ifnot, thats totally fine. thanks again.

  39. This website has been my “light at the end of the tunnel” – thank you so much Deanna.
    I had a m/c 10 days ago and was completely desperate – this site helped me a lot. What I can tell from what I’ve seen on the web is that looking for answers based on other people’s experiece may shed light to some of our concerns but are of very little assistance. As said above, each woman is different and you will see a lot of people talking about things they don’t really understand. There are many success stories and I do believe the best way to go through this difficult moment is to remain positive and not think about the statistics and all the other stories; they can be pretty depressing.

  40. I just wanted to thank you for your site. I have very recently miscarried and this site was so helpful and informative and comforting.

  41. This site has been such a comfort to me since I miscarried 6 weeks ago. So many people just don’t know the right things to say, but going on your site feels like I have a friend that says just the right thing.

    Thank you for doing this.


  42. Deanna,
    I just found this site and it is a wonderful accumulation of stories and support. I found out at my 9 week visit that the baby’s heartbeat had stopped at 6 wks, 2 days. It was exactly 1 day after we had gone to have an ultrasound due to a little spotting and we saw the heartbeat. I was still superstitious and nervous until I actually saw the doctor so I didn’t share with anyone, not even family. I was devastated when we found out the baby had died as we had not planned for this baby and it was a little surprise package from God. How one’s life can change directions so quickly. I had a D&E and have been bleeding for the past 4 weeks. I went to the doctor a few days ago and my hormone levels had dropped from 43,000 to 76, but they are still not at 0. She wanted me to take misoprostol, but I could not bring myself to take the medicine and have more cramping & pain; basically reliving the initial pain after the surgery. My biggest obstacle to overcome is to stop looking at the sonogram photos and getting upset. Is there a place where people can share those photos? I didn’t get to share the photos when my baby was alive and guess I feel like I was short changed. I would appreciate any information you may have. Thank you so much for your efforts with this website!

  43. I did some looking around but I didn’t really see a memorial place that allowed you to upload pictures for free (there are many virtual memorials sites that you pay for that allow pictures.)

    You can leave text memorials in many places, including here, but pictures are another thing. I would recommend finding a free blog, writing text and uploading pictures, then linking to the blog on other loss support sites. is a great place and easy is very popular as well

  44. I had a miscarriage four weeks ago. I have been going to the doctor weekly to have my HCG levels checked. The first week it was 5000+. The second week 2535. The third week and this week 350+. Although I know each person is different, what is the longest one should expect for the number to be negative and whawt steps should be taken if it does not go to negative within that time frame?

  45. Your numbers are dropping well, although it is taking a while. Unless you hit a plateau where you stop going down, there is no need to intervene. If your number does get stuck, then usually a D&C is the next step, although some doctors will give you a cramp inducing drug called Cytotec, or possibly a dose of progesterone, so that when the progesterone withdraws, it will take the rest of your hormones with it in a good hard bleed.

    Hang in there. I know this is hard.

  46. Deanna,

    I have just spent the last two hours devouring your website and have been moved to tears. It has been the most informative, helpful and honest site I’ve found on the subject of pregnancy loss. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, Casey, but I think that you’re an amazing woman and mother to have created this site to help other mothers like us in Casey’s honor.

    I lost my daughter, Ivy in March 2002. She was still-born at full-term with no conclusive explanation. Her still-birth has always been attributed to a cord accident. I also have experienced two early miscarriages (one at 11 weeks and another between 5 and 6 weeks).

    I read your site with the sad expectation of experiencing another loss. We have just found out that we’ve lost one of a set of twins that I am currently carrying (at 10 weeks). I am wondering if you have specific information or statistics – or resources to find them – on this particular situation. I am nearly crippled with dread and anxiety because I just can’t find any clear answers on what I can expect to happen. I don’t know if I will physically miscarry the baby that I’ve lost or if it will be ‘reabsorbed’, as was suggested to me by my midwife, with no effect on the viable baby. I am wondering if this viable baby can be healthy and be carried to term or will it be ‘pushed out’ if the other is miscarried?

    I should add that I do have three healthy living children who I gave birth to with no complications to the pregnancies whatsoever (besides excruciating anxiety). I am indescribably grateful for these beauties, but can’t help but always feel sad about those that I lost – like someone’s always been missing.

    I appreciate your time and I hope you can provide me with more information about my particular situation with my current and precarious pregnancy.

    Thank you,

    Rachel in Ohio

  47. Well, the surviving twin of my pregnancy where my water broke on one of the sacs at 9 1/2 weeks is sitting here bugging me about which Christmas presents are hers (she’s 5.) Obviously I’m a believer that the other baby will be fine.

    Before sonography was regularly performed before 20 weeks, most “vanishing twins” as they are now called were considered just a bleeding episode. It is now known that a huge percentage of twins (some say as many as 40%) lose one of the set during the first trimester. This is actually pretty understandable, actually, once you understand how high the rate of miscarriage is (1 in 10) and realize that you can’t miscarry that second baby easily as your hormone levels are so high from the other healthy baby that it can’t afford to shed the lining and let the first baby out of your body. So it is reabsorbed, meaning mainly that the baby probably didn’t develop very far, so mainly there is only a sac and a slender amount of tissue to contend with, and it is very very small, often the size of a grape, so it really does not have to get in the way, especially once the water has come out of it and it collapses. It is not usually even noticeable anymore in the uterus after a week.

    The likelihood that your second baby will be just fine is very very high. If it made it through the hormone drop that came when the first baby was lost, then it is very strong indeed.

    Hang in there.

  48. okay, im hoping you ladies can shed some light on this. im 23 and have never been pregnant before. i have been on the pill since i was 18. these past couple months i admit i have been somewhat bad about taking the pill on time. so i was due for my period a couple days ago….and nothing. has the usual pms symptoms. then me and my boyfriend had sex last nite and i started bleeding afterwards but it was kind brownish red. didnt think anything of it but that i was gonna start soon. so this morning i felt these pretty bad cramps and just assumed i had officially started. when i woke up and changed my tampon, a flesh like sac came with it. i examined it and have NEVER passed anything like that before. it had a lil blood mixed in but looked like a sac that had been ripped open. i figured i must of had some sort of a miscarriage. but the more research i do, i find that heavy bleeding and cramping follow. and i must say…i dont feel too bad at all. maybe a lil feverish. but mild mild cramps and lite bleeding. im hoping you could shed some light on this. i plan to see a doctor soon. but i wanted your opinion. so PLEASE email me as soon as possible. id really appreciate it.

  49. I ve pretty much lost track of everything. 2 weeks ago when i was 7 weeks (with twins) I was told by my Specialist that my HCG levels were not increasing. He then did another blood test and they had gone down. He told me I would miscarry and sent me on my way. If it wasnt for finding this web site i think my sanity would have been an issue. Mind you the way I feel at the moment it probably still is an issue. I sit here a week out from Christmas, a day before my sons 16th Birthday and I feel like I have lost the plot. On monday I rang the specialist again, told them I still hadnt miscarried they decided to do a D&C on Friday (My sons 16th Birthday). My response to that was you have got to be kidding. I can not have my 2 babies physically removed on my sons birthday…. are you completely insensitive. They then did another blood test to find that the HCG had gone up, but only slightly. So i was sent home to wait. Wait….. do they even realise how hard that 4 letter word is. Wait. So I sit here and wait. I cant Mourn or Greive because they are still there. They are not alive anymore but they are still there. My little angels, Cameron and Krystal have stopped growing and only their placenta s continue to grow. So I still have morning sickness, I still have all the symptoms of being pregnant, I m wearing maternity clothes (with this being child 3 and 4, as well as twins I was quite amaized at how quickly my body changed to accommdate). I have basically hid in the house for the last 2 weeks except for going out to where I know I will not run into anyone I know. I ve tried to cheer myself up doing a bit of Christmas shoping but have ended up in shops hiding my tears. I look pregnant which seems to give everyone the right to stare at my stomach. I had an elderly lady come up to me who had just brought baby clothes for her great grand child and ask me what I thought of them. I smiled and nodded and told her they were great then as soon as she left I became a crying mess.
    So I sit here and I wait. I try and plan a Birthday for my 16 year old son but I can not really plan anything. I try and partake in Christmas but I m not that joyful.
    So I wait and I wait.

  50. Robyn,

    I’m very sorry for the loss of your twins. It’s a terrible time of year, with so much going on, holidays and your son’s birthday. Sometimes when joy is all around you it makes the grief seem sharper, as the contrast between the laughter and your sadness is so much more apparent.

    Just do the best you can.

  51. I would just like to say that last night I went out and bought the Josh Groban CD, and played “To Where You Are” for my Husband, and I found it such a wonderful healing song for us. I have also kept a journal since the first day I found out I was pregnant and have kept writing in it ever since, i still write to my baby, it is my way of getting some closure.
    Today I got my first period since the miscarriage, and it bought back so many emotions, in a way I hoped that it would not come, and that perhaps I was pregnant again, but in another way, i was relieved to know that at least now my body is getting back to a normal cycle , so eventually my Husband and I can start trying for another child.
    To all those Mothers and Fathers who have lost a child to a miscarriage, may God be with you over the Feastive Season, and keep you strong. I am finding it very hard to be in a joyous spirit over this period of time. God Bless, and Chin Up!

  52. I found Deanna’s pregnancy plan on here a few months back.. and Im now TTC and I want to use that plan, but now I cant find it. Please help me. Thanks!

  53. Thank you for this information. It has been so helpful to me. I am going through a miscarrage now and I chose the natural miscarrage rather than anything else. It’s important to me for this to happen naturally. It’s just going to be so hard for me to tell my kid’s and family. I just told them on christmas that I was pregnant and now a week later, I have to tell them I miscarried. But this information has helped me out so much. Thank you very much.

  54. Hi Deanna!

    I miscarried earlier this year at 11 weeks and was very discouraged about trying again. Your site helped me and with the sperm meets egg plan, we conceived that month! We are now 12 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby!

    Thanks for the support!

  55. Thanks so much for the information. I lost my baby at 10 weeks on Dec. 1. My husband was working out of town for the week so it was an especially trying time (not that it isn’t for other women). I have finally started to come to terms with the loss. After telling friends and family, I couldn’t believe the awful things people told me to try to make me feel better. I very much appreciate your website. It is compassionate and optimistic in a time when I am not feeling at my best.
    Thanks so much

  56. Thanks alot for the information. I had a miscarriage on dec. 17th at 8 weeks and I was totally devastated. I kept blaming myself for what happened and I still feel like a total failure. The information contained in this website was very helpful to me. My first Ob/gyn was no help at all and it seemed like he didn’t know what he was doing cause I was at his offive for about 7 hours and he still wasn’t sure what was going on, but two day later a tried someone else who tested my HCG levels and confrimed what I already knew. I really needed to know.

  57. Hello,
    My wife and I had a miscarriage two months ago. Although it was the worst day of our lives, we were lucky enough to pass the remains of our 7 week ago baby naturally. My question is though, God forbid, if we get pregnant again and miscarry and need to do a D&C, will doctors allow us to keep the remains to have a burial service or is this something that is not possible? Is this an unusual request? We cremated our little 7 week baby and she is with us today. I would love to be able to do the same if it happens again, God forbid. I pray that it doesn’t though.

  58. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby.

    One of the big considerations should you ever have to make the hard choice between a natural miscarriage like you went through or a D&C is the one you raise–getting the remains. Unfortunately, for babies less than the age of viability (typically 20 weeks), the miscarriage is treated as medical waste and you do not get to keep it. Sometimes you can get an exception, but generally the way D&Cs are done is to create remains that would not be in any way retrievable. This is the best way I can think to put it.

    But do not think of these things if you don’t have to. Just try your best to recover and have hope for your next pregnancy. Do the best you can to keep faith.

  59. Thank you so much for the great information! I had a D&C a couple of months ago. It has been difficult finding any information especially about coping with emotions and trying again. We will be trying the Egg Meets Sperm plan next month. Thank You!

  60. Deanna, YOU ROCK -This site is terrific-it is beautiful-it is something I’ve been searching for. Thank you. I’ve had 2 miscarriages one at 7 weeks-then I had my beautiful son-and now I’m having one at 10 weeks-It is a hard, painful experience and it’s so comforting hearing other stories and especially finding a site like this. God Bless all of you. Take comfort in those around you. Deanna, thank you.

  61. After 2 years of trying we finally got pregant but unfortunately I lost the baby at 7 1/2 weeks. Initially we didn’t want to try again but now we do. I have 2 questions. It has been 19 days since I miscarried and on the weekend I started to ovulate (midcycle pain, fertile cervical mucus etc.) Does one ovulate after a miscarriage or would it be an an olulatory cycle? I guess I’ll know if my temperatures goes up as I started to chart again when I noticed the fertile cervical mucus. My second question is my doctor said for me to wait one cycle before starting to try again. I thought I understood what she meant but now I’m confused. Would that mean if I lost the baby in Jan that I could start in Feb once I get my period or do I need to wait until March. Your answers to my 2 questions would greatly be appreciated. Your website is awesome. It’s the best one that I have found in the last 2 weeks. God Bless you and everyone here who has had a miscarriage!

  62. While it is possible to ovulate a few weeks after a miscarriage, it is not super common. There is so much going on with the hormones and the breaking away of the lining, which is why your doctor wants you to wait a cycle.

    When he says wait a cycle, he means for you to have a 2nd period, typically four to seven weeks after your miscarriage, and then to try again after that. Until you bleed from a fresh cycle, you cannot be certain when/how/if you have ovulated, and this makes dating the pregnancy as well as monitoring it in the early weeks very difficult.

    So do not try right now even if you feel you are ovulating. Have protected sex and wait for the next fresh bleed. After that, it will be safe to try.

    I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. Hang in there.

  63. Deanna, your website has been invaluable to me. Thank you for all of your hard work. I miscarried my tiny 10 week gestation baby on 11/5/07 at home after a cytotec induction (2 weeks after the demise). I went on to spot and bleed for the next 11 weeks. Last Sunday I passed a piece of tissue and the bleeding stopped suddenly and completely for 6 days, only to begin again Sunday. My hCG levels have been

  64. Sorry – my words past the less-than symbol get cutt off.
    My hCG levels have been less than 5 since 1/12/08. I’m heartbroken on a whole new level in this painfully long journey to recovery. What could be happening here? Do you think a shot of progesterone would do the trick in this case? Could there still be lingering RPC?

  65. I am 46 years old and I recently miscarriage for the second time. I have been pregnant three times and I had my first child at the age of forty. After that I have had two miscarriage totally. I wanted my daughter who is seven now to have a little brother or sister being that she is the only child. But because of my age and previous miscarriages, I wonders is it safe for me to try again. My husband fear that if we were to have a child it will not be healthy. I truely do want a child but I am also afraid of the outcome. The last miscarriage was devestating to me. It hurts and it seem so unreal even after I passed some tissue made it even more unreal. I have never had anything like that pass out of me. My first miscarriage was different. I saw just a sac and no tissue so why is this miscarriage so different. My husband and I have been trying to figure it out. Should I just forget about all of this and just go on. Thank you very much. Your website had been helpful.

  66. Hi Deanna,
    Firstly, like so many other people, I wish to thank you for this incredible site. I was given very little information last year when I miscarried at 11.5 weeks (with a blighted ovum). It was only after acessing your website that I could start to piece it all together and begin to heal.
    I am still seeking information and have recently read that late ovulation results in poor chances of conception and or high chance of miscarriage. My GP/OB has never discussed this information with me.
    I ovulate late in my cycle, usually between day 27 and 31. The blighted ovum was the result of an ovulation on day 31. I also have a daughter who is 22 months.
    My husband and I are trying again (have been for 4 cycles since miscarriage with no luck yet). My ovulation is very difficult to predict (I don’t have much luck with OPKs) but I usually see a thermal shift each cycle 8 days prior to my period starting.
    With consistant late ovulation are my chances of having another miscarriage higher and the chance of falling pregnant naturally lower? I know you must be very busy, but your thoughts on this would be much appreciated.
    Thank you so much again, this web site is a great service to women all over the world.

  67. It’s great that you have this website for those who have conceived and lost, but I think there is also some misinformation that is presented on miscarriage. Many women who have recurrent miscarriages are told that either there is a chromosomal abnormality or it is unexplained and there is nothing that can be done to stop one. You refute the idea that low progesterone can be a cause rather than a symptom. The truth is many women with low progesterone and who threaten to miscarry go on to have healthy babies with supplementation, even though their own doctor didn’t think it would help. It’s a shame that there isn’t more education on this aspect of pregnancy loss.

  68. I hold a pretty serious line about progesterone supplementation, an issue I have studied many many times over. The internet has proliferated with progesterone supplements in forms of creams and pills and patches, all promising to help prevent miscarriage, preying on frightened women ready to try anything. Nothing substitutes for a good relationship with your doctor, who knows your numbers and your liklihood of propping up a pregnancy longer than necessary with supplements. It’s a rare case that can actually be helped with supplements, and they have to be doled carefully by a doctor who is simultaneously seeing you very often to assess growth and hCG levels. Those cases won’t be looking on the internet for answers nearly as often as the scared women who were about to buy something that could actually cause them harm.

  69. Hi Deanna

    I had a miscarriage in October 2007 at 8weeks. I recently found out that I am now 5 weeks pregnant by doing several very cheap hpts. I am really concerned though as the line on the test was really faint. Is this a sign that this pregnancy is doomed also or do people go on to have healthy babies. I have loads of the cheap tests so do them on a daily basis to see if the line gets darker, but it doesnt seem to be doing. I can’t help but panic and I know that’s not good for me either.

    Any advice? x

  70. Hi Deanna,

    I have had 2 m/c’s in the past one at 7.5 wks & one at 5.6 wks. I then went on to 20+4 wks with my baby girl who we lost through med tx in July 07, she had severe brain abnormalities. I am now pg again & have hardly any symptoms ( a little nausea ) & very bad cramps, I am 7.5wks. I can’t stay calm & worry all the time about m/c, but I keep telling myself no bleeding is good but I am so worried about the cramps no symptoms! Any help or advice would be great. Thank you

  71. Thank you so much for your website. On Tuesday of this week I started bleeding and by the end of the day I knew I had lost the baby.

    Wednesday I was sent for a ultrasound. When the technician didn’t show me the baby, I knew it was dead. My husband and I cried in the lobby.

    Wednesday night my midwife called and told me the fetus had no heart beat and even though I was at 13 1/2 weeks, the fetus was no more then 7 weeks. She told me I should go see my doctor in the next week or two.

    At no time did she tell me what I was going to go through. I was scared and sad.

    I did a lot of searches on the internet to find out the information I needed to know. Your site was the only one I found with so much detail.

    I have had 3 children at home and naturually, and this miscarriage was the most painful.

    Without this site, I would have been even more scared then I was. Thank you so much.

  72. Deanna
    Once again I find myself at your website. Your site has been such a comfort to me over the past year. On Feb 27th, 2007 I lost my son at 16 weeks gestation. After months of shock and grief we tried again and got pregnant immediately. I miscarried again, Sept 11th, 2007 this time at 5 weeks. Not getting a period back for almost 12 weeks only made things even harder as I was trying to get pregnant immediately. I wish I would have taken your advice on waiting for a cycle to start, as I drove myself crazy and kept thinking I was pregnant.
    The disappointment after each negative pregnancy test was unbearable. We are now trying the “sperm meets egg” plan. Your site has been a friend to me, since no one in my life understands what I am going through. I have two beautiful healthy boys, ages 4 & 5, but we feel our family is not yet complete. I just wanted to take the time to share my story and acknowledge what a wonderful site you established.
    Thank you

  73. i started bleeding one night at work so i went to the hospital and they did test and i started gushing out blood when they did that and then i started slowing down bleeding and the doctor called and said my hormone level is down and that i had a miscarriage and about a week later i took a pregnancy test it says positive and when i bleeded i barely was bleeding is their a chance i could still be pregnant?

  74. I just wanted to thank you for the work you’ve put into this site. I never thought I’d be in need of it. I just miscarried 3 weeks ago at 6-8 weeks gestation. I didn’t know I was pregnant. There is so little said about my circumstance of getting pregnant and miscarrying 4 years after a tubal ligation. I’m depressed and SHOCKED. So much emotion. Thanks for being a light in the darkness of loss!

  75. I ran across your site today and it has become such a huge help in answering a lot of my questions that it seems noone else can take the time to answer. I do have a few more though. When we started trying to concieve twelve months ago I realized four months into trying that my period fluctuated quite a bit like 29 to 34 days between menstrual cycles. Could this have any bearing on not seeing anything in the sac when I went back for my ultrasound? January 21st I went into my OBGYN and she said I was 5weeks 2 days. I was sent back to ultrasound the next monday (7 days later) which would make me 6 weeks 2 days. After seeing nothing in the sac that day the ultra sound tech said, “miscarriage”, or that we could have calculated further along. my blood work that day was 2200. My doctor said we should have seen something. She rescheduled me for another ultra sound that following thursday and again, nothing in the sac. They were asking when i wanted to do a DNC. I haven’t had ANY signs from my body that I have had a miscarriage. Is it possible we could be wrong on the dates and maybe getting another ultra sound would be smart? How long will it take for my body to have a natural miscarriage if I just want to wait. I have had NO cramping, bleeding, abdominal pain, etc. I feel a little less pregnant but still am nauseated and tired. What would you do?

  76. I was 5 months pregnant with my first child only a couple days ago. A daughter who I already loved so much. Me & my boyfriend are young, but we were/are ready to be parents. We found out something was serious wrong with my baby. We had no choice but to get a D & E. I’ve been ashamed to admit that. I had never supported it and never believed I’d get one. But i did about 5 days ago. I mourn terribly but I am excepting of what happened. She would have suffered and now she’s in Heaven with my Nana taking care of her. Yesterday, only 4 days after, me & my boyfriend had sex. I was worried that it was too soon and that maybe that could hurt my body some how. Can it? I felt no pain and everything seemed okay. But also, my most important question is, me & my boyfriend want to try and have another baby. We want to get started immedientlly. How soon can I try again? My doctor said 3 months but I know people who’ve gotten pregnant sooner after child birth, miscarriages, and D & Es. I’d really like ur opinion.

  77. Thank you for this site. I never thought a miscarraige could be so painful emotionally. I appreciate all the research that has gone into the answers into the most common questions (so many of which I had).

    Here is to all of us healing, inside and out.

  78. Jay,

    It’s really really important to wait a few cycles. There is no harm in having sex, but your body went through a lot in the pregnancy, including changing your hormone make up, zapping your body of vitamins, and changing your uterus. Three months isn’t always necessary, but you at least have to wait until you are having regular cycles again, as there could be tissue left in your body that will cause complications, and if you start having unprotected sex, you won’t know if you are pregnant again or facing residual pregnancy hormones from the previous pregnancy. I can’t tell you how important it is to wait for that reason alone.

    If your recovery goes well, you will have a new period in four to seven weeks. As long as you have no bleeding between now and then, after that cycle, you can probably safely try again. If, however, you find yourself randomly spotting, or having a very short period that only lasts a day or two, it is not yet time. Call your doctor and get their advice if this starts to happen.

    I’m so sorry about the baby. It’s so hard.

  79. Robin,

    I’m sorry you are having such a frustrating time.

    Yes, your longer cycle DOES indicate you ovulated later. So you should be moving back a couple days from what she said. So at 6w2d you were really 6w0d and either way, not seeing something in the ultrasound would not indicate a blighted ovum (it can’t be a miscarriage until you actually start expelling the pregnancy tissue.)

    Have you been doing blood draws? The only reason I can think of that the doctor would already be pushing for a D&C is that your blood counts are also showing a flat or dropping rate of pregnancy hormone. The blood is a far more reliable indicator of what is happening in the pregnancy at this early stage and the late ovulation would not matter–your numbers should double every three days regardless of when you ovulate.

    If you did get blood drawn, call and ask for the numbers. Don’t get a D&C right now unless BOTH the sonogram AND the blood are showing a loss.

    Hang in there. Let me know how you are doing.


  80. hi, i have just found your site and have found it the most informative of all, i had a miscarriage october 07, i had a d&c which led to a perforation in my uterus, then i realised that thngs were’nt nrmal as i was still spotting so i went back for another scan,it showed that the sac was still there, the hospital gave me tablets to try pass it myself, which i did, then i cam back for another scan to check all was clear, and it showed a very small amount left, i was told that it would come out with my next period. the spotting still continued and i went back in early jan of this year which showed that the retained products had infact embedded itself in the wall of my uterus and had grown as it was attached by vessles. i needed another d&c which i did reluctantly, i had some cramps and a few days after i ahd some very strong cramps with bleeding,then a week later i passed which looked like a large lump of tissue and some blood, i went back to the hospital and the scan showed up clear now, its now nearly 4 months since i had originally had the miscarriage, i last did pregnancy test late december which showed up negative, im just wondering how long will i be waiting on my actual period as i havent had one yet

  81. Very confused. I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks and a D&C. I got my period 6 weeks after the D&C and it lasted 18 days, at which point I had a ultrasound, retained tissue and a 2nd D&C. My hcg levels 7 days post 2nd D&C were zero (less than 2). I only spotted for 1 day post 2nd D&C and then started what seemed to be a period (5 days, moderate bleeding) on day 9 post D&C and also 28 days after my first ‘period” post 1st D&C. Was this a period? I am not ovulating. I’ve heard a D&C to clean out your lining does not affect where you are in your cycle.

  82. Deanna ….
    Thank you so much for making this site available to EVERYONE…. I am so happy that there is finally a place that we can all come to and lean on one another for support…. You are a very kind, caring, and compassionate woman and we all want to say THANK YOU!!…. Misty

  83. I would just like to say that this website has been so helpful to me. I miscarried earlier this week. I did not even know I was pregnant at the time and it was a very shocking experience for me. I have been on an emotional roller-coaster this week that has left me exhausted and drained. I know that what I am going through is perfectly normal but at the same time it is definitely a process like nothing else I have been through. I never expected to grieve so much over a baby I didn’t even know I was growing. It’s such a blessing to know that I am not alone.

  84. Dear Deanna,
    I’ve just had my second miscarriage. I just wanted to say thank you for having such an informative site. You’ve done an amazing job and I really appreciate the answres here.

  85. I lost a baby 2 years ago and it has taken us 2 years to concieve again. I am waiting for a scan as I think I am unfortunatly having another miscarriage. I stumbled over your website and its the first one that is a breath of fresh air, I am scared and worried but this has helped reading all the posts. Thanks Hannah x

  86. Deanna,

    I just had my first miscarriage yesterday and I am searching for answers. My husband and I have tried to do everything right…Be financially stable, emotionally secure in our marriage and be in great physical condition. I read the books in advance and prepared in every way they said. We were 10 weeks when I started spotting and within 48 hours I had passed a plum size clot, it was our baby. You could see everything. My life had changed forever. Since, I have read frantically for searching for answers, reasons and purpose to why we have to experience something so tragic and awful. I am left with a thought that my mother had said to me, “I can’t make it go away, it has happened. I can’t take away your pain or grief, it will remain a part of you. But I can love you, pray for you and support you in any way you need. And when the time is right your heart will tell you to venture into the unknown again. For the reward of your baby is far greter than the risk of another loss. Children are a risk and reward their whole lives and your journey has just started. Take your time, grieve for as long as you need and know that your baby is just a little taking a little longer to meet you. I hope someone else reads this and finds comfort, support and reassurance in the words of encouragement.
    Additionally, This is the most informative and amazing website that I have read. It offers a huge variations of topics for a variety of women experiencing a variety of conditions. This website is amazing. Thank you for helping give me peace of mind to may of my unanswered questions.


    Deanna 2

  87. Deanna 2,
    I just read what your mother told you and it is beautiful. You clearly have an awesome Mom. I’m sure that will help many people if they read your post. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

  88. I just had my 4th miscarriage by D&C, I also have a 21-month-old son. I had my D&C on Jan 31st and bled for 10 days. 2 1/2 weeks later I started spotting light brown (very little) for 9 days. Now I haven’t spotted in 2 days. I’ve also felt bloated and crampy off and on for weeks… when will my AF come? I feel like my body is so messed up! Anyone else experience something similiar? Btw thanks for the awesome site- this is really needed!!! 🙂

  89. When i was a teen i did something very regretable. I had an abortion. I was scared out of my mind of my parents. they always told me that they would disown me and send me away if i ever got pregnant. still thats no excuse for what i did. i regret it till this day. I have asked god for forgivness, i have turned my life to hom and always live by his words. do you think god will forgive me? or will i go to hell. I know i have broken the commandment thal shall not murder… i need your advice on this..

  90. Hello. I came across this community while searching for info on ovarian cysts. I wanted to contribute my story and experiences. In 1998, I was 16, and became pregnant. I had thought of adoption, but decided that I’d go through it and keep my baby, with my mom’s help and blessing. Then, at a few months along, I went to my checkup and the nurse said that the heartbeat sounded strange. Long story short, my baby had a defect called a univentricular heart. She could not survive and I was told that it was just a matter of time. I could have a therapeutic, late-term abortion if approved by the medical board at the hospital, or wait things out with no danger of harm onto myself; I chose to wait. Finally in July we went in, and there was no heartbeat. I had to go into the hospital and be induced and it ended in a stillhirth. I named my baby Autumn Rose, and we had a memorial service and funeral for her, and I still feel that she is with me as a little angel over my shoulder at times when I am really feeling down, frustrated and alone.
    I write this because, I just wish that I could sit down with every young girl, who’s thinking of having unprotected promiscuous sex. And tell her.. this is what happened to me. Granted, this WAS a rare genetic deformity. It was not brought on by anything I did after becoming pregnant; not that it caused anything, but I had not been drinking, smoking, using any drugs. I was actually being healthful and eating right, etc. BUT.. please girls. Be young and grow slow and enjoy those years before sex brings in its unneeded slew of worries, possibilities and stress.
    Now, I am 27, in an awesome marriage to a sweet gentleman. Are we trying to have a family? No; we practice safe sex. I just want girls out there to know that I am a real “girl” too, and you don’t have to sleep around to be cool.. in fact, you’ll be the one left alone if/ when the guys, not being the ones who get pregnant, move on to less drama.

  91. Hi Deanna,
    I have previously had 2 msicarriages at 6 weeks in the last year. The doctor says I am perfectly healthy. I have now tried to fall pregnant again, very scared about having another miscarriage. Could you also answer some questions? I have an irregular cycle, 23 – 25 days and ovulate on day 16. ( i have been carrying out tests) is this normal and can I fall pregnant by trying on day 16 and 3 days before ovulation? Both previous pregnancies were unplanned, if you don’t take care to try in the right time could that result in miscarriage even if you do fall pregnant? Thanks for a great site, its been very helpful.

  92. Hi, I came across this site while looking for some answers. I had a silent miscarriage at approximately 10 weeks. My concern stems from my hormone levels not returing to normal. I have had numerous blood tests to monitor this, but after 4 months I am loosing my patience. My obgyn seems frustrated with me (1st pregnancy – and only experience with him) and appears to not only not have time for me, but changing his story. First no surgery is ok, then no meds, now after so long he wants to try meds, but now wants another blood test (after a week from the last one) and do an ultrasound. I’m definitely not pregnant and more than anything stressed-out and frustrated at my experience. I am now considering looking for a new obgyn. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I putting myself in any danger? Is stress a factor in all of this? I feel like my rights are being smooshed. It was over 6 months ago I got pregnant and I want this to be over and I want to be healthy. Thoughts and feedback would be helpful, expecially from a medical perspective.

  93. Hi I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage a week and a half ago and was told that the fetus’s heart stopped beating around Sunday March16 and still have yet to experience any miscarriage syptoms. I would like to know how long it usually takes for the body to expell the fetus or if the doctor could’ve been wrong.

  94. Catherine,

    I’m sorry you’ve had such a long and frustrating experience since your miscarriage.

    It does seem that a certain number of women will have a prolonged period of recovery after their loss where their body just doesn’t want to get back into cycles. If your body is still holding on to pregnancy hormone, then one of two things have happened: you are retaining tissue that insists on clinging to the uterus (most likely) or you have another medical complication such as a partial molar or cysts/ovary issues that is generating hCG (much less likely.)

    Either way, the most important factor in having a successful healthy pregnancy is your relationship with your doctor. I don’t see that as salvageable based on your feelings, and this is probably not the person you want holding your hand during a scary second pregnancy. Start looking.

    Hang in there.

  95. Sara,

    I am so sorry you are going through all this.

    It can take as much as a month for the body to recognize a missed miscarriage, and sometimes a D&C is the only way to get the pregnancy to really end.

    Only go as long as you can stand to go, then have the results verified with a second sonogram, and schedule a D&C. Studies show that the longer a woman carries the lost baby, the more likely you might be susceptible to serious depression.

    Talk to your doctor about this. You should not have to wait if you can’t manage it, and the confirming sonogram prior to the surgery will be conclusive if you have any linger doubts.

    Do the best you can in this really hard time.

  96. Thank you for this web site – I though I was losing my mind but it appears not.

    Thank you again for your vital information on this horrible subject.

  97. I had a miscarriage on Feb 17, 2008 at 10 weeks. I am 37 years old and have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. It was devastating as you know. Since that time, I’ve had an ultrasound and 3 fibroid tumors were found. The doctor gave me mixed messages indicating that there’s a higher risk of a miscarriage again with the tumors but also indicated that many women try again and have no problems whatsoever. I’m going to a fertility specialist in a month to determine what he thinks about having surgery. Does anyone know if surgery is absolutely something I should consider or if the fibroids would really not add any additional risk?

  98. im looking for answers and this is the most informational site i’ve found. and so far many answers. but my biggest question is, is it possible to miscarry when you’re only 6 days pregnant? is that too early to have had a miscarriage? im slightly confused and i’d appreciate feedback thank you so much.

  99. I am so glad that I finally found a web site that has lots of answers to my questions. I had a d&c last monday for a missed misscarriage 4-6 weeks ago. I did not get any advice from the hospital and was very scared as I did not know what to expect. This is a wonderful web site and has so much helful and calming information.

    Thank you

  100. My water broke when i was 18 weeks but the baby survived until i was 26 weeks and i delivered my baby on march 28th but she passed away on march 30th I’m 35 years old and I’m diabetic too how long do i have to wait to try to become pregnant again?

  101. Hi, i just wanted to say thanks for your info, i had an MC on 1st Feb then found your website, i followed your plan, sperm meets egg,it was exhausting but fun! Today i got my BFP! I just hope this pregnancy will be ok. if any other ladies are reading its worth a try.

  102. HI deanna,
    this is a wonderful site. I am sure that this site will touch many lives.
    I hope you continue to bring people together across the miles.
    Your old site has helped me so much.

  103. Hi

    I just had my 2nd miscarriage 2 days ago. I was 9 weeks but my baby stopped developing at 6 weeks. My beta HCG levels were low and never doubling and my progesterone level was low. Is this miscarriage caused by hormonal problems or is this likely to be another case of genetic defect? Should i see a specialist as my OB/GYN has not been very helpful and sympathic at all.
    But i am truly thankful to have found your website.

  104. Hi Deanna. I had a m/c 2 years ago and i posted a memorial on your original site, i then became pg with my daughter very soon after, and she is now 16 months old. We started ttc when she was 7 months and it took a few months, and i became pg, had an u/s at 6 weeks and saw HB, but 5 days later i m/c, i felt unsupported from my health service, and was told that they wont investigate until ive had 3 m/c in a row (without a live child in the middle).
    Im now pg again, 10 weeks and things are ok so far. Obviously, im very anxious, my doc and midwife have been totally unsupportive, esp my midwife. I have good days and bad days. We are having our first u/s tomorrow and i am terrified, im so scared of things going wrong again.

  105. Thank you so much for this wonderful site. I had a d&e this morning and consulted this site many times before and as i sit here recovering, wondering what is next. i know everyone is different, but i feel a great sense of relief that this is over with. the weeks of waiting to see and decision-making were absolute torture. I am 39 tomorrow, this was my first pregnancy, it happened quickly, and I hope I can have one that works once everything is ready. I can’t thank you enough for all this information you have put together and for the support.

  106. Hello Deanna, I found your website last week while looking for info on a miscarriage that i was told was coming. on thursday 5-1-08 i had a D&C my body was so sore it hurt to move. now im wondering is there any way we could get our little ones remains to bury in our own family cemetary. i was almost 9 weeks along. otherwise the plan is for our baby to get buried october 11 in a cemetary where they want to bury the little one.

  107. I lost twins at 8 weeks in Feb. 08. I got pregnant again after one cyle in April 08. Today (May 5th), I lost this baby too at 5w 5d. I just want to be a mommy so very bad!! This is site had been really helpful in information and understanding. I’m so sorry to hear of all the women that have loss their angel babies.

  108. I was actually looking at sites today because my niece just miscarried and although I miscarried 2 years ago and am in the medical profession, I am at a loss as to how to advise my niece. She lives in Florida and her doctor sounds like a hack. She’s a student without health insurance and I don’t think this doc has a clue as to what he’s doing. Any advise or better yet the name of a good doctor in Miami? I’m worried for her immediate health and future ability to conceive a child.

  109. Hi Deanna,
    I started my period on the 2nd of May, and on the 6th of May (i was still on my period) my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex. Since i was on my period we thought I couldn’t get pregnant. Later, we found out that I could. I took the ‘Morning After’ pill, on the 7th, and my period ended on the 8th of May. Now its the 11th, and im starting another period. at first i thought i was just spotting..but now its red-dark red blood and some clots. Was i pregnant? Did i have a miscarriage?

  110. Deanna,

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for your dedication and generosity in creating and maintaining this site. I’m 38 and going through a miscarriage with my first pregnancy.

    I appreciate the level-headed and reassuring tone in which the articles are written. Your compilation of so much useful and helpful information has helped to ease the confusion and distress my husband and I are experiencing.

  111. Deanna,
    I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks in dec. I have recently found out that I was pregnant again and am 6 1/2 weeks along. I am having to take shots of lovenex everyday for a protein s defieciency that I was diagnosed with. Yesterday I bled enought to feel 1/2 of a pad but no clots or cramping then today I have spotted a little at times when I wipe it is a slimy pinkesh red and then it is a brownish color at other times. Am I for sure having a miscarriage?

  112. Thank you so much for working on this site. I miscarried two weeks ago, and I so wish that I had found this site before it happened. I knew my hcG levels had dropped and was waiting for it to begin, but I had no idea that it was going to be as painful and horrific as it was! This site was so informative, reassuring, and encouraging. Thank you for giving me the space to feel “crazy” and for the hope that things will get better.

  113. It has been one week since I lost my baby ( @8 weeks). This site has been so very helpful. I wanted to share a song that has been a comfort to me this past week.

    What Hurts The Most by Rascall Flatts

    I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don’t bother me
    I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
    I’m not afraid to cry
    Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
    There are days
    Every now and again i pretend i’m okay but that’s not what gets me

    What hurts the most, was being so close
    And having so much to say
    And watchin you walk away
    Never knowing, what could have been
    And not seein that lovin you
    Is what i was tryin to do

    It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere i go
    But i’m doin it
    It’s hard to force that smile when i see our old friends and i’m alone
    Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
    But i know if i could do it over
    I would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken

    What hurts the most, is being so close
    And having so much to say
    And watchin you walk away
    Never knowing, what could have been
    And not seein that lovin you
    Is what i was tryin to do

    What hurts the most, was being so close
    And having so much to say
    And watchin you walk away
    And never knowing, what could have been
    And not seein that lovin you
    Is what i was tryin to do

    not seein that lovin you
    that’s what I was tryin to do

    I hope it helps someone else find peace as well.

  114. Just as a note–when a comment includes a question, I do try to always send an email with the answer. I don’t publish all of these answers as many times the topic is covered on this site.

    Flo, your email bounced, so for the statistics question, yes, a heartbeat takes your likelihood of loss down to 5% even if you lost the last baby, since a very large percentage of miscarriages are genetic and lost before development of a strong heartbeat. Getting to that development stage is a big milestone.

  115. i lost my baby in oct 07 at 8 weeks. since then i had been online a lot looking for answers, strength and help. i thought i was recovering already but in feb 08 i was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had to have cold knife conization done in march. i just had quite a bit going on. losing the baby started me on a roller coaster ride, with the surgery and now with the ttc issue. i have an 18-year old beautiful daughter. i was so young when i had her that i never really got to appreciate and enjoy the pregnancy itself. it’s such a wonderful experience raising her that now that i am ready at 35, i want to be given the second chance to be better. i would love to enjoy pregnancy from day 1. i was enjoying my chance last year until i lost the baby at 8 weeks. now we’re trying again. it is difficult and emotional to see a period start every month with a negative hpt.
    thank you all for being around, posting and sharing on this site. you have no idea how much you have helped women everywhere through this heartbreaking situation. more power to you deanna.

  116. well im a teen and i thought i was pregnant but im not sure because i didnt get my period the whole month of december and then i got really sick and i started bleeding but only for two days then i didnt even get my period in febuary and not until march is when i got it

  117. Hi, I’m Meghan. I’ve been pregnant for about 2 months.. I’m fifteen I know I’m young. But I woke up and went to the bathroom and found out I was bleeding it was hardly anything but it was very light pink . Its not heavy. Did I have a miscarriage??

  118. Hi,
    I started reading your site about a year ago following our miscarriage (12 weeks) I found it inspiring and comforting and referred to it often. Our last 9 months of trying have been unsuccessful. We’ve had very little help from our doctor who tells us to try until July and then will refer us to Infertility. I’ve had numerous blood tests. I ovulate every month. I track my temperature (appropriate spikes, etc.) I have “normal” periods. I was able to get pregnant once, so why isn’t it happening again? I know these things take time, but it’s been almost another year and still nothing. I’m patiently waiting to speak to the Infertility Specialist but am very frustrated at the lack of answers. I’m also terrified to think of miscarrying again, but that won’t even be a concern until I can get pregnant. Any thoughts?

  119. hello everyone,

    I am 21yrs old and was pregnant with my first child! i found out that i was going to lose the baby around 8 weeks pregnant. The baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and i had my D&C may 7, 08 at 10 1/2 weeks. the babys heart beat was low 60-70 and then it went down to 10-20 and then back up to 70 it would beat then stop and beat then stop. i do not undstand how the heartbeat could go all the way back to 70 beat and stop. it has been 3 weeks tomorrow since i had a D&C. I have some slight cramps like i am on my period and a little discharge. the doctor said nothing looked wrong with the baby nor me and we can try as early as 3 cycles so that i can grieve and heal. i am just wondering why the heartbeat my have come and gone the way it did and also if this may happen again with our next pregnancy. my husband and i are going to start trying again in august to start our family but i just dont understand the heart beat should i worry the next time i get pregnant(even though my doc said she is going to watch me the first 5-20 weeks??)

  120. I just came across your site while looking for HCG levels. I had a natural miscarriage in April. The bleeding completley stopped on the 25th, with the worst day pain and bleeding wise being the 23rd. I had my blood drawn on the 24th to check my levels and they never called back so I assumed they were low enough. Two weeks ago I had very light spotting and I thought I was starting my period and we had sex. I have started to feel pregnant again so I took a test on Saturday and it said I was pregnant. I called the doc and they said my HCG levels were 341 on the 24th of April and that I needed to have them drawn again. Yesterday they were 36. I am so concerned the doc is not sure if my levels are going down still. Or if I am pregnant and they are coming back up. The page that had the levels was very helpful for me, but I could see it both ways still. Thanks for the page.

  121. Thanks so much for this amazing site. It has been incredibly helpful for me as I’ve gone through the miscarriage process. It’s brought me comfort and sanity during a time when almost nothing made sense. Thanks so much for your amazing information; it is written in such a caring and informative way that helps put everyone at ease. You are wonderful!

  122. Hi. I just found out through an ultrasound that my baby’s heartbeat has stopped and the baby is not growing. I am 8 weeks and, at this point, am going to try and let things happen naturally. I have 3 other children but was so excited and overjoyed to have another little one. Now I am grieving and your website is a comforting source of help. Thanks for everything on your site. I have a supportive husband and many friends and family who are caring and have said kind words, but I just feel like no one can truly understand the deep sense of loss I am feeling. I lost my mom only 8 months ago and am still grieving for her too so none of this is easy. Just wanted to say thanks for your website.

  123. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks in 2005, 2 months later pregnant & had ectopic pregnancy. Luckily I did not loose my tube. I was so scared to get pregnant again. 2 months later I got pregnant again & I now have a beautiful baby girl Lucah who was born at 37 weeks weighing 1.980kg. She was in NICU for a whole week before coming home. I would not give up & my miracle happened. Was well worth all the pain I went through.

  124. Dear Deanna,

    as i sat at the computer looking for some hope and inspiration i stumbled across your web site. i miscarriage at 7 weeks. i’m 35 and had been trying to conceive for nearly 5 years. i’ve had 2 ivf cycles, 3 iui’s, laporoscopy for endometriosis and fell naturally with the help of chinese herbs and a huge commitment to excercise and eating healthy. thank you for creating this web site. i’ve been surfng the net for answers and not one site has come anywhere near enough to the information you have provided. thank you. i will definitely continue to read the pages as i get close to trying again, hopefully becoming pregnant again and the fears associated with it. you are a god send.
    best wishes to you and your family.


  125. Hi, it’s Carol again, The one who had three babies,two miscarriages,two babies, and 7 years later have had two more miscarriages. I was wondering , with my second last miscarriage if it was possible that my cervix is damaged. Because with the birth of my 5th child she weighed 9lbs1oz., and came so suddenly (when she was ready), that I was not completely on my back when she came out (without me pushing). Could that have caused a 15 week pregnancy to end in a labour type situation. Thank-you again

  126. Hi, My name’s Casey. I wrote last at the end of May when I was told I lost the 2nd of what was essentially twins. One was in my uterus and I lost it just before 8 weeks (3-17-08) and with the second they couldnt see it in an ultrasound still by may. On May 25th my right tube ruptured. My doctor told me and my follow up appt that I had what’s called a heterotopic pregnancy. He said that they are very very very rare. I was just wondering if anyone had any information about these pregnancies. I’m kinda curious since this means that I was pregnant with twins will my hances of twins be higher when we start trying again and could this ever happen again. It’s hard loosing 2 at once. Don’t think I could handle that again. Thanks for the help!

  127. Hi Deanna , It’s Carol, I want to thank you for answering my questions. You are a truly wonderful person. I have one more question. With my second last miscarriage I was told the placenta had not attached properly. Its that possibly the reason I lost it at 15 weeks. Nobody can give me info on this. And I can’t see an ob gyn until september. Thank you again, Carol

  128. Carol, I’m going to go ahead and post an answer here since it might help others and isn’t directly addressed on the site.

    The placenta not attaching properly and causing such a late loss could fall under several categories, some that are more worrisome than others.

    1. Genetic. This placenta/cord did not form properly from the beginning and was unable to grow and support the baby over time.

    2. Infection. Something infected the lining of the uterus and disrupted the implantation site.

    3. Septate or severely bicornuate uterus. The section of the uterus where the placenta attached did not have sufficient blood flow to keep the pregnancy going during that critical growth period early in the second trimester.

    #1 cannot really be tested for or ever truly known. But it won’t necessarily ever happen again. #2 is not likely, and it’s too late to test for that now, as you’ve very likely kicked any infection from then. Also not likely to recur. #3 is the most troubling, as it could be a recurring problem. If you have not had an HSG yet, where they put dye in your uterus and x-ray it, you might ask your OB about it in September.

    Hang in there.

  129. I was 12 weeks but my baby stopped growing at 5 weeks. I had no signs of a miscarriage. No blood, cramps, etc… Each week I would go in they would do an ultrasound. The first week was 5 weeks. They tell me I’m about 5 weeks I thought I was 7. They bring me back in 2 weeks later and I have an ultrasound and I am still only 5 weeks, this time we hear the heartbeat. They bring me back in 2 weeks later and there is nothing. I had a D&C on May 19th and I’ve never really stopped bleeding. Spotting most of the time. I thought I had started my period on May 13th and it lasted until May 20th. After reading your web site I realized it must not be a period b/c I haven’t stopped bleeding for 20 days. I stopped for 5 days now from May 20th until May 25th and all of the sudden I had really bad bleeding. Today I wake up and nothing. I stopped bleeding. My doctor told me to take 800 mg of Ibprophen and keep a pad count. What do you think is going on?

  130. I just wanted to thank you for your website. It is the first one I found that addressed several of my questions about my miscarriages and I have been searching for a couple months. Thank you again.

  131. Thank you so much for your website. I just had a D&C yesterday because I miscarried twins, and every one, except my husband, is annoyed that I am as sad as I am. My own mom let me down. Thank you for your “hug” of a website.

  132. Your website helped me get through THE most difficult experience of my life. I went for my 20 week ultrasound extremely excited to find out the sex of the baby and was told instead that they baby was dead. I blamed myself. I thought that perhaps I could have done a million things differently. I thought there HAD to be reason… maybe I was being punished for something, surely these things don’t just happen. Your site helped me understand that they do ‘just happen’. I know I did everything for this baby to be healthy… but it was beyond my control. Your site helped me understand that and I was able to cope with things so much better.

  133. Thank you for your website. I needed to be here now. I have two beautiful children, but have just experienced my second loss at 13 weeks, both babies measure just over 12 weeks. In both cases we saw a great heartbeat at around 8-9 weeks. Now I seriously considering never trying again. I can’t find any other posts/info from other women who feel this way. Maybe you know a site to check out. Thanks for your help.

  134. Amanda,

    I am so sorry for the losses of these babies. Families experiencing losses after children are in a unique position–you don’t feel like you belong to the childless and grieving community, and yet, you are having the same problems.

    If you aren’t aware of it, there is a term for moms who are in your position — secondary infertility. This refers to women who have one or more children and then find they cannot get pregnant again or cannot carry another child to term.

    Resolve has a secondary infertility community, and if you start Googling that term, you will find many resources geared toward you.

    The loss of a baby is hard no many how many little ones might be hat home. Hang in there.

  135. I’m visiting today in rememberance of my Calvin who was lost on July 14, 2002 at 13 weeks. He likely died at 10 weeks, since that’s all the bigger he was. This site helped save my sanity and I will always be grateful. I experienced two more losses, six months apart, in 2005 and again I relied on this site to help me deal with all of it. The medical community, family members, and most people in general were of little or no help. No one else, including my husband, usually remembers the dates of our losses, but I won’t ever forget. Today was also the due date of our third loss (nicknamed “Cougar” in the hope of making him strong) which took place November 28, 2005, so it’s a double “whammy” day for me.

    I want to express my sympathies to all of you who are just now going through this and for those of you who know exactly what we’ve all been through. I want to offer encouragement to everyone that there is peace to be found. No, I’ll never be “okay with it,” but I have found peace with it. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, how to grieve, or how long it should take. Draw strength from Deanna (to whom I owe a great debt for creating this site) and the others who come here to work through it. You have more strength than you know and I promise you will come through the hard times. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

    In loving memory of Calvin, Angel, and Cougar

  136. Thank You so much for your website. I had two miscarriages in the past 6 mths. The first pregnancy ended in six weeks and the second one in ten weeks. I am feeling very lost and scared.

    The success stories on your site had given me hope. Thank You once again..

  137. Hi Deanna,
    Thank you again for your website. I had a natural miscarriage in June 08 at 7 weeks gestation and have found your information very informative and healing. Please excuse me if you have already published this info, but my computer skills are very limited and can’t seem to find answers to these questions below. You mentioned that the next period may come between 4-7 weeks after the miscarriage. I have been experiencing period like syptoms and pain since week 3 and i am at week 5 now; however there is no periosd yet. My recent blood test showed hcg levels basically down to zero and ultrasound is all clear.
    Is this normal to be experiencing these symptoms? i just want them to come already!
    Also in regards to early testing before a next pregnancy. Your information suggested progesterone testing.
    How often in the cylce should this blood test occur and what especially to look for?
    In my previous post i mentioned that i have had ivf and iui treatments, only to fall pregnant naturally after trying for nearly 5 years. I was also on chinese herbs.
    What is your opinion on chinese herbs?
    Thank you if you’re able to respond.

  138. Deanna, I’m so glad I found your site. The story of Casey made me cry as we went through something almost identical last week.. went for our 18 week scan and bub had died, probably at 16 weeks. I was induced and we named our little boy Ethan. It was so amazing to read your story and I hope to be as brave as you were.

  139. Our Daughter Morgan (14 years) was killed in a ferry disaster on Sydney Harbour and on the anniversary of her death we created Live It Keep It. It is a FREE site to store family memories of those lost and those living in a dynamic interactive family tree. It is not a social webiste it is about storing memories we should never forget. It might help your subscribers in there grief – everyones grief journey is individual and painful.

  140. What a fantastic web site. I have experienced a missed miscarriage (resulting in a d&c), fullterm still birth (Bella was stillborn at 39weeks and 5 days), ectopic pregnancy (lost my right fallopian tube) and an early miscarriage. I feel desperate, having children is all we have ever wanted. We have dealt with the worst possible circumstances to do with pregnancy loss. This web site has reassured me and given me the strength to keep trying! Thank you so much.
    Emma (Australia)

  141. To “Lisa” and others,
    I also just suffered a miscarriage after 5 years of secondary infertility. It “just happened” on its own and we were thrilled at the dream of having a child together. I am 44 and married to my soulmate. We are so blessed, but this was our icing. I have experiences so much kindness from my family, friends and co-workers. I have also heard some of the most heart wrenching comments and they cut deep. All I could do to get through it, was to concentrate on the good. It has helped, but the emptiness remains. Warm thoughts and big hugs to all you beautiful mtb (mothers to be). Because I truly believe it will happen.

  142. My heart goes out to all these people who have lost their babies. Yesterday I lost my baby at 8 weeks gestation after spotting and bleeding for 13 days. This is our second miscarriage and fifth pregnancy. I’m having to deal with it alone since my husband lives and works in another province, and my family just doesn’t get it. I realized that after the first miscarriage. Yes, I have three healthy children, but that doesn’t mean my lost babies should be discounted. I loved my babies from the moment I suspected I was pregnant. With this baby I was able to save the remains and “hold” my child. Incredibly heartbreaking and wonderfully heartwarming at the same time. The baby was well formed for 8 weeks, but I will sorely miss holding the hands that started and looking into the eyes that were visible.

    It has been a healing experience to read these posts and know that, although I feel completely alone and isolated, it is not the case. I see so many who have lost their babies around the same time I did (the first m/c was at 7 weeks). The grief I felt then and feel now is consuming, and I share it with each person here. Thank you all for reaching out.

  143. Thank you so much for this website. It is the first I have found that addresses more than just the plain facts.

    We were expecting our second child, when I miscarried last week. I had cramps early in my pregnancy and nausea seemed to get less and less. I was reassured that this was all normal since I was not bleeding. I went in at 10 wks and only measured 6 wk 5 days with no HB. After an agonizing week, we had blood tests which showed HCG dropping and US showed no HB, no growth. I had a D&C shortly thereafter.

    This by far has been the hardest experience for me and my husband. It is also very lonely as our friends/family are afraid of saying the wrong thing, so they say nothing. While it is very sad to see so many have had similar experiences, it is comforting to read that we are not alone. Thank you again.

  144. My husband and I have bee trying for a few years not but chalked not concieving to a huge amount of stress stemmed from his parent being very sick and both dying over the span of 2 1/2 years. I have been following your plan for the last couple months and I am sitting in the 2ww right now 8DPO. I am using a ovulation monitor and I am noticing a pattern. I start peeing on a stick cd6 or 7 and on cd 6 or 7 I also notice my cerbival mucas. I start our every other day at this point. Someone told me not to start trying until the monitor reached two bars but that is usually only 2 or 3 days before my monitor peaks. From what I understand when it peaks I should ovulate within 12-24 hours. I usually get me period 14 days for the day it peaks. Generally I start every other day earlier cd7, do three days in a row when my monior peaks and then break one day and then bed once more. After I notice my CM on cd 7, usually it tapers off after a day or two. I tried a cough syrup that has expectorant and I did not ntice much of a difference in my CM. I have tried preseed this last cycle. Is that ok? Knowing that it is all about timing, I am hoping for some advice.

  145. I have a question about fertility after a miscarriage and a D&C. I’ve heard that your fertility actually increases for the few months following a miscarriage. Is this true?

  146. So I went to the hospital on DEC 29 and they told me that my blood work came back positive for pregnancy however they said that my HCG levels were a little low and they weren’t sure if that was because I am really early or it could be a misscarrage happening. They said it was at 121 and than went to the doctors the day after and they took more blood and they said that it had drop to 92 which is a misscarrage however I have been bleeding for 3 weeks and it’s none stop. So I went back to the doctors and they took more blood and they said that my HCG levels were at 42 four days later so they are wanting me to wait another 2 weeks to make sure that the levels gone down to a complete zero. I just don’t understand why I am still bleeding for this long. I have had a misscarrage before and the bleeding lasted for only 6 days and I went through a lot of pain but this time I don’t even feel like I misscarraged at all. I knew that my levels hasn’t gone down all the way because I could just feel that extra hermone. I wondering what is going on.

  147. Great site! Thank you for all this wonderful information. I am wondering if I had a miscarriage and would like some help from folks to figure it out:
    I had sex on the first day of my period. Exactly one month later, to the day, I began my ‘period’ with some light spotting, brown, and no cramping. I thought it was unusual, perhaps dysmenorrhea, because I almost always have severe cramps when I have my period, the heavier my bleeding, the more cramps I have. The next morning, I put in a new tampon and noticed I had bled a some more, then drove 1.5 hour commute to work. Again, with no cramps or signs, I bled, but so heavy that I had bled through my tampon and to my pants, as if I had peed my pants! There was a lot of blood clots with the blood. I was a little scared when I saw the blood and it made me feel like I was dying, event though, hey, it’s my period, so I went out to the store and bought pads to supplement the tampons. I bought leak-proof night guard super pads, and within 3 hours I had bled through them and there was blood on the floor in several places where I had been crouching removing some labels from jars. Throughout all this I had no pain or cramping. I had not a thought in my head I could be pregnant, but I did notice before any of this had happened that my cognitive function had been impaired, and I couldn’t call people their correct names, and called saws drills and stairs ladders, and was more open about things I would have normally kept private. The only time I could recall having acted similarly was when I was drunk, not when menstruating or under stress.
    I think it’s a toss up as to whether I was pregnant or not; anyone have expert knowledge on this that can give me some peace of mind and definitive answers about this situation?

  148. Thank you Deanna for your quick reply. I accidentally deleted the email so I have to respond here 🙂 This gives me a lot of peace of mind having a more clear idea of what happened to me.

  149. Hi I was Hoping that you can help me. I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant. I fell preg on the mini pill. After a positive test I immediately stopped the pill. I started to suffer with minor back pains and had blood found in urine samples. I was given antibiotics for a suspected UTI. o noticed a little brownish discharge and then brown blood and went to the hospital. A vaginal US showed that I was 8 weeks and the baby was in the right place and has a heart beat. Since then the blood has increased slightly (enough to need a pad but not to soak one)but is now fresh red blood. I have had this for 3 days now and am really worried. Subsequent preg test have shown up positive but I am worried I am miscarrying. How long should I leave this? The hospital are saying unless I soak a pad then not to go back in!?

  150. hi i had my DNC on 9th june and due to some unexpected situations we had intercourse on 22nd june,i dnt want to get pregnant so early after ,is there any chances of getting pregnant,pls suggest me i am really worried abt the incident happened.

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